When I was a newlywed, I met another woman who was a newlywed. We became friends. As these things go, the more friendly we became, the more we wanted our husbands to meet, nervous and eager that our husbands get along, that we each like each others husband, that her husband like me and my husband like her…it’s one of the complications of being married. You can really like a woman, but if you hate her husband, you’re not going to be ‘couple friends.’
Anyway, I digress. Sort of.
This woman, let’s call her Mary, spent a lot of time talking about how handsome her husband was. Mary would literally blush, her pupils dilate, her breathing get shaky and her voice giggly when she spoke about Don (not his real name). He was so handsome. She told me how they met, how the attraction for her was instantaneous, but she couldn’t believe that any guy this handsome would ever look at her twice. Just for the record, Mary was an attractive woman. Not gorgeous, not beautiful, but generally nice-looking. Mary spent a lot of time gushing about Don’s Adonis-worthy looks.
After a while, it dawned on me that she was sort of warning me off him. A little shot across my bow not to fall in love with her man. Knowing Mary as I did, this wasn’t about me being a slimy, cheating whore; it was about Don being irresistible and so handsome that women couldn’t help but fall at his feet, helpless. Giggling and dilating.
Can you see where this is going?
We arranged for our husbands to meet, dinner at their apartment. I had told Big D everything, naturally. How Don was supposed to be this total hunk, that Mary was a little nervous about me meeting him and falling for him. Big D thought that was pretty funny.
I have to admit to being curious and very interested to meet this devastatingly handsome man, this man who could fell a room full of women simply by walking into it. Well.
I’m not sure my poker face was at full capacity when I walked into that apartment and met Don, Dream Man. I hope it was, for Mary’s sake.
Don, to my eyes, was a perfectly average looking guy. He had a nice build, but he was too short for my taste. I didn’t like the shape of his nose, his wispy eyebrows, or his tiny teeth. I didn’t like his hair. It can’t be any surprise that Big D looked nothing like Don. My husband is my Dream Man. His particular arrangement of body parts is the arrangement that gets me giggly and dilated.
A Dream Man ideal is not a universal template, one size fits all women.
My template is tall, dark, sinewy, strong eyebrows, great teeth, great feet. (Don had really hairy toes.) I make no claim that my template is universal, but it is consistently mine. During my youth, I pined for Joel McCrea, nearly a dead ringer for Big D. I also sighed heavily over Gary Cooper. Hugh Jackman is my current Dream Man type. You can see the resemblance between these guys, right? Not only physically, but they have a soft-spoken way about them that zings me. When I met Big D, there he was, Dream Man. My template, in the flesh.
I think our template comes to us. I don’t think we create it. You either find a man handsome or you don’t. You either dilate or you don’t.
In my latest book (buy! buy! buy! —subtle marketing at its best), the heroine is very confused about her template. I think this makes for some very funny situations; not that she’d think so.
What’s your template for a Dream Man? Has it been consistent? Has it evolved? Does it involve Hugh Jackman?