Pomp and Circumstance
Jun 10th 2009
KimOn Writing! & When Goddesses Fall To Earth
NOTE: This blog was originally going to go up the last week of May, before graduation. Its something I still wanted to share with all of you so here’s what was in my heart the last month.
Next week my son will reach a milestone in his life. He will walk across a stage with several hundred of his peers and graduate from high school. He will wear his honors cords, shake the hand of his principal, step off that stage and start the next phase of his life. In that one brief moment he will transcend from boy, student, teen-ager into manhood, adulthood. He will be responsible for himself and his actions. He is now registered to vote, registered for the draft and able to buy lottery tickets.
To say I’m bereft and panicking is to put it mildly. Several of the Goddesses and my friends have been the recipients of blubbering phone calls and rambling emails. They’ve all said the same things “Be proud of the man you raised” and “Relax, it will be okay”. But I’ve had one solid rock through this experience. My son. He regularly tells me “don’t worry, I’m not leaving yet” with a tender hug. When I cried in the middle of ordering his cake he didn’t roll his eyes and walk away. He gave me a hug. My son knows how to love and show compassion. Mission accomplished!
My son is a man now and one I am damn proud of. As we approached his 18th birthday and my panic set in I felt the need to give him words of wisdom. To share some of my life’s lessons with him.
Some of the things I hope to teach him are:
1. Find a job you love and you’ll never feel like you’re working. There is no misery like hating your job.
2. Protect your heart. Wait to make that lifelong commitment until you’re positive that she’s the other half of your heart. And don’t be promiscuous!
3. Be fair and honorable in all you do.
4. When you become a father be prepared to lose your heart.
5. You can either have a house full of things or a bank account full of money but not both. (That one’s from my husband.)
Next Sunday my son will graduate. My house has been a flurry of ordering food, planning menus and mailing invitations. Its also been a sense of great pride. Pride that swells so deep within me that it overwhelms the fear and panic. My son is a kind, unique, smart as hell young man and he is going to make his mark on this world. His mom couldn’t be prouder.
Please know that no family members were harmed leading up to or during graduation week end. There were tons of tears shed and lots of laughter. Each time Pomp & Circumstance started I bawled like a baby.
What words of wisdom do you have for Anthony as he embarks into the next phase of his life?
46 Comments »
46 Responses to “Pomp and Circumstance”
LisaK on 10 Jun 2009 at 3:52 am #
Congrats, Kim and Anthony! I love those robes and hats you wear on your graduation day (in Germany you wear ball gowns or simply elegant dresses resp. tuxedos or suits; maybe we’ll make a video of my graduation next year, we’ll see).
Anthony, be honest. Don’t lie to others or to yourself. Nothing can be so bad that you can’t say the truth about it. It’s always better to know how things stand and then decide, not the other way round. Belive me, people will respect and appreciate your honesty.
Kim on 10 Jun 2009 at 4:55 am #
Good morning goddesses!!
Lisa-excellent advice! I’d love to see your graduation next year. Our kids dress up underneath their gowns. Anthony wears a strict wardrobe of rock t-shirts and jeans. He wore khakis, dress shirt and a tie for this. He was SO handsome!
Do any of you remember your own graduations?
Judy F on 10 Jun 2009 at 5:16 am #
COngrats Kim and Anthony.
Anthony, stick to your guns no matter how others try to talk you into something. Holdfast to your principals.
Vaguely remember my hs graduation. Back in 1978. yikes.. It was in the huge church in downtown cincinnati. You had to dress nicely and for some of the girls it was the first time they ever saw heels. LOL
Deb Marlowe on 10 Jun 2009 at 5:34 am #
Congrats Kim! What an amazing accomplishment, to have raised a wonderful young man to send into the world!
Congrats Anthony! My advice is to enjoy the next few years, make them productive and fun together because they will set up your path to the rest of your life! Also, always remember the proud look on your mother’s face–it can be a great deterrent to temptation!
J Perry Stone on 10 Jun 2009 at 5:40 am #
Anthony,
Call your mother. When something new happens, when you’re upset about something, when you feel like laughing, when you miss her, when you need advice … call your mother.
Lord knows I do
J
Cail on 10 Jun 2009 at 5:57 am #
J, I totally agree. Once you leave, keep in GOOD touch with your family.
I remember my HS and Middle School graduation. In Middle School, one of my friends didn’t realize that you were supposed to wear clothes under the robes. Needless to say, the robes were white…
HS was nice. I walked with my friends and BF and had a lovely time. College graduation was a huge waste of my time. They made me go twice and the 2nd one was the whole university. hours long, in the hot sun… it was painful to sit through.
Cail on 10 Jun 2009 at 6:00 am #
and of course, CONGRATS!!
Margaret on 10 Jun 2009 at 6:23 am #
Congratulations to Anthony & his family.
Graduating from high school (or college) doesn’t mean it the end of your learning. You have barely scratched the surface on the things you’ll need/want to know as you walk thru life. Try to learn at least one new thing each day. It’s easy to do if you keep your mind open to it. It doesn’t have to be a major thing. Just so you learned something. I’m an old lady and still learning. It keeps my mind young.
You’ll have small lessons, big lessons, good ones, bad ones, bittersweet ones. Embrace them all for the knowledge they’ll give you.
Kim, I cried Monday night when my 6th grandchild graduated. 590 students in her class. P&C always makes me cry. Boys had to wear shirt, tie, dress pants. Girls had to wear dresses & high heels. Few did. They had to walk 1 1/2 blocks from the school to the stadium, fer cryin’ out loud. Olivia wisely wore flats.
J Perry Stone on 10 Jun 2009 at 6:35 am #
It’s important Cail. You have to stay close. But as I reread my comment … I realized the “Lord knows I do” comment made it seem like I always call MY mother.
While true, that’s not what I meant.
I meant I always call Anthony’s mother. Whenever something new happens, when I’m upset …
Kathy/Cookiedough on 10 Jun 2009 at 6:45 am #
sniff sniff!
my advice is always follow your conscience.
I remember my HS graduation back in ‘83. Not the actual ceremony- I zoned out during the speakers- but the endless picture taking after.
amy1242 on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:07 am #
Congrats Anthony & Kim! It’s new territory for the both of you. Enjoy what it brings. Anthony, work hard at the things that matter. If you feel you’ve made a mistake, turn down a different path and fix what you can. Believe in yourself and what you can accomplish. But most of all, have fun and view life as the adventure it is. I loved my college years and the years that followed. It was like a breath of fresh air, being out on my own and making all my own decisions. It’s when I did the most growing as a person and truly found out who I was and what I was made of.
Kim, don’t be afraid to give him space to grow. I know it’ll be hard, but you’ve got to let go a little. He’ll do great! Just look who raised him!! (great, now I’m tearing up)
Ronlyn on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:19 am #
My best advice is learn to laugh at yourself. It’s at times very hard to go through life with a smile, especially when things aren’t going your way, but it’s the one thing that everyone responds well to. If you can treat yourself kindly, with honesty and at times a rueful smile, other times with joyful laughter nothing will bring you down.
Congrats to Anthony and Kim!
Kim on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:22 am #
Excellent advice, ladies!
Cail-that is just sadistic.
Margaret-very wise, Olivia!
The worst part of this ceremony was that there was limited seats so it was first come/first sit. My mom went 2 hours early to save us a block of seats. She was pretty darn tired of sitting on that wood bench. The actual ceremony went pretty fast, 1 1/2 hour.
I was surprised that they had a prayer and did the pledge of allegiance. Pleasantly surprised, as I’d heard a lot of schools weren’t doing them anymore.
Do schools still do valedictorians? We had an outstanding boy and girl and the top 10 students. Is that the norm now?
Kim on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:23 am #
awww, J. Ditto!
LoriHandeland on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:29 am #
Congratulations, Kim!
For Anthony (love that name btw. #2 son was nearly an Anthony.)
Just because you’ve picked a college (or a job or a trade) doesn’t mean you have to stay there. If you don’t like it you can change. People do. All the time. You aren’t trapped. You’re 18! Go out and try things. (legal things, please.)
My high school graduation was supposed to take place on the football field but the rain took us inside to the gym. Which was crowded, muggy and HOT. Everyone had a marble, which we were supposed to give to the superintendent when he shook our hand. The joke would be when he had over 400 marbles in his pockets. Ha-ha. High school humor.
Rachel Gibson on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:35 am #
Congrats Kim!
The best advice I gave my son as he headed off to college was: “You have your whole life to become an alcoholic. Don’t make it your first priority.”
I think it worked. He doesn’t drink and hates bars.”
Rachelg
Pesky on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:37 am #
Congratulations! You’ve hatched an adult!
I like Winston Churchill’s words of advice:
“If you’re going though hell, keep going.”
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
“If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they have only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another.”
“It is no use saying, ‘We are doing our best.’ You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.”
Winston did ok for himself, these are just a few of the words of advice I go back to. And here’s words of advice from me:
“Life never promised to be fair, just equitable. Sometimes you just gotta put on your big boy pants, quit whining and get on with things .”
Pesky on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:40 am #
Ahhh, sorry, college advice:
1. Books first play later.
2. If you get the feeling you shouldn’t be someplace, leave.
3. When your roomate says “Dude, smell this…” don’t, for the love of all that’s holy just dont.
Sabrina Jeffries on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:46 am #
Rachel, you made me lol this morning with your advice. Such good advice!
Kim, congratulations to Anthony! You must be so proud.
My advice isn’t original, but it’s one of my favorite pieces of advice: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Enjoy the ride. Don’t be so focused on the goal that you ignore the journey, because the journey is the best part. Trust me. *G*
Trish on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:51 am #
Congratulations on raising a wonderful son! He obviously had great role models. And congrats Anthony for making it through high school and graduating!! I’m sure your mother isn’t the only person you’ve made proud of you.
My favorite quote is “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” That is my advice for Anthony. This quote has helped me over the years to not get discourage as I grow older. Hopefully you will be happy with the choices you make in your life, but if not just remember that quote and know that it is true.
Try as hard as I do to not remember high school, I do remember graduation. We had an outdoor ceremony and I walked with one of my best friends (who 14 years later became my husband). My college graduation was my b-day present to my dad… the ceremony was the day before his b-day.
Madeline Hunter on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:08 am #
Congratulations! To both of you. It is a very emotional moment, so I understand the blubbering
You covered the advice pretty well, I think. One thing I would add is this: People with integrity are highly valued in the world, even by (and maybe especially by) those who don’t have integrity themselves. When the day comes when you have to choose whether to be a person with integrity or not—and that day will come, for certain, many times—choose right over wrong and you will never regret it long term, even if it means you lose something alluring short term.
Margaret on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:22 am #
Kim – “I was surprised that they had a prayer and did the pledge of allegiance. Pleasantly surprised, as I’d heard a lot of schools weren’t doing them anymore.
Do schools still do valedictorians? We had an outstanding boy and girl and the top 10 students. Is that the norm now?”
I don’t know about other schools, but we said the Pledge of Allegiance. With “under God” in it. You never know about that. The odd thing is, that phrase isn’t original to the Pledge. I’m not sure when it was added, but I’m old enough to remember it being done. And having a hard time remembering to say it each morning. I’m thinking it must have been early 50’s. Maybe during the McCarthy era. I don’t know why I think that but it would fit in with the Red Menace stuff.
There was a valedictorian and he gave an outstanding speech. Top 10 students. Ditto. And 3 other student speakers. Plus assorted faculty, etc. Mercifully, all were fairly brief. Who the heck remembers those speeches anyway? Here’s Olivia’s pictures if anybody’s interested. http://www.flickr.com/photos/cookeemama/sets/72157619435631719/
Margaret on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:23 am #
Oh Madeline! That is beautiful. And sooo true.
JudyPatooty on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:33 am #
Congratulations, Anthony! (And Momma Kim!)
I have no further words of advice, but just wanted to add a hearty “Ditto!” to everything everyone else has has so far.
Claudia Dain on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:34 am #
Oh, Kim, what a lovely tribute to your son and the Big Moment, those passage marking moments we remember forever!
I don’t have any advice for Anthony that hasn’t been given, plus, I think the day to day advice you gave him over eighteen years is going to bear fruit now. When they leave home, they don’t turn into something they weren’t, they reveal what they were all along.
Character is destiny.
Lorena on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:41 am #
1. If your mom said it when you were 10, it probably still applies when you’re 20. Especially when she asked you if Johnny’s mother let him jump off a bridge…
2. Take classes in subjects you aren’t interested in. You never know when you might find something–or someone–interesting that way. If you need to, remind yourself that women like smart men.
3. Don’t be afraid to take risks, but make ‘em count. If something starts with “I dare you,” you can bet that isn’t a risk you want to take. A risk that counts? Starting the business of your dreams, learning rock climbing, writing poetry, studying Farsi even though you flunked Spanish. Risks that don’t count? Almost anything that’s illegal or done for the purpose of impressing someone else. Impress yourself first.
4. If you aren’t sure, ask yourself “would I want my mom or one of her friends to know about this.” Remember, your mom’s friends write novels….do you really want to end up in one of goddess Karen R’s books, or goddess Lori’s books, as anything but the hero?
5. Discipline is remembering what you want.
6. Make the kind of memories you’ll want to tell your grandkids about.
nancyg on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:54 am #
Congrats, Kim! I’m right there with you – oldest daughter just graduated Monday night (one down, 2 to go)!! Her class was 1300+ and held at the Dallas Convention Center – limit of 6 tickets per family & the place was filled to the rafters!
Yes, they still do valedictorians as well as salutatorians. It’s a MAJOR competition here – the top 10% of her class had a 4.0 or above (honors classes).
This life is not a dress rehearsal – you only get one shot.
NEVER be afraid to call home. We’re always here for her. No matter how old you get, we will still be your parents.
Do what you love, the money will come.
Once you tell a lie, you’re stuck. It’s better to be honest right off the bat.
Be a leader, not a follower.
Learn from your mistakes – don’t repeat them.
That’s about it – the rest? she’ll have to figure it out as she goes…
Kim on 10 Jun 2009 at 9:08 am #
Oh Madeline, I love that.
Lorena-LOL @ #4! Right now I keep him in check by saying I’ll blog or twitter about it. Threatening him with K-Rawk’s books is even better.
Julia London on 10 Jun 2009 at 9:16 am #
congratulations Kim and Gil and Anthony! That is a job well done. My advice is grab at every opportunity life hands you to go out in the world. The world is a small place now and your parents will always be there, and you can always come home. But one day you will regret the chances to soar into new territory if you don’t take them when they come along.
Margaret, Olivia is beautiful! LOVE THAT HAIR!
Jamie on 10 Jun 2009 at 9:22 am #
Congrats to your son! I wish him only the best! BIG HUGS!!!
Your advice is wonderful. The things I will add is that you should at least enjoy what you do. You don’t have to love it, but you can’t hate it. Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you can’t do something you really want to do. You will regret it the rest of your life.
I wanted to be many things, but lack of ambition and people telling me that I could not make a living at what I wanted to do. So, being the good girl, I didn’t even try. Who knows if I would have succeeded or not. I think that if I had any ambition that I could have gotten a good job.
So, NUMBER ONE RULE – get ambition!
If you have ambition, you can get what you want and be happy and well, probably wealthy, too.
Good luck to your son and his future!
Kat on 10 Jun 2009 at 9:27 am #
Congrats Kim and Anthony!
From someone who has only been out of college for a short amount of time — if you’re going, don’t worry about staying in a dorm. You can meet all sorts of new people that you might be friends with the rest of your life. I know your mom won’t want to hear this, but Go to that party. Have fun! Yes you should study and make good grades, but you should also enjoy your life while you’re there. It’s possible to do both. I wrote a thesis and graduated with honors and I still never missed a good party. Enjoy it while you can before too much REAL life invades!
Emily Cotler on 10 Jun 2009 at 11:10 am #
Congrats Kim and Anthony! Here are three pieces of advice my father gave me. He said that there were plenty of things I would explore and learn, but there were three things that if I did, they would alter my own personal history and would/could cause huge ramifications and consequences and thieve from me some precious years of being young and/or result in major regrets. He said that life can be hugely fun, but there were a few things to avoid:
1. Never get into a car with someone who has been drinking, even if that someone is you.
2. Avoid pregnancy until you are much much older.
3. Do not get a tattoo. Branding your body is forever, and what is important to you now will likely not be important to you in ten years.
He added several things to embrace:
1. Travel. You will not have as much time and freedom to do it after school.
2. Do school to the fullest — take advantage of guest lectures and campus clubs. There is no place like college, and that includes the parties. You will not have nearly the opportunity to do it after school.
3. Explore music and art and books. They will still be there after school, but your mindset will be different.
All best! Now go forth and LIVE!
dbrown3400 on 10 Jun 2009 at 11:14 am #
Congratulations Anthony and Kim! My only advice is to pay attention to what everyone else has said here. Keep an open mind about these words of wisdom from those who have been there.
Lisa H on 10 Jun 2009 at 11:59 am #
Kim, Congrats on a wonderful job in the part one phase as a mom. You have raised a son who has become a responisble young man. The first part of your job is done, but as a mom, our jobs never end. Soon you will watch as he chooses a wife, maybe has a family, begins a career, changes careers and through it all your gentle encouragement will still be needed and wanted by him. Don’t be sad about your role being over, it never will be, it only changes!
Like Pesky, I am a fan of Churchill’s words and my advice to Anthony would be “Never, never, never, never give up.”
When life’s dilemmas seem impossible, keep working through, approach it from another angle, sleep on it, ask for advice, do research, take more courses to gain knowledge, but Never Never give up!
I also am a firm believer in traveling as much as possible before marraige and children. The world has so much to offer, don’t be afraid to get out there and experience it.
Kim on 10 Jun 2009 at 12:29 pm #
You are all so wise!
Nicole Jordan on 10 Jun 2009 at 3:50 pm #
Big congrats, Kim! I know you are so proud.
And that’s excellent advice you’re giving him!! And from all the other goddesses, too. Boy, I wish I’d had y’all to consult when I was at that stage of my life.
Kim on 10 Jun 2009 at 3:58 pm #
Nicole-I hear you! That’s been one of my biggest worries. When I was his age I had to learn all these lessons the hard way. Some took forever and some were very painful. I don’t want him to have to go through that stuff.
What are some of your fondest high school memories, everyone?
I remember my business teacher and how much she helped me to get my first job. She told me what to wear, how to wear my make up, did a mock interview with me, etc. Way above and beyond the call of duty.
Louisa Cornell on 10 Jun 2009 at 5:11 pm #
Kim, thanks for raising a fine young man. That is a rare feat these days and I truly appreciate it.
My advice would be – Never do anything today that you don’t want to read about in the papers tomorrow. (that goes for writing it down, YouTubing it or posting it on your Facebook page!)
Treat people better than they deserve. It will build up positive karma and confuse the hell out of them!
Always remember that you are a unique creation, full of powers and gifts you have only begun to realize. There will never be another person like you to walk this earth. Make it count.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not with people who drag you down. If you have a friend you are ashamed to introduce to your mother, chances are you don’t need that friend.
Life is frequently unfair. Hard work will always be the great equalizer!
People are going to try and keep you down. Remember – a successful, happy life is the best revenge!
evlqn on 10 Jun 2009 at 5:24 pm #
Congratulations Kim and Anthony! I remember sitting out in the hot sun while my son graduated from Culver High and being so very proud of his achievement and knowing that the friends he had made would last forever.
My youngest didn’t get to graduate with his class because we had moved from Calif. to Nevada to Oregon and the Oregon school did not let us know which classes he would have to take for the credits needed. I threw a Technicolor fit when I found out my A student son was shy some credits. The state of Oregon ended up paying for him to go to the community college to take the courses he needed. And he wanted that diploma so badly he walked from our house to LCC everyday, it was 21 miles from our house to the college.
My advice to Anthony, would be don’t let obstacles stop you from your dreams.
Karen Hawkins on 10 Jun 2009 at 6:43 pm #
Kim, that post made me teary-eyed! My son just graduated, too, and oh, it made me so happy and sad at the same time! But I know he’s got a level head on his shoulders (a new head, btw, because he used to have a very rebellious head on his shoulders, but this last year — wow, what a difference!), and he’ll do well.
Tell Anthony that the worst thing he can do is not ask for help when he needs it. The best thing he can do is ask for help when he needs it. That means he tries on his own and then, if things aren’t working out, he knows to go to his mother, his guidance counselor, the English or math lab, the professor of the class he’s struggling with, or whatever other ‘helpers’ he might have in his life.
I think Anthony is going to do very, very well. After all, he has YOU for a Mom!
evlqn on 10 Jun 2009 at 7:51 pm #
Karen, don’t you just love when the alien who has been inhabiting your child’s body leaves and your darling is returned to you? You just wake up one morning and he is BACK!
Kim on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:34 pm #
Karen-I’m glad I’m not crying alone! Everytime I watch that video I bawl. LOL. Yay you!!! Congratulations to you too.
Thank you so much, everyone for celebrating with me. This has just been such a wonderful time for Gil and I as parents. Anthony is our only one and he’s everything to us; everything he does is also a big ole deal for us. Its so nice to be able to celebrate with such good friends!
Santa on 10 Jun 2009 at 8:44 pm #
Honey, with a mom like you the kid’s destined for greatness. I don’t think I have many pearls of wisdom for Anthony but I can tell him what works for me. Seek out and surround yourself with people who share your values of hard work and integrity in all you say and do. If you go out into the world and treat it as you would want to be treated, with fairness and respect, it will return to you in kind a thousand fold.
It’s what I hope my husband and I are instilling in our children as they go out into the world of 7th, 5th and 3rd grades.
Congrats, Anthony and your marvelous parents!
Alice Faye on 12 Jun 2009 at 12:13 am #
Congratulations and as a cake decorator I want to thank you for saying to took time to plan everything on the menue. You see in the last 3 days I have already made and sold 39 graduation cakes and being that it starts Satruday I will have mothers flying into the store to see what is left.
You asked if we had any words of wisdom to impart. Someone told me as I reach out of that deploma think…your life as you know it is over and done…you aren’t a little kid anymore. Now go have cake and celebrate being an adult.
I remember that hot June afternoon in the Coliseum all 475 of us in caps and gowns. Three hours later heading to Myrtle Beach for rite of passage graduation weekend at the beach!
Caffey on 12 Jun 2009 at 1:14 am #
Congrats Anthony! My son too graduated last year. I’ve always told him to listen with both his head and his heart. Take a bit more time to think things through. Those plus and minus lists are great!
Laura on 12 Jun 2009 at 7:23 pm #
Nice post Kim! I like the advice you gave your son.