Nicole’s Rules to Live By
Aug 23rd 2009
Nicole JordanGoddess Grins & Nicole Jordan
I recently tuned in to a radio program when a local DJ was offering good rules of thumb for everyday living. His last suggestion was, “Before buying a used car, you should take it to a mechanic to get it checked out.” Makes good sense to me. 
Then a caller offered one that makes even better sense: “Never fry bacon naked.”
So I thought I would list some of my own rules to live by and how I learned of them:
= Don’t keep drain cleaner in your medicine cabinet next to the mouthwash (my grandmother deeply regretted this)
= Keep Icy Hot pain ointment away from sensitive body parts, especially if you’re female (a woman friend)
= Don’t walk outside to get the mail and get distracted when you’ve left water running in the kitchen sink (a neighbor)
= If you use your fireplace a lot, clean out the flue once in a while or risk setting your roof on fire (my in-laws)
= Don’t set your Ipod on top of your mom’s car just before she backs out of the driveway (a friend’s son never saw his again)
= Take your time when chopping lettuce since pieces of thumb don’t make good salad fixings (me)
What wise rules to live by can you share with your fellow goddesses — and how did you learn them?
66 Comments »
66 Responses to “Nicole’s Rules to Live By”
SheridanLA on 23 Aug 2009 at 11:51 pm #
when riding a bike, keep the rubber side down.
when things get tough, keep going.
on both those notes.. I am temporarily hijacking this thread ( my somewhat humble apologies, Nicole) to give myself a big old pat on the back.. I finished my first triathlon!!
I am now going to toddle off for a well deserved night’s sleep.
we now return you back to your regularly scheduled blog topic.
elsiehogarth on 24 Aug 2009 at 12:47 am #
Nicole, these are excellent rules.
Here are some of mine:
Never tell a baby: “Don’t put that in your mouth” because they will put it in their mouth and start running. (yesterday, cousin’s baby with a mouth full of rocks from my garden.)
Never get the mail while in your PJ’s and lock yourself out of the house.(Me. I had to go to neighbors to get my spare key.)
Never highlight your hair, at home, answer the phone and forget that you have it in your hair. (Me. Needless to say my highlights were not auburn but an yellow orange. A total nightmare.)
Jamie-Lynn on 24 Aug 2009 at 1:41 am #
Never get on a step-stool to change a lightbulb and then throw the old lightbulb down next to the step-stool. Especially, don’t forget the old bulb before stepping down…(me a few years ago)
Margaret on 24 Aug 2009 at 2:23 am #
Never fill a skillet with Crisco, put it on the stove, turn the stove on high and run to the store to get something else because your 8 year old daughter doesn’t want fried chicken. Even more so when you have a big jar of brandied fruit percolating on a shelf above the stove. It will never be seen again.
(Those black spider webs in the ceiling corners are actually cooled, roped grease.)
Kerri on 24 Aug 2009 at 5:18 am #
Never keep a tube of Desitin in the same drawer with your toothpaste – in the haze of early morning, it is too easy to squeeze some out on your toothbrush and get the surprise taste of your life. (Me, when I still had babies to use Desitin on. Plus side – it really wakes you up!)
B on 24 Aug 2009 at 5:29 am #
Don’t climb up a tree if you’re not sure you’ll be able to come down, especially when your ‘mommy’ believes firmly that if you managed to come up, you’ll eventually be able to come down. It’ll take hours and you’ll get tired of holding tight. (me, at eight)
Holding a blender’s blade then turning on the blender to see if it’ll spin even though you’re holding the blades is NEVER a good idea. It’ll involve a lot of blood and your mom will be mad! (me, when I was 12)
Karen Rose on 24 Aug 2009 at 6:08 am #
Do not throw lobster shells down the garbage disposal. (My husband)
Don’t leave oil in a stovetop wok and when it catches on fire, don’t throw water on it. This one was me.
Don’t make those potato wedges with drizzled oil in a gas oven. The pilot light will catch the oven interior on fire. If this occurs, have a fire extinguisher close by. Then, DO NOT put the oven in self cleaning mode. The intense heat will reignite the flame and the oven will be locked (as it’s on self-clean). You will be forced to smother the fire with kitchen dish towels over the vents. (This was all my husband. I slept through the whole thing, including the two smoke alarms because I had just returned from Japan and had jetlag.)
Karen Rose on 24 Aug 2009 at 6:09 am #
Nicole, Ben Gay owwww. Am wincing and laughing at the same time.
Oh, and don’t write sad scenes when you’ve been eating fritos. When you cry and wipe your eyes, the salt burns!
LoriHandeland on 24 Aug 2009 at 6:11 am #
Do not put a grilled cheese on the stove and then go read a book while it browns. The smoke alarm will scare the crap out of you.
Mooslady on 24 Aug 2009 at 6:15 am #
Don’t take off all your clothes with the bedroom door open, no matter how sure you are thay your teen step-daughters aren’t around(DH)
If you leave your 2 yr old with the teens overnight because you had to have your newborn re-admitted to the hospital, make sure all the doors are double locked or the 2 yr old will get up before her sisters, leave the house in only a diaper and try to walk 16 miles to the hospital to find you. (my now 4 yr old, luckily she only made it 1/4 mile before a neighbor caught her)
Don’t sleep naked if you live in an apartment and sleepwalk(my college roommate, she locked her self out while sleepwalking)
Becky on 24 Aug 2009 at 6:29 am #
Don’t back up your car without looking to see if there is a hidden pole behind you. [My sister this weekend. She maintains that it jumped out at her.]
Don’t hide things in your oven when family comes over and you have no where else to put them, then forget about them and preheat the oven the next morning. There will be flames and melted ooziness and it will take forever to get rid of. [My mother, 4th of July]
Don’t cut cardboard with a xacto knife if you are incapable of patience and careful cutting. [Me, 6th grade. There's a nice scar on my thumb still.]
Do not hide under your brother’s bed when he and his bride are coming in for the wedding night. Whatever funny prank you were hoping to pull will be obliterated by the awkward situation you are finding yourself in, and you will be scarred for life. [A friend of a friend. It took a while for the couple to forgive him when they found out]
Lisa H on 24 Aug 2009 at 6:33 am #
I wish I could have seen the guy frying bacon in the nude. LOL!
Pesky on 24 Aug 2009 at 6:44 am #
1. Never trust a strange genius.
2. Prior to age 18 your sister and brother may not entirely have your best interests at heart. Don’t trust em.
3. Silver hair old ladies and gentlemen are not always the proper resource for sage advice. Sometimes they are just messin with you.
4. The quiet guy that doesn’t talk much and observes everything isn’t always thinking on a treastise for world peace. Sometimes he’s just thinking about beer and a girl’s rack across the room.
This has been a moment of cynisim from our sponsors, Party of One, the TV dinners made just for you and a night in front of the TV…again…but you’re not bitter.
Pesky on 24 Aug 2009 at 6:53 am #
Congratulations Sheridan! That’s an amazing feat!
Jennifer on 24 Aug 2009 at 7:13 am #
Am I really the only one who DOES fry bacon in the nude?? I’ve never been burnt by it — maybe I’m just tempting fate.
Never close a freight elevator on your finger. Degloving is as unpleasant as it sounds (husband, 22 years old)
Never light a straw on fire and then dangle it above where your hand might be (brother, about 8 years old)
When video taping your child’s birth, skip the labor — otherwise your camera batteries will run out prior to actually GIVING birth, even when your labor is pretty quick. (me, 28 years old)
When making a ganache cake, don’t over-fold it. When you’re *trying* to saw through it with a bread knife later, you’ll be a bit embarrassed. (me, 24 years old)
Don’t take your 3 year old to the ED for a stuffy nose. You make it so that the people in need of emergency surgery, namely my husband, have to wait while you are hoping someone will “pull the stuffiness” out. (random woman at the ED, 2 weeks ago, when an assault and battery was imminent)
TrishD on 24 Aug 2009 at 7:22 am #
Never tell people you don’t want a big deal made of your birthday, it never works out the way you want. If you really do want them to made a big deal out of your birthday (me, age 18) they will listen to you and leave you alone. If you are serious, they will ignore you and make a production out of the entire day… me and the fear I have for #40 in 3 months.
Why do people think a hormonal 18 year old girl is telling the truth but a hormonal 40 year old woman is lying??
TrishD on 24 Aug 2009 at 7:33 am #
Sheridan – Congrats and more pats on your back! Are you recovered yet?
Cail on 24 Aug 2009 at 8:03 am #
Similar to Kerri’s make sure that diaper rash cream, and not toothpaste that you’re putting on your child (mom when i was little)
that’s about all i can think of this morning. DH and I both have terrible colds and my brain feels like it’s in a fog.
Congrats Sheridan!
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 8:10 am #
Oh gosh, I’m laughing too hard to type. And wincing, too. My list looks pretty tame to some of yours!!
Big congrats, Sheridan!!! That’s a major feat!!
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 8:15 am #
Cail, I’m sorry about your nasty cold. Hope you get better fast!
JudyPatooty on 24 Aug 2009 at 8:16 am #
In cooking, remember that “teaspoon” and “tablespoon” are not the same thing. (me, age 6)
Way to go, Sheridan!
Freedom Writer on 24 Aug 2009 at 8:30 am #
Make sure that the hemorrhoid cream and Neosporin are not lying next to each other in the first aid drawer. (my youngest brother)
Never assume that the word for high heels (she called them norcas because that’s the sound they made on the linoleum floor.) that your 2 year old made up is a real word and use it in front of your workmates, because later you will find out from your wife and parents that it is not a real word, and will feel embarrassed for the rest of your life. (DH)
Freedom Writer on 24 Aug 2009 at 8:31 am #
When cooking never assume that green beans can be substituted green peppers because they are both green. (Me at age 13.)
LauraR on 24 Aug 2009 at 8:49 am #
Never use your hand to judge how hot an Easybake oven is. (me at age 5)
Never use your thumb to test how sharp a razor blade is. (me at age 10)
Congrats Sheridan! what an accomplishment. Makes me tired just thinking about it.
Aly on 24 Aug 2009 at 8:52 am #
Never try to take a band-aid off your 3 year old daughter’s leg the day after having a vasectomy. You are bound to get kicked in your jewels (My DH)
Don’t go on a cruise 16 weeks pregnant when you tend to get seasick anyway. You will spend the whole time feeling sick or sleeping (Me at 25)
Always remember to lock the door when “bouncing” Especially when you are a teenager and your boyfriend’s mother comes home early…and opens the bedroom door! (Not me…nope…never!)
Not everyone understands that toddlers don’t always say words right. So when my son is saying “F***, F***, F***” at the top of his lungs during a parade…please know that I am not a bad parent! He means TRUCK! He just can’t say the T and R (My DS at age 2)
Nicole, I had to laugh at this one “Don’t walk outside to get the mail and get distracted when you’ve left water running in the kitchen sink” My father did this but went to work for 12 hours! He had plugged the sink to thaw something…Did you know that insurance covers stupidity??? They had to replace the entire kitchen! LOL!
KarenC on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:03 am #
Moderate the music you listen to around your kids when they’re young, unless you have an urgent desire to hear your preschooler belt out Smooth Up in Ya by the Bullett Boys for all his little friends at church.
TrishD on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:04 am #
Aly, I’m wanting a new kitchen. Do you think it would be considered premeditation if the same thing happened to me after I read about it happening to your father??
Claudia Dain on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:18 am #
Buy pre-washed, pre-cut lettuce in the bag and you’ll never have to chop a salad again!
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:22 am #
Yep, TrishD, it probably would be, lol.
Elsie, I sure would have liked to see your hair. At least yours was due to a good reason. The first time I went to get my hair frosted, the stylist made me look like a brassy-haired hooker because she didn’t know what she was doing. And I paid good money for that!
Pesky on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:27 am #
ROFLMAO, Aly, don’t feel bad. My nephew was having a conversation with me that I understood when he was young but the lady next to me just kept looking more and more horrified… He was telling me all about:
The devils liked riding on the big dumb f**k.
Translation:
The girls liked riding on the big dump truck. (Which was how he referred to the garbage truck and the “girls” were two teenage boys who liked to wear their hair long.)
I knew what he was saying…why didn’t she?
LauraR on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:29 am #
Oh I just remembered this one:
Never use another pot as a lid to another pot when cooking beans and then go outside to work in the garden and forget about the pot on the stove. (my grandmother at 80 or so – the pot acted as a pressure cooker and blew up – but grandma got a redone kitchen out of it…)
Madeline Hunter on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:31 am #
You guys are too funny.
Let’s see. . . .
Never change your routine for starting the car and leaving the garage, because if you do, you will crash through the closed door.
Same thing for turning off a car and leaving it locked in a parking lot, because if you do you will wonder what that funny engine noise is as you walk away.
Madeline Hunter on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:35 am #
When you have a baby, remember to firmly turn off the babytalk faucet before going out in public, so you don’t tell a waiter you want a teensie weensie cuppie of wine.
Cail on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:52 am #
this one is kind of obsolete at this point since cars don’t have tape decks, and no one uses diskmans… when trying to figure out why the disk man-tape deck converter for your car isn’t working, do not push in the cigarette lighter, take it out, see it’s not red and touch it to see if the lighter/outlet is working. not red does not mean not hot. (me, age 16)
thanks for the well wishes. summer colds are no fun!
SheridanLA on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:55 am #
thanks for all the congratulations! I am good today, though a bit tired.. the celebration martinis last night did not help with that, I am sure.
Feel better Cail
and these are all really funny.. more so now then I am sure most were at the time.
Jennifer on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:59 am #
Okay, I forgot a couple until reading more:
If a recipe says to add 14 teaspoons of salt, it PROBABLY means 1/4 teaspoon of salt instead. (my husband, 26 years old). In all fairness, at least he made me dinner, but it was the saltiest thing I’ve ever tasted.
When making dinner, and adding garlic pepper, do remember to open the right end. Else you wind up with chinese food instead. (me, 25 years old)
When making pumpkin pie, as a special “welcome home from college” for your wonderful sister-in-law… Always remember to add sugar. (me, 30 years old).
When eating said pumpkin pie, it’s best to acknowledge that it doesn’t taste right, rather than let the baker sit down with HER piece and find out it tastes terrible — but everyone was quietlly eating it anyway. (my in-laws and husband, various ages).
dbrown3400 on 24 Aug 2009 at 10:26 am #
Never use dishwashing liquid in a dishwasher. (The ex) Although it does make for lots of bubbles to mop the kitchen floor.
Don’t set the crock pot on high if you’re going to be gone the entire day. The pot roast will be a rock. (Me, too old to know better).
Julia London on 24 Aug 2009 at 10:53 am #
When doubling a recipe, do not double the cayenne pepper.
Sheridan, congratulations on your tri! WOOOT!
Margaret on 24 Aug 2009 at 11:36 am #
Another cooking tip. When making a Key Lime Pie don’t make the mistake of thinking evaporated milk and condensed milk are the same thing. (Me at 15)
And don’t encourage your mother’s housekeeper to have a 2nd piece since she “seemed” to enjoy the first one so much. It’s hard to talk when your mouth is all puckered up.
But the story will be sure to make your aunt wet her pants laughing.
WTG, Sheridan! Whoee!
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 12:02 pm #
Madeline, I’ve done the garage door thing too! Only in my defense, it got stuck way up high and I had no way of knowing it didn’t retract all the way. Luckily I stopped when I heard the awful screeching noise, and neither the SUV or door was hurt.
Aly and Pesky, those kid stories are hilarious.
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 12:06 pm #
Cail, I can relate to the burning cigarette lighter, too… ouch!
And all these cooking stories, yep, that’s me. Baking soda for baking powder is another one.
Sheridan, you’re so right! We can laugh at all these stories now, but I’m sure they weren’t as funny when they first happened.
As for getting new kitchens after man-made catastrophes, I guess that’s one way to do it, lol. My friend’s dishwasher recently leaked all night long, so she had to redo the floors and the walls and took the opportunity to change the wallpaper for paint.
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 12:10 pm #
>>>Don’t set the crock pot on high if you’re going to be gone the entire day. The pot roast will be a rock. (Me, too old to know better).
Donna, this goes for high altitude cooking, too. I have a beef stew recipe that calls for baking all day in the oven at 200 degrees. But I never realized that at 7200 feet above sea level, water evaporates much faster. I came home to burnt stew, and now I triple the water.
But at least I never had major burns like Becky and KarenR did!!!
Janae on 24 Aug 2009 at 12:13 pm #
Don’t tell anyone ‘Don’t do . . .’ because they will promptly do it, regardless of their age (just about everyone I know has done it at one time or another).
Don’t confuse baking soda and baking powder because it ruins the food (me).
Don’t stick you hand in a stuck snowblower without turning it off (my older brother who luckily didn’t lose a single finger or any parts of his fingers).
Don’t hold an eggbeater close to your sister’s hair because it might actually become caught in her hair (my sister who’s 18 months younger than me did this to our baby sister. It was one of the few times I’ve ever seen my older brother mad.).
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 12:15 pm #
>>>Never use your thumb to test how sharp a razor blade is.
Excellent advice, Laura! This reminds me of a lesson my dh learned the hard way years ago:
Don’t test how icy a road is by putting on the brakes when you don’t have anti-lock brakes, or you could wind up in a ditch.
1SLKCHK on 24 Aug 2009 at 1:06 pm #
1. Don’t lean over hot oven door without a bra on (me)
2. Don’t force ice into a glass it will break (BFF)
3. Don’t throw broken glass into plastic trash bag, then throw it over your shoulder to fling into dumpster (BFF) This will lead to 15 stitches in your backside.
4. Baby wipe containers that have an X at the top do not put your finger in there to pull out the wipes (open lid instead). This will lead to finger being stuck while bleeding and your BFF reading the side of the container that says, “Caution: DO NOT INSERT FINGER IN X” See this has been done before that is why there is a caution on the side of the container!
5. Do not butter the outside of a Turkey and try to get it into a pan (me-on Thanksgiving) I chased that slippery SOB all over the kitchen!
6. Do not take Turkey or ham from the oven and leave to go to the store for something you need to pick up…I came back and the food was gone. I searched the house to find the cat and dog having a picnic in the den. This is the only time they got along when they conspire together. The dog couldn’t reach it and the cat couldn’t carry the 30 LB trukey.Cat jumped on counter and pushed turkey & dog carried it
Louisa Cornell on 24 Aug 2009 at 1:11 pm #
These are all cracking me up!
Sheridan, you go girl! Amazing!!
Never assume that because you have all six small dogs (three chihuahuas, three dachshunds) on leashes that you are in control. They WILL take you down and drag you backwards through the rosebushes.
Never assume that because you put the roast on a kitchen counter that is above the Great Dane’s head that she won’t enlist the assistance of her feline accomplice to knock said roast off the counter after which every feline and canine resident in the house will sneak off to the guest bedroom to have a party on the new comforter set.
If both of your brothers utter the words “Uh oh” at the same time while working on your car, NEVER believe them when they say nothing is wrong. That nothing will end up leaving you stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the night swearing at the aforementioned brothers who are sound asleep in their beds at home!
1SLKCHK on 24 Aug 2009 at 1:11 pm #
7. Doctor prescribes oral antibiotic and suppository (for fever). I stuck the oral antibiotic in my rear and I ate the suppository (me at 10). I didn’t know it was an issue till the pill wouln’t melt in my backside. When I told my mom she just laughed and told everyone she knew. This story is still being told by my brother 35 years later!
1SLKCHK on 24 Aug 2009 at 1:20 pm #
When making bread allow the dough to rise before baking or it will be an inch high and weight 5 Lbs (me at 12). To give credit to my father he ate both loafs with a smile on his face (I think he used a saw and chisel). It is much easier to buy bread.
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 1:30 pm #
>>>These are all cracking me up!
I agree, Louisa!! These are hilarious.
1SLKCHK, a couple of those are priceless…. expecially the no bra and the suppository stroies.
I’m thinking it’s too bad I don’t write contemporaries cause these would make great material for a book. But they didn’t have eggbeaters and snowblowers back in Regecy times. Janae, I’m really glad your sis and bro weren’t hurt!
Louisa, I can just picture all your animals…. You HAVE used them in a book, haven’t you? If not, you need to find a way to sneak them in.
Louisa Cornell on 24 Aug 2009 at 2:05 pm #
Nicole,
While I do have animals in my books the only one of my own I have used is my dearly departed hedgehog DASH. He had the nasty habit of biting everyone he ever met!
I really need to get some of my others into my stories. Especially the one – eyed shepherd mix named Pirate (what else would you call a one-eyed dog?) who could never quite get the hang of lifting the toilet seat all the way up to drink out of it. His method consisted of sticking his head under the seat, tossing it up, drinking a few slurps before the lid crashed down on his head at which point he would toss it up again. The result was my lying in bed listening to SLAM …. Slurp, slurp, slurp …. THUNK! SLAM …. Slurp, slurp, slurp …. THUNK!
There were a number of my dogs who COULD raise the lid completely so another rule in my house was :
Just because you live alone does not mean you can walk into the bathroom late at night and sit down on the toilet without (A) falling in or (B) ending up with a wet bottom because Pirate has been drinking from the toilet and slobbered on the seat before he got tired of it hitting him in the back of the head!
Judy F on 24 Aug 2009 at 2:38 pm #
Make sure you have the saline solution in your hands for your contacts not the cleaning solution. (me years ago)
Remember when backing out of your driveway there may be other cars parked in the driveway.(my sister hit my car parked in her driveway as she was backing out of the garage)
When you want to sent an email just to one person make sure you don’t hit reply to all. (oh me)
If you are sitting on the floor infront of a mirror using your curling iron set it back on the floor not between your crossed legs when you are getting the next section to curl. (me again, when I lived at home my brother lived in the bathroom so my sister and I had our curling irons in our room to use, had a lovely burn mark on my leg)
evlqn on 24 Aug 2009 at 2:46 pm #
Never believe a car salesman when he says that they had replaced the brakes on the car you just bought. The rear quarter panel on a Porsche 911 is more expensive than you think, especially if the owner is an attorney. (sister)
It not a threat if you are willing to carry it out.(Me ) Car dealership -different one- wanted me to sign new loan docs for HIGHER payments. They got the car back and I went elsewhere.
Sheridan I am in awe!
Madeline Hunter on 24 Aug 2009 at 3:08 pm #
Don’t forget to add the flour when making a cake (me, in high school. hmmm, this did not rise much at all)
Madeline Hunter on 24 Aug 2009 at 3:10 pm #
If the recipe says to cook the chicken at 350 degrees for an hour, do not assume you can get away with cooking it at 500 degrees for 35 minutes (friends in grad school, who should have known better.)
evlqn on 24 Aug 2009 at 3:13 pm #
Don’t use a blender to get lumps out of gravy and leave the top off. (me in HS) My dad laughed about that for 30 years.
Margaret on 24 Aug 2009 at 3:32 pm #
I am amazed that any of us can cook! Or are even willing to try after some of these stories.
Louisa, your story about Pirate drinking from the toilet has me in tears. It’s a good thing my lens cleaner solution is at hand. Oh my. That should be something to show up YouTube.
Margaret on 24 Aug 2009 at 3:35 pm #
I just remembered one.
Don’t try to show your daughter how to load a shotgun while you are in the house. Holes in ceilings are sooo messy and not cheap to repair. Also the noise is unbelievable. Plus it’s downright embarrassing if daughter’s future mother-in-law has come to visit. (my daddy back in the mid-fifties)
Cindi on 24 Aug 2009 at 4:06 pm #
How about: if cooking a whole turkey for the first time, it is a good idea to check that it will in fact FIT into your oven. If using pre-made frozen pie crusts, remove the wax paper lining the bottom before pouring in your pumpkin filling. Unfortunately these were both my learning experiences during that critical first Thanksgiving together . . .
evlqn on 24 Aug 2009 at 4:26 pm #
If cooking a turkey don’t let your husband go to the store alone, he will come back with a 32 pounder,(I didn’t know they came that big).
When you have reached the point of making turkey tacos, throw out the leftovers.
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 4:27 pm #
Yep, that Pirate story had me howling, too, Margaret! And so did your shotgun story. Wow.
Judy, that curling iron tale made me cringe,lol.
evlqn, glad you stuck up for your rights! It’s funny, one of our best friends is a Porche salesman, and I never would have believed I would trust a car salesman!
Madeline and Cindi, you are bringing back memories!
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 4:29 pm #
LOL, Evlqn. My bro-in-law did that a few years ago — bought a turkey that was too big to go in his deep fryer.
BTW, I hope everyone knows NEVER to put a frozen turkey in a deep fryer. That can be lethal. I don’t know anyone who’s done it, but I’ve read about it.
Louisa Cornell on 24 Aug 2009 at 5:56 pm #
Nicole,
Pirate was definitely one of a kind. I had him for 14 years and I miss him every day.
I can’t believe I never told this group about my youngest brother’s famous Thanksgiving Turkey Airborne a la Idiot !!
First time using a turkey fryer. Fortunately he had it on the front porch. Unfortunately he did NOT read the instructions. He dropped the turkey he FORGOT to thaw out the night before (thought his wife wouldn’t notice) into the bubbling fryer and WHOOSH ! Houston, we have LIFT OFF! The turkey flew up, up, up and OVER THE HOUSE!! Followed by every dog in the neighborhood.
Next scene – my brother Chef Idiot and his accomplices Brother Other Idiot and Fascinated by Anything that Goes Boom Nephews are all in the backyard trying to wrestle a half frozen, half burnt turkey from six hungry dogs. Like any of us wanted to eat it after that!!
Thank God my Mom made a traditional turkey AND a ham. And yes, one of the dogs who chased down the turkey was Pirate !!
Patricia Barraclough on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:27 pm #
These posts are a hoot.
Do not try to catch an item spinning in a drill press. It will slice your hand open. (my son, 13)
Do not work on cars by yourself in the wee hours of the morning. You might cut your finger off. (my son, 18, he did)
Don’t punch a block wall, it will win the fight. (my son – 16. A broken hand)
Don’t punch a bear in the nose, he won’t take it kindly. (my son, 23. He did, it was self defense, but the bear still won)
We are just saving the pieces and hoping he doesn’t loose or damage any more.
Nicole Jordan on 24 Aug 2009 at 9:43 pm #
Good grief, Louisa… your bros are very very lucky! But I can just see the mayhem that ensued, lol.
Patricia, your son obviously is very physical. Let’s hope he’s luckier in the future! And I sooo agree, these stories are a huge hoot.
SheridanLA on 24 Aug 2009 at 10:04 pm #
Louisa.. is it bad that I want to try the projectile turkey trick?
Sarah on 05 Sep 2009 at 11:20 pm #
Always close your car door with the hand your keys are in. That way you never lock them in the car.
Adding cinnimon to Hamburger Helper does not make it spicier, no matter what cinnimon candy tastes like (my brother)
Read the directions, even if it makes you feel less manly. You’ll feel much less manly when you can’t put the thing together and it’s 3 in the morning and your girlfriend can’t stop giggling at you long enough to help you. Oh and cussing at various parts strewn around the room does not actually help you put them together.
When putting something together (yes the above something), lay out everything first, but make sure the cat doesn’t make off with the bag of screws.
Fill up on gas as soon as the warning light comes on. Just because you think you’ll make it home that night doesn’t mean you’ll make it back to the gas station on the way to work in the morning.
Do not make fun of your girlfriend because she talks to her electronics and believes her printer has to be schmoozed in just the right way. You run the risk of her telling you “I told you so” over and over for the next week as everything in the house decides to break when you touch it. Just smile and nod.