Six Karen Kommandments.

Mar 31st 2009
Karen HawkinsOn Writing!

74 Responses to “Six Karen Kommandments.”

1. Mooslady on 31 Mar 2009 at 4:51 am #

   How about …
   Do what you should or need to do without a fuss and all of us will be much happier.(often applies to kids doing chores)
   Don’t ask my opinion and then complain you don’t like it, you did ask.
   No Big Messes.
   Don’t wake me up unless there is blood, death, fire or flood.(I have actually slapped my husband’s face in my sleep when he disturbed me. I have no memory of this)
   Books are a necessity, not a luxury. You don’t want to live with me without books. (I have convinced my husband of this)
   Don’t throw garbage behind the sofa while you are watching TV. (I wouldn’t have thought this needed saying until I had teens)

2. Deb Marlowe on 31 Mar 2009 at 5:54 am #

   Oh, Karen. I’m glad to know I’m not the only bossy one. I swear, if I ever have one of those past life readings, it’s going to tell me that I was a lady of the manor. Or the queen.

   Here’s one of my faves:

   Don’t play games with or ‘test’ your significant other. Don’t pretend it’s not your birthday or anniversary to see if he’ll remember. Don’t expect him to read your mind or pick up on the fact that you left a catalog lying on the counter open to a certain page. If you want something from him–tell him. If you want him to do something–tell him.

   I have a friend who does this. It drives me insane. It drives both of them insane. Then they are both miserable and much drama ensues. Sigh.

3. SuzyQ on 31 Mar 2009 at 6:21 am #

   Do not talk on the cell phone in the stall next to me. I will continually flush the toilet.

4. LoriHandeland on 31 Mar 2009 at 6:49 am #

   If you could write a new Kommandment right now, what would it be?

   Thou shalt not call me the meanest mom in the world unless you want me to prove it.

   And don’t you wish YOU were in charge of the world, too?

   You mean I’m not?

5. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:14 am #

   Mooslady says: I have no memory of this.

   Lol! You’re SERIOUS about not being disturbed in your sleep! And good for you! It’s such an important part of your health. Mooslady, I love your Kommandments! I think I might adopt a few of them myself.

   Deb, that’s an excellent Kommandment. I’ve seen people who do that and it’s just sad. A relationship is too valuable to play games with and that’s what that is. It’s sad to see that happen, isn’t it? I always wonder if those people aren’t really trying to build up their own sense of value with those ‘tests.’ I don’t know. When my birthday nears, I look at my guy and say, “I’ve been thinking about what I want for my birthday and here’s my list.” I always get what I want, he’s always glad to know that his purchasing/shopping efforts are on target, and everyone has a good day.

6. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:17 am #

   SuzyQ, that’s so unsanitary of those people! You want to tell them to sterilize the phone … now! Good for you for making ‘a statement’, too. They are really being rude — to a lot of people.

   Lori, I love that one. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that from my kids (mainly my son who NEEDED me to be mean) and you’re right . . . I have not yet begun to ‘be mean’ but if you ask me to . . . heck yes! Good one!

7. J Perry Stone on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:19 am #

   Don’t try to one-up my children with your kids, who are mean as snakes. Who cares if they skipped grades? They’re sour and nobody likes them. How’s that preparing them to have a happy life??

   Don’t keep mentioning your husband’s PhD because I actually know the man. That’s all he’s got going for him.

   Don’t piss me off at the bus-stop by screeching about how our county teaches math. Get a damn life outside your kids and your tone of voice is making it difficult for me to hear high notes.

   Don’t tell me, “Chess is not for everyone,” while looking at my kid who happens to be staring at the wall …. just like your sour kid.

   Note: all of these commandments are for my Mrs. Kravitz neighbor, who, apparently, has the ability to threaten my “bigger than that” gene.

8. J Perry Stone on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:21 am #

   1,2,3,9 ….

   you count like me, Karen.

   Totally agree with all.

   People make stuff way more complicated than it needs to be, and when driving, people need to PUT DOWN THE PHONE!

9. Claudia Dain on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:25 am #

   Klaudia Kommandment #3: You can think whatever you want, but you’d better control what comes out of your mouth.

   My kids have this tattooed across their bone marrow.

10. nancyg on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:35 am #

    Wow, Karen H – you’re getting a topic that’ll make me go all “nancyg” on people

    #1 – Don’t compliment me on something then ask how much I paid for it….or if my Coach is real. It’s “none-ya” as in “none ya business” – btw, it IS, and I earned it!!

    #2 – Don’t act all shy, bashful, & innocent when the guys come into our circle of conversation at a party. All the ladies know you’re the biggest stuck-up bee-yatch in the room & will only cause a disagreement in the car ride home when my husband says, “Well, *I* thought she was really nice…”

    #3 – Don’t play word games with me, especially the back-handed compliments about me, my apprearance, or my family. I’m really good at games, and if we’re going to have a battle of the wits, you’re losing.

    #4 – Don’t discuss politics or religion with me unless you know me REALLY well… and you know if you do. I don’t like talking those subjects with strangers…you’re not going to change my mind, and I’m not going to change yours, however articulate either side is.

    #5 – If it’s a girls’ night out, bring cash. And don’t get out the calculator and figure out exactly how much everyone owes. If it’s a big deal to you, get a separate check.

11. ct009ct on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:35 am #

    Kommandment # 2
    Think before speaking…….you and only you are responsible for the words coming out of your mouth!

12. nancyg on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:41 am #

    I’m almost done, I swear…lol

    #6 – if there’s a sign on the road that says “lane ending in 500 feet”…
    a. put on your turn signal & I’ll let you in front of me
    b. DON’T speed up to the end of the lane, barely avoiding the traffic cone, THEN put you’re blinker on & act like you didn’t know your lane was ending…

    #7 DON’T cut in line in front of me – I’ll call you out in front of everyone else in line and start a “hating on you party” until you’re so embarrassed, you’ll wind up at the end of the line, further back then you would have been

    #8 DON’T get into the express lane at the grocery store if you have more than maximum amount of allotted items. Everyone wants to get out of there in the most timely manner, not just you.

    #9 DON’T talk about me behind my back…I WILL find out about it. If you have something to say, say it to my face

    #10 DON’T gossip about other people in front of me. It only makes me wonder what you’re saying about me to other people and will make me avoid you at all costs in the future.

    Well, that’s about it for now. LOL – WHEW, I feel *much* better!!

13. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:56 am #

    J Perry, we need to have margaritas some time because I think at some time I lived on the other side of your neighbor, Mrs. Kravitz. Nothing is more annoying. Those are some good ones! Touche’!

    As for counting like you, I didn’t want to hog ALL of the good Kommandments, so I just gave my fave three. Honestly, I think I’m on #219 right now … and adding more every day.

    Claudia, lol! I like the bone marrow imprint. I’m going to use that for Karen Kommandment #11: It’s your checkbook, balance it or get a second job. There is no ‘emergency reserve fund’ to fix your errors. College kids are SUCH a drain on one’s sanity!

    Nancyg, don’t go too nancyg on us yet! ISome of us haven’t had our coffee. I have to say, THIS one— Nancyg Kommandment: #2 – Don’t act all shy, bashful, & innocent when the guys come into our circle of conversation at a party. All the ladies know you’re the biggest stuck-up bee-yatch in the room & will only cause a disagreement in the car ride home when my husband says, “Well, *I* thought she was really nice…” — had me gasping with laughter.

    That’s a GREAT one. Maybe it should be embroidered on a pillow for the living room? Just a thought …

14. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:57 am #

    ct, ohhh yes. I have a friend who is just lovely, but she says whatever she’s thinking and sometimes I just cringe for her. She needs a filter in the worst way.

15. ct009ct on 31 Mar 2009 at 8:08 am #

    Amendment to #3
    If you can’t think…..don’t speak!!

    Kommandment # 4
    Do Not Lie……sooner or later, the truth will come out and bite you in the arse.
    If you can not tell the truth, see amendment to Kommandment #3.

    Karen, This is fun.

16. JudyPatooty on 31 Mar 2009 at 8:14 am #

    Oh, Karen, I am SO with you on Kommandment #9! Some people can’t do anything without a cell phone glued to their ear. Don’t people wearing those little Bluetooth headsets realize that the rest of us think they are mentally ill and talking to themselves as they chatter on up and down the aisles of the grocery store?

    And nancyg, I’m SO with you on your Kommandment #6! Driving in Houston traffic on a daily basis is enough to make a woman go crazy.

    I think my main Kommandment for myself is “Don’t Worry. Be Happy.” (If I’m in a good frame of mind, then good ideas come to me more easily on how to deal with whatever it is I want to worry about.)

17. ct009ct on 31 Mar 2009 at 8:17 am #

    As you can see, this morning I can not keep track of numbers!!!
    I meant amendment to #2.
    Cathy *who needs more coffee*

18. Yaya(Yasmin) on 31 Mar 2009 at 8:32 am #

    NancyG—
    For #2 I know exactly what you are talking about. I have a friend just like that. On #8 i did that once without realizing until I notice that I had somebody helping me unload the cart and 2 packers at the end. Of course it also help me realize when sissy was embarrased out of her wits. I was a brunnette having a blond moment ( no offense meant to any blond goddesses )

    Yaya Kommandment#1–I am not bossy, YOU force me to be bossy. If you did what you were supposed to do without me reminding you to do it I wouldnt boss you around. Right now my lil brother has one, one chore and that is to take out the trash and he still doesnt end up doing it half the time and when I remind him, he is like I KNOW, well if you know then do it.

    Yaya kommandment #2–Dont leave your kid in the middle of the street and expect him/her to be safe. I dont care how you upbring your children but when you endanger their lives because of your neglect I will say/do something about it. I have this neighbor that expects her 5yr old to take care of her 3 yr old. I have called the PD on her. Now whenever i am not home she lets play on the road but if i am home she doesnt let them out of the yard.

19. Rachel Gibson on 31 Mar 2009 at 8:39 am #

    Kommandment 1. Having an “honest opinion” doesn’t give anyone the right to be a bitch. And you don’t get to take the moral high road because you were “just being honest.”

    2. Thou shall not steal pirated work. Piracy sounds so romantic, but it’s stealing. Don’t tell me it’s okay because it’s online. You’re banking account is online, isn’t it?

20. Yaya(Yasmin) on 31 Mar 2009 at 8:53 am #

    Kommandment #3—Dont ask “innocent” questions only meant to be puttiing down to make you feel better.

21. Pesky on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:19 am #

    1. People shall not be rewarded for poor behavior. It held true when I was a kid, it holds true now.
    2. Please and Thank You are not even close to four letter words, you can use them, all the time in fact, and not one person I know will take offense. Oh and a few May I’s too while you’re at it.
    3. If there is food in your mouth, please refrain from speaking/talking/doing anything that causes your mouth to be open while it is in there.
    4. If you are thinking “My that person looks great” for gods sake say it to them, it might make their entire day. I don’t care if they’re a supermodel, just say it. People spew vicious thoughts at will, good ones need to be put out there as well. ( I saw an elderly couple out and the wife was fairly glowing and I smiled, stopped and said “You look wonderful today.” her husband smiled and looked at his wife and said “See honey I told you so.” the smile that lit up her face made my week)
    5. Don’t look up and ask “Where did the summer go?” go out into it.
    6. If you feel like dancing to the music on your ipod, dance to it.
    7. The people that matter “get you”, if they don’t they’re not worth your consideration anyway.

22. Pesky on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:22 am #

    and lets not forget.
    8. Life was never promised to be “fair” nor “equitable” some days you just gotta put on your big girl panties and get on with it.

23. ct009ct on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:27 am #

    I’m bbaaaccckkk!!!
    Kommandment # 21
    Put things back where they belong!!!!
    No, you did not “find” the phonebook on the couch.
    No, that glass does not belong under the bed.
    No, you did not get the granola bar from behind the pillow, so don’t put the wrapper there.
    Don’t be a smart arse and put the empty container in the fridge, cause “that’s where you got it!!”
    etc, etc, etc…….

    Can you tell I just straightened the TV room!!
    LOL!

24. Janae on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:34 am #

    I’m loving so many of these! In no particular order, here are some of my kommandments:

    Chew with your mouth shut. I don’t to see or hear your food.
    Pick up after yourself. Even better leave the place better than you left it.
    Flush the toliet. My dd is the worst offender at this; I think I’m going to have to start fining her like I did with her brother.
    Accept responsibility for your actions.
    Have gratitude.

25. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:35 am #

    ct, you’re cracking me up! As you can see, we’re blessed with strong women here at tgb, including you!!! So yes, the Kommandments keep pouring forth! BRING ‘EM!

    Yaya, I like the ‘YOU make me be bossy.’ If everyone did their part, no one would need to be the boss, would they? That’s a DARN good point!

    Rachel, the pirated comment gets me because lately, if seems as if so many people email and tell me, “Look! This is person is giving away free e-copies of your book!” And there are a lot of people doing that. It IS theft. That’s my kids’ college expenses draining away, one book at a time. I feel the same way about music. When I like a band, I buy their albums off itunes. I’m proud to support them and want them to do well.

    I also like the ‘truth’ as a hammer kommandment. So many people hide their bad manners behind ‘the truth.’ No matter what the ‘truth’ might be, there is no reason for anyone to be rude or dramatic. Puuullleeeeze, as my daughter would say.

26. Pesky on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:38 am #

    ok, last ones I promise:

    9. If you do or say something crappy that you are truely, honestly sorry about, apologize. It doesn’t take it back, but at least make the attempt. If you screw up publicly, the apology should be public as well. The apology should be at the same level as the blow-up too. You screw up big, you apologize big. (Trust me, I’ve had to do this on more than one occasion. Do it often enough you start to take that deep breath you wish you had taken that time.)

    10. If you are having dinner with me, don’t spend 1/2 of it talking or texting on your cell phone. I accept there are calls that cannot be missed, but chit chat with another friend, not one of them.

    All of the commandments are awesome, I’m taking notes and trying to make sure I’m not an offender.

27. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:40 am #

    Yaya, the innocent questions … ah yes! That also goes for people who pay other people ‘compliments’ that are thinly veiled slams. I know someone who does that and oh, it’s just sad to watch her cut the people around her to shreds. I avoid her if at all possible because she’s toxic.

    Pesky, amen to the big girl panties! I tell my kids every day, “Life isn’t fair and that’s ok. If it was always fair, it would also be predictable and boring.”

    ct, yes, we can tell you’re straightening up the tv room! LOL! I would have the same list for my den, only no wrappers, just coke cans and coffee mugs. Grrr!

    Janae, I loooove the ‘accept responsibilities for your actions.’ If there was one thing I hope my kids ‘get,’ it’s that. If they do that, I’ll never have to worry about them making wrong decisions because they’ll know they’ll have to pay for them somewhere down the way.

28. Louisa Cornell on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:42 am #

    These are great and very therapeutic!

    Louisa Kommandment # 1 – Just because they make it in your size does NOT mean you need to wear it. The
    rest of us are not interested in your exact shape nor do we need to see the
    outlines of your underwear to know you are wearing it …. or NOT!

    Louisa Kommandment # 2 – Please don’t tell me those romance novels I read will rot my brain or condemn
    my soul to eternal hell, especially when you are so ignorant the last book you
    read was See Spot Run and the only thing you know about hell is what some
    cranky old self righteous minister told you. Until you’ve actually read the Bible
    yourself from cover to cover don’t tell a woman who graduated from a Baptist
    women’s college what’s in it!

29. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:42 am #

    Pesky, those are great! I need to add the ‘don’t text or talk on your cell when we’re at dinner, etc” to my Kommandment list. That’s starting to happen more often, especially now that both of my kids are at the dating stage!

    You guys are so GOOD at this! Bring those Kommandments on! Together, I feel we can all make the world a pleasanter place to live.

30. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:43 am #

    Louisa, AMEN to your romance novel condemnation blast kommandment! You TELL ‘em, sister!

31. Louisa Cornell on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:47 am #

    Louisa Kommandment # 3 – If I am sitting quietly reading the aforementioned romance novel do not assume
    I want you to walk up and try to read the book over my shoulder and then say
    something brilliant like “You reading one of them dirty books?”

    Louisa Kommandment # 4 – Do not acquire a pet with the idea that if it doesn’t work out you can always dump
    it back at the shelter or worse out on a dirt road to be killed or starve to death.
    If you KNOW there is even a POSSIBILITY that something could ever possibly
    make you get rid of that pet DON’T buy/take or adopt it. Animals become
    attached to you in less than 24 hours. They have feelings and they don’t forget.

    Louisa Kommandment # 5 – Don’t assume because I am a widow and not dead yet that I need / want / or am
    looking for a husband. I had a great husband for 14 years. You don’t get that

32. Louisa Cornell on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:50 am #

    Louisa Kommandment # 5 – (Con) lucky twice! I am perfectly capable of living the rest of my life without
    a man in my life, or at least in my house on a permanent basis. I write about
    sexy, hot, passionate drop-dead gorgeous men every day. They never leave the
    seat up, they never leave dirty laundry on the floor, they don’t cheat, they don’t
    lie, they don’t steal my money and they are always ready for sex. What could
    your cousin’s nephew twice removed have to compete with that? However, if
    anyone shows up with FROS Santa Claus all bets are off!

33. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 10:11 am #

    Lol! Louisa, we need to find the same of Santa FROS! You’ve been wanting to sit in his lap for a looong time!

34. Louisa Cornell on 31 Mar 2009 at 10:27 am #

    Yes, Karen! And I’ve been a REALLY good girl!

35. Lisa H on 31 Mar 2009 at 10:35 am #

    Karen H – I too, love to be the boss. I’m not sure why, but it is definitely in my genes.

    My kommandment is more of a threat.

    Remember the golden rule. If not, whatever you do to others, you shall recieve in full and immediately.

    I wish I had the power to pull that off, especailly to kids who are mean to other children and cheating husbands.

36. evlqn on 31 Mar 2009 at 10:50 am #

    Lisa H That golden rule is part of our belief system but it says whatever you do for good or ill comes back times three. So we try very hard to treat others decently.

    My Kommandment would be do not tell your children to be honest and respectful and then help them lie to get on social internet sites. If your child is not 13 or older find an acceptable site for them to be on. Myspace is not it.
    And Kommandment part two, actually listen to their playlists. Do they really need to have songs about genitalia and un-natural acts with the police online or their MP3s? Sorry, had to shut down our 12 year olds site AGAIN yesterday.

37. Noelle (Chloe Harris) on 31 Mar 2009 at 10:56 am #

    Great Topic! I have two.

    *If someone shall recommend something to you like a restaurant or movie or book you shall not come back to them and tell them how much you hated something they obviously loved enough to recommend.

    *You shall always be thankful for a gift. Even if you received a box of dirt you shall say, “thank you so much I can not wait to plant some flowers.” (My kids mumble this in their sleep I’ve said it so much)

38. Yaya(Yasmin) on 31 Mar 2009 at 10:56 am #

    Louisa #5–

    I agree with that only I would add single women on there too. i hate it when you tell people your single or unattached and immediately the blind dates start. Sheesh I love being single……for now

39. Yaya(Yasmin) on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:02 am #

    Woo hoo! I just finished updating my resume. Now all I have to do it send, fax, and email it to all the job opportunities I can find. Hopefully by the time I moved into the new house next sat, I’ll have interviews set up for the week . Wish me Luck!

40. Yaya(Yasmin) on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:09 am #

    Yaya Kommandment #4-The first thing they teach you in kinder–Keep your hands to yourself. If I dont know you, I dont want you trying to touch my hand or pat my back or touch my hair no matter how harmless the gesture. Respect a persons personal space.

41. nancyg on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:10 am #

    Great ones, ladies!! Just got back from working out (I’m whipped like cake batter), and nodding my head at the monitor.

    For my teenage daughters…
    A babysitter is there to watch your kids, not to cook, pick up the playroom, change out your laundry. Get a maid!!

    To the salesmen/service advisors at dealerships…
    Women buy cars, too! No, I don’t need to check with my husband. If he wanted to have input, he’d be there with me!

    Don’t tell me I look “cute”. I’m almost forty, for goodness sakes! Hopefully, cute stopped when the “teen” was eliminated from my age and should pertain to small fuzzy animals and children. “Nice, attractive, and of course, gorgeous” are all perfectly acceptable.

    When walking your dog, PLEASE pick up after them. I don’t want to run into your pet’s mess when I’m rolling out the garbage can or checking the mail.

    From my college years…
    Don’t assume that because food service is slow, it’s the server’s fault. Sometimes, there’s a snafu in the kitchen or the hostess seated too many people at the same time in the section with too few waitstaff. However, a good server WILL let you know what’s going on.

42. nancyg on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:13 am #

    Noelle:

    The gift one is awesome!! I give my kids one week to get their thank you notes in the mail. I tell them, “if someone was nice enough to take the time to get you a gift, the LEAST you can do it THANK them!!”
    After a week, the gifts go into a plastic tub or garbage bag & they’re not allowed to SEE them until the thank yous are in the mail. Works like a charm!!

43. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:16 am #

    Lisa H, I firmly believe fate does kick the bad guys in the pants and that we’re just not always around to witness it. I don’t think I could sleep at night if I didn’t believe that, so maybe it’s just self preservation that I do!

    evinqn, I have a 13 year old stepdaughter and I’ve been watching the same thing. It’s tough to be a good guide for someone that age when there’s so many things working against you. I was so glad when my kids finally got older and out of that more nebulous, uncertain stage.

    Noelle, I love bot h of those commandments! I laughed when you said you’d repeated that Kommandment until your kids were mumbling it in their sleep — I’ve got a few gems from my mother that I’m sure I do the same thing with.

    Yaya, the same thing happened to me as soon as I got divorced. You’d have thought there was some sort of race going on between my friends. I knew what I was doing and handled things very well and I know you’re the same way. There are some wonderful benefits to being single and heaven knows there’s something magical about owning the remote control!

    And GOOD LUCK on your job hunt! Sounds like you have some promising leads already!

44. nancyg on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:18 am #

    another one?

    Tell the people in your life how much they mean to you NOW…all the time. You can’t use the words *I LOVE YOU* too much. I always end a phone conversation with my husband, kids, parents, siblings with it. You never know when something might happen & then you don’t have to play the “shoulda, coulda, woulda” game with yourself.

45. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:20 am #

    nancyg, those are some awesome ones. I especially like the one for the car salesman. I hate it when there is an assumption that you don’t have ‘the authority’ to purchase something without checking in first. I also hate it when I take my car to the garage and tell them what I think is wrong with it and they ask, “Did your husband tell you that?” No, fool. I just told YOU that and I know my Jeep and I usually know what’s wrong with her so you’d better listen and save yourself a heap of lost time!

    Grrrr!

46. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:22 am #

    Nancyg, you just posted the “Tell Them You Love Them NOW” Kommandment and oh, how I agree. My father-in-law died just last month and he wasn’t a very demonstrative man. Somehow, over the last few years, he began saying, “I love you” before he hung up the phone. My dh treasures every one of those now and I’m so PROUD of my f-i-l for finding the courage to say something he was uncomfortable with for so many years.

    Thanks, nancyg. Those are awesome kommandments.

47. ct009ct on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:33 am #

    OH, Oh, OH!!!!
    Kommandment # 16 (these are all just random numbers)
    Do NOT assume that because I have a weight problem I am Lazy!!!!
    You don’t know me!!!!

    Don’t ask how that came up!!!
    Assume I ran into a moron!!
    LOL!!

48. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:39 am #

    Another one, ct — Just because I’m not at YOUR perfect weight, don’t assume I’m not at MY perfect weight.

    And yes, you apparently DID run into a moron!

49. evlqn on 31 Mar 2009 at 11:59 am #

    I told mine that if he sets up another myspace before he is thirteen I will not only report him but I will report ALL of his friends to myspace. So it is his choice whether or not his friends lose their sites. And he will not be allowed to have overnighters with the worst offenders.

    I always said,” It took me ___ years to ruin this body, leave me alone!”

50. Louisa Cornell on 31 Mar 2009 at 12:04 pm #

    ct009ct ! Here is the response I came up with for that cousin who at every family reunion says, “You sure have gotten fatter since I saw you last.”

    My response ? “Yes, and you’ve gotten uglier, but I can always go on a diet!”

51. Janae on 31 Mar 2009 at 12:07 pm #

    I can’t believe I forgot this one. If I’m with my one or both of my redhead sisters, don’t assume that we can twins or triplets. Would you ask a similar question if 2-3 blondes or brunettes were together? I think not.

    My number one kommandment – Never have an embarrassing moment. You are not the first, nor will you be last one to do x, y, or z. You will be the only one to remember it, though, if you let it bother you. Should someone else remember it, respond with a completely indifferent, ‘So,’ and they’ll never bring it up, again.

52. Janae on 31 Mar 2009 at 12:07 pm #

    That should read – that we’re twins or triplets. Oh well.

53. nancyg on 31 Mar 2009 at 12:26 pm #

    oh, I was literally walking out the door and thought of this one. Thought I’d mention it before I forgot….

    from when I was pregnant…

    Just because I look like I’m about to pop does not give you the right to rub my belly! I *hated* that!! I’m not a touch-feely person by nature, and just to have strangers & some casual acquaintances come up…
    GRRRR!!!

    Oh, and I also don’t want to hear the stories about how difficult your labor was in every excruciating detail!!

    and for the next few months afterwards….

    Please don’t ask me when I’m due. It took me 9 months to put the weight on, it’ll take AT LEAST that long to take it off. I’m wearing maternity clothes because I can’t sit down without an inflatable doughnut and I have stitches where *very* few men have dared to tread….

    and finally…

    Don’t give me parenting advice unless I ask for it. Each child is different, God bless ‘em! Although it “takes a village”, I was thinking more about picking up in the carpool lane rather than you think my child is ADD, ADHD.

54. SuzyQ on 31 Mar 2009 at 12:28 pm #

    oh here’s one that just happened to me at work. If you are going to mention my name in an email, kindly copy me on it. It just common courtesy and it keeps me in the loop.

55. Kathleen on 31 Mar 2009 at 12:35 pm #

    My family does not call me the “Sargent Major” for nothing. I have always been the one who takes charge and get’s it done and it must be done right and to my spesifications. Sorry folks just the way I am. Somebody’s got to be the boss, but if you think you can do a better job than me, by all means the job is yours. I especially like to use this phrase when with a couple of my brothers. I am always orgianised and can do most things at almost a moments notice. Being the “boss” is a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it, so why not the best person for the job.

    Now for Kommandment: Never nameth drop to me who you know or what label you are wearing, because “frankly my dear, who gives a danmeth”. Live your own life and do not inflict yous on me. I do not keep up with the “Jone’s”.

    And when I tell people what my last name is and you ask me “DO you have a brother? and I respond” yes”, please remember to give me which one of the four your are talking about. I said that to a police officer once when he pulled me over for a ticket and he got testy with me, and I got testy with him, when I asked him which one he was talking about S

56. Janae on 31 Mar 2009 at 12:45 pm #

    KarenH – my 43 yo bil still isn’t accepting responsibility for himself. My poor sister is so co-dependent that she can’t see it. Unfortunately, they’ve taught their children that they don’t have to be responsible. There’s always something to blame – ADD/ADHD, auditory processing disorder, etc.

57. Madeline Hunter on 31 Mar 2009 at 1:17 pm #

    Do not criticize a woman’s husband or kids. Ever. That is her job.

    Do not get passive-aggressive unless you want to see what aggressive-aggressive looks like.

    If you are a man, do not talk to a woman like she is stupid, dim, a child, or in a tone of strained forbearance that implies you just know she won’t get it because she is a woman.

    If you have an unwelcome, budinsky suggestion that you feel obligated to make on how a person can improve in some way, please just say it. Don’t try to be cute and lead her to it indirectly so you can claim innocence later.

58. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 1:21 pm #

    eviqn, you GO, girlfriend! Set those boundaries! I wish I’d been firmer with my son when he was middle-school age. I was going through a divorce and I let my sympathy of his difficult accepting the big changes get in the way of my being a hard-nosed parent. It just took me a year to wake up and now I’m a hard-nosed parent, but trust me — it’s harder to pull them back into the ring after they’ve been out a while. Thank goodness those days are over!

    nancyg, not the BELLY RUB! I absolutely HATED that! Did you go all nancyg on them?

    And what’s up with the ‘when I was in labor’ horror stories women tell? I have a friend who was pregnant and I told her, “Whenever this happens, just lift one of your hands and say, “please, if you don’t have good news, don’t bother.” Sheesh.

    suzyq, I had a boss who was bad about that. He got better, though. Just had to remind him one or eighty times. He was a good boss except for that, though, so I forgave him.

59. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 1:33 pm #

    Kathleen, amen, sister, amen! And I love this: “Frankly my dear, who gives a damneth”. Well said!

    Janae, that’s sad. There’s a member of my family like that. They’re a lovely person, but have more excuses why they can’t do what everyone else is doing . . . I think they’re addicted to being helped.

    Madeline, isn’t the indirect critic the WORST? How did we get to be a nation of such indirect communicators, although I think some people do it on purpose in order to disclaim responsibility. That’s just wrong on too many levels to count.

60. Freedom Writer on 31 Mar 2009 at 2:38 pm #

    I’m not bossy. As a matter of fact I’m a little shy.Well maybe I’m just a slight bit of an control freak. Okay, so I’m really an uber control freak, and my commandment #1 is: Do it my way or hit the highway!

61. Sabrina Jeffries on 31 Mar 2009 at 2:52 pm #

    “Do not get passive-aggressive unless you want to see what aggressive-aggressive looks like.”

    I love that, Madeline!

    Mine is very simple. There’s even a rhyme for it: “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.” As a large woman, I can never do the hovering over the toilet seat thing, and there’s nothing worse than having to wipe up someone else’s pee. I don’t even do it for my son!

62. ct009ct on 31 Mar 2009 at 3:17 pm #

    Louisa, I love your response!! LOL!
    I shall keep it in mind for future reference!!

    Oh, one more we run into occasionally –

    Do not assume that because someone has a foreign accent, that they are stupid!!
    GRRR…….!!!!

63. Yaya(Yasmin) on 31 Mar 2009 at 3:37 pm #

    Sabrina–

    I love the rhyme and am totally with you. As the one that does the major housecleaning in my home I got train my little brother to stop peeing all over the place. I mean, whats up with pee being all over the base and screws of the toilet? I had to tell him to keep a firm hold on it. i am sure the only reason he stopped doing it was so that I would do anatomy talk with him ever again

64. Janae on 31 Mar 2009 at 4:14 pm #

    KarenH – ‘addicted to being helped’ – I love it! That’s exactly what it is. I’m going to that from now on to describe their “issue.”

65. Becky on 31 Mar 2009 at 4:36 pm #

    WAHOO!!!! K, just like venting. Sorry!
    #1. DON’T drive 10 mph UNDER the speed limit. Seriously, I have places to go otherwise I wouldn’t be in the car.
    #2. DON’T lie to me. I’ll find out the truth and there’s really no fixing our relationship when you lie to me.
    #3. DON’T tell me I need to gain weight. I’m thin, I’m athletic, I work at this. If you wanna see some flab, I can show you some, but be prepared, all right? Leave my body alone.
    #4. DON’T express yourself with so many bleeps that I can’t understand what you’re trying to say. Read a dictionary. Read a BOOK. Expand your vocab.

    Everything else has been said, I think…. We should just run the world, ladies. We’d be so good at it!

66. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 5:42 pm #

    We’d be darn good running the world!

    Sabrina, I love your rhyme! I think I’ll embroider that on some handtowels and send it off to college with my son.

    Here’s a new one – if you’re walking your dog in the park, and you have Mr. Pooch on a retactable leash, lock that sucker in place when I jog by. I don’t think it’s cute when your dog runs across my path and I almost fall.

    Grrrrrr! Can you all tell I just got back from a run?

67. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 6:01 pm #

    I was about to go all nancyg on that wench and her pooch!

68. Louisa Cornell on 31 Mar 2009 at 6:37 pm #

    ct009ct,

    I agree completely on your take on people with foreign accents. All that means is that they speak TWO languages and their grasp of English grammar is probably far superior to that of the idiot who thinks a foreign accent signals a lack of intelligence.

    It makes me want to say “Oh really? He speaks two languages. How many can you speak without butchering it?”

69. nancyg on 31 Mar 2009 at 6:38 pm #

    LOL @ Karen H – I would’ve given her the “bidness”…animal control is just a phone call away…

    going Medieval on y’all now…

    Last one for the day…

    When one is trying to court thy wife ‘ere the evening commences (kids in bed, brown chick-a brown cow time), it behooves one to hit thy kitchen sick with thy dinner dishes…and work clothes in the hamper/dry cleaning pile scores Brownie points, too!!

    Also, try to remember when thy teenagers give ye the *rolling heavenward eyes* upon requesting the dinner dishes be cleared and loaded into ye olde dishwasher, that thoust was a teenager thyself at one time…. if they enjoyed it, it wouldn’t be called a “chore”, LOL

70. Louisa Cornell on 31 Mar 2009 at 6:39 pm #

    By the way, I am blogging on Romance Magicians today. The topic? WHO DO YOU OWE ? The blog is for writers but it can be for anyone. In it I talk about the people who have helped me on my journey as a writer and I give the Goddesses and you in particular, Karen Hawkins, a big shout out. Hop over if you get the chance and tell me about who you owe and what their contribution has meant to you.

    romancemagicians.blogspot.com

71. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 7:55 pm #

    Janae, it’s a sad way to be and I hope they eventually find a way to life that’s no so hard on the ole self-esteem.

    Becky, bless you for mentioning the bleeps! So many times I’ve heard people talk and I’ve thought, “If only they’d lift that story out of the gutter, it’d be really worthwhile.”

    nancyg, amen to the courtin’ thy wife part especially. Amen, amen, amen! And next time that happens, I’ll animal control it! It wouldn’t have been so bad, but the just thought it was so CUTE. I’ll show you cute, lady!

    Louisa, you’re so right about the people with accents. That’s so frustrating! I worked with the foreign students for a while and they were plagued with that problem by many of the other students who’d never been out of the country. Btw, that’s cool about being on Romance Magicians! And it’s so sweet of you to mention me … now I’m wildly curious! I’ll run over and check it out right now.

72. Karen Hawkins on 31 Mar 2009 at 8:56 pm #

    Louisa, what a sweet thing to say! I remember saying that, too — and you looked astonished. Lol! NOW look at you! WOOHOO!!! GOOOO, LOUISA!

73. Louisa Cornell on 31 Mar 2009 at 9:18 pm #

    I have always remembered those words, Karen! That and the diet coke incident. But we won’t talk about that. LOL You really inspired me to stop thinking of all the reasons I couldn’t write and start thinking about all the reasons I should. I owe you, sister! BIG TIME!! ‘Cause right now I’m having a ball!

74. nancyg on 31 Mar 2009 at 10:45 pm #

    Louisa –
    I dunno what Karen H. said to you, I’ll check it out, but she gave me a big kick in the pants a couple weeks ago, too – that woman is a MOTIVATOR!!

    I *love* you peeps (see – abiding by my own commandment!!) & see you in the morning!!