Welcome Guest Goddess Eloisa James!
Dec 4th 2008
KimGuest Goddesses
Good morning, Mt. Oly! Please welcome our guest Goddess for the day, New York Times best selling author, Eloisa James. The fourth fun and naughty installment of Eloisa’s Desperate Duchesses series, When the Duke Returns just hit bookstore shelves. Please give Eloisa a warm Goddess welcome!
Children and Life.
I recently got a letter from a friend of mine who has just had his first baby.
“You were right,” he wrote, “life has no meaning without her. I can’t imagine life before she was born.”
I had to read that sentence three times. Had I really said that? It’s not that I don’t agree…in a kind of philosophical way. But I must have had a glass of wine in my hand when I voiced it.
The “meaning of life” becomes a diluted concept, when you’re living with a teen and a tween. I spent this week desperately trying to write a manuscript due January 1. My son spent the week rolling out of bed at noon and then paying me regular visits, during which he would throw himself into a chair and say in the flat, accusing tone of a prisoner held without bail for fourteen years: “I’m bored. Bored, Mom. Mom? Did you hear me? Bored.”
Guess what? One of my characters in my latest book, When the Duke Returns, is an adolescent boy. WTDR has one of my favorite plots: a husband and wife who have never met. A romance writer’s challenge when writing Marriage-of-Convenience plots is to keep the two out of bed until the right moment – but guess what? The hero’s brother Godfrey is very helpful in that respect.
Can I just say that sometimes the “meaning of life” is a diluted concept? Let’s start with the premise that we all adore, love and admire our children, be they animal, mineral or human. But “We can’t imagine life without them”? Ha!
I can.
Anyone remember morning sex? Dozy, sleepy, roll over and make-the-day-start-out-right sex? The kind of sex that disappeared along with the patter of tiny bare feet?
How about a relaxed cup of coffee while you read the entire New York Times cover to cover (or whatever your local paper may be)? In those days, a husband or partner might wander out for muffins or bagels and cream cheese…these days, he’s too busy trying to separate adolescents fighting over the last piece of toast with the concentrated energy of bulldogs.
And finally…remember dates? DATES? Dates were when a man you didn’t 
know very well called you up and asked you out for dinner. You got spiffed up and put perfume in various places around your body, and opened the door with a smile. You looked great. He looked…whatever. Maybe great, maybe not. Who cares? You went out to dinner, to a movie — and there was nothing saying that you had to be home at 10 o’clock. It was all exploration, all discovery. Oh brave new world!
Of course, there are moments when morning sex, and dates, and calm coffee mornings seem overrated. Those would be the moments when someone isn’t upchucking in the bathroom, or rolling around the floor pulling someone else’s hair, or screaming like a banshee. Those would be the moments when the child in question isn’t accusing you of making him bored. Moments that almost make me think that without children…I might be bored.
But before that idea gets stuck in my mind…What do you miss most about life before children? Or if you’ve avoided the whole procreation business, What would you least like to give up if your household was invaded by small, sticky, albeit loving, persons?
**note from Handmaiden Kim: Eloisa has generously offered 5 copies of the first book in her Desperate Duchesses series, Desperate Duchesses! Just leave a comment below to be entered.
81 Comments »
Kimberly W on 04 Dec 2008 at 3:54 am #
Being one of the thankfully childless but an active aunt of a 8 month old, I can truthfully say that I miss being able to leave my stuff wherever I please. Little fingers tend to go for anything you leave out even if you think you had put it away well enough to be safe. hehehe….
If I had children of my own ::shudder::, I think the thing I would miss the most would probably be uninterrupted sleep and being allowed to be sick without worrying about taking care of someone else despite the fact. That would stink.
Oh and I love your writing Eloisa. I loved the Essex sisters series and though I have only read An Affair Before Christmas(and loved it) from your current series, I very much enjoyed it.
evlqn on 04 Dec 2008 at 4:21 am #
Welcome Eloisa!
I am one of the lucky ones who gets to the parent thing twice. The first time with my wonderful sons, whom I miraculously let live. And now with my sister’s grandsons, who are constantly in jeopardy of going under the deck until spring thaw.
With my sons I frequently missed the “Me time”. And it would have been nice to be able to turn off the inner-uterine tracking device. You know the one that helps with,”Mom, where are my shoe?” “Mom, what happened to my homework?” “Mom, I can’t find my jacket!”
With the g-sons, it’s “What time is practice?” “Where are my shoes?” “Homework? Remote? MP3? Cell?” Nothing much has changed.
But before we got them the first time we were within two weeks from going to Ireland for a month. Now the chances of going are between slim and none. We go to football, basketball, baseball,track and soccer games instead of season tickets to the Hult Center. We get to go to PTO meetings instead of gallery openings. I remember having a wardrobe that actually included dresses and heels. Now it’s jeans and sneakers.
We miss some of our freedoms but we treasure how very rich our lives are now. Still kind of grieve the Ireland trip though.
Kim on 04 Dec 2008 at 6:13 am #
Welcome Eloisa!!
Right now being in the throes of a naughty teen ager, I just miss him being little. Discipline was so much easier when taking away his talking Barney was the end of the world!
Looking at being an empty nester in a few short months; I’m really looking forward to just having alone time with my husband. If we want to take off for a week end, we can. If we want to eat ice cream for dinner, we can. And we’re young enough that we’re really going to enjoy that freedom.
Becky on 04 Dec 2008 at 6:57 am #
Oh goodness, if I had children…I’d miss those rare days where I get to sleep in. They are uncommon enough with my life as it is now, I can’t imagine losing it! That and being able to eat what I want for meals without having to worry about if it is balanced or not…
But the morning sex sounds rather intriguing, too…
Kathy/Cookiedough on 04 Dec 2008 at 7:48 am #
I love children! I spent the day yesterday with a sticky, runny nose teething 17mos old girl and I was in heaven!
and little dog too!
Her idea of helping me in the kitchen was opening up the plastics cupboard and emptying it out. The dog’s idea was to eat anything from the floor that rained down on him. and as a tiny Yorkie named Napoleon, I was amazed how much this dog could put away!
As a former nanny, I get the joy of being with children without the worry of college, or hey! lack of sleep!
Now working with an agency that does mostly senior care, it’s a treat to go into a home and play with a child.
peggy Q on 04 Dec 2008 at 7:53 am #
I love my son dearly.but at time i do miss me time.
Susan M on 04 Dec 2008 at 7:53 am #
Welcome Eloisa!
I currently have no children but I know I would miss sleep and reading. A good friend of mine has 3 kids. She doesn’t get much sleep and doesn’t have a lot of time to read.
cail on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:01 am #
First, welcome Eloisa! I’m a HUGE fan. I’m so excited to get WTDR and thrilled that you’ve visited TGB.
Secondly, like Kimberly, I’ve avoided the whole procreation thing so far. I’ll probably put it off even longer since I work with small children (teaching) and get my daily dose of young child cuteness on a regular basis. I do wish my friends would have more babies though…
The thing I’d miss the most is having my mornings with the DH.
Paula on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:05 am #
Hi Eloisa, I have 2 boys (5 &
and I miss how simple life was!! I love my boys and wouldn’t be without them but I do miss being able to do what I want when I want and having time alone with my DH. We haven’t got family living locally and so have to pay for a babysitter and so an evening out works out really expensive
Freedom Writer on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:09 am #
Welcome Eloisa!
I have been blessed with four wonderful children. (Did I mention I write fiction). I have 4 kids who all still live at home even though 3 are adults. I also have a darling granddaughter. I too miss the me time. Even now as I try to type my granddaughter is on my lap. But I wouldn’t give them up for anything.
Lisa H on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:20 am #
Hi Elouisa - I am a huge fan and was fortunate enough to see you at the NJRW Conference. I have three kids 15,13 & 3. What do I miss most? My sanity. Being able to form a coherant thought without being interrupted. Listening to my music in the car, laying down to rest when I’m tired, reading, writing, exercising,not just morning sex, but all sex, eating green things…but mostly I miss the sleep. Having toddlers and teenagers is a feat that should be rewarded with millions. I do however get lots of kisses, cuddles, invites to movies from the teens, and requests for time just with me. It really makes it all worth while, but it is exaughsting!
I love your Desperate Dutchess series, I cried during the love scene in Desperate Dutchesses, I thought it was so beautiful ( I might have been crying because I rarely get to indulge see above paragraph!)
I can’t wait to have “When the Duke Returns” I hope I win one!
SuzyQ on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:26 am #
Welcome Eloisa!
The thing I miss most before having kids is my shape. I’m sorry but my stomach has never been the same. Oh yeah, and like others, the sleep part. Now every weekend morning when I used to sleep in I get woken up with “Hey Mom! What’s for breakfast? We’re hungry!”
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:47 am #
Hi Kimberly!
You nailed a big one: the ability to go to bed and just be sick without having to drag oneself up and get people to school. Ah, the luxury. Sit around with your own fever and watch TV without knowing that in a matter of hours someone will be sharing your fever and likely throwing up as well… And I’m so glad you liked Affair! It’s one of my favorites.
And Evlqn — isn’t there something totally weird about the way that every sentence has to start with “Mom”? Why? Why? I’m standing right here, or driving, or trying to go to the bathroom. They know where I am!
Kim and Becky — oh, sleeping in. Here’s a horrible secret: age kind of kills the whole sleeping in thing. I used to curse and cry when my children would wake up at 5:30. Now I do it myself! Awful! Awful!
hugs, Eloisa
Kari on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:48 am #
Welcome, Eloisa!
I miss the clean house and spare room. I’ve been fortunate in that my son, who’s now 5, likes to sleep in so I get a little more sleep than other mothers I know. I miss the last minute call for a girls night out of dancing. Now-a-days it take at least 2 to 3 weeks to plan and it’s a go only if everyone can find a babysitter. I miss the cheaper air fares when traveling out of state.
On the flip side of what I miss, if I didn’t have child, I wouldn’t have went to the zoo this past weekend for a mommy and me day. I wouldn’t have kissed a giraffe or pet a camel. BUT since I do have a child, I did!
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:52 am #
Kathy, am I the only one who thinks your job sounds wonderful — like a Harlequin romance? (I suppose I should admit that my idea of total relaxation is a bath, a glass of wine and a Harlequin, preferrably titled the Sheik and the Nanny?) So have you ever met a glamorous man on the job??
Cail is brilliant — she reminded me that there are more reasons to stay in bed in the morning than sleeping!
Paula, I’m totally sympathetic. I suppose you’ve thought of it, but could you do a trade? We had a great system going for a while with a friend who would take ours, and we would take hers, and at least that way the expense shrinks to the (insanely) expensive popcorn & movie!
Freedom Writer, there must be something ironic about your nomiker (*g*). Three kids at home! But I can kind of see it… my children are pains, but they’re getting more interesting all the time.
Eloisa
hvitveis on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:53 am #
I do not have any children, but I think what I would most miss is to be able to get up in the weekends whenever I feel like it. I am not a good morning person and to be awakened at 0600 (before the sun gets up! ) on a weekend (!) just because someone is Bored..shudder. I would walk around in a perpetual grump. I get anoyed just thinking about it. And Me- time. I need time alone with myself and no schedule on a regular basis, if not I get even grumpier..
We looked after a pair of dogs for three weeks, and it was a shock to the system. Getting up earlier, being awokened during night, taking them out three times a day, feeding times, cleaning pee. I love them dearly but boy, was I happy to give them back to their owners…
On the other side it would be great to have someone in the house to see Spongebob, Fraggle Rock and Pokoyo with. Even if it is 0600 in the morning. So procreation is a possibility. In the long distant future. Like a looong time from now.
Kimberly on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:53 am #
I love my 3 kids dearly, and prefer having them, but I do miss
1. My time, but I would be bored without them.
2. My young body, alas I am now an old 32 year old it would change anyway.
3. My energy level after chasing them is gone.
3. Sex anytime, but I doubt we would do more often without kids.
So, I think getting older is more of a nuisance than parenting. I am proud of my kids and in a way proud of getting older, too. I think the one thing that stands out before kids, is no having resposibility.
Scratch all this, I just had to break up a fight, I miss my sanity!
Laura on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:55 am #
Eloisa, I never thought about every sentence starting with “Mom” but that is true. I don’t have kids but I live with my mom. We’ll be the only people in the room and I’ll say “Mom?” She’ll say, “Yes?” and then I’ll say whatever I was going to say.
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:55 am #
Lisa H,
awww… I’m so happy you cried! (so mean of me). And I hope you cry right through When the Duke Returns. There’s a doozy of an outdoor sex scene, if I say so myself *g*
SuzyQ, yeah. The stomach is a bummer. On the other hand, that’s what they made Spanx for. I was in Neiman Marcus the other day, going through racks and racks of Spanx and I couldn’t find just the right shape. I realized that finally I was just looking for something that would go from the neck to the knees and give me the shape I think I should have. Or want to have.
I went home without anything and made a renewed vow to work out. Great, except that I still haven’t made it to teh gym…
Now I’m off to write. I’ll check in later!!
Eloisa
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:57 am #
Kimberly,
the idea that getting older is harder than parenting is so depressing that… that…
I may have to go eat chocolate in the morning! Which is like an alcoholic breaking that nooner rule.
Eloisa
elsiehogarth on 04 Dec 2008 at 9:02 am #
Welcome Eloisa!
Ladies, you have to read WTDR because it is fantastic. Also check out Eloisa’s website and read the extra chapters, in not only her Duchess series, but of her other books too.
I personally don’t have children but enough godsons, nieces and nephews-meaning cousins children and friends kids that call me Aunt Elsie. I do try to spend time with all of them and give them that one on one time because they all want to spend time with someone that isn’t a sibling. Plus it’s my way of giving parents a break and it’s my way of having my chats wih “my kids” and see how things are going with friends, school and at home. I really try very hard not to react to anything that is told to me because it is so important to them but I go away sometimes saying-”Oh, my God. Help me.”
SuzyQ on 04 Dec 2008 at 9:17 am #
hvitveis - Cartoon Network should be renamed to The Spongebob Channel. They play it all the time and just recently had a marathon. I used to like Spongebob but there are only so many hours you can take before his laugh starts to grate on your nerves!!!
JudyPatooty on 04 Dec 2008 at 9:42 am #
Welcome Goddess Eloisa!
No children here, but I spent enough time over the years with two nephews that I know exactly what I would miss if my life were invaded by small, sticky persons! I would miss the peace and quiet I currently enjoy every morning - the time and space to wake up slowly, drink a cup of coffee, meditate, read a little bit, dawdle over my hair and makeup. I like being in charge of my own time. I’m selfish that way, I know!
Claudia Dain on 04 Dec 2008 at 9:52 am #
Welcome to the mount, Eloisa! Thank you so much for coming by.
All I can say about the kid thing is, this too shall pass. They come, and then they go. I can tell you what I miss about life with children and then life without children (they’re not dead, just grown!): decorating for holidays. What? Am I doing this just for me?
Uh, no.
I want an appreciative audience! If I’m going to drag all that stuff down from the attic, I want oooohs and aaaaahs. The cat playing underneath the Christmas tree doesn’t quite count.
Kasey on 04 Dec 2008 at 9:53 am #
I don’t have kids yet, but I agree with some of the ones that have already been said. I love living stuff sitting around and I probably wouldn”t be able to do that with little kids around and sleeping. Sleeping late and uninterrupted is great when I get the chance. I would definitely miss that. And finding time for myself to just read or watch a movie. I know kids can keep a parent active and I like not having to run after someone other than myself. Although, I do want kids someday, I just am not sure if I am ready for them quite yet.
Karen Rose on 04 Dec 2008 at 9:54 am #
Welcome, Eloisa!
You know, I can’t remember what I miss. It’s been so long since I’ve had it, LOL. Now that my kids are older they tend to amuse themselves, although when they’re home from school they also make midnight visits back to my office to announce that they’re bored.
Looking back to when they were younger and less independent, I think I miss being able to come home from work after a long day and just crash in a chair. No sleep for the mommies. You worked all day, then came home and made a microwaved dinner feast (or alternately picked up a Wendy’s happy meal, ha!), then bathed, played with, read to, and put the darlings to bed.
Which I loved, of course. But the days of napping whenever I wanted were gone, and I do love my naps.
I hope you have a fab day in Mt. Oly!
Louisa Cornell on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:03 am #
Hello, Eloisa! Love your books! Can’t wait to get my hands on the latest one!
All of my children have four legs and fur. I don’t have any of the human kind. With they furry children there is ALWAYS something to clean up, take away from them, feed them, walk them, etc. etc.
If my home were invaded by the two legged kind I think I would miss being able to walk around dressed however I want. I would also miss being able to put my things exactly where they are supposed to be rather than out of harm’s way. My niece and nephews KNOW that they are not to touch my old books, i.e. my first edition Byron. The Byron is on a pedestal in my writing studio and they walk around it as if it is a snake.
I think the thing I would miss most is having complete control of my free time. I HAVE to go to work, but once I hit the clock my time is completely my own and I like that. Even if I do nothing at all! It is one of the only virtues of being a widow.
Kimberly on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:04 am #
Well, doesn’t getting older mean getting wiser? Age means progress and in your case you have reached the point of VILLIERS BOOK!!! I think each book in this series gets better and better, so if Jemmas book is before Villiers’, we are in for one heck of a story! AHHHH I can’t wait, but what will we have to look foward to after it is done??? This has got to be the best series I have read. The humor and their kiss scene was the best in Isadores book! I love mysterious men! And Villiers situation with all those kids of his. You have a lot to work with because each of those kids have mothers or is it possible they all have the same mother??? Congradulations to your success and your future success’.
Kimberlyaf
Julia London on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:13 am #
Hi Eloisa, and welcome to Mt. Oly!
I have a Ward of State who happens to be the Cutest Baby Ever. The thing I miss most about the 40+ years of life without him is a clean and neat house. Man, are those days long gone.
Nicole Jordan on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:18 am #
It’s great to have you here, Eloisa! And to hear more about your delightful series! Any more tidbits you want to share about WTDR or future books? Didn’t I read that the next two will be published back to back next summer?
As for children, after reading a lot of these stories, I think I’m lucky to have the 4 legged, 1200 pound variety instead of little humans! And I can’t even imagine how our Julia manages with her darling little ward.
Kimberly on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:22 am #
Just imagine what Villiers perfect life, house, and schedual will be like if he brings all his 6 kids home! Oh that will make him human won’t it!?
okie on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:32 am #
Hi Eloisa! I do not have children but I am an aunt to 2 boys, 7 and 4. I spent Halloween week visiting and I have to say the one thing I would miss, if I had children, is sleeping in. I don’t know about other kids but these boys were up at the crack of dawn! I would walk into the kitchen and my sister looked like she literally rolled out of bed and threw something on..she also had on a ‘i can’t believe these kids are up at 6.00 am on a Saturday morning’ facial expression. I would definitely miss my ‘beauty’ sleep.
evlqn on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:34 am #
When my sons were younger I had to periodically check my ID just to remember I had another name besides “Mom”. Even the people on the boardwalk in Venice knew me as Ian’s Mom. Now we are Darius and Elijah’s Auntie and Grammy all of our communications from their sports and school functions say so.
And as young and health as our boys are you would think theycould walk from their rooms to where ever you are to have their needs met. Instead it is “Grammy!!! Auntie!!! Darius won’t let me play my game!”
MizMacgyver on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:58 am #
First just let me say I have a sure cure for the “I’m bored” syndrome. Neither of my kids dare utter those words because they will immediately be put to work, no questions asked, I simply hand them a dust rag, broom, mop, sweeper, whatever and give them the look. I haven’t heard those words from my kids or even their friends in 30 years.
Eloisa, I love all of your books, not just the Duchess series, in fact I have all of your books but one. The only one I can’t seem to get my hands on is an omnibus “A Wild Pursuit/Your Wicked Ways” published in 2004. I can’t wait to get the newest.
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:06 am #
Elsie, sweetie!
It’s so lovely to “see” you — and thanks for the kind words. I know you’re the best Aunt Elsie ever. (Elsie brings me cookies every year at a signing that my daughter goes to, and she dances around waiting for Elsie!)
JudyPatooty, we’re all selfish that way! Some of us are just twarted and turn from a goddess into a ogress, that’s all.
Louisa, I would love to see that Byron! Pedestal and all. Lucky you!
Eloisa
Karen Hawkins on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:09 am #
Welcome, Eloisa! I posted but just after I hit ‘enter’ my dog unplugged the computer and so I wasn’t sure it would show. Apparently it’s lost in cyber space.
Anyway, WELCOME! It’s awesome to have you here! I have WHEN THE DUKE RETURNS in my hot little hands as we speak and I can’t wait to read it! Oh yes, it’s a glass of chard and a hot bath for me this evening!
I miss having my kids in the house. They’re both off at school right now and it’s . . . quiet. Eerily so. When they were here, I missed … well, the chard and hot baths. You couldn’t disappear for thirty whole minutes without one or the other of them knocking on the door and saying such witty things as, “Mmmmmooooooommmmmm! WHERE ARE MY PINK SOCKS!” Or, “Mmmmmmmooooooommmmm! CAN I HAVE TEN BUCKS FOR GAS?”
Ah, yes. Those were the days!
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:11 am #
Hi Kimberley! So here’s a tidbit: Villiers is a man of many tastes — so his children have different mothers. I’m writing it now and it’s so much fun! I’m driving him crazy (she said smugly).
Hello, Ms. Julia London!! A Ward of the State? Do you get to keep him forever? I hope so. I don’t think my house was ever all that neat, so you get no sympathy for me there!
And hi to you Nicole! Yup, I have two books next summer: This Duchess of Mine in June (Jemma’s book) followed by A Duke of Her Own in July (Villiers’s book). Very exciting!
And I’m not sure I’m allowed to say this yet, but I just had the best news about teh NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER LIST!!!!
Eloisa contemplating champagne and it’s only 11 am!!!
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:13 am #
Dear MizMacgyver,
You’re my hero! I just started making my son do laundry folding and putting away every time he’s rude at the dinner table. It’s working like a dream…
And Karen sweetie, I hope you like it!!
Eloisa
Kim on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:16 am #
And I’m not sure I’m allowed to say this yet, but I just had the best news about teh NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER LIST!!!!
You’re positively killing me! You know I’m just bursting at the seams.
SheridanLA on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:35 am #
Hi, Louisa!
I am also of the childless variety… a conscious decision I apparently made when I was a little girl (mom said from a young age I said I did not want kids.. weird, huh?)
I am a fabulous auntie to my friends’ kids. But I don’t want to give up my spontaneous nights out, breakable things all over, my vacations, etc. I like my quiet time, too. My friends tell me I would be an awesome mom - I just tell them I mother them and their kids instead.
Yasmin on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:35 am #
Welcome To MT Oly Eloisa!!
Well I dont have any children but I do have a 15yr old brother. He is that stage where he is never hungry and eats all the time. No problem there. The thing that really gets me is the one word replies. I am lucky if I get sentence out of him or a grunt. I miss sleeping in. Weekdays I take him to school and on Sat he also has football pratice at…. 6AM.
Occasionally I do get baby lust. Right now I am spending more time with my boss’s 3 mon old baby. He is adorable and so cute. Already he outgrew most of his clothes and now wears 9 mon to 12 size and trying out his wobbly legs.
I am like Cail and Kimberly. I dont see myself with children in the near future. Maybe say in about 5..10…15 yrs from now, maybe. That doesnt keep my mom my throwing me at single men and reminding me and my sis that she doesnt want to be an old grandma that cant play them. Even above mentioned brother has asked for baby like I can pull them out of a hat.
Anyway, I love your books Eloisa! My fave are the Pleasure series, especially Sophie and Patrick’s book, make me bawl everytime. And Mayne and Josie’s. I just read WTDR and loved it.
Suzanne Enoch on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:40 am #
Hi, Eloisa!
Being nonprocreatory *g*, I have amassed quite the collection of easily breakable treasures. I remember that fact every time my nephews come to visit, and I have recently begun purchasing less breakable things to distract them from the other ones.
Sabrina Jeffries on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:46 am #
Hi, Eloisa! It’s great to have you here!! Thanks for agreeing to visit.
What I miss most is being able to pick and go somewhere without having to worry about childcare or bringing ten tons of “stuff” for my son. I could pack so much lighter without him!
But the older he gets, the more of a joy he is, so I really can’t complain. He really is the sweetest thing ever.
J Perry Stone on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:54 am #
You cannot imagine how much I’ve missed my daily daily dose of you on Squawk, Eloisa.
Wonderful blog, btw. You, more than anyone I know, has got the best outlook on parenthood–a good smattering of realism, humor and amusement.
Remember the last lines of Josie’s book?
EXACTLY!
As to your question, I miss (in no particular order):
-getting only myself ready every time we leave the house
-turning on the TV to find an adult show instead of SpongeBob
-definitely morning sex, but having sex in general without having to prepare by closing and locking the bedroom door (spontaneous sex is OVER)
-serving vegetables to ahhhs of delight
-reading a whole chapter without someone interrupting to a) ask if they can have a snack, b) ask if I can help them wash their tush, or c) talk about the poor little boy in P.E. who tends to bend over and show his plumber’s crack (something of great offense to a six year old, prissy girl).
But most of all, I miss swearing without thinking.
I can’t wait to read WTDR!
Janae on 04 Dec 2008 at 12:07 pm #
Welcome, Eloisa!! I loved WTDR so much that I read it twice the first day I had it. I’m anxiously awaiting Jemma and Elijah’s story (that man needs to take a vacation) and Villiers story. I can only imagine the chaos that’s going to enter his life when he gathers his children under one roof, being one of 7 myself. I loved the Essex sisters, especially since I have 4 sisters myself. I just finished An Affair Before Christmas last night, and IDK how many times I’ve read it.
I’ve 8 yo son and a 5 yo daughter, and there are so many thing I miss - sex at anytime, sleep, homework free nights, and being able to talk on the phone without being interrupted to name a few. OTOH, being with my 5 yo is never dull. She’s Lucille Ball funny. While trick or treating this year, she announced at every single house that she did not like peanut butter and wanted candy that didn’t have any in it. It worked, too. The one time it didn’t, she immediately traded with her brother in the driveway. My son is such a sweet boy. I would definitely miss them if they weren’t in my life.
LauraR on 04 Dec 2008 at 12:10 pm #
Hi Eloisa! I have added WTDR to my TBR pile. Congrats on the NYT Bestsellers list. I’m happy to have contributed to your success.
What I would miss most if I had human children is the loooooong baths where I get to read.
jessie on 04 Dec 2008 at 12:22 pm #
Hello, Eloisa! So glad you came by. It reminds me of the days of Squawk Radio.
I don’t have kids yet, but I want to eventually. Not soon. I’m still too selfish for that. I think I will miss not being able to say whatever because I will be afraid it will be repeated. I don’t have the most ladylike mouth, and that’ll have to stop when I have kids.
I’m trying so hard to get my hands on your new book, but no one has donated it to my used book store yet, and I don’t have the cash for a brand new copy. Guess that means no one wants to give it up, so it must be good!
Yasmin on 04 Dec 2008 at 12:49 pm #
Congrats of Making the NYC Bestseller List!!!
dbrown3400 on 04 Dec 2008 at 1:14 pm #
Greetings, Eloisa. Finished WTDR last night and loved it. The first love scene was both poignant and so funny. I won’t give anything away, but you know the part I mean. Looking forward to the last two books in the series. By now, Jemma and Villiers seem like old friends. I’ve enjoyed all your books, especially the Essex Sisters and the Desperate Duchesses.
We traveled much more bc than after and to more exotic locales. The girls were good sleepers from an early age and my ex traveled a lot on business so I don’t recall a lack of ‘me’ time. They are grown now but we still get the phone calls and texts when they have problems. I guess I’ll hear the call for ‘Mom’ forever.
colinfirthfan on 04 Dec 2008 at 1:21 pm #
Hello Eloisa. Nice to have you on the blog. Are the Squawkers going to blog again?
Funny you should write this blog today. I was threatening my kids this morning with dire punishments (taking away their PS2) if they came and woke me up in the middle of the night again. It is the 4th night in a row.
I definitely miss uninterrupted sleep and going out whenever I wanted.
Going anywhere alone now requires much scheduling and planning.
Sigh!
Nancy on 04 Dec 2008 at 2:10 pm #
Hello Eloisa,
Congratulations!! You are such a great writer. I’m addicted to your books. Thank you for hours of great reading and getting lost in the world of the ton.
I have 2 kids 9 years apart and just when I was getting me time back and the mornings were starting to get interesting and evenings were even better it happened again…I lost it and now are the times when I have to beg someone to take my kids so DH and I can have our time..
I so miss laying in bed all day till eating could not be held off any longer.. Ah… the good ole days. lol.
Karen Hawkins on 04 Dec 2008 at 2:22 pm #
My son just called me and reminded me of another thing I miss about the pre-kid days . . . my money was really MY money. Now it goes to tuition and books, clothes and cars, gas and pizza — none of which benefit me in the least.
I miss my money. I was fond of it.
colinfirthfan on 04 Dec 2008 at 2:40 pm #
KHa, look at the big picture - After spending all your money on tuition, gas, books etc… Who gets to choose your nursing home??? So it still might benefit you in 40 or 50 years.
evlqn on 04 Dec 2008 at 2:44 pm #
Karen, you are a member in GOOD standing of the Bank of Mom. I myself am a Platinum Member. I used to have money , yeah I miss those days too.
terrio on 04 Dec 2008 at 2:55 pm #
Since I’m a single parent I can say that dating was much easier when I was just single without the parent part. But as mine is only 9 and not yet to the tween or teen phase, I still like having her around so I think I’ll keep her.
When The Duke Returns is going to be my Christmas present to myself. I’m spending that entire week alone with no kiddo, no homework, no family and no friends. Just me and some wonderful Romance. *sigh* Sounds heavenly. Thanks for the great books, Eloisa. And I love this blog topic. LOL!
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 3:15 pm #
Hello all!
I’m back… just did a show for Romance Radio so I’m hoarse and ready to type. Yasmin, your brother is 15 and my son is 14–and my son already has the one-word-answer disease. And he grunts. I’m so glad that you like WTDR!
Hello there Suzanne E and Sabrina J!!
Janae… you read it twice ready? I adore you! And Affair? Thank you! And for taking the time to tell me too–I really appreciate that. When things get really tough in writing, my husband always reminds me that sometimes people read my books twice, and it gives me backbone to try to make it less than utterly shlocky.
Eloisa
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 3:20 pm #
LauraR,
My editor says I can tell all…
I’M NUMBER TEN ON THE NEW YORK TIMES LIST!!!
Hurrah Hurrah Hurrah!
(Background note: I’ve been on or just below 15 for the last 7 books!) I’m so happy.
Jessie, I hope someone tucks a copy in your stocking! I like the fact they’re not for sale yet.
Colinfirthfan (me too!), the Squawkers have retired their Squawks. We hang out and blog on Mount Olympus instead! we miss everyone, though. It certainly was huge fun while it lasted.
Karen H, I know just what you mean. I look at my Amazon bill and I feel a little dizzy — but in the old days, at least the books were ones I enjoyed! Now they’re all paranormal 14-year-old male sci-fi.
And Terrio — hi there! I’m so honored that WDR is your Christmas present to yourself. I really really hope it lives up to what it should.
hugs, Eloisa
Yasmin on 04 Dec 2008 at 3:36 pm #
LOL Evlq and Colinfirthfan!
That reminded me of the money forked over last night for a tasteless tri tip/chicken dinner for a football fundraiser program. I dont miss school food all at. The only thing good was the store bought chocolate cake.
Having a brother in footbal is expensive and still to get him a letterman jacket this year.
I am an honorary member of the Bank of mom.
Sweet Jane on 04 Dec 2008 at 3:58 pm #
Welcome Eloisa!
Although I have no children myself yet, I totally see what you mean and agree with your analysis, which is not limited to a before-/after-children opposition. I believe in unblended happiness (some kind of bliss), but there isn’t such a thing as an absolute panacea on earth. Whatever we do, we always have to choose one thing over another. Hopefully though we can experience a lot of the different things we’d like in only one life: if not simultaneously, then one after another.
This is actually the reason why I want to have all my kids (at least 2, but I’d love to go for more) before 30. Because I want a life AFTER my children. I don’t want to feel old and retricted when they all eventually leave home. I want to be able to be a working woman then if I feel like, and have sex and travel and all. My mother, who had kids at a normal age, but in her twenties, was 43 when I (the last kid) left home. I think that’s nice that she had the whole life-with-children thing behind her, and still a lot to live before her… That’s also not something one may feel every day when bringing up teenagers, but children (and grandchildren) are such a comfort in old age, I’m sure.
Perrin on 04 Dec 2008 at 4:29 pm #
Hey Eloisa!
I loved WTDR. I read it in 2 hours and was happy and sad it was done. Happy because it was such a good read, sad because it was over.
I have no kids but want some one day, but not yet. I just hit the big 3-0 but my biological clock is a long way from ringing. I guess the thing I would miss most about being single would be the ability to just go anywhere I want whenever I want. I would also miss eating candy for dinner or cold pizza for breakfast, since that is really not a good example to set for your children.
Sabrina Jeffries on 04 Dec 2008 at 4:33 pm #
Congratulations, Eloisa!!! That’s great about the Times, especially in these tough financial times (no pun intended
)! Woowoo!
Nancy on 04 Dec 2008 at 4:44 pm #
Congratulations!!! In my mind you always hit #1. I am reading WTDR and I can’t put it down. I’m at work and sneaking chapters in here and there. lol..
Amber Fairy on 04 Dec 2008 at 4:51 pm #
Hello, Eloisa!
Congratulations with NYT Bestsellers list!!! Very unexpectedly and luckily I had a grasp at your previous duchess book “The Duchess by Night’ only a week ago. Loved it! Pity that it was the only one of your books in the library. It left me hungry for more!:-) And now - what a coincidence that now you’re blogging here!
I guess what I’ll hate losing most of all when I have children is a chance to lie in in the mornings, or spend hours reading books:-), or just quality time with myself or significant others. And having the most delicious and sweetest goodies all to myself! Tick-tack… Is my clock late?:-)
Becky on 04 Dec 2008 at 5:10 pm #
I am seriously taking notes on everything you experienced women are saying and plan on living up the rest of my child-free years. You guys are a wealth of knowledge! Any other words for me?
Kimberly on 04 Dec 2008 at 6:05 pm #
Yes, there is no such thing as “me time” after kids. You are officially last priority in the family. But it is nice to be so valuble to all of them.
Kathy/Cookiedough on 04 Dec 2008 at 6:09 pm #
I just got back from work. I sat with an 82 yr old man this morning. The poor dear has serious short term memory loss, so i heard the same story of his youth about 7 times, but he was a sweetie.
I then went to my old nanny-working home and baked Christmas cookies with 3 yrs old Euan. He had a blast mixing his own batter. We were both covered in flour!
As for meeting glamorous men, Eloisa, I do but they are usually happily married to their equally glamorous wives!
darn it all!
lol
Kathy/Cookiedough on 04 Dec 2008 at 6:10 pm #
*I miss my money. I was fond of it.*
lol Karen!
Eloisa on 04 Dec 2008 at 6:11 pm #
Dear Perrin,
I hate to admit this… my daughter’s favorite breakfast is PIZZA! Ah well, life’s rules are made for breaking.
And for everyone who said such lovely things about reading my books — thank you!!!! I know how lucky I am. Sabrina’s note about the tough times is so true and scary. I’m grateful for every woman who plunked down her hard earned money for my book.
Yesterday was a tough day in publishing (people fired from every major publisher, almost). This is a scary world.
Thank goodness we can retreat into a world of books where dukes have inherited estates and don’t sweat the daily bread!
Eloisa
LauraB on 04 Dec 2008 at 7:32 pm #
<>
What about the men?
<>
It is indeed a scary world.
<>
How true!
LauraB on 04 Dec 2008 at 7:34 pm #
Hmmm . . . I tried to quote Eloisa but it didn’t work. Here is what I was trying to quote.
1. I’m grateful for every woman who plunked down her hard earned money for my book.
2. Yesterday was a tough day in publishing (people fired from every major publisher, almost). This is a scary world.
3. Thank goodness we can retreat into a world of books where dukes have inherited estates and don’t sweat the daily bread!
Karen Hawkins on 04 Dec 2008 at 7:39 pm #
WOOHOO, Eloisa! CONGRATS on your NYT showing! That’s AWESOME! I’m doin’ the NYT dance on my office chair in your honor!
Btw, my 18 yr old son loved male sci fi. He’s read the Wheel of Time Series about twenty times. If your son hasn’t read it yet, he may want to. It’s awesome. As good as Edding’s The Belgariad, I think.
Guys, I’m so excited because in thirty minutes I’m going to be reading Eloisa’s book in the tub with my glass of chilled chard and my ipod playing xmas tunes. Ahhhhhhh! I plan on savoring the book to the last page!
eviqn, the Bank of Mom - HA! I love it!
LauraB on 04 Dec 2008 at 7:41 pm #
“Guys, I’m so excited because in thirty minutes I’m going to be reading Eloisa’s book in the tub with my glass of chilled chard and my ipod playing xmas tunes. Ahhhhhhh! I plan on savoring the book to the last page!”
Sounds awesome Karen! Enjoy!
Maureen on 04 Dec 2008 at 8:08 pm #
What I miss most about my life before children was the lack of worry in my life. I thought once they turned eighteen that I would be worry free because they would be adults. I couldn’t have been more wrong. When they are out I worry if they are okay and the day my daughter got her license and then asked for the car keys I definitely didn’t want to give them to her.
LauraB on 04 Dec 2008 at 9:30 pm #
Oh yeah, Maureen! Worry doesn’t stop because someone turns 18.
Meg on 04 Dec 2008 at 9:36 pm #
I never had my own but I did help my older sister raise hers. I know it’s not the same but I consider them my kids too and my sister says that she couldn’t have made it without me. Having had that experience I am past the point of being regrettful about not having kids of my own. However, if tiny ones did invade my space what I would hate losing most is my “me time.” Does that sound selfish to anyone else? Sorry. I llike being able to get away from all things stressfull and do…whatever. Nap. Read. Channel surf. I have even gotten to where I’ll do a little shopping by myself. I know that with a little one those things would not be the same.
evlqn on 04 Dec 2008 at 10:38 pm #
Last night my sister’s oldest g-son called from Helena to make a withdrawal from the BofM. Being the caring g-parents we are we could not let his self esteem be damaged by handing out crass cash. Instead we went on line while he was on the phone and signed him up for work with the Montana Workforce. Even found four possible job opportunities for him. It’s only because we love him, and I’m sticking to that story.
Kimmy L on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:26 pm #
Congratulations with NYT Bestsellers list!!! What I miss most is that I miss being able to go when I please with no worries. You also give up most of your freedom and today kids do not appreciate life the way we did growing up.
ladydawgfan on 04 Dec 2008 at 11:49 pm #
I don’t have children, but I do have nieces, nephews, Godchildren, and purring furr-babies, and I started babysitting when I was 11. I have been around tiny babies since I was 14, when my eldest niece was born, and I helped my sister with her twins when my B-i-L was with the National Guard.
I know that this sounds strange, but I don’t think that there would be anything that I would miss if I were a mother. With a child, there is too much that I would gain. With the twins, even though I was up at 3am feeding my niece (and then being cannonball hurled on by her!), I found the time spent with her completely satisfying and rewarding, and never regreted losing a minutes sleep. Rocking my nieces and nephews to sleep, singing lullabies to them, teaching them things that I know, even if it were something inconsequential like making a paper duck, seeing them in school productions, all of these are moments that I treasure as an aunt, but there is always that bitter little bite that makes me wish they were my children, even though it can never happen biologically.
Hmmm, maybe there IS something I miss - the beauty and privelege of motherhood itself.
Karen Hawkins on 05 Dec 2008 at 3:21 am #
Eloisa, thanks so much for visiting us today! It was LOVELY having you and it was such a great topic, too!
Eloisa on 05 Dec 2008 at 9:40 am #
Hi Laura,
I should have included men! I do occasionally get a letter from one. But did you know that women purchase 84% of all books sold? Yes, sir, women rule! (literarily speaking)
Ladydawgfan, I’m so sorry for that little catch in your heart. Motherhood is a complex, wonderful thing, and certainly none of us should underestimate its gifts.
I just want to say thank you, thank you — for being such a wonderfully cheerful group, for saying so many nice and supportive things about my work — and for celebrating such a happy day with me!
hugs to all,
Eloisa
TinaLouiseF on 06 Dec 2008 at 2:13 pm #
I am so bummed I missed Eloisa.
I am thankful I have no children especially the older my niece and nephew get. There are so many days I just want to… They were better behaved before they hit 10.