My nephew loves insects. Bugs. Six-legged arthropods. Little antenna wigglers. I do not like bugs. Butterflies, okay. Ladybugs, I can tolerate as long as they fly away home.

But as I said, the six-year-old loves the buggies. When he was younger he would lay on the grass and hang his tongue out of his mouth – playing dead in the hope that flies would gather and he could catch them. And so I wash out my peanut jars and parmesan cheese containers and when he comes to visit me, we go on bug hunts. I’ve had to catch grasshoppers in my bare hands. Tell me, is that green stuff that always ends up on my hand vomit, or poo?

At home he’s raising grubs that turn into beetles, caterpillars that turn into butterflies, ants who farm, and he has various “habitats” for grasshoppers and flies and moths. He calls it “The Bug Zoo”. And I ooh and ahh over the ugly little beady-eyed ickies and hope they never get loose in the house.

Now even when I was a kid, I didn’t like bugs. But man oh man, could I ever name every dinosaur. Do all kids go through this phase of obsessing over something? Is it just boys who love bugs? What was your “thing” when you were small?

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I suspect that tomorrow’s FROS blog will feature some lovely Easter hunks. In a preemptive strike, here are a few of MY favorite Easter hunks – of chocolate. And sugar, and marshmallow.

Yes, I believe I’ve mentioned my chocolate addiction. My favorite holidays are therefore Halloween, Easter, and Eat-a-Pound-of-Chocolate Day. Unfortunately, it is my understanding that EaPoCD was discontinued in 1951 due to health concerns and having an unpronounceable acronym. Halloween and Easter, though, seem fairly well entrenched.

So come on, ‘fess up. Do you eat Peeps? Have you made off with your kids’ chocolate bunnies? Do you start with the ears? What about those Jelly-Bellies? And those hard sugar eggs with the little scene of spring inside?

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The other night I was SO mad at my kid.  She’d mouthed off at me again.  So without yelling or screaming, I picked up the phone, called her cell phone provider and had her cell phone cancelled.  It felt really good.  The customer service rep for T-mobile said ruefully, “I’m glad they didn’t have cell phones when I was a teenager, because my parents would’ve cut mine off, too.”

I’m a goddess who keeps up with the times.  I mete out high-tech punishment. 

See, back in the day when I was a goddessling, I would have lost TV priviledges - all three channels.  Whoo, baby, my parents held a frightening power.  I might miss that adorable Shawn Cassidy on Hardy Boys or maybe the Love Boat on Saturday night!  I shuddered down to my shoes at the prospect.  But now … so what?  If a kid misses their shows, a friend can TiVo it for them.  Parents must ratchet up the stakes.

I’ve developed a repertoire of discipline approaches, but I’m always looking for new material.  In the past I have:
1) Taken away the little memory cards for the PlayStation game, once for weeks.  No memory card, no stored games.  It’s worse than taking away the game system itself.  Bwahahaha.  Once I even threatened to ERASE the cards.  Zeus heard the ensuing wailing and gnashing of teeth all the way up on Mt. Oly.  Zeus snickered - he was impressed.  Zeus is a great fan of Halo 3 himself. 
2) Taken all the “cool” clothes and replaced them with “nerdy” clothes.  As behavior improved, I traded back one cool article at time.  This was particularly effective.
3) Removed key grooming articles, such as hair straigheners or makeup.  This is particularly effective at achieving instantaneous results, especially in the morning, for who can leave the house looking like … like … her Mom?  (Ouch.)
4) A blog on the topic by her mom that other moms of her friends might see.  Ooooh, I like this one.

Of course there is positive reinforcement.  Consistently completed homework means a trip to that awful store that she likes, and I hate, where the music is so loud I hear the echo of it three days later.  Obedience without mouthiness … wait.  I haven’t had to reward that yet.  Maybe when she’s not 13 “and a half, Mom” anymore.

So what have you tried?  What did your mom or dad take away that made you or your siblings straighten up and fly right?  Do you ever have to discipline yourself?  What do you take away from you?  Or are you now more in the positive reinforcement vein? 

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The junk in the drawer.

But is it junk?
Without it I would be lost.
Tape. Scissors. A nail clipper. A red stamp pad in case I need to stamp something with red ink.
Other drawers are segregated – hot pads, baggies, tupperware lids. Are they afraid to mingle?
The junk drawer is not afraid. Brave junk drawer.

I wonder, is there a house without a junk drawer?
Where, or where, do they put their old birthday candles?

Wait! Someone says I should organize my junk drawer.
All of the paperclips together. A holder only for rubber bands.
A neat junk drawer? Oxymoron.
The thrill of the hunt would vanish. The breathless worry as the postman approaches the house – I know I have another stamp.

Okay, ‘fess up. Who has a junk drawer? Are they a necessary part of a house? What do you keep in your junk drawer?

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My two old labs, Hugo and Maude, turned 13 last month. According to my vet, who assesses dog age based on years and girth, that puts Hugo over 100 people years and Maude in her 90s. They are really that old, too—they are very arthritic, they can’t hear so well anymore, they can’t see so well, and I’m not sure they can even smell very well. They cost me a fortune in doggie pain pills every month (I even get them from Canada and they are still expensive). They have to eat at certain times (sunrise, and like my parents, around 5), and they have to go to the yard a lot…but I love my two old dogs. They have been my stalwart companions for 13 years. We have explored a lot of ground together, and I can’t imagine what it would be like to write a book without them at my feet.

However, I know their time is not long. They move a little slower each day and there have been a couple of episodes of them being disoriented. And now, Maudie has this hack that’s troublesome. I am ignoring it as long as I can…

My family asks about them. They ask what we’ll do when they are gone. They aren’t being morbid or insensitive—they just see what I see. Half the family says, get another puppy now! Ack! We can’t do that—two old dogs are enough work without trying to train a puppy on top of it. The other half of the family says, don’t get a dog, they are too much work! Get a cat!

A cat.

I have always had dogs. I have never had cats. I mean, yeah, I can see the appeal—low maintenance, don’t need you to live, drag in interesting things from their nightly prowling…

But a cat seems like a major life shift, a whole new way of viewing the world. I almost think I’d need a different personality—the kind that doesn’t mind if my affections are constantly rejected.

What about you? Are you a dog person or a cat person? If you are both, how do you manage? What other pets do you have (husbands don’t count)?

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Okay, I’m lying. The town where I presently live isn’t exactly cool. I was trying to think of the most revered/famous/ talked-about event or place here, and other than me and a Home Depot and an old Knott’s Berry Farm jam jarring (bottling) plant, I really couldn’t come up with anything.

The town where I grew up, however, is quite cool. I grew up in Anaheim, California, and we had Disneyland. And the Los Angeles (ha!) Rams, and the California/Anaheim/Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. When people ask me where I’m from, I get blank looks until I clarify with “you know, right next to Disneyland”. I’ve yet to meet anyone who hasn’t at least heard of my borrowed town’s coolest place. When people come to visit Anaheim, they come specifically to see Disneyland.

San Antonio, Texas has the Alamo. Cleveland, Ohio has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Gettysburg, Pennsylvania has well, Gettysburg. Roswell, New Mexico has Area 51 – probably the most famous place that no one’s actually seen. And since today is Groundhog Day, Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania has Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog.

What’s your town’s coolest place? What is your city famous for? Does it bring tourists? Or if you’re stuck in an unfamous town like me, what’s the closest famous thing to you?

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Cel-e-brate good times, come on! I heard that 1980’s Kool & The Gang song on the radio the other day, just when I was thinking that “Celebrating” might make a good topic for today’s blog. So I took it as a sign from Zeus.

Actually, the idea of my blogging about “Celebrating” is all Handmaiden Kim’s fault. Last week on The Forum, she asked those of us goddesses with books coming out soon how we celebrate a book release – by sighing with relief, toasting with a libation, or biting our nails. The answer for me is… all three.

Today is the official on-sale day for my Regency historical romance, TO PLEASURE A LADY. So naturally I’m excited and nervous – and relieved as heck that it’s finally out after I devoted a good chunk of my life giving birth to that book (about the same gestation period as a human baby.) Whatever happens, my kid is out in the world now and out of my hands.

But I also have another big reason to celebrate since today is my wedding anniversary. (I ain’t saying how many years my dh and I have been married, ’cause that would make me feel older than I am when I’m really a spring chicken at heart.)

It’s not too often that I have two big things to celebrate at once. And luckily for me, one won’t take away from the other as with some of my family members. For example, my late dad’s birthday was two days before Christmas, so he frequently got shortchanged with both. And my sis-in-law’s son was born on Mother’s Day, so his birthday often overshadows that holiday for her. My own November birthday sometimes falls on election day when you can’t buy alcohol until after the polls close – or as in Utah, you can’t buy any alcohol at all, even if it’s just champagne. And my twin stepdaughters were born on 9/11, of all days. Yikes!

For our wedding anniversary tonight, we’re headed to a romantic dinner at one of the poshest ski resorts in the country. This particular restaurant holds great sentimental meaning for us, since for years we always ate there whenever we came out to Utah to ski. Although I confess, it was also the scene of one of the biggest fights my dh and I ever had. Which maybe is why I have fond memories of the place – because it’s living proof that if we’ve made it this far in our marriage, it bodes well for our future. I’m relieved about that, too!

And speaking of celebrations… The Goddess Blogs will be one year old on Valentine’s Day, and we’re planning a big bash at Mount Oly that week! So stay tuned for future announcements.

But back to our regularly scheduled program and Nicole’s chance to pimp her new book, as Goddess Julia says.

What events – big or small – do you regularly celebrate? Do you have special celebrations you’ll always remember? Ones you’d just as soon forget? Do you have to share your special days with others? And will you help me celebrate the birth of my new baby, TO PLEASURE A LADY?

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Especially if you are breaking up with a girl friend.

Have you ever had to do it? Wanted to do it? Been broken up with? About two years ago, I had to break up with a friend. It was a deal where we’d met through someone else and she asked me to lunch. I went. We had a good time, but we didn’t really have much in common. She was an empty-nester. I only dreamed of being one. She had never worked outside the home. I had never worked in the home until recently. She liked to cook and as you all know, I do not.

Still, I enjoyed her company. But I figured she felt the lack of chemistry and I did not expect her to call again so soon. She wanted another lunch. I said I was busy. She said, if not Monday, what about Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday? Friday? I’m open—you tell me! Out of guilt, I went again. And again, and so many times that she was becoming a nuisance. I cringed when I saw her number on the caller id.

Finally, I did it. Over lunch, I told her that it just wasn’t working out for me. I explained that it wasn’t her, it was me, that she was great and deserved a woman who would be a better friend to her than me. I didn’t do it on a post-it note like Berger did with Carrie in Sex and the City. I didn’t pick a fight like a boyfriend did with me a long time ago. I did it as adult as I knew how to do.

She took it well, but a few months later, I happened to run into her when I was out without make-up, my hair a mess, and wearing my writers uniform: Flip-flops, shorts, and an irreverent T-shirt. She was with a new friend—a beautiful petite woman wearing a pair of really cool shoes. We said the awkward hellos, how is…what is your daughter’s name again, kind of thing, and went on. But when I looked back before getting in my car, they were both looking at me and talking.

She was telling her new girlfriend that I broke up with her, and her new girlfriend was telling her that I was no great loss, and did I always look like that? Which she probably punctuated with a shudder.

Just so you know, I have lots of friends and I am not in the habit of dumping them. But this was one time I did not click with a woman who thought she clicked with me.

Have you ever broken up with a friend? What’s the worst break-up you’ve ever done to a man or a friend? What’s the worst break-up ever done to you? Have you ever run into an ex looking fabulous?

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I’m not always a Scrooge when it comes to the holiday season between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. Only in the years when my life is crazy-busy – which admittedly happens all too often these days.  When I’m wearing my Scrooge hat, I have lots of reasons to be thankful the holiday season is over:

1. We can quit spending money on gifts no one likes.

2. Our favorite TV shows come back with new episodes (well, at least they do in most years when there isn’t a writers’ strike going on.)

3. Football bowl games no longer take up the biggest portion of our DVR space.

4. There’s no good excuse to keep making fattening goodies that tempt us mercilessly.

5. We can get back to our diet and exercise plans (is that a positive?)

6. Our daily Must-Do list thins out so we can devote some time to ourselves instead of to everyone else.

7. Obligations to family in-laws are fulfilled at least for a little while (thank goodness).

8. The Post Office will finally open and deliver mail on time (well, maybe not.)

9. Department stores are no longer war zones.

10. The ski season starts in earnest, and the beginner tourists who make the slopes so dangerous go home.

11. We can put up holiday decorations and clear our living rooms of fire hazzards.

12. And the best, we can get back to work so we can rest!

On the other hand, there are lots of reasons to be sad the holidays won’t come around for nearly another year (this is my Mary Poppins bonnet point of view). Top on my list are: We no longer have an excuse to blow our diets and our budgets. We won’t get many presents until this time next year. And the good will and good cheer that accompanies the season doesn’t come as naturally to most folks.

Do you have reasons to be glad (Scrooge hat) or sad (Mary Poppins bonnet) that the holidays are over? What will you miss most? What will you be happiest to see end?

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My parents bought me an IRobot Roomba vacuum cleaner for Christmas. It’s small, noisy, and vacuums the floors all by itself. Yep, you heard me, it runs all by itself. You just schedule it and at the correct time, it pops on and starts vacuuming until 1) its sensors tell it the floor is clean or 2) the battery runs down.

It’s a very nifty little item and I love it, but as smart as this vacuum cleaner is, apparently I, as a mere human, am not so smart. How do I know this? Because of the list of warnings that came with my vacuum.

According to the warnings, it is dangerous to ride on the Roomba. (I know, I was disappointed, too. Especially as it careens madly around and around, often darting under bookshelves and chairs. Boy, wouldn’t that have been a fun ride! Not.)

I also discovered I shouldn’t operate the Roomba while standing in a pool of water (Hm. I wonder why . . .), nor should I attempt to stuff my hand between the moving brushes (Who’d a thought?).

It’s a bit insulting the things they put on warning labels these days. Look at some other warning labels and signs I’ve seen:

One I found beside an airport runway taxi area:

One for a chainsaw that clearly indicates that, while it’s ok to read and/or listen to your ipod while operating your chainsaw, you shouldn’t use it to slap a mosquito off your head:

I remember a few others I don’t have pictures for. Like a new lawn mower that had a picture of the mower on a cliff, rolling over and over. (I guess you’ll have to weed whack the cliffs in your yard.) A coffee pot with a sticker that said, “WARNING: COFFEE GETS HOT.” (I would hope so.) And a warning on a dog chew toy that said, “WARNING: NOT MEANT FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF FIVE.” (What? It’s ok for a child over the age of five to have a go at the dog chew toy?)

What’s the stupidest warning label you’ve ever seen on a product? Do you think those labels are on there because some idiot has already performed this act — tried to brush his teeth with an electric knife or attempted to ride on his Roomba and was thrown through a plate glass window — or is it because lawyers run most companies and they’re really, really into CYA? And am I the only one who finds these warning ludicrous? Stupid? Wildly funny?

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