Excuses, excuses
Aug 4th 2009
Julia LondonOn Writing!
Jack London and I are in the process of trying to potty train the Cutest Toddler Ever. He says he doesn’t want to go to the potty because he wants to do something else. We told him everyone wants to do something else, but he has to use the potty. Still, he won’t tell us. When I asked him yesterday after the third diaper change why he didn’t tell tell me when he needed to potty, he said it was because “he was driving a forklift.” I’m not sure where he got this so-called forklift, but let me state for the record that he was not driving it at the time in question.
The kid has an excuse for everything he does and he’s not quite three. It made me wonder if he’ll grow up to party as hard as he plays and use some of these gems. From CNN.com, the best excuses for being late to work:
1. While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.
2. Someone stole all my daffodils.
3. I had to go audition for American Idol.
4. My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.
5. My route to work was shut down by a Presidential motorcade.
6. I have transient amnesia and couldn’t remember my job.
7. I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.
8. The line was too long at Starbucks.
9. I was trying to get my gun back from the police.
10. I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.
Or, from careerbuilder.com, the best excuses for calling in sick:
3. An employee’s dog wasn’t feeling well, so the employee tasted the dog’s food and then got sick.
4. “Someone put LSD in my salad.”
5. An employee’s roommate locked all his clothes in a shed for spite.
6. “Stuck on an island – canoe floated away.”
7. An employee was upset because his favorite American Idol contestant was voted off.
8. “I didn’t think I had to come in if I had time in my vacation bank. I thought I could take it whenever I wanted.”
9. An employee said he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to rest up for the company’s holiday party that night.
10. A groundhog bit the employee’s car tire, causing it to go flat.
67 Comments »
67 Responses to “Excuses, excuses”
nancyg on 04 Aug 2009 at 1:50 am #
If I had a dollar for every time an employee came up & said they lost power overnight, the alarm clock reset, yada, yada, yada. an oldie but goodie.
My senior year in high school, I called in sick to go see our high school football team play in the state championship. Did I mention high school football in Texas is practically a religion? I worked in the video dept. of an appliance store – think Best Buy. Well, the game was televised, and my face was broadcast live on over 200 TVs all over the store!
My kids try the whole “I don’t have any homework” or “I did all my homework at school” lines until I pull up their class syllabus & call them on it. I can also look up their grades and attendance up-to-the-minute online as well.
The BEST excuse was my senior year of high school (again!) sitting in 1st period English. My friend comes in REALLY late, you could hear him running down the hall. He appears with his books under 1 arm, a clump of weeds (roots & dirt clods attached) in his other hand. He apolgized for being late, but stopped to pick the glorious “wildflowers” on the side of the road for the teacher. She laughed out loud, and excused his tardiness for creativity.
pri.r. on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:31 am #
julia!
i’m so confused. could you please clear this up for me, and i don’t mean any offence by the following questions at all:
1. is the cutest toddler ever you baby boy? as in.. biologically your baby boy? i remember hearing stories about him all of a sudden so i’ve been a little confused since then
2. is he a complete genius or what!? jebus. i wish i could come up with excuses/stories that fast…would really help me with getting out of english homework at school
and i don’t think i can remember a really good excuse, except the other day i actually ran past a friend without saying hi, because i couldn’t actually see clearly as i had just run into a metal pole. trust me ladies. do not try that at home. or anywhere for that matter.
Judy F on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:55 am #
Good Luck on the potty training.
The best excuse I have heard was from a co-worker. When she called in saying she wouldn’t be in was because….SHe couldn’t get her s**t together. LOL
Freedom Writer on 04 Aug 2009 at 5:11 am #
My daughter once told me that she was so irresponsible because she lives too close to dh and me. She also figured that if she moved to someplace like Texas that she would be more responsible because she wouldn’t have us to help her. I said “Texas? Nobody in there right mind wants to live in Texas.”
I guess I was able to talk some sense into her because now she is at least talking about Washington State.
And Julia, don’t worry too much about the potty training. I guarantee that by the time he gets married he will be potty trained. I cannot, however, guarantee that his aim will have improved any.
Karen Rose on 04 Aug 2009 at 5:59 am #
About two years ago, the dog really did eat my daughter’s homework. I kind of thought it was hilarious. Her teacher didn’t agree. That woman had a serious sense of humor issue.
Lisa H on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:03 am #
Oh Julia, I will post later after I stop laughing…I think someone put LSD inb my salad too!
SuzyQ on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:28 am #
I would respond today but I can’t find my keyboard
SuzyQ on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:31 am #
Just kidding – I have a co-worker who calls in for “mental health” days. And my kids have a million. Just this morning I tried to get my daughter up and she said “Mom, I’m in the middle of a dream and I want to finish it”.
LoriHandeland on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:35 am #
This kid cracks me up. He’s going to keep you hopping, Julia.
I’ve stopped making up excuses because every time I lied, the lie became a self fulfilling prophecy. Probably because I felt so guilty. Call in sick because I have a sore throat. Got one. Say I sprained my ankle, I did. Luckily I’m no longer required to be somewhere at a certain time for work any more. Yee, ha!!
I can’t think of a good excuse anyone’s used on me but I once told #2 son that I’d given all his pacifiers away to a baby who had none so he had to be a big boy and do without. I thought it was a good excuse. He said, “Get them back.”
LoriHandeland on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:36 am #
Forgot to add that I figured if he was old enough to say “get them back” he was old enough not to need a sucky anymore. And I was right. He forgot about them pretty quickly.
evlqn on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:43 am #
Once my oldest son told his teacher he couldn’t hand in his homework because his brother ate it. His brother actually had eaten it, he was angry. We had to post a no eating homework rule.
Try bribery with CTE, we trained the g-sons with Happy Meal toys, they got to choose one from a collection every time they went in the potty instead of their dar-dars. Freedom Writer is correct, aim is optional.
Mooslady on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:46 am #
I completely sympathize with the potty training. My older 3 DDs trained with no issues at 26 months. DD#4 was nearly 4 before she began. She was “too busy” and when that didn’t work would throw herself on the floor screaming rather than use the potty. I call her my alien child, everything I thought I learned from the older 3 doesn’t work with her. Luckily, child #5 is more like the older 3 and is working on potty training by her choise not mine. I was planning to wait. She took off the diaper and demanded to use the potty.
I once had the cat unplug my alarm clock and had to call in late. My boss suggested getting rid of the cat. I think the I couldn’t get it together excuse would take the prize for most honest, although perhaps not a valid excuse for a boss.
Freshechelle on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:49 am #
I’ve had the usual “got a flat tire” but by the third time in a month, it was no longer acceptable. Not many people have 3 flat tires in 10 yrs.
Worked with one guy who said his wife was on dialysis and the transplant list which effected his attendance yet for 2 yrs he could never provide a single doctors note to confirm it was true.
I knew someone who took several weeks off for a broken wrist because he “couldn’t drive” with the cast on. Then he tried to show up for a sales meeting out of town which promised to be fun – apparently he was well enough to carry his luggage. Not on my watch, he didn’t.
Good luck with potty training. I’ve heard boys are harder to train and resist the process longer than girls.
Jennifer on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:50 am #
Julia,
I’m not a big person for excuses — my life is pretty much my excuse (don’t ask).
But since I have The Cutest Preschool Boy ever, I thought I’d toss something out for you (not that you NEED the advice, but that it was my experience).
I’m a fairly laid back person in many regards, but I was getting very frustrated with the potty thing. He’d pee in his diaper, then he’d scream for it to be changed, then pee in the clean one almost immediately. I was spending a fortune on diapers! So, since the weather was warm… Obviously letting him run around naked helped, but so did me giving him some creative ways to pee. We put cheerios in the toilet for him to aim at. We gave him popsicles if he pottied (I am NOT above bribery!) and… here’s the controversial bit… I let him pee outside. He LOVED it. He would “water” the trees, the bushes, whatever. Totally redneck, but between the 3 things, it got him out of diapers in less than 3 days — seriously. Granted he was mostly “housebroken” not “potty trained” but the peeing outside thing was “cured” pretty darn quickly! Easy, quick, and I’ve gotten some devoted followers out of it!
Deb Marlowe on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:03 am #
LOL_–Tasted the dog’s food? That one deserved to be sick.
My favorite excuses come from when I worked in the medical field and more than once had to deal with women giving birth who hadn’t known they were pregnant.
“I thought it was indigestion.” Man, I wish I could have compared my labors to indigestion!
“I thought I gained weight because I’d been eating a lot of ice cream.”
My fave: “The baby was born in the toilet because I thought those were some serious stomach cramps.”
Jeez.
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:16 am #
I had an employee many moons ago who was a raging alcoholic. Sad, but true. She would frequently call in but she was always really honest. “I am so hungover.” I’d rather she lied about it, honestly, because that is so infuriating. Once, okay. But the fortieth time it’s infuriating. And it was government, so it took forever to fire her.
dbrown3400 on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:17 am #
DD#2 and I will soon face potty training my granddaughter. Since I’m her caregiver during the day, much of the responsibility will fall on me. Both my girls were early learners, so I hope we have the same luck with the baby. BTW, she’s the cutest GD ever. LOL
I once had an employee who was habitually late and when I would ask her for a reason, she wouldn’t make up anything, just say, “I know.” She didn’t last too long. We also suspected her of being on drugs, which was the final straw, but her lateness excuse was rather flimsy.
TrishD on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:18 am #
The excuse that comes from my mouth most often is “I forgot”. Which sadly isn’t really an excuse anymore, but a curse of my ever diminishing memory.
No advice on the potty training Julia, sorry. My daughter fought it until the week before she went to pre-school. Nothing we tried worked and then all of a sudden she went to the bathroom as though she had been doing it for years. It was a proud day in our household!
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:22 am #
Nancy, that is hilarious about the football game! hahahaaa!
Pri.r., the cutest toddler ever was formerly the cutest baby ever. He is our grandson and lives with us. But I am really vain and can’t accept that I am old enough to have a grandson (but I am), so I don’t bring that part up much.
Freedom, Nancy and Judy and I are going to let that crack slide. This time.
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:31 am #
I am a firm believer in dogs eating anything, as I had two that ate anything. But Evlqn, a brother eating the homework? ha! That is hilarious!
SuzyQ — I worked with a guy once who was super religious. He was gone a lot for some very obscure holidays that no one could pronounce. But it was government, so no one could say, “Really, Joe? The feast of the obilooontapow?”
Lori, that is hilarious! But it gives me an idea — give all the diapers to a baby who needs it.
Mooslady, he;s going to be three this month and shows absolutely no interest. So I’m a little fearful that we might be headed to 4.
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:33 am #
Jennifer, we’ve tried cheerios and stickers and all of that. But we have not tried peeing outside thing. We might have to try that!
Deb, seriously? You mean that women are pregnant and don’t know it in real life and its not a move on Lifetime? Seriously??
Augh, Trish! You’re killing me! These stories of kids potty training so quickly make me want to cry. I would give anything if that would happen!
Kerri on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:35 am #
With my daughter, nothing seemed to be working to motivate her for potty training. At the time, the Rugrats cartoon was popular and on TV. They had an episode about Chuckie learning to use the potty. She was fascinated, and watched it completely enthralled. She was completely potty trained after that and it only took about two days. If you can find it to rent at the local library, or something similar in cartoon form, I highly recommend it!
LoriHandeland on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:40 am #
Both my boys were a pain in the behind (ha!) to train. ANd they both trained basically on their own once I threw in the towel. #1 son took one look at his baby brother’s dirty diaper and said, take mine off. That was it, he never went in his pants again.
#2 son didn’t train until he was 3.5. He loved to go to the park. I put training pants on him and said, “If you go in them, we come home.” He did and we did and he was trained.
Oh, and for some reason guys like to go outside. I figure, knock yourself out, pal.
Nicole Jordan on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:48 am #
LOL, Julia. These are so funny… and so are everyone else’s stories.
I can’t remember the excuses I was given during my early working years, although I remember being very frustrated when folks didn’t show up for work. I do recall one of the managers later getting fired because he was spending a lot of company time getting his pilot’s license, flying small airplanes. He must have made up excuses about that.
Best of luck on the potty training! I’m not a good one to ask since I’ve only worked with dogs and cats, not humans. But the advice here sounds great.
Jennifer on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:51 am #
Ms. London,
I really believe that going outside was what pushed it over the edge for him. The rest was mainly a diversion. Being able to be like a puppy, though? That made it FUN for him. I highly recommend it, so long as you’re not worried it will seem too “low class”. My neighbors thought it was gross, but they only have girls. My oldest, a girl, fought me to no end — it was all about control for her. I’d like to say I won, but it really wasn’t anything that *I* did. She just didn’t want to cut off her nose to spite her face (or me) any more.
Freedom Writer on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:58 am #
Lori, when we lived in Oshkosh I had neighbors with that same philosophy about guys who liked to go outside, but I had to object strenuously when the 30 year old and his friends went outside in plain site while my 7 year old daughter played in the yard right next door.
LoriHandeland on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:02 am #
I agree, Freedom. Should have pointed out that they do this up north at the cabin only. We live in a suburb so outside isn’t an option around here.
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:18 am #
Jennifer, I will try anything. But I do need to run this one past Jack London. We live in a suburb, too, so not sure if it’s a kosher guy thing to do. And yes, Freedom, 30 year olds in front of kids is a little much!
As for excuses, the favorite one around here right now is that it is too hot. Too hot to cook, too hot to do laundry, too hot to run to the store, etc. And everyone agrees!
KarenC on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:29 am #
I had a scout parent apologize for not bringing his boy to mtgs for several mths because “I was too drunk to drive.”
For three mths?
Oooooooooooooookay…
kay on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:37 am #
I don’t remember is my excuse…
When we potty trained my daughter, we sewed buttons on the waist band of her training pants. She didn’t want to potty in her pretty pants, so it was over relatively quick.
RhondaGail on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:49 am #
One of the best excuses my husband has had lately was one of his employees wanted to take a sick day on a Monday because he called in ’sleepy’.
Another worker over the span of about 5 years had her grandmother die at least 8 times. It got to be a joke where the next funeral was going to be.
Good luck the the potty training.
Sewicked on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:50 am #
Once, while working at a fast food joint in college, my boyfriend called his boss, right before dashing out the door to catch the bus, that he couldn’t come to work because he was having a bad hair day. His boss laughed and told him to get into work anyway, knowing that BF was joking. Boss told his boss, without adding that BF was already on his way to work. 2nd boss had an absolute raging hissy fit! “Call him back & tell him to get his [expletive deleted] to work or he won’t have a job” etc, etc. Just as BF walked in the door.
My excuses? I go for honesty as the best policy. I have called in, at 6 am for a job that started at 8; “I had insomnia all night & I’m wiped. I’m finally going to sleep so I won’t be there today.”
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 9:06 am #
I love these people who drink or do drugs who freely admit that’s why they can’t function that particular day. Isn’t that wild?
Kay, if only the CTE thought his clothes were pretty. SIGH. Got some Batman underpants for that reason, but he was only mildly interested in them.
RhondaGail, does the co-worker not remember she’s used the grandmother thing like eight times? That’s hilarious. I think I’d keep a chart in the kitchen. Dead uncle, check. Dead grandma, check…
Sewicked, honesty is a good policy. Unless you are calling in because you are too drunk to drive. That one just kills me, LOL
Madeline Hunter on 04 Aug 2009 at 9:07 am #
Since I am also a teacher, I deal with excuses all the time. I tend to believe the car broke down ones. I cut slack on the computer ate my paper/the printer would not work/the system went down/the electricity was off, even though most times it is just an excuse.
I turn into S. Holmes when a grandmother died, however. Using that as an excuse if it is not true is just icky to me. It really pushes my buttons (No, I am not a grandmother). Heaven forbid Lori is right, and excuses come true, right? So for this one excuse I start demanding proof. Death notices, calls from Moms. It is pretty clear from the get-go which kids really had a death in the family (I do not hassle them) and which are making it up, and I nail the latter. You want a break from this prof, be creative or be typical, but don’t go killing off Grandma.
Connie H on 04 Aug 2009 at 9:10 am #
Julia,
I had to laugh (hard) when I read the excuse so very funny, lost in the fog was the best. As for the potty issue, I also “housebroke” my son. He was adamant that he was not going to wear big boy pants; he told me he was too busy (I ask you, what does a 3 year have on his calendar, really?). During a family vacation, we drove through the Blue Ridge Parkway, miles and miles of mountains, trees, and rocks. We told him that if he promised not to pee in his pants we would let him pee on rocks at every stop, simply a little boys dream. He was housebroken by the time we returned home. Hooray! He is 16 now and he told me recently that he still loves to pee on a rock. (boys!)
Claudia Dain on 04 Aug 2009 at 9:17 am #
I had an employee once who didn’t come to work because he had some witch thing to attend that was the gay party of the year. As you can tell, his reason didn’t penetrate my brain. All I remember is that he was a witch and he was gay.
I really liked this guy, he was a great employee; that said, I think he should have put more effort into a better excuse, one that would have impressed me and stuck with me. Something along the lines of, “I was rowing to work and a witch disguised as a frog stole my oar. I then had to swim for it, but there was a triathlon event in progress and, wouldn’t you know, I came in third! Naturally, I had to stay for photos and interviews. I’m scheduled to be on Regis and Kelly next Thursday. Would you like a ticket?”
TrishD on 04 Aug 2009 at 9:40 am #
Claudia, I just love your “better” excuse! Can I call you the next time I need to take a “mental health” day and need a unique excuse??
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 9:51 am #
I was wondering about you, Madeline, thinking you’d heard some doozies.
Claudia, did someone put LSD in your salad? haha! You could create a service for this–Creative Excuses for Workerbees.
Okay, that is two for letting the CTE pee outside!
Claudia Dain on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:46 am #
Hey, another job title? I’ll take it. President and CEO of Creative Excuses for Workerbees. I’m in!
Julia, Number Two Son used to run hell for leather from his bedroom, down a flight of stairs, through the house and out the back door so that he could pee in the woods. Never mind that he passed two bathrooms in his flight. They LOVE to pee outdoors.
Suzanne Enoch on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:51 am #
I was wondering where my forklift went.
Kathleen O on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:02 am #
Oh I loved this post…
One of my nieces used that the potty monster always was trying bite her bum!!!!
I thought this was hysterical..
I can always use the “traffic” as a reson for being late for work. Not orgianl but it works..
Jennifer on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:03 am #
Freedom,
There’s definitely a huge difference between a 30 year old man peeing in plain sight, and a (then) 2 year old boy doing it.
As he’s gotten older (he’s 4 now) we’ve taught him that he has to go in hidden areas. Not to mention that sometimes it’s not even an option to go to a bathroom (there are playgrounds without even porto-johns). The worst is when he has to poop, though, and there’s no where but the great outdoors. He doesn’t really like that one. But the peeing? Hoo boy is it fun.
Ms. London,
I’m glad I’m not the only one who “housebroke” her boy. I got *some* negative reactions (we live in a fairly affluent suburb of DC, with a lot of up-and-coming yuppies), but it made MY life easier and stress was the *last* thing I needed to add to my life. If it helps your Cutest Toddler get through it, I say it’s ALL kosher.
to them.)
(And hey, your neighbors should feel lucky to have a famous author in their midst, not get all prissy because a boy is acting like a boy. So
Rachel Gibson on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:10 am #
When I was in 10th grade I called in sick at the drive inn where I worked. I told the boss I had chicken pox. Since chicken pox is contagious, he demanded a doc’s note. Needless to say, I was fired.
Worst excuse I’ve ever heard was from the president of a local RWA chapter, “I can’t make the meeting this month. I have to stay home today and pack up my winter sweaters.”
Rachel
Kerri on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:17 am #
In regards to the peeing outside thing – my husband has told me that his dream home would come with enough land and enough privacy so that he could pee outside – not that he would (he claims), but just having the option to do so is what he wants. Must be some kind of primal marking thing with males!
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:18 am #
Claudia, lets call it Creative Excuse for Lazy Workerbees,and then you could be the President of CEWL (of course you’d have to pronounce it cool to be cewl).
Suzanne, that explains it — I was wondering where we got a forklift.
kathleen, the traffic is good, and I admit to using that a few times myself. By the time I got around to going, traffic was no longer an issue, but I reasoned it would be if I’d left earlier, so…there you go.
Haha, Rachel – -was there a winter sweater emergency?
1slkchk on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:20 am #
I had an employee call in once and said, “He bumped his head and knocked himself out”. I figured he was a workmans comp. case waiting to happen and decided to let him go. I never got the chance since he didn’t show up the next day either. He was a machinist and worked with power tools. Very scary!
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:21 am #
Kerri, the men in my family use the outdoor facilities, too, especially when we are at the mountain house. But I don’t know about the suburbs.
Susan in AZ on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:42 am #
I like the presidential motorcade excuse, but it doesn’t always work that way. The one and only time I encountered a presidential motorcade, I simply joined it. I was NOT going to be late to work that day! The Secret Service may not have liked me, but they couldn’t legally keep me away from my workplace.
The most creative excuse from an employee went like this: “I was on my way to work this morning when a cop pulled me over, then he arrested me. The next thing I knew, I was in court, explaining why this was the fourth time this month I was arrested for DWI. I swear, I haven’t had anything to drink since last night. I can’t come to work today because I’m going to prison for six months, starting now.”
That one was sad, but true. Why do alcoholics not realize that it takes more than four hours for all the gunk to clear out of their system?
It seems that whatever bribe works for potty training depends on the child in question. Pretty underpants and M&Ms work for little girls, boys are more difficult IMHO.
colinfirthfan on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:48 am #
Potty training… so glad I’m done with that.
I found it the easiest thing in the world to potty train the older one. Every time he had to poop, he’d hide under the table thinking we can’t see him. I’d grab him and run to the bathroom.
Younger one was much more stubborn. He started pre-school and in 2 days we had stopped the diapers.
My advice… put him in pre-school.
In the excuses dept.. I heard a doozy from my 5 yr old last night. The reason he wants to sleep with me last night.. in case there is an earthquake the bunk bed might fall on him. (we live in San Fran bay area).
I took him back up to bed and told him the bunk bed wouldn’t fall on him.
freshechelle on 04 Aug 2009 at 12:14 pm #
Rachel’s RWA story reminds me of a favorite line from the old Stephen Colbert sitcom Strangers with Candy, from a stepmother to her stepdaughter in the emergency room:
I got here as soon as I felt like it.
Lisa H on 04 Aug 2009 at 12:56 pm #
Thank you Julia!!!!! I just won one of your arcs for Summer of Two Wishes!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Kathy on 04 Aug 2009 at 2:05 pm #
I came in late to this blog because I woke up at 5:30am and have been a zombie all day. got any brains?
As for the peeing out side thing?
My 3 yr old great nephew Hunter was stubbornly refusing to go potty. his nana, thinking this would be fun for him, suggested he could pee out side.
He got really indignant and said “I’m not a dog!”
What she and his parents did was just not buy any more diapers and told him there weren’t any to use when they ran out. no pull ups either.
plus, I’ve found in my training of little boys, is that if just put them in sweat pants or other loose clothing without underwear, they “feel” the need to pee faster and don’t like the feeling of peeing in the pants. You do get puddles occasionally but if you take him to the bathroom every hr or so, you’re only training yourself, not him.
Just get into the habit of asking him if he needs to pee.
let him say no, then ask him again in 15mins.
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 2:09 pm #
1sikchk — hahaha! I love these people that confess to stupidity. It makes me laugh.
Susan, at least the criminal justice system took care of your problem for you
Colinfirth, I thought I had learned to recognize all the signs, too, but alas, I have not. Your son sounds like a toddler I know. Very creative!
Fresh, that makes me laugh. Good line!
Lisa H, don’t thank me, thank Goddess Kim. She has all the keys to the kingdom. Hope you enjoy it
Paula on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:04 pm #
Ooooh Julia potty training ! been there twice and got the t-shirt!! LOL
Have you looked for Thomas pants? My boys had Thomas pants and loved them.
Another suggestion (JAck London might not go for it!) let him see Jack London having a pee and he might get the iodea also try him standing up at the toilet like big boys and men do.
It worked for both of mine.
my boys love saying can we pee ‘french style?’ This is bascically outside as in France when driving along you quite often see cars pulled over at the side of the road and men having a pee!!
My boys also say ‘I’m going to give you a french kiss!!’ What they mean is kiss each chhek twice. I haven’t enlightened them yet they are still too young IMHO to know the other type of French Kissing!!
Good luck with potty training and let us know how the CTE gets on.
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:32 pm #
Paula, he has seen Jack London in all his glory, and while he is fascinated, he is not so fascinated he wants to potty train. I think the French style of peeing is a great idea. Who knew that boys and men alike could be so enthralled with it?
SuzyQ on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:57 pm #
Have you tried the Cheerios in the bowl? Drop a couple Cheerios in the toilet and have him try to aim and “sink” them. Kids love to play games.
Janae on 04 Aug 2009 at 4:38 pm #
Just wondering how old the cutest toddler is because most boys don’t potty train until they’re 3. My ds would tell me that he was just “too busy to go pee in the toliet.” I’ve no idea what finally made it click for him. Maybe preschool. My dd was, well, difficult in different ways. She’s very strong-willed, so we didn’t push her. Then, one day she was ready; the next day, she didn’t want to wear a diaper or panties to preschool. I had to bribe her with what was supposed to be a stocking stuffer to get her to wear panties.
Just last month my dd told me she was dying and couldn’t go to pre-k class that day. She made her body all limp, etc. So I started to tell her how we’d have to take her to the hospital. At the hospital they’d probably put a “straw” in her arm just like they did when she was sick in NY in 2008. They’d have to take her blood too (this is the child who was screaming, ‘Don’t suck my blood. Stop sucking my blood,’ at last year’s physical during the blood draw at the top of her lungs.). Wouldn’t you know, she perked right up, went to pre-k, and had fun. I have to give her credit since this was better than the usual, ‘I’ve broken arms and legs’ excuse.
amy1242 on 04 Aug 2009 at 4:53 pm #
Lol, cute stories everyone! I had one kid potty trained before they turned three and one not trained until 4 years and two stinkin’ months! People just kept telling me they do it on their own time and terms, when they are ready, it happens. The pull-ups were a great invention. Once in those, they wanted normal undies (the pull ups tend to be krinkley and a little stiffer than a regular diaper).
As far as excuses go, I suck at any type of deception. I tried to do the sick thing once. Got caught. Never did it again. I’m taking notes today though. I’ll let you know how it goes on my next try!
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 5:10 pm #
SuzyQ we have tried cheerios, stickers, and caramel marshmallows as a treat. They all worked once or twice and then he is done with that treat.
Surely, surely, he won’t embarrass me and go to school in diapers. I am hopeful that the lightbulb goes off for him like it has every other kid mentioned today!!
Louisa Cornell on 04 Aug 2009 at 5:22 pm #
These area some great excuses. I’m taking notes! As a former school teacher (bless you Madeline if you are still in the game!) I heard lots of excuses, most of them LAME !! However, once I started grading the excuses the quality improved a great deal. My students began to compete with each other to come up with progressively more creative excuses.
“I couldn’t get my jeans to zip.”
“I stayed up late reading that Shakespeare dude you told us to read. “Man, Macbeth’s wife was a real *itch! He should have killed HER!” I gave this excuse a 93 as after further questioning I realized he had indeed read the play.
We even had a leader board with the names of the top ten excusers with their excuses. The highest score I ever gave an excuse was a 95. When my students asked what kind of excuse would get a 100 I said :
“Death. With a note written two weeks ahead of time.”
The excuse that got a 95? “JR stole my last pair of clean underwear.” The reason I believed him? He showed up later that day and gave JR a wedgie so that I could see his name (Tom) stitched in the waistband of the underwear JR was wearing.
Sabrina Jeffries on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:42 pm #
Y’all are really cracking me up!!! I love these stories.
The only funny “excuse” I can think of is when my twin niece and nephew (5 years old at the time) tried to explain to their mother that they were joining her in bed while their father was out of town because they didn’t want her to be “lonely.” No matter how much she protested that it was okay, she wasn’t lonely, they insisted that they knew she was, and they were going to be there for her. Those two are wily, I tell you!
Barbie Furtado on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:36 pm #
This who excuse thing is funny, because, sometimes, when something like that *does* happen, people just won’t believe it. This one time, my aunt sent a note to my cousin’s teacher, saying the dog had eaten his homework. The teacher was enraged, called her at school, and told her off, saying it was one thing for the kids to lie about this, but the parents… Lectured her that she was being a bad example and she should be ashamed of herself.
Well, the dog *had* eaten his homework.
Jennifer on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:38 pm #
Out of curiosity, could someone please tell me why my last comment was moderated and then never posted? It wasn’t bad, and I didn’t use any words that had not been mentioned before, except for poop, which was about the potty training talk. I’d love to know what I said wrong so as to avoid it in the future. Could one of the moderators please email me? Or let me know here? Either way, I’m very confused.
Julia London on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:03 pm #
Jennifer, I wish I knew. I went in and approved it. I think the moderation is automatic and none of us is approving or disapproving messages. But it seems like my last couple of blogs, this has happened to posters. I have no idea why, but I fixed it, and if it happens again, let us know and we’ll fix it again!
barbara on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:07 pm #
Once I had to tell my class that I couldn’t return their graded homework to them – my dog ate it! True story, not an excuse. But it was still funny.
Jennifer on 05 Aug 2009 at 6:54 am #
Ms. London,
Thanks bunches! This has happened at other blogs, but when I ask, no one replies. I just want to make sure I’m not breaking some rule I haven’t figured out yet.
jess on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:50 pm #
I am a little late to this…but had to add my two cents… i am a teacher- 5th/6th grade- and have heard many excuses for late homework… but this year i literally could not keep a straight face after one of my students came in without her homework… before i asked, she said- ” I don’t have my homework because i was sleepwalking and hid it on myself… really Mrs. S… this is true, you can ask my mom. I sleepwalk and took all the stuff out of my backpack and now i can’t find it…”
I honestly didn’t know what to say, although i did know that she is a sleepwalker and mom did verify… however it took alot to not laugh at this poor 11 year old. (it should be noted that she never turned in late work, so it was also very out of character for her… )