Girl Talk
Nov 10th 2009
Madeline HunterGoddess Readers Speak Out & Madeline Hunter
Have you noticed that friendships have levels? There are friends you go to lunch with, and others you only see as half of a couple when you socialize with her and her husband. There are the ones you draw lines with, and others you 
would tell anything to.
I have some friends who know almost nothing about my history. They are recent, casual, and maybe not permanent. One never knows about that. It is possible those friendships will develop, and move to the next level.
Girl talk is needed to get it there. You know what I mean. Getting down. Admitting life isn’t perfect, that the kids aren’t all geniuses, that sometimes the dh drives you nuts. You have to have a bond to have real girl talk, and it is girl talk that makes the bond too.
Do you have a best friend? How long have you known her or him? Did you go through levels, or hit it off from the get go?
Are you cautious in making new friends, or have you always had a large group of girl buddies with whom you are close?
If you and your friends were the women in Sex in the City, which character would you be?
Do you have favorite girl fun things that you do with friends? Shopping? Get-aways?
60 Comments »
60 Responses to “Girl Talk”
B on 10 Nov 2009 at 4:05 am #
What a nice topic, Madeline. I was just talking about this yesterday.
You see, I’ve always had lots of friends. I mean, loads. I’ve had this group of 10 girls I hang out with since 6th grade. I’m seeing them tonight, in fact. They’re used to my moods and my beliefs, and the way I will only go out if it’s to a place I like (ha!). But we aren’t *close*. Out of these 10, there’s only a couple to whom I talk regularly nowadays. And, the truth is, I’ll rarely ever miss the others. There’s one of them who says I’m her “best friend”, but I’m always fast to emphasize this is so third grade, even because, these girls, they’re jealous of the friendships between each other. Try and go out with someone without calling someone else. There’s big drama. So, I’m not close. Not one of them knows what I go through every day. Not a single one.
But I’ve always talked a lot, to everyone, and I’m always the “go to” person, so, while I don’t talk to people about myself, they often talk to me. A couple of days doesn’t go by without someone coming to me with some problem they need comforting and advice on, and, believe, I’m more than pleased to help.
B on 10 Nov 2009 at 4:12 am #
I have a lot of friends I’ve gathered along the way, and I do love them, and consider them best friends, even if I don’t talk to them, because I’m not used to talking to anyone.
There’s a couple of girls I’ve been very close to in the past, there’s one in particular I absolutely adore and there are so many things that only *she* understands (like the importance of eating cake with whipped cream and how we have to watch every Jennifer Garner movie together for the rest of our lives). She’s in med school now, and we haven’t even seen Juno together. It’s been a while and I miss her. I love talking to her, and, once in a while, we have those two hour phone calls and it does my soul good. Funny thing, I’ve known her since we were in our mother’s bellies (my dad is best friends with her parents) but we didn’t become friends till we studied together when we were 16 and we got really close. I miss her to bits.
Only now I changed schools I’m getting the habit of talking to people. I was talking to a friend yesterday. I was actually crying my heart out and telling how much things have been hard lately, and I was telling her that I just never had the habit of *talking*. I always listened.
B on 10 Nov 2009 at 4:15 am #
I love watching tv shows and movies with my friends, and eating, of course. Though, I love doing these things anyway.
I guess I’m very independent from friends. I like them, but I can do without them just fine. On vacation I’ll rarely hang out with anyone but my family. I just never formed attachments. I’m weird. I do feel lonely, though.
Sex and the City, I’d probably be Samantha? I haven’t watched much of that show, but isn’t Samantha the one who says it as it is and won’t pat anyone’s head? That’s what I do anyway. Everyone knows I won’t tell them I’m so sorry they’re in this terrible relationship. I’ll tell them to either break it off or stop bitching about it. That it’s a decision they have to make and it they have to live with the consequences. Choices we make.
Sorry I extended myself so much. I’m lonely I guess, I take every opportunity to say things about myself most people don’t know
Trini on 10 Nov 2009 at 4:53 am #
I agree with you B, it’s a nice topic Madeline. I have 4 best friends, they are very important persons in my life and I love them very very much. Cris is my older friend, I met with her at the first year in High School (we were 14 years old and now we are 43) and since that moment we were inseparables. Then life, the work and the time separated us physically and we only met from time to time, but we are united by our souls and we know that always will be this way. My friend Paloma is one of the most wonderful persons I’ve ever know. She lives in Madrid and I live in La Coruna, we are separated for 600 kilometres, and we only meet once a year (more or less) but we spend hours at telephone. His life is not easy, but she always has a big smile for me and time to listening to me. We are friends since 1990 and we’ll be friends until the end of the times. Mariana y Bea, I met them 12 years ago, we worked together many years, I never had best co-workers and then best friends. Could you hear our laughter?, we can cry together, but we spend a lot of time laughing very loud. We meet every week and from time to time we spend together a weekend with two more wonderful friends and without men
Trini on 10 Nov 2009 at 5:16 am #
I have many other friends in different levels, but Cris, Paloma, Mariana y Bea are like my family and always be this way. I’m lucky because my sisters (Marta y Carolina) are my friends too and my husband is my best friend too… well, sometimes I could “drown” him… but only sometimes, the most of the time he is a wonderful man. We are happy together since 1985 and he is my refuge and my force.
God, I think I’m being too sentimental…
Anyway, if I have to choose a woman in Sex and the City, I suposse I’ll be Carrie. I have two Charlotte: my friend Bea and mainly my sister Marta (she is totally Charlotte). Two Samantha: Mariana and my sister Carolina (unfortunately for them in a lower level) and two Miranda: Cris y Paloma, but they are a mixed between Miranda and Carrie really… So, when we are together we are very dangerous….
Deborah on 10 Nov 2009 at 5:51 am #
This IS a nice topic but it makes me sad. I don’t have a best friend, I never really had many friends growing up or in my 20’s, 30’s etc. so I don’t have anyone to have “girl talk” with, only casual friends. I really feel I’ve missed out on a lot as a result. Plus it’s kind of hard to make new friends when you’re 42….
Oh man, who said it was “therapy hour” .. sorry for offloading….
Trini on 10 Nov 2009 at 6:44 am #
Hi Debora, if you need a “therapy hour” for offloading I think you can do it. To laugh, to cry, to read or to blog are a good therapy to raise the spirit. Always it’s hard to make a new friends, it doesn’t matter the age, but it’s not impossible. Who knows?, you can find your best friend in any moment. In Spain we have a “proverb” and it says something like that: “it’s never behind schedule if the happiness is good”….
Kim on 10 Nov 2009 at 6:52 am #
I’ve never had a lot of Friends, capital “F.” But I’ve been lucky enough to have had a few through my life, at various stages. I’m quite introverted and don’t trust people easily, so while I’m not shy, I won’t share myself until I feel safe with someone, which can take a long time. Sharing via cyber space is different; no one knows who is on the other end of the keyboard and the distance definitely is safe, emotionally.
Also, I don’t consider casual relationships to be real friendships. They have their place, but my mom always said a true friend is someone who will fly to the ends of the earth if you need them. Defined that way, we’re lucky if we find just one or two in our whole lives.
My best friend, other than my fur companions, has been in my life since I was 19 and she was 21, both taking the same college program. We don’t live close geographically, more’s the pity, as she currently is going through a divorce after 18 years of marriage and needs the support. She saw me through mine some years ago, though; now I’ll see her through hers.
BTW, I’ve been blessed to have two absolutely fantastic female co-workers, both of whom have seen me through some very tough times.
LoriHandeland on 10 Nov 2009 at 7:02 am #
I have a best friend from high school. We’ve been friends since we were 15. Hit it off right away. Only see each other maybe once or twice a year but when we get together it’s like we haven’t been apart.
I’m usually cautious in making new friends. I have several groups of friends–writer friends, mom friends etc
I like having lunch with friends or girls nights at someone’s house where we drink wine and talk.
If I were one of the S and the C girls I’d want to be Carrie just for the clothes and the shoes. But I’d never have given Aiden up for Mr. Big.
Cail on 10 Nov 2009 at 7:02 am #
I was lucky growing up that we never moved, and as a result, many of my closest friends i’ve known since pre school or elementary school. My DH has also been one of my best friends since I was 14. I have different best friends who I rely on for different things. Some are good when you need to be bullied into things, others are good when you need a good cry and commiseration.
since we moved, i’ve got two really good female friends out here. with one i do school work, cook, shop and hang out with our DHs, the other comes over for girl time, though sometimes we include my DH who she went to school with.
Pesky on 10 Nov 2009 at 7:47 am #
I have friends I’ve known for over 30 years and friends that are fairly new. I do have a best friend, I don’t see her enough.
I open myself up to friendship, it’s a gift someone is offering you so I accept it like I accept gifts from anyone I don’t know very well. I’m cautious, open the package carefully, and if theres a snake in the box I slam the lid and say “Thank you very much. It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.” and then I go.
I wouldn’t be any of the Sex In The City characters, they all grate on my nerves. If I was a TV Character as far a friendship goes I’d be Jareau in Criminal Minds.
We tend to hang as a group, but when my friendls get together without the guys we go get our girl on. Mani’s, pedi’s, shopping.
Amy Scott on 10 Nov 2009 at 7:56 am #
I have 3 girls that I would call my best friends. One I have literally grown up with, our mothers have been best friends since they were kids, and we grew up being best friends as well. Then I have a my best friend from high school, we have been best friends for 14 years. Then there is a girl I met while working about 10 years ago, we hit it off and have been friends ever since. I consider all of these girls best friends, and I would tell them anything. They know all my secrets. I am the type that would rather have a few close friends then a bunch of casual friends. Although, I don’t live close to any of my girls, we talk on the phone all the time, and get together when life permits.
I must admit, I have never watched an episode of Sex in the City, so I don’t know which character I would be.
nancyg on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:01 am #
I’ve had a best friend since high school. Started out as acquaintances, hanging out in a group, but really “clicked” when we lived in the same dorm freshman year of college. Been “together” since then – she’s been through all the late teen/early 20’s “growing pains” & knows where the skeletons are buried. Now that we have families, only see each other once every 3 months, but talk on the phone at least once a week… we’ve been on vacation together, just the 2 of us – as Styx would say “the best of times”…
I’ve always been the type who had more guy friends than women friends. I love sports, play golf, Texas Hold ‘Em, etc. I’m not one to trust people or “let them in” – my close friends are those I’ve had for 10+ yrs.
I have a women’s weekly morning golf group that I play with. Nice people, but older, so not much in common.
Monthly neighborhood bunko group. We gossip about what’s going on at the schools, kids, husbands, but no confidences revealed.
Mr. G & I have 2 other couples here in the ‘hood we’re very close to – even the HUSBANDS are friends! – have monthly dinner/poker nights, sporting events, concerts, our girls are all the same age & go to school together…
Madeline Hunter on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:17 am #
B–people need friends and it is harder to find them as we get older. It takes work sometimes, which sounds odd but people just get a bit more insular as time goes by. I am glad that you were able to share with us.
Trini—it sounds like you have wonderful friends. I am a little envious! And what a nice proverb.
Deborah—I didn’t mean to make you sad!
Kim–I am cautious too, so it takes me a while to form a strong friendship. My dh, on the other hand, is the king of friendships and has friends from when he was a kid still.
Lori–you sound like me. I like getting out with the girls, and don’t do it enough, tho. An evening of gabbing over wine sounds good to me right now.
Madeline Hunter on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:19 am #
Cail, when I was growing up we did not move, but the people around us often did, so I had to learn to make friends pretty early and know they might not be “forever.” I did have a few other girls near me who also did not move and they became the long time, closest friends.
Deborah on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:29 am #
Madeline, delete sad – insert “feeling sorry for myself”…. I’m sure we’ve all had those kind of days !
Deborah on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:29 am #
Madeline, delete sad – insert “feeling sorry for myself”…. I’m sure we’ve all had those kind of days !
Rachel Gibson on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:36 am #
I have casual friends and a few deep friendships. My best friend from high school died ten years ago this month and I still miss her a lot.
If I were any of the girls from Sex In The City, I would have to be Charlotte. My friend Jill would be Samantha.
Karen Rose on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:37 am #
I have 2 best girl friends. (I say that, because I consider my husband my best friend, too).
One I met in high school. We do the eye roll when we realize we’ve known each other for 30 years. (Oh lord, now it’s 31!) She is in many ways opposite, but in many ways the same. We don’t always agree, but we respect each others’ wisdom and intellect and heart, and that makes respecting each others’ opinions so very easy. In 30 years, we’ve been through one hell of a lot and we’re still there for each other, thick and thin.
My other best friend I met through RWA. We just hit our 10 year anniversary. She has also been there for me, thick and thin.
I love them both. I trust them implicitly. I have many, many female friends, but only a few “best friends,” and how thankful I am for them!
Thanks, Madeline. It’s been too long since I stopped to think about how blessed I am.
Karen Rose on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:39 am #
Oh no! If I admit I’ve never seen Sex in the City and don’t know who any of the characters are, will y’all boo me off the Mount?
Freshechelle on 10 Nov 2009 at 8:42 am #
My BFF and I met in 8th grade, so I guess we’re nearing the 30 yr anniversary. We don’t talk or see each other often which is why it works, I need low maintenance friends.
Deborah, I’m the same age as you and when I recently moved alone to a new city, I too thought it’d be hard to make friends after 30. I was thrilled to be wrong. An acquaintance came to town, introduced me to her friend here and I lucked out… she had a great circle of friends that instantly made me part of their group. She recently had to move away but she turned her group over to my care. An easy way to make friends is to find a book group. They usually are always looking for people to keep it going and I’ve never been in one where we actually talk about the book for more than 10 minutes. I invited myself into the one I’m in now.
I once had a high maintenance friend break up with me. It was the most liberating experience.
Julia London on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:08 am #
I have a lot of friends. But women I would tell anything to? Just my sisters. But I am a pretty open person, I think. Like when I go to bookclub with women I only see once a month, I have no qualms about announcing my husband is driving me nuts that day, or the CPE. That’s so universal that everyone can relate.
Alicia on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:19 am #
I have three SUPER friends that I would do anything for. One I’ve known since I was in the 6th grade (16 years ago). We HATED each other at first. Then we joined forces against some other girl on the playground, and we’ve been besties ever since! This is the girlfriend that I can lay my head in her lap and she plays with my hair while I tell her all of my problems. We hug and kiss bye. We don’t mind being in the same room while the other is getting dressed or vice versa. We are COMPLETELY comfortable with each other. Like sisters, pretty much.
My next long-time BFF is different. She and I were around each other as babies, but didn’t become good friends until Junior High. We’ve been besties ever since, but at arms length. We can talk about ANYTHING, sex details, etc. But, say we were sitting on a small couch and some people might prop their feet in the other person’s lap……not us. Why? I have no idea. We just aren’t like that with each other. Love her though, and she just moved two states away!
Makes for some good phones calls though!
My third has only been my friend for about 6 years. She is A LOT younger than I am. She’s become a younger sister to me.
Sabrina Jeffries on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:24 am #
I’ve always made friends easily, but I never found really close, lasting friends until I became a writer. Now I have more friends than I can count! When you realize that you’re different from other people for a reason (i.e., you’re a writer in your head), it changes your life.
Now I have conference friends (people I tend only to get to talk to at conference), online friends (ones I’m chummy with through e-mail), chapter friends (ones I hang out with once a month), and my close writer friends, who are the ones I call when things are going rough OR well. The latter I like to go shopping with or to lunch or dinner. My critique partner in New Orleans, Rexanne Becnel, is probably my oldest friend–she and I have been together for 22 years–but I don’t get to see her often. My other close friends are here, and I adore them all.
Then I have two friends who I met while writing at the coffee house. One of them isn’t a writer, but the other one is, though she doesn’t write romance. I do lunch and shopping with them, too, and I’m very close to them. The non-writer moved away, though, which is hard. The writer friend and I do spend some time together–she’s younger than I (MUCH younger)…
Sabrina Jeffries on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:26 am #
And that has been good for me. Keeps me young. *G*
I’ll second Fresh’s suggestion of going to a book club to find friends. I have some friends at the local book club, and we do some fun things, which I enjoy.
As for Sex and the City, which I love, I guess I’m Charlotte. I WANT to be Samantha, but I’m really Charlotte.
Sabrina Jeffries on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:29 am #
Oh, I should mention that I also have work friends–my agent and my publicist, for example. I’m close to both of them. I have a tendency to be open about most things, so like Julia, I’ll tell plenty of people when my hubby or son are driving me nuts.
Susan M on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:29 am #
Hi everyone. I’ve been MIA for a while.
I don’t have a ton of friends. I have a handful of casual work friends. We talk at work but don’t really hang out outside of work. I do have one work friend, though, who is ‘my besest work friend’. I had worked here for about 6 months when we started talking. Since then we talk everyday (have even gotten in trouble for talking too much).
I have ‘my besest friend’ who I have known for almost 20 years. We sat together on the school bus in middle school and have been close ever since. She has always been there for me. (Proving that once again this week when I lost my 2nd pregnancy.)
Then I have 2 other friends who are also like best friends. We don’t talk as much as I talk to the other 2 but they are still there. One of them is my fellow Twi-hard and we are going to the midnight showing of New Moon.
Deborah on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:36 am #
Great idea about the book club Fresechelle (and Sabrina) thank you. I am an avid reader and it just might lead to friendship. I will certainly check it out, what have I got to lose
nancyg on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:39 am #
Susan M – sorry to hear about your baby – big hugs coming your way!!
Freedom Writer on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:54 am #
Susan I’m sorry to hear about you baby. I know how hard multiple miscarriages can be, I had 3. But I also have 4 healthy children as well. Good luck in the future.
I have one bf. We met in a writer’s group about 5 years ago. I seem to make easy friends, but few who stick. I have also made some wonderful online friends like Kim, Kay, Julia and many of the goddesses here on TGB.
Gibb on 10 Nov 2009 at 10:01 am #
Susan – I’m sorry for your loss – I’ve been there before and I understand your sadness.
As for friends, I have one close girlfriend but I still don’t tell her everything. Just certain things. I have other friends but they don’t know I read romances let alone am trying to write one(one with love/sex scenes – gasp). They’re very nice and VERY religious so I’m not sure of their take.
I’ve been surrounded by boys all my life 2 brothers, lots of male cousins, husband has 2 brothers so I’m not always sure how to interact with girls. The cattiness is draining – at least that’s what I remember – or maybe those were just a particular group of girls and it burned me from trying more.
Male relationships are easier to me. My husband IS my best friend and my oldest little brother is a close second. The best part of that relationship is he’s gay and sometimes it feels like having a sister. For me it’s like a two-fer. He’s a guy who is a techno genius, can help lift heavy objects after some moderate begging, protective of me and my kids yet we can dish about hot guys, watch romances and cook together. Yep, I love my brother.
Deborah on 10 Nov 2009 at 10:13 am #
Would just like to add my sympathies to Susan M.
Julia London on 10 Nov 2009 at 10:21 am #
Susan M, I am so sorry.
B on 10 Nov 2009 at 10:43 am #
Susan M, I’m so truly sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine these things, so, I never know what to say. I hope you can find some comfort
I came back here just to read everyone’s answers on the subject. Aww, it’s cute! I’m happy so many of you have good friends fro a long time.
Julia, I would *love* to have sisters I can talk to. Really, when I write, there’s always sisters playing a major part. You’re lucky!
Deborah, I feel sorry for myself, too. I hate it, but I do. I guess it’s because I put on a mask every day, a happy, bubbly, colorful mask. And I truly believe that if people knew how I really am, how I really feel about the world, no one would like me. But, then, I found out yesterday there’s this girl who doesn’t like me because I’m “too happy”. I’ve been in and out of a really dark hole for the last five years. I guess I’m glad people buy my act.
Freshechelle on 10 Nov 2009 at 10:46 am #
Susan, my sympathies. I wish there were words that could give you comfort.
B on 10 Nov 2009 at 10:46 am #
ps: the
is too happy. I was going for a comforting smile. Anyway, it’s the thought that count.
pps: I don’t know *why* people like me. My friend called me a bit ago and I just snapped at her for calling while I was sleeping. I did call later to apologize, but I should be prohibited to being close to other humans when I’m in such a nasty mood.
ppps: I’m feeling sick and I want to go to class because I want to see my friends — things ARE changing. I’m glad!
Karen Hawkins on 10 Nov 2009 at 11:13 am #
Susan M, I’m so sorry! Sending HUGE hugs your way. I know how difficult that is and I’m glad to hear that you have some good people around to help you out.
I have more friends from the writing world than else – some of them I feel VERY close to even though I don’t see them often. I also have a few friends locally that I’m getting closer to, although I’ve been working so many hours lately, that I haven’t made it to many gatherings.
I need to start. Friendships take work and if you don’t give them enough attention, they die, just like a houseplant.
Oh, and because of facebook, I’ve reconnected with some of my friends in high school, and that’s been lovely.
As for Sex in the City, I don’t/didn’t watch it, so I’m with Karen Rose here hoping I don’t get booed off the Mount. It just never ’spoke’ to me.
Madeline Hunter on 10 Nov 2009 at 11:13 am #
Susan, I am sorry about your loss. I know it is hard.
Madeline Hunter on 10 Nov 2009 at 11:18 am #
Pesky, you sound like you have really fun girl time.
I know a number of women who go on trips with their friends (no husbands or kids). It always sounds wonderful. But I’d settle for a day of pedis and a nice lunch.
freschelle, you made me realize that my closest friends are ones I don’t see every day or every week. Yet when I do see them, it is like we haven’t been apart. I wonder if a friend has to be made when one is really young for that.
Gib, male relationships are often easier for me too, but I can’t really tell all to a guy. There is a line there (an I don’t want to sound stupid and I doubt you will understand line, I think. Or maybe an intimacy line, like I would feel funny telling a guy friend something I haven’t told my husband, but with a girl friend that is different)
Amy Scott on 10 Nov 2009 at 11:28 am #
Susan M, I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is a tough thing to go through, it’s nice that you have such a great friend to lean on.
I never thought to include my sister when I was thinking of best friends. We are 5 years apart and never got along when we were younger. It wasn’t until we were in our 20’s that we actually connected in a friendship way. Now we talk nearly everyday. I don’t share absolutley everything with her, but I guess I would consider her one of my best friends. I guess that being said I could add my mom to the list.
Claudia Dain on 10 Nov 2009 at 11:32 am #
SusanM, we’ve missed you! I’m so sorry about your baby. Hang around here and let us love on you, okay?
I do have a female best friend; we met about 20 years ago and didn’t magically connect right from the start, but our friendship grew deeper and deeper, and still does! She is the female version of my soul mate, though we seem nothing alike on the surface. Her daughter stayed at our house for a week and at the beginning of the week wondered how her mom and I could be so close. By the end of the week she said her mom and I were Just Alike! We think alike. We feel things the same way. We finish each other sentences. She lives a few states away, but that doesn’t lessen our bond.
I have a quite few best, really close friends. I guess I could rank them, but that doesn’t seem very nice.
But you know, I hadn’t realized how many good friends I have until you asked. Thank you! I’m pretty blessed in my friendships.
I’ve never seen S&the C either! Who am I? No clue.
Madeline, it’s so true. It’s harder to make friends as you get older. The walls go up. You don’t know if you want to put in the effort and have it go nowhere. It makes me treasure my old friends all the more.
Michelle B on 10 Nov 2009 at 11:34 am #
I have a good friend from High School who has been a good friend for 34 years. We don’t live in the same state, or talk on the phone much. We might see each other every couple of years. But when we do see or talk to each other it’s the warmest feeling. I love to shop with her, she is a bargain magnet.
Having just spent the last 22 years with the military life and moving every two years I can can say that making friends is easy. It happens pretty fast because we are all in the same boat. Now keeping them once you move on is a lot tougher. Some people just aren’t good at keeping in touch. I have one I met 22 years ago. We are Godparents for each others kids. She took me to my first makeup counter and has incredible taste in everything. We can talk forever! Thank goodness for cheap call plans. 20 years ago it cost a lot more to have a phone conversation long distance.
Best friend? I trust everyone until you give me a reason not to. DH is probably my true best friend, however, he isn’t a girl and there is a real difference. Girly time is the best, especially with my DD’s. I love to go out to lunch and chat away the afternoon. Sex & The City: I am so Charlotte.
Kim on 10 Nov 2009 at 12:19 pm #
SusanM: I’m sending you Light (positive healing energy), and wishing you Blessings and Peace.
And for the record, I’ve never seen Sex in the City, either. Glad I’m not alone in that!
I have found that people can travel with you for a while on your Journey–they come into your life when you have a deep need or when you need to learn something in particular. And when that time is passed in your life, often you drift apart. That in no way diminishes the friendship and love you’ve shared, it just means you (or you both) have grown in different directions. The same can be said for many spousal relationships as well.
A number of years ago I reconnected with one of my two best elementary/junior high school friends (she had tracked me down). Truthfully, I found I didn’t like her as an adult, but that didn’t spoil my precious memories of our childhood friendship.
I really believe it’s rare to travel one’s entire life Journey with the same friends/spouses. Most of the time we grow and change and move along different paths. That, at least, has been my experience.
Freshechelle on 10 Nov 2009 at 12:26 pm #
Madeline, I have 3 close friends who were met in my teens, 20s and 30s respectively and with each one I have the long distance, low maintenance relationship. So I don’t think it’s a youth thing. You’re right, when I see them, it feels like we just saw each other even if it’s actually been a year.
How about those friendships which are the result of a mutual friend and that common link has become the peripheral member of the friendship? I’ve got a couple of those.
Madeline Hunter on 10 Nov 2009 at 12:48 pm #
Lots of you seem to have old, long term friends and I do too. A couple of weeks ago I met up with a friend I made twenty years ago. We used to live near each other until I moved away, and now maybe we see each other every year or so. But the friendship is still deep. However, like freschelle calls it, low maintinance.
Madeline Hunter on 10 Nov 2009 at 12:49 pm #
Tomorrow I am going out to do girl stuff with one of my best friends in this area. She keeps me sane and forces me to have a life, for which I am grateful.
Gwynlyn MacKenzie on 10 Nov 2009 at 1:15 pm #
I have few people I consider friends. Most I’ve known a long time. One I’ve known since fourth grade and she spoke no English at the time. We grew together. There are few secrets.
Another friend is courtesy of our days in the Navy. I rarely see her now, but we married two days apart in the same year, and our children are close in age (although she didn’t stop as soon as I did!) When we talk, it’s like we saw each other yesterday.
And then there is the friend I made when my son was dating her daughter. The kids went their separate ways, but we are “best buds.” My gang knows, if you can’t get Mom, call Mrs. V. We shop together when time allows, and I know her so well, most of what is in her closet these days is chosen by me—right down to the shoes.
My CP is my newest friend. I met her son first. He’s about the same age as my boy, but he was so indignant that his mom had won the GH but couldn’t sell. Nice kids usually mean nice parents. I’m so grateful for that bit serendipity. Lots of changes as a result.
I have “conference buds” I love dearly, but these aren’t the ones I call when stressed or need a shoulder. They encourage and renew. I need them.
Tiffany James on 10 Nov 2009 at 1:47 pm #
Madeline ~ Enjoyed your post today! My BF and I hit it off right away (that doesn’t happen often for me, though). We’re both busy with careers and kids, but when we get on the phone or get together we jump into girl talk like it’s only been a day or two! That’s the best!
Tiffany James
Madeline Hunter on 10 Nov 2009 at 1:57 pm #
Julia, I was wondering how many would say their sisters were their best friends, the kind you could tell anything to. I count mine that way, but I have a few others too.
Karen H—They do take work. I have been realizing recently that I have not been holding up my end too, and need to give friendships more attention.
Today I saw an old friend. Since she left our place of work, I do not see her much anymore. It is a friendship that is always there, just not always present now. It was good to see her.
Karen H—the only old friends that I have reconnected with due to social networking have been guys! Maybe the women are too busy?
evlqn on 10 Nov 2009 at 2:19 pm #
Susan I am so sorry, huge hugs. I know it hurts, been there a couple of times myself. Just know we all care about you.
My bestest, best friend in the world is my sister. We have others that are friends but she is the one that is always there. I don’t know what I would do without her to talk to and do things with. Right now she’s painting light bulbs for Christmas and they are cute as anything!
I am pretty self-contained so if I don’t hang out with others I’m good. I have her, my family and you guys so what more do I need?
Trini on 10 Nov 2009 at 2:29 pm #
Susan I feel so sorry about your loss. I had two miscarriages, so I understand you very well… I send you a lot of hugs and positive vibrations.
Paula on 10 Nov 2009 at 2:44 pm #
First off Susan M {{{{{big hugs}}}}} and thoughts and prayers coming your way.
I have several best friends ranging in length of friendship from 3 years through to gasp! 31 years.
The friend that I have known for three years is fighting secondary breast cancer and has been told it is terminal but is having chemo to try and slow it down.
I am cautious as I tend to be shy and it takes a long time nowadays for me to trust people. I have a small circle of closse friends each is special ion her own way and htere are some things that I would tell one but maybe not the others.
I am going to have to join the Never seen Sex in the City group, please don’t kick me off Mt Oly.
I do various things with different friends, one friend and I like to chill out and go and have afternoon tea at a local hotel. We have hand made and cut sandwiches with no crusts and cream cakes it is very decadent and sinful but a lovely way to have some down time for us girls.
Another friend and I like to go shopping and others we just like to meet up and catch up over coffee.
Gwynlyn MacKenzie on 10 Nov 2009 at 3:04 pm #
Meant to finish, but after hitting submit, had to put out a wee dh ‘fire’ first.
The ‘conference buds’ are the well from which I draw when the bucket of creativity or hope seems dry. They understand, encourage, and share so this insular life doesn’t feel so lonely. They “get it” where my other friends, although encouraging, don’t. And they are always willing to share their trials and the lessons they’ve learned.
Some of them also give pointers on “The Dreaded Synopsis”, my current hurdle, but this time, I have a bit more guidance courtesy of a ‘conference bud’ to which I am adhering like Crazy Glue. Once I have it down (Please God, in the next day or two,) gotta spew the rest of the story, but doing this now is helping.
Friends touch us in so many different ways, come in such vast variety, and for different reasons. Each is a unique blessing.
Nicole Jordan on 10 Nov 2009 at 4:23 pm #
Love this blog, Madeline!
Like others here, I have a few friends who are my sisters in name if not blood. And I have a few more that I’m becoming close to since moving to Utah 11 years ago.
I would definitely be Charlotte…. professional workaholic!
Paula et al, you’ll never be kicked off Mt Oly for not seeing S&TC, lol. Our diversity is what makes this group great.
Oh, and I lost a dear, dear sister friend 3 years ago. Hugs to all of you who’ve experienced that awful pain.
Lisa G on 10 Nov 2009 at 4:51 pm #
Hi! I really don’t have a best friend either. I missed out on all those thing that girls talk about together. I hated that. I had two sister but we weren’t that close when we younger. I truly missed out and wished I had a best friend to sure my secrets with.
Judy F on 10 Nov 2009 at 6:53 pm #
Susan M. So sorry for your loss. Glad you have great friends to help you.
My best friend Ann I have known since I was 14. We hung out a lot in highschool and have gotten closer over the years. I don’t know what I would do without her sometimes. She is such a steady force for me. Karen Ro its been 35 years for me with Ann.
I have a small group of close friends that I have met through author email loops. Some of become very dear friends. Like Ann I count them as sisters.
We get together a couple of times a year in person and its like we never were apart.
I think I am very cautious with meeting new people. (see yesterday’s introvert) It takes me a while to warm up to people.
Sorry I am in the never seen Sex in the city either.
Tina on 10 Nov 2009 at 7:28 pm #
I met Lisa on the school bus in 9th grade.
I never had a class with her, but by senior year we were sharing a locker.
I don’t have many friends.
I’ve only seen snippets of SITC and do not know enough about the characters to make a guess.
The only “Girl” things I have ever done are lunch and shopping, but the shopping was for souviners.
Lisa, Joy and I would wonder around town. I drove and they rarely had an idea of what to do.
At the intersection I’d ask: left, right or straight and 90% of the time neither would know and I’d make the decision based on the light being green or on-coming traffic.
Sometimes we went to a movie or to a cheap restaurant.
Tina on 10 Nov 2009 at 7:31 pm #
PS, Joy was Lisa’s best friend in elementary school, I also met her on the bus.
Lisa and I went on vacation together in 2002; she invited her husband along.
She has been working for my parents since May 2006.
Santa on 10 Nov 2009 at 9:41 pm #
I have a best friend who I’ve known for more years then either one of us would like to count. We only live half an hour away from each other but only seem to manage to get together every few months but when we do the years slip away and we’re 11 again. We’ve been through alot together and I’d be hard pressed to find a fiercer ally.
My other best friend is my college roommate. I only had to say I need you when my brother passed away and she drove up from Maryland six hours later. I’d do the same for her in a heartbeat.
Unique to my world are the friends I’ve made via cyberspace and the romance community. I consider my CP a friend for life even before I met her. And your lovely handmaiden here is a manic treasure to me. There are so many more to mention here but it is a gift to share such a passionate interest with so many like minded women. I value the advice, guidance, inspiration and friendship so many authors have given me.
Patricia Barraclough on 10 Nov 2009 at 11:24 pm #
Have never made friends easily. I do have 2 very good friend from high school. I see one about once a year and it is just like we were never apart. She is my best friend, but started out disliking me at first sight. First impressions can be so wrong. Instead of seeing the shy person I was, she saw someone too stuck up to talk to anyone. We had our 45th high school reunion this past summer and an Air Force reunion in Oct. It was interesting seeing how the relationships we had years ago are still there and really haven’t changed much. The AF group is close knot and for all of us it is like we haven’t been apart at all.