Don’t drink the kool-aid.

Jan 22nd 2009
Karen HawkinsMy Life As A Plebe

87 Responses to “Don’t drink the kool-aid.”

1. Sara M on 22 Jan 2009 at 5:24 am #

   Karen I think I’d have said more than that. What a silly thing for that guy to say!

   I love numbers and am working on my Masters in statistics right now and you’re right — people act so surprised when I tell them I love working with numbers. One guy even said, “I’ve never met a girl who liked math.”

   I bet he has. He’s just never asked.

   I think a lot of girls don’t enjoy math because they’ve never had a good teacher — and they’ve probably never had a good teacher who was female. Most of my math teachers were men, although I did have one female math teacher and she’s the reason I’m where I am today.

   Also, the whole ‘women driver’ thing is a joke. Women are statistically better drivers and that’s that.

   NOW aren’t you glad I known stats?

2. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 5:32 am #

   Sara, I hear ya! Now that I think about, I’ve NEVER had a female math teacher … well, not once I got out of elementary school. That’s a very good point.

   Btw, the guy who said the “Women can’t make up their minds” thingee is a (usually very progressive) friend of mine and he wasn’t offended when I ripped into him. He even told me later that when he realized what he’d said and how it sounded, he was embarrassed.

   I’m glad I said something. There are so many times when I hear things I know I should challenge, but I can’t find the words.

3. Ayse on 22 Jan 2009 at 5:32 am #

   Brilliant dis Karen

   My bf loves Friends & Sex and the City. His room mates tease him because of it. He can also watches chick flicks.. although he won’t watch it 50x like I usually do.

   I majored in Business and Finance. I love and am good at working with numbers. I thought about history for a while since I love to read, but decided against it since I hate writing.

   Ask me to cook and I’ll probably break out in tears, but if anything around the house needs fixing I love being the handy woman. I’m a total techno geek. I built my own computer so a lot of my friends and coworkers come to me when something goes wrong with theirs. I get so annoyed when I call tech support to help a friend and the guy on the line acts as if I don’t know anything or is surprised when I do. The guys who were supposed to set up my treadmill said they would come in 6 days so I got pissed and set it up myself.

   I wish I read more romance novels in HS. It definitely would’ve helped me on my SATs since it’s a fun way to expand your vocabulary. I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship so I made her read Lisa Kleypas – Blue Eyed Devil… it’s nice reading a book that you know will have a happy ending

4. MizMacgyver on 22 Jan 2009 at 5:35 am #

   Oh yes! Let’s change them all! My daughter lives out of state, her whole life I was very thin almost to the point of emaciated. Not by choice, just the way my body worked, when she came in for Christmas she didn’t recognize me, her own mother, because I had put on weight, lots of it, she said mom, you look healthy! (I have since went on to way past healthy but that isn’t the point) As to the math, I love it, I work with numbers every work day. I work in an accounting department and balance thousands, sometimes millions of dollars a day. To the penny, (auditors are sticklers don’t you know). I have had one ticket in my life and that was when I was on the way to the hospital to meet a friend whose son had been in a wreck. I use my signal lights, stop and stop signs (yes, completely stop), watch out for the other guys and in general obey every driving law I know of, my BF doesn’t, and he drives over 300 miles a day has been in several wrecks, totaled 3 cars and then teases me about my driving.
   In my opinion every romance novel has redeeming value, they have broadened my world, increased my vocabulary, and caused me to research things I would never have imagined on my own.

5. Becky on 22 Jan 2009 at 5:51 am #

   When I was in college, there was a guy in our complex who hosted (yes, you read that right, HOSTED) a Pride and Prejudice party. And he was not gay. He just got married a few months ago and his wife is adorbale. I am the math whiz in my family, though admittedly I do get that from my father, but so what? I can do algebra in my sleep. I don’t even want to admit to the number of bad driving guys that I know, but I have feared for my life a few times. And romance novels with redeeming value…erm, hello! This is why I read them! Honestly, that drives me crazy. I’m tired of people assuming that because drink diet pop and I’m skinny that I am ‘watching my weight’, and that because I am skinny, I have no muscle. Let me just say that I’m not a toothpick! I am a healthy weight (more than healthy) even tho I am thin and if you think I have no muscle (it’s guys who say this, by the way) then come and see me outside. I am a lot stronger than anybody thinks, and the assumption that thin = weak…ooooo, that just ticks me off!!!

6. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:12 am #

   Ayse, you’re a multi-talented lady! Go, girl! I’m impressed with your computer knowledge. That, I need more of. It’s so cool how many things you’ve mastered! I love using tools, though I’m not very good with the saw, yet. But I can swing a hammer with the best.

   MizMacG, I got an “a” in a master’s level accounting class and loved every minute. I’m not a math person per se, but I love accounting. It’s so orderly and made me feel very peaceful.

   I sooo agree with you guys about romance novels — well, natch, or I wouldn’t write them. But it makes me sooo mad when people make snarky “thoooose books” comments.

   Becky, I have a friend who is very thin and very high energy and she eats like a horse and just looooves food. But so many times, I hear people make comments to her about how she must not eat anything and needs to put meat on her bones. I can tell it drives her crazy.

7. evlqn on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:17 am #

   I am not a fan of the soaps,never have been, however my boss from my bookstore days could not miss an episode of All My Children. He taped the show everyday and Lord help the person who gave away the days happenings before he got to watch it.
   My sister was cut off in traffic one day by a man in a new car. She pulled into the parking lot behind him and when he got out of his car she told him it was very pretty but he should take it back, the turn signal was broken.
   I am amazed at the sheer numbers of men who will risk life and limb to advance one car space ahead of you. And we usually end up at the same stop light anyway.
   One of the many jobs my sister held over the years was as a statistician for Sunkist. And I was the one who balanced the cash drawers and did the banking for the bookstore.
   One of my favorite books is by Dorothy Garlock, A Love For All Time. The woman was in a horrible car accident and was severely scarred and had lost a breast. It brought home the idea that you don’t have to be perfect to be perfect for someone. And many of the romances today deal with real issues like spousal abuse, drugs ,alcholism, STD’s, pregnancy, death of a loved one.

8. Susan M on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:20 am #

   Some of those just make me mad. Society’s idea of the perfect size is what is contributing to all these young girls starving themselves or making themselves throw up. There is no perfect size. God made us all different. I can’t say anything on the Women can’t do math and boys don’t like to read because I hate doing math and my husband doesn’t like to read. But I have met plenty of other men who love to read. Namely my father and my step-dad. As far as women being worse drivers than men….currently I have my license and have had only one speeding ticket. My husband on the other hand currently does not have his license, is on limited driving and has had numerous tickets. This one (Women who don’t give up their jobs and stay at home to raise their children aren’t family-oriented) upsets me. I would love to be able to stay home full time with my baby after it’s born but it is just not realistic in this economy. It will take both mine and my husbands incomes to able to live in a decent place, put food on the table and clothes on our children. I seriously don’t know how others do it.

9. Susan M on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:21 am #

   Baby Update: I’m at 7 weeks today. The nausea has gone away (for now) and the baby is the size of a B.B. pellet.

10. Lisa H on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:24 am #

    BRAVO Karen, for letting that guy have it! I despise generalities.
    my husband usually enjoys chick flicks. He’s not a fan of some traditional guy movies like “Lord of the Rings” I love meat and potatoes, my husband loves yogurt and salad.

    Romance novels arefun, relaxing and usually high entertaining. Women who read romance novels have 75% more sex than those who don’t. I am a statistics buff.

    The strongest people I know are women, and my husband agrees. Even the wonderful Johnny Depp acknowledged that fact as he witnessed his significant other going through pregnancy and childbirth.

    I know men and women who excell at math, and who crave books like air.

    As far as women being terrible drivers, simply evaluate the insurance rates. They will reveal the truth of that statement.

    I have been having a little trouble posting ladies. Is it just me?

11. evlqn on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:34 am #

    I was turned down for a job because I was too cute. My oldest son was a year old and I had applied for a job in a restaurant kitchen and the manager turned me down because I was cute and I would probably quit without notice. Hello!! I had a child to support and I could run a kitchen single handed thanks to the training I got working for my grandparents.
    I was also turned down at a bookstore because a man had applied and he had children to support. I am not sure but I think the two creatures I had to raise, feed, clothe and educate were children also. I had the prior bookstore experience and the man had never worked retail a day in his life. Oh well whoever said life was fair – lied!

12. Ayse on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:35 am #

    Lisa H where did you get the 75% more statistic?
    I should send that to my bf so he’ll buy me more books

13. Ayse on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:39 am #

    As if male female generalizations aren’t bad enough, sometimes when I tell people my name is Ayse (Aisha) I get the response “but you’re white” (this has happened more than once). How do you respond to that? :-/

14. LoriHandeland on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:39 am #

    Go, K-Ha!! Love your comeback. Perfect.

    There are so many things people say and they don’t realize how rude they are. It’s amazing.

    Driving? Oy. My husband drives a lot in his job and insists he is SO aggressive at it because of that. However he’s always been that way, even before the job driving.

    Although I hate math and love reading, I seem to be missing the decorating gene. Luckily my husband has it. Last weekend he supervised the redecorating of the living room. Colors, paint, carpet etc. I was in my office working. When I came out he said, “DOesn’t it look great?” I said, “What?” I just don’t notice stuff like that. The last time we painted we took the pictures off the walls and they’re still in a box because I just don’t care. Sad, hey?

    My brother in law raised his two kids while his wife, a pediatrician, worked. He is the coolest guy and it was really interesting to watch how he handled things and how the kids reacted.

    And don’t get me started on the benefits of romance novels. They keep people sane!! Like me.

15. Susan M on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:43 am #

    Ayse – I can’t believe people actually say that to you. That is so rude! Some people today have no class.

16. Cail on 22 Jan 2009 at 7:02 am #

    wow. it still shocks me how dumb people are. I’m actually taking a class in teaching math right now, and it turns out that most of the reason why ‘girls aren’t good in math’ is because the hard questions are always asked to the boys, and the girls get the easy questions. also, their women role models talk about how hard math was for them, and how much they hate math, and therefore they mirror this view thinking its how things should be. i personally was a whiz at math also, and really hate that opinion.

    K-Ha. I am SO glad you said something to that man. What an idiot. I’d have been so tongue tied that I wouldn’t have known what to say.

    I was having a debate the other day after a group of men brought up the issue of rape. They were saying that in general, the sentences for men who attack adult women should be less harsh than other sex crimes, and that these men shouldn’t have to register as sex offenders… why? BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT WOMEN SHOULD TAKE MORE PRECAUTIONS TO NOT GET INTO THOSE SITUATIONS!!!! trust me, i tore them a new one.

17. Ayse on 22 Jan 2009 at 7:23 am #

    OMG Cail I got cramps just reading about what those guys said. I don’t even wanna think how I’d react to someone saying that to me… GRRR

    This is a commercial thats being shown here for abuse awareness
    http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=KADIN+OLMAK+&emb=0&aq=-1&oq=#

    I wonder how those guys think the people in the situations in the commercial “SHOULD TAKE MORE PRECAUTIONS TO NOT GET INTO THOSE SITUATIONS”

    again GRRR!

18. LisaK on 22 Jan 2009 at 7:27 am #

    Karen, you are a champ, as always. Oh, how much I’d love to say something like that to anybody!

    Cail, how %§/&%$ is that???? Well, you see, many men seem to have that opinion. I can’t believe it!!!

    I think I know guys who love chick flicks. However,they’d never admit that to me!
    There’s a girl in my age-group who was in my class until last year when she took an intensive course in maths (mine are German and Arts, btw). She’s an absolute genius, I’ve never seen anyone who has so much fun with numbers (something I absolutely can’t understand!) and is so good with them.
    Lousy drivers … I see them en masse here. Especially during tourist season.

    Okay, now I don’t know how it is in the US, but there’s some new trend here in Germany that’s called “Koma-Saufen”, “coma-boozing”, as it were. Teenagers go to parties for the sole reason to drink so much that they lose consciousness. And if you don’t participate or have never done it, you’re so not cool. Now how stupid is that, if I may ask? Okay, it’s nothing so general like the “girls can’t do math”-thing, but it’s rather common amongst teenagers – 12-16 yrs mostly. Can you imagine taking your 12 year old daughter

    cont.

19. LisaK on 22 Jan 2009 at 7:31 am #

    cont.

    to hospital because she’s comatose because she drank to much? I can’t. And then, two days later, she tells her friends why she’s been to hospital and the only thing everyone says is: “Oh man, how cool is that?”
    Dumb, isn’t it?

    And of course there’s the romance novels thing. That they are corny and gooey and don’t have a plot and only frustrated old spinsters read them and everything. I hate this one!

20. Margaret on 22 Jan 2009 at 7:31 am #

    OMG, Cail. I can’t believe that old chestnut is still around. Blame the woman for getting raped. Makes you wonder about the idiot who actually believes such a thing. They must have rape/domination fantasies.

    KarenH, “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid” always instantly reminds me of Jim Jones & the People’s Temple mass suicide. Which is where the saying came from. I remember that day so clearly. Nov 18, 1978. 30 years ago and the day before my 40th birthday. Many, if not most, of you are too young to remember him. He was, apparently, a mesmerizing guy who could sway people to his thinking. Anyway, after a day of crisis, he pursuaded his 900 followers to commit suicide by drinking Kool-Aid lace with cyanide. Babies had it injected into their mouths. It was a horrible, horrible time. I spent my 40th glue to the tv. The Kool-Aid expression originally meant don’t trust anybody with kooky ideas. I guess it has now come to mean anybody with stupid ideas. Works for me.

    I wish I had the guts to confront more idiots like the guy who cut you off and those rape fools. It took many years to get those stiffer laws because judges felt the same way as Cail’s debaters.

21. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 7:34 am #

    eviqn, Garlock is a heckuva writer! And you’re right, a lot of novel deal with important issues and they should all deal with – and exemplify – healthy relationships. I’m sorry you were turned down from a job for being ‘too cute’ and because you weren’t a guy who had children, but a woman. That’s sad and it’s a definite form of discrimination. But look at how aware you’re going to be about those sorts of things! You’re going to be a very fair boss and that’s something.

    Susan M, I couldn’t afford to stay home with my children, either, though it would have been nice! It’s tough out there and it usually takes two incomes to provide for a family. And that’s ok. There are some GREAT childcare programs out there. My kids went to the same one for over six years and the caregivers were like family to us — heck, they WERE family! Thanks for the baby update and I’m so glad you’re through being sick! HUZZAH!

    Lisa H, sorry you’re having trouble posting. Can you email me and let me know what happened exactly? I need to let our web gal know. Could just be a setting is wrong or the spam filter’s being too particular.

22. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 7:46 am #

    Ayse, I can’t believe people sometimes. That’s so rude! Sheesh.

    Cail, how SAD! There is a culture of ‘blame the victim’ and that makes me so mad. Tell those guys how sad and pathetic it is that they’re in such poor control of their animal urges that they can’t resist a woman in a bikini. It’s insulting to men in general that anyone should think that! And HURRAH for the system that’s cutting through that baloney. It’s been slow going, but the atmosphere is so much better than it was.

    Like Ayse, that made me mad!

    LisaK, that’s so dangerous! Wow. I have had to really work with my kids about the alcohol thing. It’s just so accepted — and not just drinking, but binge drinking, though I’ve never heard of the coma-thing. Sheesh. Kids. Sometimes you just wanna smack ‘em.

    Margaret, yup, that’s where the saying came from. Btw, not everyone drank the kool-aid voluntarily. Now, I used it whenever I look back on a conversation and realize I’ve let someone’s crazy thinking pass by unnoticed. Or, worse, murmurred ‘really’ when what I should have said is “WHA–?” It’s so easy to let that moment pass rather than challenge it.

23. Lisa H on 22 Jan 2009 at 8:01 am #

    Ayse – I got the statistic from Christina Dodd!

24. Courtney Milan on 22 Jan 2009 at 8:15 am #

    I love this post! All of these things get me up in arms. And good for you for calling that man out on his sexism! It happens so rarely.

    My least favorite line: Women aren’t funny.

    Once I talked to a prosecutor who prosecuted rape. She said that in EVERY case that had gone to trial–including the one with the six-year-old girl–the perpetrator claimed the victim “asked for it.” Agh! Can you believe that?

    But you want to know the worst part about what she said? She said that women were the worst jurors to have as a prosecutor in a rape case. Women were more likely to think, “She shouldn’t have done X, she shouldn’t have done Y”–because we keep trying to tell ourselves that it wouldn’t have happened to US if we’d been in her situation. She said the best jurors in a rape case are usually the fathers and grandfathers–the ones who imagine the crime happening to their granddaughters or nieces.

    Pretty sad, isn’t it?

25. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 8:36 am #

    Courtney, that’s so interesting. I never thought about female jurors or that reaction, but now that you say it, I can see that.

    You know, there are so many emotions wrapped up in certain issues and this is one of them. It’s good to think about them in the cool, collected calm of day so you will have a good, solid reaction when someone says something stupid. It’s when people catch me off guard with their silliness that I stumble and don’t respond.

    Then, of course, I think of the perfect comeback three days later. :-/

26. Louisa Cornell on 22 Jan 2009 at 8:47 am #

    Too funny, Karen! Good for you! Reminds me of my favorite comeback to my cousin who says at every reunion “Boy, you sure have gotten fatter.” to which I reply “Yes, and you’ve gotten uglier, but I can always go on a diet.”

    In the opera business female singers are supposedly more temperamental and difficult to work with, but the worst “diva” I ever encountered was a young tenor who thought the world revolved around him. He was a sexist, egotistical ass who declared female singers were always less talented than male singers. He used to take the first pitch from his entrance aria from the last pitch of my exit aria. One night I threw him a curve and he ended up crashing and burning in front of several thousand people. I am NOT nice when you tick me off.

    And Courtney, of course women are funny and have a sense of humor! How on earth could we put up with some men without it?

    And I can’t stand the people who look at teenagers drinking and smoking and being promiscuous and say “Oh that’s just part of growing up.” Really? Well my teenaged niece and nephews don’t do it and neither do many of their friends.

    And do you know why many drunk drivers get slap after slap on the wrist?

27. Louisa Cornell on 22 Jan 2009 at 8:51 am #

    Because most of the time judges and jurors think “Oh, it’s no big deal.” They don’t think it is a big deal until it happens to them. Most drunk drivers have multiple offenses before they kill someone. In Europe drunk driving is taken far more seriously.

    Women and Math/ Please! My first job out of undergrad school was as an accountant for a manufacturing plant.

    My brothers have totaled over a dozen cars between them. I have had one accident – a fender bender when someone stopped suddenly in front of me.

    And by the way, I am NEVER late for important events when I have to get dressed up. My brothers are ALWAYS late and it is usually because they couldn’t get their hair to “do right!”

28. JudyPatooty on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:03 am #

    Loved your rant, Karen! Good for you for speaking up to that boorish man, too. What an ass.

    Have you seen any of Sarah Haskins’ “Target Women” videos? They’re funny and are about how ridiculously marketers and the media target women. Some of her topics have been yogurt, wedding shows, vampires, and chick flicks. (Here’s a link to all of them: http://current.com/topics/88813968/target_women/new/0.htm

    This one was one of my favorites: http://current.com/items/89317322/target_women_cleaning.htm

29. Freedom Writer on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:04 am #

    You go Karen! I would have told him that I sometimes fell victim to indecision because at that moment I would be trying to decide whether to punch in the nose or give him a good knee. Okay so I wouldn’t really have resorted to violence, (Okay, well maybe in response to Cail’s debate partners) but he would have thought he had just been kneed when I got through with him.

    I have worked for many years in the accounting areas and my dh can’t balance a checkbook.

    As for men hating chick flicks, dh’s favorite movie is the Pride and Prejudice mini series. I think he is in love with Colin Firth, but who can blame him.

30. Lisa H on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:05 am #

    I too am never late. I credit my punctuality to knowing math. I subtract the time it will take me to travel plus 10 minutes for traffic difficulties from the time I am supposed to show up. The result is, I am on time or a couple minutes early.

31. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:05 am #

    Louisa, amen on the drunk driving. It should be taken VERY seriously and isn’t.

    Btw, another thing that makes me mad … someone who bites the hand that feeds him:
    Nicholas Sparks, author of THE NOTEBOOK, says this about romance novels: “I don’t read them. I read 125 books a year — thrillers of all kind — but no romance. No one writes them well, quite frankly. For the most part, I find them either manipulative or melodramatic or both. And of course, since this is my genre, I’m very attuned to those things. I do my best never to cross those lines because if you do you don’t have a good story.”

    THEN he goes on to say “The biggest misconception about me is that I write romance novels . . .I write dramatic fiction . . . ‘The Notebook’ is getting put into Cliffs Notes next March because it’s regarded as an American classic. You will not find Cliffs Notes on romance novels.”

    Oh yeah, Mr. Knows-Everything-About-My-Genre-That-Isn’t-My-Genre? What about Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte? Those are romances and they’ve got Cliff Notes.

    GRRRRRR!!!! I have an answer for this but it involves a bath tub filled with rose petals and a 220v super power hair dryer. Oh yeah, I can get mean,

32. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:08 am #

    Freedom, your guy loves P & P! How COOL! I need to show that to my guy. I bought it for myself for Christmas. Merry Christmas to me!!!

    LisaH, I alas, am one of those sorta late people. I blame it on my French ancestry. We just don’t care about zee time.

33. Margaret on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:12 am #

    I was just sort of synopsizing Jonestown, KarenH. Is that a word? I know there were a number of those poor souls who were forced to drink and a few who escaped into the jungle and lived to tell what happened that day.
    And, yet, there are still foolish people in the world who will follow someone who claims to have all the answers. David Koresh comes to mind. And quite a few financial gurus of late are being found to have greatly mislead their flocks.

    This is a fascinating subject today. Thanks for airing it out, KH.

34. Claudia Dain on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:13 am #

    I don’t play in this universe. Honestly. My parents weren’t this way. My extended family wasn’t this way. The people my parents made our family friends weren’t this way. I don’t make friends with people who think this way.

    All to say that whenever I (rarely) come across someone who makes remarks like this, my first reaction is shocked disbelief, quickly followed by the realization of how monumentally stupid they are. I never think of it as a societal problem. I think of it as, “Wow, how does this person function in society being that stupid? Can he/she hold a job? How did this *happen* to this person? Is it fixable?”

    Big D loves chick flicks, btw; they’re his favorite kind of movie. Mine, too.

35. Margaret on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:16 am #

    I just read what you wrote about Nicholas Sparks. Huh. I thought The Horse Whisperer was extremely manipulative and melodramatic. Methinks Mr. Sparks has an outsized ego. I tried to read another of his books & it hit the wall before I finished.

36. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:16 am #

    The definition for ‘word’ is ‘a collection of syllables that have a common meaning’ so, if someone — just one other person — understands your word, it IS a word. So yes, that completely works for me!

    There have been a lot of financial gurus who promised big things and were secretly emptying the banks, haven’t there? There’s some guy here in Florida that they think took off with more than a quarter of a billion dollars in other people’s money. Wowza doesn’t begin to describe that.

37. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:18 am #

    Claudia, you’re right and such comments aren’t a sign of the total group, but of a misguided few. I just wish I was quicker on my feet and could zing them all.

    I’d be the WonderWoman of dinner parties. Every time someone makes a silly remark, I’d flip my wrist bands and ZING! zap them where they stand!

    WOOHOO!!!! Pardon me while I take a moment to visualize . . . Ooooooh yeah!

38. Ayse on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:20 am #

    Why on earth would anyone need cliff notes to understand The Notebook?
    I loved the movie so much I tried to read one of his other books thinking it would be good. I could only read up to like the 3rd chapter… Zzzz…
    I also read thrillers and classics but I’m sorry I don’t see that in his books.

39. Claudia Dain on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:22 am #

    Well, you’re way ahead of me, KarenH, in that you go out and socialize out of your ‘pack.’ I so rarely leave my social network that moments like the one you had happen rarely in my life. Good for you for getting out there!

40. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:47 am #

    Guys, Judy P posted the FUNNIEST video up above. The spammer caught it, but I released it from the net. The final link is the funniest … it’s about how marketing targets women in cleaning commercials. All I can say is BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

41. Rachel Gibson on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:49 am #

    I hate blanket statement. Nothing pisses me off more than hearing “fat people are lazy or men are smarter than women or romance novels are trash or republicans are mean and democrats or kooks.” It’s so closed minded and ignorant.

    Having said that: Nicholas Sparks is a horses a$$. I’ve seen interviews of him acting like a supercilious numb nut.

42. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:52 am #

    Rachel, “Nicholas Sparks is … (fill in blank).” isn’t a blanket statement because it’s 1) about one specific person and 2) about their specific statements.

    Btw, Nicholas Sparks books all end the same … someone says they love someone and then, because the author is too lazy to write a good ending, they die.

    Ooops. Hope I didn’t ruin The Notebook/Horse Whisperer/etc for anyone. Guess I should have marked that ‘SPOILER’, huh?

43. Julia London on 22 Jan 2009 at 9:57 am #

    K-Ha, what an arse.

    Jack London would kill me if he knew I was outing him — but he likes romantic movies. He would argue that they aren’t romantic movies, because that wouldn’t be very manly of him. But he LIKES them.

44. Solveig on 22 Jan 2009 at 10:02 am #

    Good one Karen
    I wish I had a “quick comeback” gene in me. My mind mostly draws a blank. Actually all such confrontations makes me shake and want to hide in a black hole somewhere :Öþ My favorite math teacher in college was a woman, those who turned the Icelandic banking system into a worldwide joke where 99% men, my boyfriend owns ten times more books than I do and 50% of Icelandic men can´t drive. Especially those who own large jeeps. They can´t even seem to be able to move their ring finger to turn on the turning light and seem to think they own all the parking spots in Iceland. Grant you I don´t know any man who likes to read romance novels or watch a “chick flick” but I´m shore there are lots of them. And who does not like a good cry now and then :Ö). Every time someone ask me why I like romance novels (and comments on them that they all end the same) I tell them they always give me a nice gooey feeling inside and to me its the journey that counts, not the destination :ÖD

45. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 10:13 am #

    solveig, no hiding in a black hole! Confrontations are never pleasant, but they won’t kill ya, either. Well, unless the other person is mentally unsafe, then I’d suggest you not only not confront them, but that you actively avoid them.

    Btw, the whole book-ends-the-same thing, just point out that all mysteries end the same, too — with the mystery solved. It’s HOW they get to that predictable ending that is the surprise. Romance is the same way. The couple will get together, but HOW?

46. Suzanne Enoch on 22 Jan 2009 at 10:32 am #

    Well, I can only speak for me — I hate cooking, love action flicks, play Guitar Hero, collect Star Wars action figures, and probably COULD sew a button to save my life (but I wouldn’t like it). Oh, and I write romance novels.

47. Janae on 22 Jan 2009 at 11:17 am #

    Go KarenH! I love your comeback. My oldest bil cannot make up his mind. When he does make up his mind, it’s generally not done rationally and comes back to haunt their family.

    My dad and fil are the worst drivers ever. I’m amazed that they’re still alive.

    I’ve had 2 female math teachers. One was absolutely amazing and taught me so much. The other one was the worst math teacher I’ve ever had. She had no business being in a classroom because she just didn’t have teaching or people skills. I hope my children have their father’s math skills, even though, mine aren’t too shabby. He hasn’t taken math since hs because he got a 4 on the calculus AP test, even though, he rarely paid attention in class. He spent most of the time drawing pictures for his animated short he made in hs. Our children need my reading skills because my dh is a slow reader and his reading comprehension sucks.

    My older brother is a better nurturer than his wife, who tends to be passive aggressive with their children.

    LisaH, I’ve read that, too. I just need a dh who’s not quite so busy. Hopefully, things will return to normal after he submits his grant next week.

48. Madeline Hunter on 22 Jan 2009 at 11:18 am #

    Another blanket statement that I think is untrue: Women are more romantic than men. Inside many men there are real romantic softies that can be over the top romantic, from what I have seen.

    As for Mr. Sparks—- no comment. Mama told me to never put in writing what I would be inclined to say on that topic.

    I wish the old ideas about women could be chalked up to a generational divide, but not so. I was at a dinner party a few years back and a young guy, describing his and his wife’s time constraints, mentioned that it wasn’t until about 9 pm that his wife had “her own time” to do things like laundry and cleaning the kitchen. I literally snorted–loud– and opined that I would hardly consider doing the laundry and cleaning as “having her own time.” The look he gave me said he just really did not get it.

49. Julia London on 22 Jan 2009 at 11:19 am #

    Freedom, Jack London likes P&P too. He complains that he doesn’t know what they are saying, but he’s watched it with me more than once. And he took me to see the latest version when it came out. I can assure you he would not have done so if he didn’t want to see it, too

50. TerryS on 22 Jan 2009 at 11:52 am #

    Do you know the story behind that great picture in your blog of the car hanging off the telephone line?

51. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 12:34 pm #

    Suzie, I bet you could sew a button if you HAD to. You’re very handy in an emergency.

    I don’t think that many people still sew . . . or do they? How many of you can sew? I can’t. My ex, on the other hand, made himself a shirt once. So he could sew and I could barely whip stitch a buttons. That was about it, though.

    Janae, that statistic came from a PSYCHOLOGY TODAY article from ‘03, I think.

    Madeline, that’s a great one! My dad is very romantic although he doesn’t seem to realize it. The guy you met at the dinner party, though … sheesh. Poor woman! Her ‘personal time’ relegate do the laundry. Makes you wonder what he did with his . . . vacuuming? We can hope.

    Julia, it’s a great story and I shouldn’t suppose my guy wouldn’t enjoy it. He loves history and he’s very interested in human interactions and the psychology behind them — he might love P & P, too. I need to find out.

    TerryS, I have no idea about the story for the picture on the blog. I just googled ‘women drivers’ and up popped the most horrible car crashes you’ve ever seen. And yet all of the articles I found said that women have far few accidents than men, so . . . I dunno. Do you know where it came from

52. Margaret on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:07 pm #

    Umm. I sew, KH. Or used to. I loved sewing. Of course, I always wanted to take shop too, but that wasn’t allowed in the big city of Friendswood, TX. Or anywhere in the 1950’s I imagine. LOL

    But I’ve know a few manly types who could not only sew but do needlework. Like needlepoint, cross-stitch, knitting, etc. I read one time that surgeons liked to do these types of things to keep their hands/wrists limber. I don’t know if that was true or not, I sure wanted to believe it.

    Rachel – “Having said that: Nicholas Sparks is a horses a$$. I’ve seen interviews of him acting like a supercilious numb nut.”. Hon, are you sure that he was acting? Or is he just that to the bone. Talk about someone who loves himself more than Narcissus!

53. Margaret on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:09 pm #

    I forgot to mention that my oldest grandson, now 28, can sew beautifully and has since he was a teen. His first project was seat covers for his car. He came to me and had me show him a few things, picked my brain for a few others. Then, he flew off on his own. Those seat covers turned out pretty nice for a first effort.

54. PJ on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:13 pm #

    Great comeback, Karen! Love it! Generalizations make me nuts.

    My late dh, the big, tough, military jock, would always make sure we had a box of Kleenex handy when WE watched romantic movies and he reached for the tissues just as much as I did.

55. PJ on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:19 pm #

    The “men are better drivers” statement had me thinking of a funny situation that happened to me. A couple years ago I was approaching my community marina in my 24 ft. pontoon boat. My slip is in the middle of a center dock at the marina which makes the docking process a bit tricky, especially with a long boat. Some older, self-assured (read “cocky”) men from my neighborhood (and their wives) had just come off the lake and were at the end of one of the docks chatting. They called to me asking if I needed any help docking my boat. I just smiled, thanked them and declined. The chatter stopped and they all stood there watching the “little woman”, obviously ready to jump in and lend a hand when I wasn’t able to get my boat in the slip. I drove into the water between docks, swung the boat around and backed into my slip all without the slightest hesitation and without even brushing the sides of the slip. There was complete silence. Then the women burst into applause and cheers while the men looked on in shock. By the time I got out of the boat and had begun to tie it up all five men were standing in front of me wanting to know if I’d teach them how to dock their boats.

56. Freshechelle on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:26 pm #

    I’ll fess up I’m guilty of stinking at math and I did have some female math teachers along the way.

    I couldn’t pass Geometry in high school so I dropped it instead of my GPA. Junior year of college I learned I needed it by law to get a degree. So my university suggested I take it as a high school summer school course. We were graded (by the female teacher) on how well we kept a notebook of what she taught. I was 21, the rest of the class was 16. I got an A and learned nothing.

    I can sew a button but am even better at stapling a hem and using shipping tape to keep a lining from looking longer than my skirt

57. SuzyQ on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:36 pm #

    I know a guy who is an EMT and a while back was thinking of going back to school to be a nurse. All his buddies busted him about being a male nurse. Why is that so wrong? Where is it written that only women should be nurses? And no, he’s not gay.

    My dh watches chick flicks with me. I also have him hooked on Desperate Housewives and Dancing With The Stars. But he draws the line on watching figure skating.

58. Rachel Gibson on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:48 pm #

    Margret,

    I should have said NS was BEHAVING like a numb nut. TIn the interview I saw, he was insulting his readers.

    rachelg

59. Freshechelle on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:58 pm #

    hey tomorrow can we blog about the Aretha that hat was wearing at the inaugural?

60. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 2:06 pm #

    Margaret, I wish I knew how to sew! I’d love to do so many things that require sewing — especially making quilts. I do the hand part, but the machine is so nice for the backing and side hems.

    Btw, my guy’s father knits. He was injured in an accident at his work and that was one way they taught him to regain muscle control over that hand. And he does it BEAUTIFULLY, too. I’d forgotten that.

    I’m proud of your son, Margaret! That’s a huge project to undertake! What a great guy!

    PJ, you are a true heroine! That’s an awesome story and I’m so proud of you for showing them how capable you are. I can just see you doing that, too.

    Fresh, you are a true 21st century woman. When I worked in an office about half of my hems were stabled and one was even paperclipped, which lasted until I washed it. Sometimes ya just gotta make do. Btw, I wish I’d had your teacher when I went to college. I struggled mightily in algebra because I kept wanting to solve all the way to a real number. The whole ‘3xy” answer just wasn’t good enough.

    SuzyQ, I know a good number of male nurses. As much lifting as those people have to do, if you’re male or female, you’d better be strong. Hope he did it anyway!

61. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 2:11 pm #

    FRESH! I saw that hat and grinned. Then I felt bad because Aretha is such a neat lady. But sheesh. THAT HAT. She’s proud of it, too. You know, it could be a generational/church/special occasion thing. My mother used to wear hats (some much bigger than Aretha’s) to church in Virginia. All of the ladies did.

62. Freshechelle on 22 Jan 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    some day I’ll tell you about the time I met Aretha and helped her put on a quarter million dollars worth of diamonds. My job has given me some amazing experiences.

63. Ellen is Back Home on 22 Jan 2009 at 2:40 pm #

    Hello my Girls! How I missed you. My job responsibilities changed suddendly and I never had the chance to visit with you. “On the road again.”

    Anyway…I’m back to working out of the home office most of the week so I promise to visit.

    I bet you thought I forgot about you….”since women are such scatter-brains when it comes to remembering important details.” LOL

64. Freshechelle on 22 Jan 2009 at 2:47 pm #

    ellen, I was just wonder what had become of you the other day. WELCOME BACK!

65. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 3:02 pm #

    ELLEN! Welcome back! How’re you doing? Glad you’re home for a while. That’s gotta be tough, traveling. But at least, being a woman, you’re willing to ask directions (Which is another stereotype that’s not always right!).

    Fresh, I wanna hear about Aretha and the gazillion dollars of jewelry! Please? Please?? PLEASE???

66. Ellen is Back Home on 22 Jan 2009 at 3:08 pm #

    Do tell Fresh!

67. SuzyQ on 22 Jan 2009 at 3:15 pm #

    Welcome back Ellen!!!

    Fresh, I want to hear too!!!!

68. Freshechelle on 22 Jan 2009 at 3:26 pm #

    sorry to distract from Ellen’s home coming but here it is:

    Aretha was hired to play for a car show my co. hosted at Rockefeller Center. When we delivered her payment we learned her luggage was left behind in the train station of the prior city she was in (she doesn’t fly). So I had a “jack of all trades” role and worked with a colleague to get her a dresses from Saks & Marina Rinaldi and jewels from Fred. I had to stay with the jewels all night and stay near her during the performance (front row). She struggled with the bracelet’s fit so I made her try the left hand since she’s right handed (left wrist would be naturally a little smaller). She was so sweet and chit chatty after that telling me about the Woodward Dream Cruise car parade in Detroit. I got to hold on to the bracelet, earrings and necklace after she sang and returned them to Fred the next a.m. Yes, of course i tried them on. more importantly, her voice was amazing!

69. Cail on 22 Jan 2009 at 3:32 pm #

    Welcome back Ellen!!!! We missed your brilliant wit!

70. Sabrina Jeffries on 22 Jan 2009 at 3:48 pm #

    OK, this is spooky. I clicked on the page, and the errant thought came into my mind, “Whatever happened to Ellen?” And then she showed up!!! I swear, I’m psychic. *G*

    My dh prefers romantic comedies (chick flicks, if you will) to any other kind of film. He HATES action films–I actually like them a lot more than he does, but I have to watch them alone. He won’t watch them or any of the comic book movies. For him, it’s always about comedy or documentaries. He LOVES documentaries.

    True story–the other day I had a DVD of the Duchess, and I said to him, “I think you’d really like this,” and he said, “It looks like one of OUR kind of movie.” He watches a lot of those historical movies with me. He seems to like them, although he doesn’t go out of his way to see them. But I think he’d like The Duchess.

    Also, he was as hooked on Friends and Sex in the City as I was. He hates musicals, though. He also hates sports, which is really not guy-like, although his favorite show on TV is, groan, the car auction show. The man is seriously into cars and stereos.

71. Sabrina Jeffries on 22 Jan 2009 at 3:54 pm #

    Oh, and he’s not the least bit techie. I do all the techie stuff in the house. Our caregiver will come in and say, “Could you have your husband do this on the computer?” and I laugh every time. I keep telling him that asking my dh to do something on the computer is like asking a plumber to fix your phone. My dh tolerates his computer, and that’s about it. He also hates math.

    Like Claudia, I apparently live in an alternate universe.

    Oh, and don’t get me started on Mr. Sparks. BUT I must make one correction to your comments, Karen. Sparks did not write The Horse Whisperer. Nicholas Evans wrote it. And as far as I know, HE hasn’t made any nasty comments about romance writers.

    Here’s an idea that should be erased from the collective. I’m tired of people saying, “I’m sorry,” when I say my son is autistic. I’m not sorry. He is who he is, and my life has been richer because of him. So why are they apologizing? More to the point, why are they acting as if it’s a tragedy to have a disabled child? He’s a sweetheart, and if they knew him, they’d adore him.

    Climbing down from my soap box now.

72. Janae on 22 Jan 2009 at 4:03 pm #

    KarenH, I sew on occasion. To me it’s another way to create something. I didn’t even learn how to sew until I was 29 when I took an adult ed class. I mostly make clothes for my daughter when I do sew. It just seems to fit her personality better than the off the rack stuff. I just made her the cutest little jean (it’s really little 3T) from some jeans that her brother wore when he was 2-3. Then, there’s her plaid tie skirt, made up of 17 plaid ties. Plaid ties are very hard (cheap or otherwise) when you need them. I wish I could say that one of our clans is represented, but they aren’t. It was so much fun to make. Currently, I’m trying to figure how to make her a sundress with some white eyelet fabric one of my sisters gave me last summer.

73. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 4:25 pm #

    Fresh, that’s an incredible story! I love it when talented people are also wonderful people. That doesn’t always happen. Did you get pics of you with Aretha? I wanna see!!!

    Sabrina, I know what you mean about the “I’m sorry about your child.” My sister is mentally challenged and we get that all of the time, too. I think the best thing to say when someone tells you their child/relative has any disabilities is to say, “I hope I get to meet them!” If you’re lucky, you will.

    I AM sorry about adding Horse Whisperer onto Sparks’ bibliography. Someone else mentioned it and since I’ve only read two of Sparks’s books (and while I enjoyed The Notebook, I didn’t think it was all that, and I didn’t dig the other at all – something about a sailboat — I dunno) so I plopped it on there. I’m really not familiar enough with his work to list it. Sorry for the mistake, though my feelings are still the same.

    Janae, I’d love to learn how to sew! And the clothes you’re making for your daughter — I’m so jealous! Right now, I’d like to make quilts and some drapes! I love decorating, so that would be a dream come true! Your daughter is a lucky girl!

74. Freshechelle on 22 Jan 2009 at 4:28 pm #

    sadly there are no pics except for the ones in my head.

75. Freshechelle on 22 Jan 2009 at 4:57 pm #

    KH, wait, it meant there were pics but you can’t see me, I’m blocked by Aretha’s hat.

76. Julia London on 22 Jan 2009 at 5:56 pm #

    Ellen, I am very happy to see you here again! I was also wondering where you’d gotten off to.

    Fresh, my husband and I laughed about that hat. We didn’t see anything BUT that hat while she was singing.

77. Becky on 22 Jan 2009 at 5:58 pm #

    I heard a new one today and I knew you guys would appreciate it. A guy at my massage school said this, “Well, it’s not rape if it’s your wife.”
    ……….WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? Oh, the uprising…. I don’t know he’ll ever say another word to any of us without getting a crowbar to the family jewels.

78. Lisa on 22 Jan 2009 at 6:09 pm #

    Men are not better drivers. Both of my nephews are terrible drivers. The older one drives so fast I feel like I am taking off for outer space! The younger one has had so many accidents. Some were not his fault but he still has had way too many. Men like to say that only women gossip. Well, men are the worst gossips around. On my street the men will stand around and tell who has been drunk,who has been seen going into houses,etc.

79. Karen Hawkins on 22 Jan 2009 at 8:07 pm #

    Fresh, I’m not surprised you were blocked by the hat. She has a lot of them. I saw her in a red one once that was the size of an umbrella. You coulda hidden a small keg under that thing and no one would have known.

    Becky, that’s HORRIBLE. I’m glad you guys gave him the what-for. Sheesh. I guess it’s not murder if it’s your wife, too. (rolls eyes) Sheesh!

    Lisa, the man-gossip-thing is SO true. I had to laugh at your description of them standing around talking because it made me think of the beginning of King of the Hill when the guys are all standing behind the fence, drinking beer and gossiping. Btw, you wouldn’t believe how much the men in my brother’s office talk, too. They’re like hens, the lot of them. Cubicle hens.

    Thank you all for spending the day with me, helping me clear the crap from society’s mental collective. I’m feeling better by the minute!!!

80. Santa on 23 Jan 2009 at 1:05 am #

    Great blog, Karen!

    I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned this but I hate the notion some men have that women have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to cars. Now, I’m not going to say I’m an expert but I can dissiminate information and make an intelligent decision about what needs to be done with MY car. One mechanic kept callng and asking to speak to my husband. I don’t THINK so and I told him so and then I went on to tell him exactly what needed to be done. Grrrr….

    Oh, and fat people are not gregarious all the time. We like to try on a few other emotions to see how they fit. It’s what makes us well rounded.

81. evlqn on 23 Jan 2009 at 3:58 am #

    Anyone who doesn’t know men are world class gossips obviously have not been around a lot of men. My husband would come home from work go straight to the phone to call his friend Steve and they would talk for an hour or more. He and Steve worked together every day but then they had to rehash their day.

    And until he became too sick to go out my dad was a member of the Hi Yu He He Liars Club, a core group of 5 to 12 men met every morning to drink coffee and trade lies. They were such steady customers that their tables were kept open for them.

82. Karen Hawkins on 23 Jan 2009 at 9:05 am #

    Santa, the car thing is a GREAT example of that sweeping statement failure. And I don’t blame you for getting mad. My ex was a mechanic, among a myriad of other professions, and I spent hours and hours helping him work on cars. I held tools, fetched the air hose when it was needed, and provided that extra hand which is so very useful when doing a big job.

    I got greasy and grimy and enjoyed every minute. I also learned about cars and so I know when my fan belt’s squealing v. the air compressor bearing, but I can never convince a mechanic of that. I’ll tell them what I think’s wrong with Ye Olde Red Jeep. That always makes me mad.

    I agree, too, with your well-rounded comment. Boy, some people just don’t get it, do they?

    eviqn, my dad still goes to his old job and hangs out with his old work buddies. It’s not as colorful as your dad’s group (I had to laugh at the club name!), but it’s cute when they get together and boy, do they GOSSIP! Very funny stuff!

83. Kathleen on 24 Jan 2009 at 10:24 am #

    You rock Karen. Your comeback is just what I would have done. My friends no if it’s gonna be said I’ll say it no matter what. I remember being at a club one night and this was long before I ever heard it in a movie or on TV or even in abook for that matter, and I saw this guy staring at me and I walked over to him, as I was attracted to him, and she “You remind me of my first husband” and he asked how many I had and I said “None yet!!!!!”. My friends nearly fell of their chairs. The guy looked like a owled eyed and then laughed. It was a good ice breaker. I love people who say what they mean and mean what they say.

    And I know a group of guys, my older brother and his friends, who when they were in their early 20’s used to sit and watch soap operas with my grandmother. SO men do like chick TV and moives.

    And if men would only realize that without us they would be nothing. We are the born leaders of this world, because without us they would not no how to run the coffee maker, never mind the world.

84. irishkay on 24 Jan 2009 at 8:07 pm #

    I heard someone say once, “That poor boy must be desperate to be with that fat girl”. I hate it when people (men and women) think that if you are fat you dont deserve to be loved. Or, “something has to be wrong with a guy to be with a fat girl. He must be just using her because he cant get anyone else.” –those are genuine quotes!!!!! I kid you not.
    I get mad just thinking about this!

85. irishkay on 24 Jan 2009 at 8:10 pm #

    I have another one! “He can cook, he must be gay!”
    Why cant people understand that “today” couples are sharing the duties of a household? It isnt “his” or “hers” duties anymore.
    ARGGGGG!!!!!! Who cares who does it as long as it gets done? SHEEEESH!!!!!

86. Karen Hawkins on 24 Jan 2009 at 8:18 pm #

    Kathleen, wow, woman, you are fierce! I agree with you about the coffeemaker, too. Whoever knows how to run that, does indeed run the world!

    Irishkay, I know a LOT of guys who can cook who are as straight as straight can get. And you’re right about the whole ‘poor guy dating the fat girl is just using her’ … that’s an insult to them both. To her because it assumes she doesn’t have any value and an insult to him because it assumes that he’s very shallow. That’s just ugly!

    These are some great ones, m’dears!

87. KathyLou on 01 Feb 2009 at 9:35 pm #

    My DH does enjoy chick flicks along with me. I work with numbers all day long. I work in a budget office and half of the analysts are women!!! A good romance book is a very good distraction from the world of numbers that I live in five days a week. A good read can relax me and help me to live my work at home.

    I read just before turning out the light each night in addition to the articles, blogs, and stories that I read online each evening.