Today I am all about websites.  I am redesigning mine this spring and I am wondering, in this age of social networking sites, what the function of an author website is.  Back in the day–and by that I mean maybe five years ago–the thing to do was to have a snazzy website that attracted readership.  Now, I am not so certain that people use websites like they did.  Will you help me figure out what my website needs to have?  I have come up with a little quiz to help guide my thinking:

1.  In your opinion, the most important thing that a website must have is:

a. easy navigation

b. updated content

c. a great look

d. all of these, none of these, you really missed the boat, Julia, and here’s how (fill in the blank).

2.  The sort of content I look for in a website is:

a. accolades, list placement, great reviews, latest news

b. stuff about the author’s books

c.  stuff about the author (including contests)

d. some of the above, none of the above, I don’t know, or, here’s a clue: (fill in the blank).

3.  I usually go to websites to:

a. get a printable booklist

b. read the news

c. search the backlist

d.  Oooh, you missed it again.  I usually go to websites to (fill in the blank)

4.  I would like:

a.  to see a message board on a website so I can hang out with the author and other like-minded people

b.  I don’t want a message board — that’s what Facebook is about!  I can hang out with her and my friends, too.

c.  I am not hanging out with the author at her website or Facebook.  That’s what great blogs like this are for.

d.  I don’t know what to say.

5.  In February, I visited author websites:

a. not even once

b. 1-2 times

c. 3 or more times

d.  Nope.  I visited authors on Facebook

e.  I have enough on my plate.  I didn’t visit authors anywhere.

6.  As a promotional tool, I think Twitter

a. is great!  It works for a quick update on books or author news.

b. I seriously don’t get Twitter

7.  If I could advise any author anything about their websites, it would be:

a. fill in the blank

Thanks, you guys!  Your input is very helpful to me in trying to redesign my website.  If you want to take a look and tell me if there is anything you’d like to see differently, more prominently, or not at all, go here!

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I haven’t been able to give the Olympics my full undivided attention because the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is going on in New York, and I. Love. Dogs.

Talk about inspiration!  I am inspired to have a dog ranch with a menagerie of them.   I’m partial to a few breeds and found some new ones this year.  I don’t listen to those announcers who say things like, “these dogs should have plenty of space to roam to be happy,” or “these dogs need a firm master,” or “these dogs do best if they are the only dog in the house.”  Those are just guidelines.  On my ranch, me and all my dogs would be happy and they’d all get to come in and swim in the pool and roam around.

Sadie the Scottish terrier won the competition.  That’s her above.  I like the look of the Scottish terriers.  They can come to my ranch.  I like Bloodhounds, too just because they look so goofy and friendly.  And everyone should have a Bulldog hanging around–I remember one I knew that had the best personality.  I would have lots of retrievers.  Did you know that the most popular dogs in America are the labrador and golden retrievers, and neither of them have ever won the dog show?  The reporter says because they are too nice and too into their handlers.  Apparently, they judges prefer dogs who are not into their handlers.   Terriers are the winningest breed.  They are more interested in showing off.

I have discovered dogs I didn’t know existed at the annual dog show.  Take the Puli, for example, which is a smaller version of the Kommador, the one with the braids.  There is also the Bouviers des Flandres that looks to me like an ankle-biter on steroids.  What about a Briard?  What do they do?  And why are all Beagles smaller than 15 inches or bigger than 15 inches, and who felt a need to distinguish between the two inches?


In my lifetime, my parents or I have had weenie dogs, basset hounds, Beagles, an Irish Setter, a mutt we called Ug (short for Ugly), a Cocker Spaniel, a  rat terrier and, of course, Labrador retrievers.  I’ve loved all my dogs, but I had a special place in my heart for my labradors.  My trainer said Maudie girl could have been a show dog!! (He did not offer the same opinion of Hugo.  Maybe this will shed some light ).

My old dogs are gone now, and its been a year since the last one passed away.   I have decided it’s time.  I am starting to covet other people’s dogs.  I need one in my house.   I looked into rescue dogs and almost got a rescued lab, but the foster home had fallen in love with the girl, so she didn’t come home with me in the end.  And then I thought about the cutest preschooler ever, and how fun it would be to have a puppy, and the next thing I knew, I found the breeder where I got Hugo and Maude, and oh lucky day, they had a litter from the same bloodlines as Hugo and Maude, and, well….

This puppy isn’t Moose, but this is what Moose will look like when he comes home next month.  I’m going to be rubbing my face in some seriously sweet sweet puppy fur and I can’t wait.

Are you a dog or cat person?   How many dogs do you have and what kind?  What sort of dogs do you like?  What did you think of the Sadie the Scottish terrier’s big win last night?  Any advice for a puppy owner? (it’s been 15 years since I last had a puppy!)

Oh, all right, you cat people — tell us about your cats, too!  Do they drag dead things into your house?  Wouldn’t it be fun to have a cat show?

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In the last six months I lost two very important people for exactly the same reason: their hearts stopped working. My oldest sister died on June 27. It was very sudden and the pathologist described it as a “lights out.” Her heart just stopped and she was there one minute, gone the next.  She did not have history of heart problems that she or anyone else knew about.   And then, on January 1, one of my best friends, the author Kathleen Givens, died the very same way of the very same thing.   She was sitting in the living room with her husband. She was there one minute and gone the next. The coroner said the same thing to her husband: Her heart just stopped.

Heart disease is the number one killer of women and it often goes undetected. Today is the national Go Red day, and everyone is encouraged to wear red to symbolize the fight against heart disease in women. I’ve had my wake up call and I am wearing red. I thought in honor of this day, I could make you all aware of it, and then remind you that exercise and a healthy diet are the best ways to prevent heart disease.

Which brings me to the most popular topic at the start of every year: DIETS.  This year, my plan is to eat whole foods as often as I can and try and to skip the processed foods (if I can stand it. But Jack London likes his Fritos, and come on…how can anyone resist a few Fritos?). I have actually given up chocolate  because I am trying to get away from refined sugar.  For those of you keeping score at home, I have not given up sugar.  Sugar and I continue to wage some hefty battles, especially at night.

I am also not very good about planning ahead when it comes to meals. I am much better at eating out. I don’t have a lot of stuff in my fridge. Mostly condiments, juices, and milk. (And don’t you just love the staged fridge up there? How nice and neat all the food is? Have you ever seen a fridge like that?)

What kind of fridge do you keep? Is it stuffed full, or bare, like mine? What are the top three items you always have on hand in your fridge? What’s your favorite whole food? Are you wearing red today?

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I had an awakening the other day.  I was on deadline, and I went to Starbuck’s in (Claudia, look away from the computer for a moment) in some old, too big for me jeans, a ratty sweater, no makeup, and my hair in it’s wildest state.  I did not look presentable.  I looked like hell. But I had a deadline and that’s all I am going to say about that.

Anyway, I am standing at Starbuck’s at one of those walk-up windows.  There was no one there when I first pulled in.  But by the time I ordered and turned around, the cars were backed out onto the street and there was a line behind me.  I thought to myself, Wow.  Good thing I got here when I did.  And the lady standing next to me said, “I know.  I wonder where everyone came from?” 

I looked at her in horror.  I swear to you, I did not realize I said that out loud. I must have looked really stunned because she gave me one of those, are-you-crazy looks.  I realized in that terrifying moment that I have all the makings of a bag lady, because not only did I go out in public looking like one, I talked to myself and didn’t know it!  I talk to myself All. The. Time.

Jack London has noticed it.  He’ll say things like, “Do you always talk to yourself?” and I will realize that I just said something out loud.  When I had dogs, I would notice it on occasion because they would suddenly jump to attention.  It was because I had spoken out loud.  In the course of writing this blog, I just muttered, “you’ve got to be kidding me” aloud because I accidentally deleted a paragraph I’d just written.

I don’t think I always did this.  I am fairly certain that all those years I worked in offices, I was not the one everyone sniggered about behind their partitions.  I think I managed to keep my thoughts to myself.  So this is a frightening trend.  What else have I said aloud?  Where does it end?  How far removed am I from pushing a grocery cart full of trash up the street, muttering to myself?

Do you talk to yourself?  Do other people notice?  What is your biggest idiosyncrasy? Do you go out in public looking less than presentable?

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I was having a conversation the other day about the CPE, and I mentioned that when I was a girl, I used to have a fantasy that I would marry a rancher and have four strapping sons and we’d all work on the ranch together.  I started thinking about that, wondering when that fantasy disappeared.  Was it when my dad actually made me work on our ranch and I figured it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be?  Was it when I went from wanting to be a mommy to wanting to shoot Indians? (no offense to any Indians here, but that’s what great cowgirls on the high plains do).  Whatever happened to that dream, I ended up with no children of my own.

Another fantasy I remember is that I would be a merchant marine and sail around the world.  I dreamed of high adventure with pirates and captains who would save me.  Saving me seems to have been a theme of mine from a very early age.  Someone was always saving me:  Cowboys, captains, Alias Smith and Jones…  Anyway, I wanted to be a merchant marine until my dad told me about merchant marines and the kind of work they had to do.  Again, work seems to have quashed that great idea.

Next up was diplomat.  I must have been older, because this fantasy involved lots of pretty dresses and fancy state dinners and, you guessed it, a handsome spy who saves me.

I wonder, what happened to that girl?  Where did she go?  Did she just get smart and move on?  Is she still buried in this woman’s body somewhere?  If you’ve seen her, send her back to me.  I could use a good game of cowboys and Indians right now.

What dreams did you have as a kid?  Do you still have them?  Did you reach them?  Or did you lose them like I did?  What dream would you want back as an adult? What piece of advice would the younger you give the adult you today?

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Ten Leaping Goddesses to all of you. We love you, we appreciate you, and we thank you so much for your support. We couldn’t do this work without you and you have enriched our work and our day to day grind more than you will ever know.  Wherever you are, whatever you are planning on this day, we wish you the best and look forward to hearing all about it soon.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

(Clement Clark Moore, 1779-1863)

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A couple of weeks ago, I almost bought a new car.  I didn’t need a car–mine is paid for, it’s a luxury model, and it works just fine.  But Jack London told me about the new Honda Accord Crosstour while at breakfast.  There happened to be a Honda dealer across the street.  I said, let’s go look.  We did and I drove, and we went home and I figured out how much I’d get for my car and how much I’d have to put in it to get a new car.  I told Jack London, “I am going to buy that car.”  He was shocked.  He told me not to.  I said, “I want it.”  And I spent the next day calling around and getting quotes.  I was very close to buying that car when it suddenly dawned on me that the only difference between that car and my car was that it had a thingie that would play an iPod.  That’s what I was getting, which I suddenly realized I could get that for a couple of hundred dollars.

I am serious:  I was this close.  Those silly car salesmen are still calling me.

I did it again the other day, but this time, I actually bought it: a Venetian Santa Claus from Neiman Marcus.  I am not a collector.  I don’t have any Santas, I don’t even know what I will do with this Santa. But a friend told me about them and showed them to me online, and I bought one.  Just like that.  Now this Venetian Santa is on his way to me, and I am wondering why I thought I needed one. My only consolation is that I did not buy the $850 to $1000 Santas you can get thru Neimans.

I don’t normally impulse buy, thank the good Lord above, but there is something about the holidays that brings out the worst in me.  I even booked facial for early next week because they sent me an email and told me it was 25% off. I have better things to do with my time and money, but I clicked “add this to my cart” and went through with it.  I contributed a lot of money to the Christmas Bureau that, on the surface, may look like a noble thing, but the truth was that they had a basket of luxury sauces and mustards and spreads and wine that I thought I wanted.  It was shopping to me, charity to them.

I am lucky that I work at home and order a lot of Christmas gifts online, or I fear I could do some serious damage to my bank account this time of year. The sales are so alluring!

Do you impulse buy?  What’s the most outrageous/silliest/costliest/special thing you ever impulse bought?  And how do you like my Venetian Santa?

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