Weird News Time
Oct 27th 2009
Rachel GibsonOn Writing!
I knew it. I knew that sometime, somewhere, someone was going to prove that the movie Men In Black wasn’t just fiction. So, I give you the following:
Before Arthur David Horn met his future bride Lynette (a “metaphysical healer”) in 1988, he was a tenured professor at Colorado State, with a Ph.D. in anthropology from Yale, teaching a mainstream course in human evolution. With Lynette’s guidance (after a revelatory week with her in California’s Trinity Mountains, searching for Bigfoot), Horn evolved, himself, resigning from Colorado State and seeking to remedy his inadequate Ivy League education. At a conference in Denver in September, Horn said he now realizes that humans come from an alien race of shape-shifting reptilians that continue to control civilization through the secretive leaders known as the Illuminati. Other panelists in Denver included enthusiasts describing their own experiences with various alien races.–Rocky Mountain Collegian, 9-28-09
I would have killed to be at that conference amongst all those aliens posing as humans. I know that I’ve met many posers in my life. I’m sure you have too. You know, those “people” who are just a bit off. They act like people. Talk like people. But there is just something freaky and alien about them. “People” like:
Lady GaGa
Nancy Pelosi
Jim Carrey
The Duggars
The freakish woman at my gym who "likes" to exercise.
Who makes your poser list?
55 Comments »
55 Responses to “Weird News Time”
Judy F on 28 Oct 2009 at 3:51 am #
My boss
Jon and Kate
Madonna
Kevin Federline
I am sure there are more but my head is all stuffed up
Kathy on 28 Oct 2009 at 5:38 am #
Lady GaGa’s disguise isn’t working for her!
Joan Rivers
Kelly Ripa
Tom Cruise
Heene dad
Kathy on 28 Oct 2009 at 5:42 am #
http://www.digitalspy.com/odd/news/a182143/man-claims-toy-spiders-could-kill-him.html
this guy
LoriHandeland on 28 Oct 2009 at 5:52 am #
Richard Gere
Fran Drescher
Kenny Rogers
Brett Favre-no one’s that good at 40
My father in law-don’t ask
SuzyQ on 28 Oct 2009 at 6:36 am #
Christina Ricci
Michael Jackson – oh come on we all know he didn’t die, he just went home
Amy Scott on 28 Oct 2009 at 6:38 am #
Kathy Griffin
Tom Cruise
Pam Anderson
My grade 10 math teacher
Nicole Kidman- Something is just not right with her… too much botox, maybe?
Karen Hawkins on 28 Oct 2009 at 7:39 am #
Rachel, you’re spot on. That explains so much about our world today!
Brett Favre’s an alien? Hmm . . . veddy interesting!
Caesar the Dog Whisperer (there’s no way a mere mortal can handle dogs like that)
Elvis and Priscilla Presley
That judge from You Think You Can Dance
The Kardashians
Regis
Definitely Lady GaGa
The woman down the street who lays in her front yard with her two dogs and stares up at the sky for HOURS.
Oh, there are WAY too many to list.
Freshechelle on 28 Oct 2009 at 7:48 am #
Tom Ford
Garth Brooks (a poser, maybe not an alien)
Every arrogant SOB who fakes humility
Singles hitters who stands on first base and points to God – really? You don’t think God is too busy with all the pain, suffering and violence around the world to be handing out weak little grounders?
Pesky on 28 Oct 2009 at 7:54 am #
L Ron Hubbard – He got drunk with friends and came up with an entire religion that Hollywood had to be part of. How freaky is that?
Dr. Rey: The plastic, plastic surgeon. No one person can be that self absorbed and think of themselves as a giver and not be from another planet.
The Quilt Selling Church Lady: Would sit there sweet as you please, but when some kids left the church would grouch “those go* d**n kids can’t shut the door. She scared the crap outta me, and I didn’t even leave the door open.
The Sheen Family: Evidence: They’re all nuts, they look like freaking clones of one another. I bet they have that alien shrinky-dink machine out back so they can make more. And look, Charley married Denise Richards, another one.
My Cat: I’m not really sure about her, it would make me feel a lot better about the fact that for 14 years I’ve catered to her every whim and I’m pretty sure she has no use for me other than as a sleepin mat and food dispensing system.
Claudia Dain on 28 Oct 2009 at 8:00 am #
ROFL!
Yes, they are among us.
Nicole Kidman
Roseanne Barr
Rosie O’Donnell
My neighbor, who walks around my backyard sipping wine
Tom Arnold
Oprah’s best friend Gayle
Bono
Victoria Beckham
Why is my list female heavy? Do aliens prefer taking the female form?
I think we all know the answer to that.
Rachel Gibson on 28 Oct 2009 at 8:25 am #
Suzy Q. I was going to mention Michael Jackson, but I don’t think he was trying to blend in with the rest of us non aliens. And I think he got so freaky, he was called home as a warning to Tom Cruise and the Baldwin brothers.
Michelle B on 28 Oct 2009 at 8:26 am #
The door greeter at Walmart who wears this cape and looks at everyone like they are stealing the place blind.
A certain three star lady general who couldn’t carry a ruck sack much less lead anyone. She will be returning to her planet soon (retiring) and our military will be much better off.
My 15 year old son? I swear the transporter must be in the barber’s chair. They took a little too much hair off and poof…he’s one very surly teen that I don’t much recognize right now.
amy1242 on 28 Oct 2009 at 8:34 am #
Good one, Fresh!
And Pesky, I’m with you on the Sheen thing!
Lady Gaga (or like my 13 y.o. calls her, him, it, him…man gaga)
Tom Cruise
WAY too many politicians to name (they are trying to take over the world, ya know)
Gordy, my donkey, who must have morphed into the wrong body upon landing.
The B52’s (can you say, “out there”?)
Nora Roberts (how can any normal person write that many books, and all GOOD ones, too?)
I’m sure I’ll think of more as the day goes on. But this Poser thing explains a lot!
Julia London on 28 Oct 2009 at 8:52 am #
Jon and Kate!
Julia London on 28 Oct 2009 at 8:53 am #
Any housewife on a reality TV show!
Karen Hawkins on 28 Oct 2009 at 9:00 am #
Ohhh, the Baldwin brothers! AB-SO-LUTE-LY!
SheridanLA on 28 Oct 2009 at 9:13 am #
I think Lady GaGa is human, she is just TRYING to be an alien – so people will think she is cool and edgy…. just trying too hard.
I am going to go with Tolkein, who almost seems as if he was writing a historical recount of events rather then a work of fiction – he had to be talking about another world in reality.
The distributors of Botox and collagen – they are really just trying to make humans look more like those native to their home planet.
Oprah – she is amassing such a following and at a pre-appointed time, she will then instruct her flock on what they need to do and the flock will happily follow. I like to think she is doing this for the greater good as opposed to some subversive reason.
TrishD on 28 Oct 2009 at 9:46 am #
Brooke Shields – She just looks too good to be one of us.
Tom Cruise – Can we send him home… please!
Sting – Tantric sex… enough said.
George Lucas – Star Wars, claims it’s fiction. Not too sure.
Mutt Lange – Would any human man cheat on Shania Twain?
terrio on 28 Oct 2009 at 10:01 am #
This is cracking me up! I agree with everything above. (Except I like Garth, but I can see where he’d fit this list.)
Kanye West – Next to poser in the dictionary, his picture.
George W Bush – Wouldn’t it explain A LOT?
Sarah Palin – The alien village wants their idiot back.
I’d throw in all those chicks on the Rock of Love and Flava of Love shows. I’d feel much better knowing they do not share a species with me.
SuzyQ on 28 Oct 2009 at 10:04 am #
Trish, maybe Shania is one of them. She might not be all that attractive as a reptilian . . .
Sabrina Jeffries on 28 Oct 2009 at 10:33 am #
I’ll do Julia one better. Any BODY on a reality TV show!
Any follower of Scientology
Hmm, will have to think about this.
Pesky on 28 Oct 2009 at 10:58 am #
Oh!
That thing sitting on Donald Trump’s head. I’m pretty sure it landed there and is now controlling his thoughts and actions. And his wife Melena? Fembot.
Candis on 28 Oct 2009 at 11:31 am #
Octomom Nadya Suleman
Lindsey Lohan
Magician David Copperfield
Rosie O’Donnell
David Duchovny
Michelle Obama
Barney Frank
Nancy Pelosi
Joan Rivers
Amy Scott on 28 Oct 2009 at 11:44 am #
Someone can send a ship down anytime and collect the Osmonds, as well as Nancy Grace. Anyone with a voice that loud and annoying can’t be human.
LOL Terrio- I have to agree on the girls from Rock of Love!
Gibb on 28 Oct 2009 at 11:46 am #
There was an episode from CSI LV that talked about the reptilian alien thing. FREAKY GROSS. The human aliens had green blood. Turned out it was from “vitamin” they were taking or something like that.
TrishD on 28 Oct 2009 at 11:47 am #
David Blaine
Criss Angel
Ross Perot
Gwynlyn MacKenzie on 28 Oct 2009 at 12:00 pm #
This made me laugh. Sounds like he had a bit part on SG-1 and fell for the Ori’s conversion tactics.
My list:
MIL–don’t ask
Hubble’s HR director–ditto
Steven Segal
Several politicians who will remain nameless in the interest of blog peace.
ladydawgfan on 28 Oct 2009 at 12:03 pm #
All 535 members of Congress and Senate (nice apolitical answer – not a body in Washington worth keeping – IMNSHO) – Send ‘em all back home to Sporknik 2000 or whatever planet they are from!!
Oprah – who elected HER queen???
Barbra Streisand – rose petals in the toilet???
Gotta agree with Donald Trump. Looks like a small animal crawled on top of his head and died.
H. Ross Perot – The little General even SOUNDS alien!!
That chick in white on the Progressive Insurance commercials with the big red lips and the big annoying voice – can you say “nails on a chalkboard???”
SuzyQ on 28 Oct 2009 at 12:13 pm #
I think Dick Clark has assimilated Ryan Seacrest. And speaking of Ryan, we can’t forget Paula Abdul!
Margaret on 28 Oct 2009 at 12:20 pm #
I agree with all of the above except Garth Brooks.
I am shocked to find out Steven Segal has been a for-real cop these past 20 years or so. AND has his own reality show starting soon. Eeek!
How come nobody has menitone Courtney Love or Amy Winehouse? Or practically any rock star.
Mick Jagger? He has never quite been able to cover the reptilian look. Those lips, for instance.
Wayne Newton. Ditto except it’s his eyes in this case. Even extensive plastic surgery didn’t help. Mick even flicks his tongue. I keep thinking Wayne will do the same any second now.
Sarah Palin.
All those “fair & balanced” (not) folks on FoxNews.
Nancy Grace. Absolutely. I can only listen to that voice for so long.
Hugh Hefner and his Bunnies.
That screechy woman on “So You Think You Can Dance”. Why I don’t/can’t watch it.
aliles81 on 28 Oct 2009 at 12:23 pm #
Does anyone remember that drag queen/trans guy a year (or two) ago on ‘America’s Got Talent’?? He’s the one that cried on stage, remember? He was so plumb SCARY he couldn’t be from this planet. (Look it up on youtube, you’ll see)
The FreeCreditReport.com guy (He implants those HORRID jingles in your head!)
I’m totally on board with most mentioned, especially L. Ron Hubbard, and Rosie O’Donnell!!
TrishD on 28 Oct 2009 at 12:24 pm #
If Hugh Hefner is from a different plant I want to be from the same one for the sole purpose of being able to wear PJ’s 24/7.
Rachel Gibson on 28 Oct 2009 at 12:58 pm #
Ladydawg,
Flo? Flo is an alien?
Julia London on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:04 pm #
Ladydawg, I have to agree about Oprah. I used to be a huge fan, but now she just bugs me.
Candis on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:25 pm #
David Bowie
Marilyn Manson
Candis on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:27 pm #
David Bowie
Marilyn Manson
Kid Rock
Katie Couric
moozlady on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:37 pm #
my mil, she believes in crop circles, black helicoptors and that the Russians are controlling the weather. In a moment of high blood sugar, she confessed to my husband that she was really from the planet Plumeria.
Pesky on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:47 pm #
Hey Rachel? Quick question.
Should I rule out anyone that told me a story that makes them a definite candidate for this blog, however the story either started with, “and then all that was left was the Tequila” or ended, “and that’s when I gave up drinking Tequila”?
Also, what exactly is the line between cult member, alien abduction victim and alien?
Because I live right next to the UFO sighting hot spot of Pine Bush…and well…umh…I gotta tell you I think the neighborhood has a good mix of all of the above.
Pesky on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:49 pm #
annndddd…seriously, I’m not kidding you.
http://www.pinebushufo.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pine_Bush,_New_York#UFO_sightings_in_Pine_Bush
Pesky on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:50 pm #
I’m being moderated! I’m such a troublemaker.
aliles81 on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:52 pm #
Yes, Candis!! Kid Rock, for sure!! And he can’t decide what he wants to be. Rap, rock, or country?
aliles81 on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:56 pm #
AND the FreeCreditReport dot com guy! (He implants those HORRID little jingles in our heads!)
terrio on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:57 pm #
Margaret made me thing of Keith Richards. The more his skin shrinks, the more you can see the reptile inside.
terrio on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:58 pm #
Margaret made me think of Keith Richards. The more his skin shrinks, the more you can see the reptile inside.
I just tried to submit this comment and your site told me I’m going to fast and to slow down. Ha!
terrio on 28 Oct 2009 at 1:59 pm #
Oh, now I see why.
Kathy on 28 Oct 2009 at 2:02 pm #
I’m loving these lists
Rachel Gibson on 28 Oct 2009 at 2:13 pm #
Pesky,
Sounds like my high school years.
Oh oh! How about ENAYTE guy. Bob with the chubby santa.
Margaret on 28 Oct 2009 at 2:29 pm #
Oh yes, terrio. Keith Richard for sure! In fact, we can just add all of the Stones to the aliens list.
And the guy who takes Viagara and can’t wipe that stupid grin off his face no matter what’s going on around him.
The Progressive insurance alien who is probably in cahoots with a real reptile. The Geico Michael Caine wannabe. Aka The Gecko.
Freshechelle on 28 Oct 2009 at 3:18 pm #
Oh, and this couple who ran the motivational seminar that Bush spoke at this week. They are definitely aliens. Savvy aliens who know how to sucker weak-minded folks out of their $ and probably drove down Bush’s speaking fees. Thems the breaks.
Judy F on 28 Oct 2009 at 3:29 pm #
the olson twins.
Joy Behar (she just gets on my last nerve)
The Kardashians
Heidi and Spencer
David Caruso
Joan RIvers
Kathy Griffin
Michael Jackson (he was listed as an Alien in one of the Men In Black Pictures)
Suzanne Enoch on 28 Oct 2009 at 4:00 pm #
JudyF, I was going to say David Caruso, too. He can’t take off those sunglasses because we’ll all see his alien eyes.
Quentin Tarantino
Brad Pitt (because they made him too handsome for real life)
William Shatner
Trini on 28 Oct 2009 at 5:09 pm #
I think in Spain we have one of the worst aliens… He is called Manuel Fraga, he was Minister in the last years of the Franco’s Dictatorship. Then, when Democracy comes to Spain he was President of my Region (Galicia) for a few years and a very important political figure (puuuuuaaaaaaggggggg). Now, he is over 325 years old (more or less) and he is still working. He is eternal…. he isn’t human….(aaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggg). We say “Spain is different”… and it is, how it is possible that we have a politician of the dictatorship in the political life?????. Probably it’s an X File…. where is Fox Mulder when we need him?
By the way, Victoria Bekham and Paris Hilton are from the same planet????
Alicia (aliles81) on 28 Oct 2009 at 7:01 pm #
JudyF, how could I have forgotten Heidi and Spencer!?!? Yikes those two are so scary!!!!
evlqn on 28 Oct 2009 at 10:15 pm #
All of the above and the blonde look-a-like country singers. they look and sound alike. Singers used to have distinctive voices ans styles. now they are all alien bland.
Dr. Phil
David Hasselhoff
Mel Gibson, oh that’s right he thinks he’s God not an alien.
The Hogans, can they get any stranger?
Jennie on 30 Oct 2009 at 3:49 pm #
How about Dr Phil? No human can speak that slow…
Heidi and Spencer where so annoying on their own planet that they shipped them over to earth. Thanks guys!
And last but not least, a European conspirancy: J.K. Rowling. She must have lived in another timezone as a news journalist, only to hit some sort of time portal and come here, taking the grown up version of Harry Potter with her and making him the Prime Minister of the Netherlands. It’s either that or someone’s having a real laugh about this practical joke….