Snappy One Liners
Nov 3rd 2009
LoriHandelandLori Handeland & On Writing! & romance novels
Whether it be from books, TV shows, movies or real life, I love a good one liner–one line that either sums up the entire experience of what has been read or seen or one line that you keep repeating afterward because it’s just so darn good.
To celebrate the release of APOCALYPSE HAPPENS, Book #3 in my urban fantasy series The Phoenix Chronicles, in bookstores TODAY I decided to have a little one liner quiz/contest.
Tell me what movie, show or book the following are from. Send your answers to me at LHANDEL120 @ aol.com (no spaces) with “AH contest” in the subject line. I’ll draw a winner at random tomorrow to receive an autographed copy of APOCALYPSE HAPPENS.
1. Never tell me the odds.
2. Take me to bed or lose me forever.
3. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
4. We were on a break.
5. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to.
And just to stay with the theme, here’s my favorite one liner from Apocalypse Happens.
“It’s all fun and games until the apocalypse shows up.” Liz Phoenix
If you like snappy one liners, Liz is your girl. Run out and get your copy of APOCALYPSE HAPPENS ASAP!
Do you enjoy clever one liners? What are some of your favorites?
(I’ll post the quiz answers tonight.)
52 Comments »
52 Responses to “Snappy One Liners”
Sheila on 03 Nov 2009 at 3:57 am #
‘Were you born a bitch or have you been practising?’
Can’t remember what book it’s from.
Sheila
Deb Marlowe on 03 Nov 2009 at 7:32 am #
Hooray! Liz Phoenix is back–kicking butt and saving the world! Many congrats on the new release, Lori!
I know most of those lines, but several have got me stumped.
I’m sorry I can’t think of any of my faves–I know I have them, but I’m still in recovery mode from turning in the latest book. I’m good for nothing right now!
Claudia Dain on 03 Nov 2009 at 7:36 am #
I only know one from your list!! I feel so stupid.
I love, love, love snappy one-liners. My favorite one-liner from HOW TO DAZZLE A DUKE: “My mystery is not little.”
nancyg on 03 Nov 2009 at 8:04 am #
I LOVE one-liners!!
You had me at hello.
Are you talking to me?
Say hello to my little friend…
Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
Go ahead, make my day.
I’ll have what she’s having.
There’s no crying in baseball!
The Princess Bride:
When I was your age, television was called books.
I do not think it means what you think it means.
I’m not a witch, I’m your wife!
Monty Python:
And now for something completely different…
I’m not dead yet!
I don’t like Spam!!
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt:
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
The only man who makes no mistakes is the man who never does anything.
Do not be afraid of mistakes, providing you do not make the same one twice.
Pesky on 03 Nov 2009 at 10:23 am #
1. A dame who knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.
2. A hard man is good to find.
3. All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
4. Between two evils I always choose the one I haven’t done before.
5. Don’t marry a man to reform him, that’s what reform schools are for.
6. Every man I meet wants to protect me, I cant figure out what from.
7. I generally avoid temptation, unless I can’t resist it.
8. I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
9. When women go wrong, men go right after them.
10. When I’m good I’m very very good, but when I’m bad I’m better.
It was just the self confidence with which she said and did everything. By today’s standards she would have never have made Hollywood. That would have been a loss.
Suzanne Enoch on 03 Nov 2009 at 10:35 am #
“Yep, that’s us. Big damn heroes.” – Firefly
LoriHandeland on 03 Nov 2009 at 10:53 am #
That sounds familiar, Sheila but I don’t know where it’s from either.
Understandable, Deb. I was the same way last week.
Classic, Claudia!
Those are great ones, Nancy. Princess Bride is the BEST!!
Mae West was quite the character. Wish we had someone as clever around now.
Firefly!!!!!
Claudia Dain on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:00 am #
NancyG, my gosh! What a memory you have! I love your list of one-liners.
Claudia Dain on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:03 am #
Mae West is MY FAVORITE!!! Pesky, you nailed it; it wasn’t just her words, but the way she delivered them. Her zings were said with such a twinkle, such a sense of fun.
TrishD on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:06 am #
I love one liners. I’m never quick enough to come up with a snappy one when needed, that usually happens when I’m laying in bed.
freshechelle on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:11 am #
Both of these are often used and both are from work stories from others:
from my dad who worked for Drakes Cakes (Yodel, Ring Dings, etc.):
“They’re all round. They all have cream in the middle.”
from a colleague who regretted answering the receptionist’s phone:
“and he was delighted because I was just the fool he’d been looking for.”
freshechelle on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:14 am #
and my personal favorite, first used by me when the Mets gave up their first run at my first World Series game:
“Get your coat. We’re going.”
This one gets a lot of mileage.
LoriHandeland on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:19 am #
Same thing always happens to me, Trish. I can think of them on paper. In real life, not so much.
Snort, Fresh. Your Mets one line sounds like me. I was the same way at the Packer game on Sunday.
freshechelle on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:19 am #
Sheila’s line – don’t know the source but there’s a similar in a Peter Mayle novel (the year in provence dude). The protagonist says to an icy receptionist “Are you naturally a bitch or did you have to get special training? ” or something to that effect. I remember bursting out loud on the bus when I read it.
Lisa G on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:27 am #
I have two lines I like- Julia Roberts, of course…
My Favorite is- “I want the fairytale” – Pretty Woman “Don’t Forget. I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy…asking him to love her.” Notting Hill
Sabrina Jeffries on 03 Nov 2009 at 11:34 am #
I only know one, #4! How out of touch am I?
I’m drawing a blank right now on any snappy one-liners (which is crazy, because I know lots!), but I’ll be b-a-a-c-k! (Oh, wait, there’s one
)
freshechelle on 03 Nov 2009 at 12:21 pm #
Lori, I can’t believe you were at that game – that’s so cool. Lambeau Field was the eye of the storm this w/e even if you’re not into football. Hope you let him have it even if his team did win.
Michelle B on 03 Nov 2009 at 12:33 pm #
Just saw this one in a preview of a movie last week. Two women talking and one says, ” The only relationship I’ve had lately is with my Blackberry, thank God it vibrates”. DD #2 and I laughed so hard! I about choked on popcorn.
Jackie B in Cental TX on 03 Nov 2009 at 12:42 pm #
Good Day Lori, my favorite one liners out of many are #1 from “Moonlighting” Cher to Nicolas Cage “Snap Out Of It”
#2 is from “The Wizard Of Oz” Dorothy to Toto “I Don’t Think We Are In Kansas Anymore”
This is a neat contest and sent in my answers to you, got them all I’m pretty sure…
Yeah AH out and more to come……
GSM on 03 Nov 2009 at 12:46 pm #
I love one liners. Some of my favorites:
Tell me, how did you find America? Turn left at Greenland. (A Hard Day’s Night)
I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way. (Who Framed Roger Rabbit)
I love the smell of napalm in the morning. (Apocalypse Now)
What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate. (Cool Hand Luke)
I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore. (Network)
I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. (A Streetcare Named Desire)
I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse. (The Godfather)
Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. (Wizard of Oz)
Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night. (All About Eve)
After all, tomorrow is another day! (Gone With the Wind)
Here’s looking at you, kid. (Casablanca)
Round up the usual suspects. (Casablanca)
We’ll always have Paris. (Casablanca)
LoriHandeland on 03 Nov 2009 at 12:47 pm #
I want the fairy tale, too, Lisa!
The game was surreal, Fresh. Never heard so many boos at Lambeau.
Snort, Michelle. Good one.
Another one I love from Moonlighting is when the Grampa says, “I’m so confused.” Hysterical.
freshechelle on 03 Nov 2009 at 1:06 pm #
Another Moonlighting favorite “give that dog anymore of my food, old man and I’ll kick ya till ya dead.” (got the first part wrong)
TrishD on 03 Nov 2009 at 1:14 pm #
Most of my favorite one liners are from Linda Howard….
“Do you want to know why men name their penis? So the most important decisions in their life aren’t made by a stranger.” After The Night
Sabrina Jeffries on 03 Nov 2009 at 2:53 pm #
From Sabrina (natch!):
More isn’t always better, Linus. Sometimes it’s just more.
They say you think morals are pictures on walls and scruples is money in Russia.
They say you’re the world’s only living heart donor.
From While You Were Sleeping:
I don’t drink anymore… I don’t drink any less, either!
You’re born into a family. You do not join them like you do the Marines.
I like Mass better in Latin. It’s nicer when you don’t know what they’re saying.
I’ve had a really lousy Christmas, you’ve *just* managed to kill my New Year’s, if you come back on Easter- you can burn down my apartment.
Does it count if they have TWO sentences?
Pesky on 03 Nov 2009 at 2:57 pm #
Kathy on 03 Nov 2009 at 2:58 pm #
I got a bad feeling about this
Turn on the weather channel, i think it’s raining outside
Sabrina Jeffries on 03 Nov 2009 at 2:58 pm #
Oh, and another I love: “I’m a society burglar.” from How to Steal a Million. And “It’s National Crime Prevention Week. Take a burglar to dinner.”
Kathy on 03 Nov 2009 at 3:02 pm #
my sister’s come back to most comments was “bite me” It used to annoy me but now as I’ve entered the lovely cranky perimenopause stage of life, i completely get why she said it.
It’s is preferable to swearing at others.
Pesky on 03 Nov 2009 at 3:08 pm #
I’m not sure where I read this one:
I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
LoriHandeland on 03 Nov 2009 at 3:52 pm #
Linda Howard is a trip, isn’t she Trish?
If they’re snappy, Sabrina, they count!
Bite me seems to be one of my favorite sayings lately too, Kathy.
Love it, Pesky!!
TrishD on 03 Nov 2009 at 4:03 pm #
“I’m not holding you against your will, I’m holding you against your car.” Linda Howard again, Mr. Perfect.
Nicole Jordan on 03 Nov 2009 at 5:03 pm #
I tried posting earlier, but Zeus was shooting lightning bolts….. I’ll bet a lot of our goddesses also got zapped *grumble, grumble*
I LOVE snappy one-liners! These are all great, Lori, and so are all the others everyone else has posted.
Your book looks great, too, Lori! Headed to B&N tomorrow!
evlqn on 03 Nov 2009 at 5:10 pm #
Blink and you’ll die in the dark.
The Gods want to bask! -Road to El Dorado
The horse was a surprise. Road to El Dorado
How’s that working out for you, Dave?- Chipmunks
Have to give it more thought. Lori, so glad I have something to go to the store for, Thanks!
Linda Henderson on 03 Nov 2009 at 5:40 pm #
Okay, does this mean I watch too many movies and too much tv but I knew them all. I sent you my answers already . I like these:
Let’s Kick The Tires And Lite The Fires Big Daddy (Harry Connick Jr. from Independence Day)
You Bloodied Up My Knife You Dog (Harry Connick Jr. from Copy Cat)
I bet you can tell I like action and adventure movies.
Kathy on 03 Nov 2009 at 5:52 pm #
Linda, what about Will Smith’s line from that movie ” Welcome to Earth” lol
evlqn on 03 Nov 2009 at 5:58 pm #
You are Isildur’s heir you are not Isildur. LOTR
If you want him come and get him. LOTR
Michelle B on 03 Nov 2009 at 6:12 pm #
Love Independence Day! “Elvis has left the building!”
Karen Hawkins on 03 Nov 2009 at 6:47 pm #
I watched the GB/Minn game, too and felt so bad for Aaron Rogers. Poor guy is a terrific qb — can’t fault him for anything in the game, but he’s playing The Gunfighter who has something to prove. It was tough to watch. I SO wanted my GBPackers to win, but then … it WAS fun to watch Brett.
I’m torn! Torn, I tell ya!
And Lori, one of my favorite lines is from Monty Python — “You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!”
Oh and this one, “What are you going to do? BLEED on me?”
Oh, and when reading from the Book of Holy Armaments, “Skip a bit, brother.”
I do love me some Monty P!
LoriHandeland on 03 Nov 2009 at 7:15 pm #
Zeuss was really giving us fits today, Nicole!
Chipmunks, Evlqn! Love it.
Independence Day is a classic. As are Armageddon and Con Air. Classic I tell you.
The game was quite painful, K-Ha. And I wasn’t even freezing my bumpkiss off for a change. Rogers has got to be saying “Are you KIDDING me with this O-line?” Poor kid.
evlqn on 03 Nov 2009 at 7:30 pm #
Put the bunny down -Con Air
evlqn on 03 Nov 2009 at 7:35 pm #
ID4 is one of my feel good movies, when I need a boost out it comes and into the dvd player. It’s easy to understand why we have such fun at TGB, we are all just slightly left of center with our humor.
LoriHandeland on 03 Nov 2009 at 7:38 pm #
What WAS I thinking? Oh yeah. Yee, ha.-Con Air
LoriHandeland on 03 Nov 2009 at 8:21 pm #
Here’s the quiz answers. I’ll announce the winner tomorrow. Thanks for playing!
1. Never tell me the odds.-Han Solo, The Empire Strikes Back
2. Take me to bed or lose me forever.-Carole, Top Gun
3. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?-The Joker, Batman
4. We were on a break.-Ross, Friends
5. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to.-Dolores Claiborne by Stephen King
Louisa Cornell on 03 Nov 2009 at 8:25 pm #
Great quotes all around! And Lori I knew all of the ones you posted first go. Which means I watch WAY too many movies and way too much television and I read too many books. Oh well!
How about Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven. “Son, we’ve all got it coming.”
Or from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil “My living here pisses off all the right people.”
From Shaun of the Dead “I don’t think I have it in me to shoot my Mum, my flatmate and my girlfriend all in one day.”
From Young Frankenstein “Help me with the bags.” “Fine. You take the one with the jugs and I’ll take the one in the turban.”
evlqn on 03 Nov 2009 at 9:29 pm #
Everyone dies, it was his turn – John Wayne
Lynn W on 03 Nov 2009 at 10:42 pm #
Although I love the Monty Python quotes, my current current favorite is:
I don’t see what could possibly go wrong – Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs – after receiving instructions on how to capture and corral a camel)
Madeline Hunter on 04 Nov 2009 at 12:41 am #
“If you are going to shoot, shoot. Don’t talk.” The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
“You don’t draw on a man when he is faster than you.” Sung in a bad western, name forgotten.
“Kid, you don’t name an animal you may have to eat someday.” Another bad western, name forgotten.
Kathy on 04 Nov 2009 at 2:15 am #
I knew Jack Nicholson said the line, but I was thinking it was in Witches of Eastwick and not Batman.
Another all time fav line is:
I’m a blood sucking feind! Look at my outfit!
love my Buffy quotes
Kathy on 04 Nov 2009 at 2:17 am #
di I spell it wrong? fiend feind. hmmmm
my excuse is that it’s now a litlle after 4am and I have been up feeling gross since 3:30.
blech
LoriHandeland on 04 Nov 2009 at 6:51 am #
There are some great ones in Unforgiven, Louisa. That’s one of my faves.
Oh, you reminded me of another fave, Evlqn. “Fill you hands you son of a bitch!” Rooster Cogburn
Dirty jobs is great, Lynn. Or disgusting. Either way.
Lots of great quotes from westerns, Madeline. One of my all time faves “Who are those guys?” Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
I could do another blog on Buffy quotes, Kathy. Such clever stuff.
LoriHandeland on 04 Nov 2009 at 8:03 am #
Ladydawgfan
was the winner of yesterday’s contest.
I’ll send out your autographed copy of AH happens tomorrow!
ladydawgfan on 05 Nov 2009 at 8:25 am #
Ooooohh, YAY!!! Thanks, Lori!!! Lookin’ forward to it already!!!