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Talking the Talk

Apr 7th 2010Claudia Dain
Claudia DainClaudia Dain & My Life As A Plebe

Okay, so here’s what happened: Big D, who is very good with his hands (ahem), met with a rough carpenter to discuss cutting a hole in the roof to raise the slanted wall and change the angle of the roof so that a tub would then have the head room to become a shower. Following all that? So the carpenter comes over–and let me pause to describe the costumes of these two men (Big D and the other guy)–both are wearing jeans covered with paint and dirt stains, the jeans are also ripped out at each knee from one seam to the other. They are each wearing ratted out shoes. They are each wearing torn and stained shirts. They each have hands covered in cuts with dirty cuticles and split fingernails. Get the picture? These guys look like they WORK.mike-rowe-dirty-jobs[1]

Here’s my rough approximation of what they said:

Big D: It’s  t-11 siding with a 1 inch.

Other Guy: They don’t make 1 inch anymore. I think I can get 3/4. You have a dry stack behind that wall; do you want to trim the box in one bys?

Big D: Yeah. The dry stack is behind the toilet. Box it out another 6 inches.

Other Guy: Right. You’re going to have a problem with headroom, only six feet.

Big D: Not if you start at the apex and make the roof three twelve.

Other Guy: Right. Right. We could do that. That would give you plenty of headroom.

They went on like this for half an hour. This is the thing: they both spoke the same language. The language of carpentry and construction. I don’t speak that language. I stood by, smiling in bemusement, grateful that someone in my family could speak Construction.

When you don’t speak the language, you get taken advantage of. That’s my belief, based on years of experience dealing with car repair men. Big D also speaks fluent Car. I’ve lived a life of ease since marrying him, he speaks so many languages. I have my language skills too. I can speak Hair Salon, Cosmetics, Fashion, Home Decor, Publishing, Education, Literary Agent, and Kids in Packs. Big D doesn’t need to learn those languages because I know them. I call this an efficient division of labor.

What languages do you speak fluently? When do you feel like you’re listening to a foreign language? What’s the last language you learned?

57 Comments »

57 Responses to “Talking the Talk”

  1. Michelle B on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:26 am #

    I speak Air Force with all it’s acronyms and numbers. DD#2 is in Army ROTC and I feel like it is a whole different language, but I’m learning.

    I don’t speak car very well, and you are right I do feel like I am being taken advantage of, but mostly because I am a woman, not a “native”.

  2. Anne on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:32 am #

    I speak car and construction because my dad was a carpenter and my brother a car guy. Unfortunately just because I speak these languages doesn’t mean I don’t get taken in by unscrupulous characters. so I decided to learn how to do some things myself, especially in the construction vein, I have my own power tools now, and I let my dad take my car to the mechanic. And by the way, I LOVE Mike Rowe. I think he is so hot when he’s dirty.

  3. Deb Marlowe on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:33 am #

    My husband speaks Computer, which is a language derived totally of individual numbers and letters. Completely incomprehensible. He also speaks Construction, which, you are right, is a total blessing when dealing with contractors and workmen. Thanks to him I have made small inroads on the languages of Motorcross, Paintball, Racing and Rockclimbing.

    I am currently being tutored in Fashion–by you Claudia, along with a little help from Stacy and Clinton. Teenager is another I am being exposed to–I had no idea I was so stupid.

    I am fluent in Cooking, Cleaning, and English History.

    I heard a radio show yesterday all about the ins and outs of online dating. All I could think was that I would be in trouble if I had to get back out there on the dating scene. I’ll bet there’s not a lot of call for fluent English History!

  4. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:45 am #

    Michelle, I think being taken advantage of when you don’t speak Car is not at all about being a woman. Big D hears other men being taken advantage of ALL the time.

    And YES, military lingo is a whole other language. I wish I could learn it, but I think it would take decades.

  5. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:47 am #

    DebM, I would LOVE to speak computer. No one in my family is highly fluent; only one member is slightly fluent. It’s a huge hole in our knowledge gap.

    I always think I’m fluent in English History and then I hear someone else “speak” it and I wonder how much I really know. So much to learn there! And not a lot of demand. LOL

  6. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:50 am #

    Anne, Big D taught my kids, including Only Girl how to change tires, change the oil and filter, rebuild the brakes, rotate the tires, do a tune-up…I’m agog. These kids have a great knowledge of Car! I can barely get the gas cap open. I’m not kidding. I think it’s spot welded on.

  7. Kay on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:52 am #

    I speak photoshop, microsoft access and word fluently…computer just enough to know when I’m being taken for a ride by some 17 year old sales clerk. I get lost in car talk, but pretend I know what they are saying

  8. LoriHandeland on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:58 am #

    I speak publishing, writing, reading, American History, clothes, crocheting and freaky legend stuff.

    I always feel like I’m hearing a foreign language when IV and his brothers and dad start talking in hunting/fishing. Who knew there was so much involved? Who wants to?

    I just recently learned Shakespeare/Tudor England. I’m not fluent, but I can get around. It was pretty fun.

  9. Robin/RBL on 07 Apr 2010 at 6:10 am #

    I, too, can speak computer applications like Microsoft Office, but I’m not too good with java-script and applet. I can speak house cleaning, romance books, photography (to a point). I also speak etiquette and heavy duty organization and scheduling. I speak finances (home version, not the stock market). DH takes advantage of all these.

    My dh speaks the languages of car, handy-man (ahem), insects (and insect killing when necessary), and my dh has a classic ‘bullcrap-o-meter’. He see’s thru the crap whereas I go thru life with rose colored glasses most of the time. My dh also speaks fitness, gym workouts, guns and probably every sport you can name.

    I think ‘tool’ language is the most foreign. “Hand me that 3/4″ wrench will you?” (say what? How do you tell the difference? LOL) I do know what a phillips head and straight head screwdriver are, and I can pick out a hammer and a nail, but thats about it.

    Last one I learned was probably Toddler language. My 2 year old nephew likes to do things alone so you have to ask “would you like help?” You can’t just reach over and start to help. LOL

  10. Jean Brashear on 07 Apr 2010 at 6:37 am #

    Sorry, I can’t speak about languages right now. I’m having a moment, staring at the photo of Hot Mike of Dirty Jobs. The show is often disgusting, but my honey loves it…and me, I love Mike!

  11. Kathy on 07 Apr 2010 at 6:44 am #

    I can speak computer, construction, tool, car, Star Wars and a passable Star Trek.

    kitchen, decorating, music
    baby babble and teen which sometimes are interchangable.
    I used to speak fashion, but still speak purse

  12. Pesky on 07 Apr 2010 at 6:51 am #

    I speak HA Computer System Database Computereze….with a bit of car on the side.

    :D If you ask Newguy I also speak girl. Which is a language that most guys don’t understand.

  13. ladydawgfan on 07 Apr 2010 at 7:08 am #

    I can speak Architecture, which is different from Construction. I also speak some Tool, some Cooking, and fluent Romance Novel.

  14. nancyg on 07 Apr 2010 at 7:15 am #

    Mr. G is fluent in computer…thank goodness! He’ll head over to the computer store, come home with bags & boxes and start pulling & re-attaching plugs. He’s been trying to teach me to use the home network hard drive “thingy”, but I think he’s finally given up.

    I speak Customer Service/Warranty Repair. I was a national sales manager for 15 years, so I know what the tricks of the trade are. Congruently, I also have a highly developed BS meter.

    I also speak Find Any Item on Sale. I don’t pay full-price for anything!

    I’ve learned how to speak Golf, Hockey, Fantasy Football, and Cooking in recent years. Pampered Chef is one of my new BFFs. Golf speak cracks me up sometimes. There’s a phrase for everything. “I think you pushed/pulled that putt”, “When did you start hitting a fade?”, etc.

  15. Lisa H on 07 Apr 2010 at 7:38 am #

    LOL Claudia!!!

    I wish I spoke Computer. I speak writing,such as: POV, conflict, plot,pacing, black moment, etc. That is my newest and favorite language.

    I also speak pediatrician, dealing with teacher, church, lawn care,painting, electrical and my favorite, plumbing. I have impressed a few with talk of flush valves, nipples, couplings and pvc pipe. I speak a little construction, but am not as fluent as your husband and his contractor.

  16. Michelle B on 07 Apr 2010 at 7:42 am #

    Claudia, I would like to agree with you on the car/woman issue, but why is it my husband doesn’t know much more about cars than I do and he gets treated by the car folks with more respect than I do?

  17. Beth Caudill on 07 Apr 2010 at 7:50 am #

    I speak Music, Baseball, Football, Needlework, and Politics. I HATE languages but love to Read. I can interpret Computer although hubby and my dad are both fluent. Hubby speaks Computer, Woodworking, Car, Engineering and Construction.

    I’m still working on understanding Kids – why they do the things they do is a mystery – and Publishing (Thanks for all the great insight Claudia).

  18. Beth Caudill on 07 Apr 2010 at 7:51 am #

    Oh, and I forgot – I speak Garden. How could I forget that now that it is Spring and the garden takes all my spare weekend time.

  19. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:00 am #

    Kay, you speak computer! I wish I did.

  20. Rachel Gibson on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:00 am #

    I am most proud of my fluency in Pig Latin. I learned it in fourth grade and can still speak it. I also speak fluent shoes.

    rachel

  21. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:00 am #

    JeanB, I LOVE Dirty Jobs, and Mike Rowe. He is so cute. And he speaks so many languages!

  22. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:01 am #

    Lori, you just learned a new language! Tudor England. Very cool. It takes a lot of effort to become fluent in any language.

  23. Deb Marlowe on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:17 am #

    My neighbor speaks Klingon. Really.

  24. evlqn on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:42 am #

    Good topic this morning Claudia, I speak sewing, cooking, home decor, garden,plants (not as good as my sister). I used to speak fairly fluent car (dh#2 in the trade),cop (family & friends), military. I find if you are away from them for a while your fluency level decreases.
    I speak excellent book, especially romance. History is another language i am good at. I am learning computer, both DS’s are extremely fluent and make me feel so inadequate.
    I can speak child of all ages including teenager. Music as long as it isn’t rap or hip-hop.
    Michele, it doesn’t matter what language it is short of the “woman’s” language men will nearly always treat the female with the “There, there, little woman” attitude while the male gets the “I am Tarzan, watch me swing from the trees.”

  25. Julia London on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:03 am #

    I cannot speak Baseball or Cars. Baseball would interest me. Cars? Never. My language skills are in books and publishing. I am also learning Disneyspeak. Jack London looks at the CPE blankly when he mentions some of the characters. As in, “That’s what Frankie says.” I know exactly which shark/mouse/mover/handyman/penguin/elephant that is.

  26. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:04 am #

    DebM, I want to meet your Klingon neighbor, but I’m afraid to. :)

  27. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:08 am #

    In the spirit of full disclosure, Big D still doesn’t know what a duvet is. I must have explained it to him fifty times over the years. But then, I struggle with my gas cap. *shrug*

  28. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:09 am #

    Eviqn, I think knowing Child Speak is one of the great skills of life. It’s way underrated.

  29. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:10 am #

    Beth, I don’t speak sports, although I do speak some Swimming and a whole lot of Crew/Rowing. I don’t speak any languages that involve a ball. I think it would be nice if I did, but I’m not willing to put the time in.

  30. evlqn on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:31 am #

    And pre-teen is an entirely different language from child or teen, it’s a transitional language. And I speak Child Services, not because I want to but because I had to learn for the g-sons. Same with kids sports, they are in them so I am learning.

    Deb, Klingon?? Oh WOW!

  31. Kat on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:56 am #

    Claudia — great picture of Mike — he’s so hot — and he can sing!

    I speak baseball, partial car, gardening, crafting, sewing, and writing. DF speaks games and computers, so I’m learning those too. I have friends that speak history, so that was another I had to learn. My mom taught me Disney and I’ve been 13 times. On a serious note, I’m learning Japanese so I can have a verified language to add to these.

    I think it’s funny how we learn all these “languages” but never really stop to think that it’s something someone else might not know.

  32. Kat on 07 Apr 2010 at 9:58 am #

    While I’m at it — we ought to convince Karen to do a “dirty” FROS on Mike — he sure is a handsome devil, and he cleans up so well!

  33. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 10:04 am #

    Kat, oh, Mike Rowe is a BIG favorite around here. You’ll see him on FROS again, I’m sure.

  34. TrishD on 07 Apr 2010 at 10:11 am #

    The languages I speak? I speak fluent sports, from hockey to football to IRL to golf. I have to fake languages such as cooking, sewing, gardening and fashion but I’ve never had to fake sports. The first language I learned? Baseball. My dad taught me that one! :)

    I am also very fluent in banking… I can talk to you about IRA’s, RMD’s, FDIC, BSA, OFAC. I have to be fluent, it’s my job.

    Do NOT ask me to speak car or computer. Do NOT even suggest that I learn how to speak car or computer. I once dated someone who spoke fluent car and computer… I still break out in a cold sweat if I have to go into an auto parts store

  35. TrishD on 07 Apr 2010 at 10:16 am #

    Mike Rowe… he’s a big favorite where I work too!! Yummy!!

  36. B on 07 Apr 2010 at 10:28 am #

    I don’t think I speak anything fluent. Maybe grammar. Phonetics and Phonology. I don’t know.

    I still find myself speaking Law, even a year after having dropped out of Law School because I absolutely hated it. Go figure.

  37. Nicole Jordan on 07 Apr 2010 at 11:23 am #

    Too funny, Claudia. I speak Horse pretty well. And Writer. I used to be able to speak Manufacturing and Management, but I’ve probably lost those skills.

  38. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 11:33 am #

    B, it would be great to speak Law! So many uses.

  39. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 11:35 am #

    TrishD, my parents spoke extremely fluent baseball. They were true fans of the game and could quote statistics and players from the 1930s forward with ease. They would go watch the teams at spring training every year! Maybe I’ll pick it up in my retirement years—if I have any. :)

  40. Sabrina Jeffries on 07 Apr 2010 at 11:37 am #

    I speak SOME Computer, but not as much as my friend Carlota, which is I save all my questions for whenever she comes to visit. She speaks Car fluently (she races cars), but I speak even less Car than I do Computer. I speak Disability Services, because a) hubby used to work for Social Security and Disabilities Determination, and b) only son is autistic. So I know words like “perseveration” and “echolalia” that most people don’t know.

    I don’t speak Fashion or Salon very well, although Claudia is helping me with that. I speak Publishing very well, I think, and English Literature and History pretty well. Not too well-versed in House Decor, but I’m picking up a little. As for Construction, I was trying to describe shoe moldings yesterday for my agent, and I kept saying, “It’s ‘foot’ something–you know, it goes below the baseboards.” I finally had to ask our contractor (who is finishing up our floors) and when he said it was “shoe moldings,” I told my agent, “I knew it had SOMETHING to do with feet!”

    Hubby speaks fluent Construction and Car as well as Finance, which I don’t speak well AT ALL. Clearly I need more languages. Oh, I do speak Cooking very, VERY well. *G*

  41. Suzanne Enoch on 07 Apr 2010 at 11:57 am #

    Yay, Mike Rowe! I love “Dirty Jobs”.

    I speak Star Wars/scifi geek pretty fluently. I mean, I know the difference between adamantium and carbonite, and I a Greedo ‘95 orange is preferable to a Greedo ‘95 green.

  42. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 12:21 pm #

    Greedo…wow. Never heard of that! My language skills are so limited.

  43. elsiehogarth on 07 Apr 2010 at 12:24 pm #

    I just love Mike Rowe and his Dirty Jobs show. Don’t you just love his voice? I love construction talk especially when spoken by Mike Holmes on Holmes on Homes and Scott Macgillivray on Income Property.

    I can speak 2 things very well Auto Mechanic and Sports. My Dad is a retired Mechanical Engineer who loves cars. Every weekend, my Dad was always under a car doing all kinds of things to cars in our garage or on our drive way. I use to always “help” by handing him all his tools. I didn’t know much about Barbie but I knew a Phillips Screw driver, a wrench, how to change the oil on my car, how to change a tire etc.

    Our household has always been a Sports household. My favorties are: Football, soccer and basketball. Go Duke!!!!

  44. Karen Rose on 07 Apr 2010 at 12:47 pm #

    I speak death – all kinds of ways to kill somebody ;-) I also speak martial arts.

    Oh, and sign language. The real legit one, not just gestures at strangers while driving on the highway, altho’ I speak that language too. Just really small gestures as you never know which of the guys going 20 under the limit in the fast lane is packing a gun they don’t mind firing.

    Rachel, when you win a RITA, you should do your speech in pig latin. I double dog … no TRIPLE dog dare you.

  45. Deb Marlowe on 07 Apr 2010 at 1:10 pm #

    You’ve met him already, Claudia, and now that you know that, I’ll bet you can figure out which one!

    :-)

  46. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 2:11 pm #

    Elsie, I can’t remember when I didn’t know a Phillips screwdriver from the other kind. I was the “boy” in my household growing up. I wasn’t a tomboy, not at all, but I was the oldest child and I was the one who helped my parents do everything, their extra set of hands and feet.

  47. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 2:12 pm #

    DebM, but I want (I think) a first hand experience of someone speaking Klingon to me! Does he have forehead ridges? A simple prosthetic will do. :)

  48. Judy F on 07 Apr 2010 at 3:09 pm #

    You all are so talented.

    I speak Football pretty well. DWTS has helped me speak dancing LOL.

    I can speak medical insurance. You have to remember when talking to a patient then don’t always know what an EOB or EOMB is. (Explanation of benefits, Explanation of Medicare Benefits) And all the other letters.

    I speak highway sign language Karen. LOL

    I speak bookstore lingo. Its still with me though I haven’t worked in a bookstore in over a year.

  49. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 4:11 pm #

    LOL Judy. DWTS has added a whole new set of words to my vocabulary. I often talk now about people lacking “musicality.” Beware of lacking musicality!

  50. Karen Hawkins on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:46 pm #

    Claudia, I’m with you — if you don’t speak the language, at some point someone is going to look over your head at their fellow workman and smirk. You know you’re getting charged double when someone launches the smirk.

    Judy F, I wish I could speak Medical Insurance. That stuff baffles me. Them: “The doctor’s office didn’t file it as s 10223A. We can’t pay it unless they designate it as a 10224B.” Me: “So I should just tell them to file it as a 10223A?” Them: “No, they’ll need to file a 220998GW in order to amend the 10223A into a 10224B.”

    Me after a lengthy pause: “Oh.”

    I soooo don’t get that.

    I speak fluent Bargain Hunterese. Hot Cop doesn’t bargain. He goes in, he picks what he wants, and he writes the check. Me, I go in, a pick what I want, and then I start working my magic. We just got 30% off a major appliance purchase because of my Bargain Hunterese. YAY for us!

  51. Louisa Cornell on 07 Apr 2010 at 5:47 pm #

    I speak pretty good Car. My Dad was an air force jet engine mechanic and then an auto mechanic so it is hard for a mechanic to pull one over on me. They hate it when I go in and tell them what I think the problem is and I’m right. VBEG

    I do NOT speak computer very well at all. Thank God for my nephew and my critique partner. They both speak fluent computer and get me out of trouble more than I care to mention.

    I speak fluent dog and pretty good cat. My brothers are amazed at what I can get my dogs to do with just a few words or even just a look. My dogs know exactly what “Excuse me?” means. It means, stop what you are doing and sit your butt down you are in BIG trouble.

    As I was a vet tech for five years I also speak pretty good veterinarian. Handy when they start talking about what tests they are going to run or what they think might be wrong with one of my furry kids.

    I speak fluent opera, opera history and music, although when I apply music theory to popular music my niece and nephews’ eyes glaze over.

    I speak fluent bakery which my girls and I LOVE to use when one of the managers comes in to ask a question. They don’t give these poor saps any training!

  52. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:58 pm #

    Karen H, way to GO!! I’ve never heard of anyone getting a deal on a large appliance. You are the Queen!

  53. Claudia Dain on 07 Apr 2010 at 8:59 pm #

    Oh, my gosh, Louisa, speaking cat and dog is PROFOUND. You’re like Dr. Doolittle!

  54. KellyProellocks on 08 Apr 2010 at 3:08 am #

    I am fluent in cat, books (particularly romance), quilting and am becoming fluent in Psychology. Becoming fluent in psychology is handy especially since I am studying it at uni. I can also speak childcare and used to be able to speak fluent checkout chick but times change and so does the lingo.

  55. Kiki on 08 Apr 2010 at 6:23 pm #

    I’m sorry – are we supposed to comment on something other than how hot Mike Rowe is? Dirty or not? And that voice. hooboy. I bought a Ford. How could I not?

  56. Philip on 10 Apr 2010 at 1:39 pm #

    I speak Border Collie. The Border Collie also understands English, Spanish and hand signals.

  57. Angela on 10 Apr 2010 at 3:53 pm #

    I don’t speak “Armpit” but as a 7th grade Language Arts teacher, I am beginning to understand it…this is when the 7th graders try to answer a question I ask with their head down on the desk mumbling into their armpits.

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