My dad is a careful man. He is careful with his responsibilities, the feelings of those he loves, and money.

We didn’t have much money when I was young. One year he bought the cheapest six foot plastic Christmas tree he could find. It not only didn’t look like a real tree, it didn’t even look like a real plastic tree. It looked more like a child’s school project of starched green tinsel glued at odd angles from a large pipe cleaner. But it was OUR tree and we loved it.

As the years passed, we took that same tree in its huge brown box out of the attic and assembled it in the living room.

When I turned eight, one of the bottom branches snapped at the base as we were assembling it. A year later, two more went. And then another. My dad decided it was better to leave the bottom row off to make room for the presents.

By the time I was eleven, the branches on the next level of the tree had begun to break. But as I’ve said, my dad is a careful man. When duct tape didn’t prove up to the job, he used fishing line. Over the next ten years as more and more branches broke, my dad meticulously tied them to the ones above. And when those broke, he tied them to the branches above that.

He took hours to do this. Hours, but no money. He was happy. We had a tree, so we were happy.

The tree stayed in our house for thirty years and when we eventually retired it, it was beyond fragile. We used to kid that when the heat kicked on, the tree would sway in the breeze.

It was old, broken, ugly . . . and loved. Oh, how we loved that tree. But most of all, we loved my dad for taking the time to string our broken tree into place, year after year.

Do you have any broken but beloved holiday items or memories?  Stories about turkeys that were overcooked, favorite ornaments that have been glued together, or tree topper stars that have been bread-twisty-tied in place? What broken holiday memories are golden in your house?

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Hot Cop and I took his daughter and three of her friends to see New Moon last night and we were treated to four tweens dressed in Team Edward and Team Jacob memorabilia who were in complete and utter ecstasy. I can say without hesitation that those chicas have big time Movie Crushes.

Their excited chatter made me remember my own enthusiasm when Star Wars came out and how I fell totally in love with Hans Solo. I didn’t have a Team Solo t-shirt, but only because they didn’t make them.

In recent years, I’ve developed a huge Movie Crush on Strider from Lord of the Rings … oh and have I mention Cap’n Jack from Pirates of the Caribbean?

Have you ever had a Movie Crush? Who was it? Did you buy a poster, t-shirt, or coffee mug in honor of them?

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Last week, Hot Cop and I went for a lovely trip to the mountains of Eastern Tennessee. We had a wonderful time; the woods were autumnal and crisp, the air was fresh and chilled, and the mountains were layered in snow. It was magical.

But then we went out to eat. We found a little cafe and went in and were rather surprised to discover that the owners were so fond of the phrase “Have you eat yet?” that they printed it on their menus. When our waitress wasn’t looking, Hot Cop and I took this lovely cell phone photo.

Yup, that’s right. “Have you eat yet?” is their slogan.

Of course, this sort of thing doesn’t just happen in the South. Let’s move on to Portland, Oregon, shall we?

Yeah, that’s s’ome s’ort of s’ignage! New’s paper’s, indeed!

Moving on, this is from a website for a business in Hayden Lake, Idaho:

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want to go back to the fucture. At least, not without some sort of counseling and a complete medical waiver.

Furthermore, I would want to go in a DecLocreacn.

How about this article headline which came from a fair Northern state:

Who knew they put the Want Ads on the front page? Or in this case, the Wanted Ads?

I have a few questions about this ad. How much WILL they pay in reward money for shooting a cop? And do they think Dog the Bounty Hunter might be interested in this particular venture?

Have you seen recent examples of bad grammar or poor sentence structure? Have you noticed that it seems to be happening more than ever, or is that just me? Last week I read that some high school English teachers are blaming instant messaging and texting for this ‘new’ turn of affairs. What do you think?

P.S. Suzanne Enoch’s newest book, The Care and Taming of a Rogue, comes out tomorrow! I’M SO EXCITED! EEEK!

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Author’s note: Before I begin today’s blog, I’d like to announce that THE LAIRD WHO LOVED ME, the final MacLean Curse book, will be released today. I now return you to your previously scheduled blog.

I have the best brother in the world. For one thing, he’s a sweetie — kind, generous, and darn funny. For another thing, he’s a total computer guy and yet he reads tgb and has been sending me some very interesting ideas for my blogs. In fact, here’s one he sent me the other day.

***************
Karen,

For your blog — I saw this in Scientific American, thought it was both hilarious and scary… (I’m paraphrasing…)

In November, 2008, a woman filed papers for divorce on the grounds that she “caught” her husband’s “Second Life” avatar being “overly affectionate” with someone else’s avatar. The Husband countered that his wife drove him to virtual infidelity because of her addition to World of Warcraft.

If you didn’t know, an Avatar is a “virtual digital character” that people use in on-line “environments” like Second Life. In these environments, they direct their character, interact with others, and apparently, even have simulated sex with other avatars.

Lots of threads …

Roy
*********

Out of curiosity, I googled Second Life avatars and oh-my-gosh, are those things SEXY. It’s apparently a world of scantily clad, busty and gorgeous avatar women mingling with some very-Gaston-looking men. And all these pretend people do is leer sexily at one another while attending pretend ‘real life’ events in their Second Life lives — they go to movies, listen to bands, shop at the mall, go to dinner, and even raise money for charity.

To me, the noob (that’s ‘newbie’ to you non-techs out there in the audience), the whole thing just boggles the mind.

And THEN, I found this:

************
This week Kristina Dell published an article in Time Magazine (How Second Life Affects Real Life) that explores how the attractiveness of her avatar influences how she behaves when not immersed in the Second Life virtual world. She references Jeremy Bailenson, head of the Virtual Human Interaction Lab at Stanford University where he is an assistant professor of communication studying the way self perception within virtual realms affects behavior.
**********

Did you get that? There’s a frickin’ Virtual Human Interaction Lab at Standford U, peeps. A LAB. And there are full time professors studying things like oh, how your WOW wizard’s complex spell levels helps you become the super accountant at Fred Murray’s Accounting and Dance Emporium.

I’m dazzled. Intrigued. And afraid. I’m afraid I could really get into this and I’d never write another word again. It could happen. I almost fell off that cliff when I subscribed to netflix.

Tell me, you hip people of the real world, do you play World of Warcraft or Second Life? Do you know someone who does? Do you think it would be cheating if your husband’s or boyfriend’s avatar had an online relationship with the sexy avatar I’ve used as an example here? Would that be grounds for divorce? What do you think about this ‘immerse yourself in a second skin’ sort of game playing? Do you think it’s good for our egos? Or is it a modern-day Pandora’s Box?

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So there I was, surfing the teevee while waiting for The Colbert Show (I heart Steven Colbert), when I caught the tail end of a talk show about a book that detailed how woman shouldn’t marry for love, but instead look for a man with a big bank roll.

I’ll spare you the details, but basically, the more I heard about this book, the angrier I became.

When you’re thinking about marriage, it makes sense to consider a potential spouse’s fiscal traits. It’s unwise to marry a person who has ‘issues’ with sticking to a budget or who can’t keep a job because, like alcoholism or selfishness, it’s bound to cause problems — serious problems — somewhere down the line.

I have no problems with that section of theory presented in the book. The part I have a problem with is the part that states that while it’s silly to chase a man just because he has ‘big blue eyes,’ it’s perfectly ok to chase one because he has a ‘big green bankroll.’

There is one word for this sort of thinking — shallow. It’s just as shallow to marry a man because he is wealthy as it is to marry one because he’s handsome.

Personally, I think the authors of this book are lazy. They want someone else — a husband — to provide them with a shortcut to a certain lifestyle rather than earning it themselves. I hear about this sort of convoluted thinking and all I hear is a chorus of “I’m headed for the Big D and I don’t mean Dallas.”

My theory about marriage can be summed up by the following three statements:

1. Marriage is an option and not a requirement. There’s nothing wrong with deciding not to marry — it’s not for everyone. In fact, I have several unmarried friends who are blissfully happy with their lives. People who marry because they ‘have to be married to be happy,’ rarely are. You should marry because this time, and this person, are right for you.

2. Don’t expect other people to ‘make’ you happy or wealthy or safe or secure. It’s YOUR job to create a life for yourself that is all of those things. If you’re not happy before you’re married, you won’t be happy afterward, no matter how much of a bank roll your new husband has. If it were true that money solved all problems, then why do so many rich people get divorced — and not just once, but often over and over a la Larry King, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Taylor, and many others? Money can’t guarantee happiness.

3. Marry with your eyes wide open. While love will certainly smooth the edges off an occasional disagreement, it won’t solve big problems. You have to address those issues as a couple, as equals. And that takes maturity, self-awareness, and a willingness to take responsibility for yourself and your actions.

Do you think marrying for money alone would work? What do you think makes a successful marriage? When I read about this book, it made me angry because it seemed condescending to woman. Does this sort of thing make you angry, too? Or am I overreacting and should just chillax?

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Warning: Non-PC post to follow. Karen’s on a rant!

I was talking to some reader friends of mine and they mentioned that they’d recently attended a multi-author book signing where another reader marched up to an author and announced, “I read your book and it was horrible. You didn’t even try. I will never, ever read another book by you and I hope you learn how to write!”

I have one thing to say to this person . . . Woman, where are your manners?

I know this isn’t a phenomenon limited to book publishing, but there is a tendency for some people to believe that their opinion makes an object/thing/project/book either ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

Now I’m not advocating that people should only state or print positive opinions and reviews. I strongly believe in the value of debate and I welcome well-stated differences of opinions. Who wouldn’t enjoy an open, honest discussion about personal likes and dislikes on any number of topics? I’ve gotten some excellent suggestions for improving my own works through just such conversations.

But we’re not talking about a quality give and take of ideas and theories to improve an artistic work. We’re talking about a rude critic who decided that because THEY didn’t like something then NO ONE would.

I’d call that arrogance.

See this dog? Personally, I wouldn’t call this dog cute. But some people would. And I can promise that the person who’s had little Fifi since she was an adorable puppy, who nursed Fifi through her illnesses, and had Fifi greet them at the door with joy each and every time they came home, and who knows how Fifi loves her stuffed squirrel and always sleeps on the foot of the baby’s blanket because she wants to protect him — to that person, this is a beautiful dog.

I understand that.

I get that.

And I respect that.

Now, imagine if I marched up to Fifi’s owner and bluntly declared, “That is one UGLY dog. It’s fat and worthless; no one could care about a dog like that.” Such statements would be rude, insensitive, and arrogant.

As someone who respects others and their opinions, even when they’re different from mine, I want to say publicly that I have never, will never, disrespect another person’s work/dog/opinion/or baby in such a way. Will I mention if I like this book or that? Sure, if I’m asked, though I will never assume the author didn’t try or that everyone will agree with my assessment and preferences. I’ll only say why it did or didn’t work FOR ME.

I’ve heard it said that the author who was accosted was very gracious to this rude reader. Kudos to her! I have to admit that I wouldn’t have been gracious or even nice. Whatever I might say to such an impolite assault, I can assure you that it would have been cutting, though not nearly as coherent as this post. No, my dander would be up and my tongue would trip my tonsils as they marched out to spit on this vile woman and her assumption that she was the supreme ruler of my world.

I’d also have to be restrained by my fellow authors from stabbing her with my signing pen.

(Don’t mess with an author from Tennessee. You’ve been warned.)

I’m climbing off my soap box before I hurt someone. It’s your turn now. Has someone ever told you how you should feel about a book/movie/your own dog? Have you ever been subjected to flat negative criticism for something you worked hard to complete? Have you ever witnessed a critic who felt their opinion made someone else’s efforts ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ instead of ‘right for me’ or ‘wrong for me?’ How do you think this author should have handled this situation? Would you have to be restrained from burying your signing pen in someone’s throat, too?

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Not too long ago (ok it was a REALLY long time ago . . . more than a year and a half ago) I and a fellow author (Hint: initials are SE and yes, she’s a goddess, too) and I made a little wager here on the board of the magical Goddess Blogs. We wagered to see which of us could use the words “leather man panties” in a book first.

I win!

Coming May, 2010, in LOIS LANE TELLS ALL, I used the term ‘leather man panties’ not once, but a DOZEN times.

Technically (as I’ve tried to explain to SE), this means I’m entitled to a DOZEN times our prize, but somehow SE refuses to agree.

She’s so difficult.

What did I win? SE has to wear a shirt to next year’s RWA Rita Awards that says “KAREN HAWKINS IS THE BEST ROMANCE WRITER IN THE WORLD AND ALL I GOT FOR IT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT.” Not only does SE have to wear that shirt to the Rita Awards, BUT she also has to wear leopard print stretch pants WITH it.

Because I know life pretty well, I predict that next year SE will win a Rita and will have to wear that outfit on the stage to accept her award.

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Have you ever made a wager with a friend? Did you win? Lose? What was the prize? I have friends who are in a battle to see who can lose the most weight and they’ve EACH dropped an amazing 20 lbs already. I’d like to try that wager, myself! Would you?

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