A spoonful of sugar
Oct 14th 2008
Karen RoseOn Writing!
We are Disneyphiles, DH, my kids and I. We know all the words to all the Disney songs and the dialogue to 
the movies, except the really bad nature movies they made in the 70’s. We love Disney World. We’ve had annual passes and even know where the talking trash cans are.
So this year, we took the kids to the Disney Halloween Party, as I have mentioned before. The highlight of the Halloween party is the parade, really more of a choreographed number with all the characters, and they perform it twice during the party. My favorite is the tuxedoed gravediggers from the Haunted Mansion. They do this dance with shovels … But I digress as I am wont to do.
The first time we saw the parade tonight, we were so disappointed. We’d stationed ourselves toward the end of the route and the performers may have been tired. But later, we realized the real issue was the rude family who’d plopped themselves next to us. They pushed us all during the parade, physically so, until DH and oldest were ready to push somebody back. 
It made us grumpy (7 dwarf pun intended) and this put a damper on our enjoyment of the parade.
Well, we went and did some other stuff in the party, then grabbed a cheeseburger. After we were finished eating, we came out of the restaurant and found the next performance of the parade just about to start. We were pretty much trapped with no exits until the parade was over so we stayed and watched it. And what a difference that second time made! The people around us were cordial and friendly. They smiled and laughed and at one point a stranger held my daughter’s trick-or-treat pumpkin close to the Disney parade hands giving out candy as my daughter was too far from the front to be noticed.
When it was over, we all agreed what a wonderful experience it had been! This made me start thinking about the impact of the company we keep - or are subjected to - on our perspective on life in general. Have you ever been around a grumpy person and just felt grumpy yourself? Or have you met someone whose kindness or optimism is contagious?
Carrying this a step further and twining it with our hearts - books! - have you ever found a bad situation improved because you were reading a really good book? One such situation pops to the top of my head. Once, about 15 years ago, I was on a small commuter jet that crash landed. I was reading a Jude Deveraux book and focusing on the book kept me from going hysterical. Obviously I lived, LOL, but now I never get on a plane without a romance novel!
Do you find the company you keep can either be sugar or vinegar? Do the moods of those around you impact your mood? Have you ever had a time when a good book leavened an otherwise unbearable situation? I have to say I’m going to be a lot more cognizant in the future of my mood, and how it might impact others!
50 Comments »
50 Responses to “A spoonful of sugar”
Marie on 14 Oct 2008 at 1:23 am #
I’m getting a plane on Wednesday and I’m super nervous. DIA is so big that I’m even more nervous than ever! So I’ll remember a great book!
Marisa on 14 Oct 2008 at 4:49 am #
HI Karen - first, I too am a lover of those old Disney nature films.
And yes, people’s moods do have an impact on me. When people are smiling I begin to smile - for no reason. And when people around me are grumpy, I know I put my guard up. And I think that at all times a good book puts me in a great mood. I can’t say the same for others, because when I’m reading a good book and some one interrupts me I get grumpy. Gee… I better watch that.
Michelle B on 14 Oct 2008 at 5:43 am #
Definitely the company we keep makes such a difference. You notice it in the businesses you frequent, called customer service, and it is so important. Customer service isn’t just for customers, it is for co-workers and all.
The books I read are so connected to my mood. I read mostly romance novels so happy endings, but when I joined a book club and had to branch out in my reading I noticed that if the book was depressing, my mood was down as well. It made me wonder what the author was like when I read a couple of sad books by the same popular author. I avoid her books now.
Gillian on 14 Oct 2008 at 5:44 am #
Oh, this is a hot topic for me! I cannot change my day job–it pays well, and pays our health insurance (with three children!) but my co-workers are pretty toxic as far as their attitude goes towards our job and life in general.
I made a concerted effort to remove myself from their presence as much as humanly possible. I knew I had to when I found myself snapping at my girls after work for no good reason–and I knew I’d brought that attitude home with me. Bad! So I keep myself company, say out loud how lucky we are in this economy to have a secure place of employment (which makes them shun me anyway–no one likes to grip to someone who won’t join in), and detune on the drive home with loud, happy, silly music.
I think I should be able to write off romance novels as medicinal–they certainly lower my BP and keep me smiling.
PJ on 14 Oct 2008 at 6:15 am #
Karen, I’m glad y’all enjoyed the parade the second time around. Having been to DW many times I totally agree that the people around you can have a decided impact on your level of enjoyment.
I try to steer clear of the “doom and gloom” type of people. Life is too short to spend it being negative all the time. That’s why I love to read romance. My bookclub steers towards the Oprah-type books which are well written to be sure but many of them are so dark and depressing. I always come away from them feeling terrible. I’d much rather come away from a book feeling happy!
I always have a romance book with me and they comfort me through airplane rides, long lines, interminable waits at the doctor’s office, etc. When my late husband was unconscious in the CCU at our local hospital for 5 weeks I read romance books non-stop. They were my lifeline, pure and simple and I can’t thank those of you who write them enough.
cail on 14 Oct 2008 at 7:04 am #
you nailed one of the reasons i love romance. in this world of terrible things happening all the time we need a little HEA! I’m sick of people telling me to read real books… my response is, i read about the terrible depressing stuff in the news, and these ladies are great authors (heck, i had to LOOK UP a word the other night, and i’ve got a very good SAT/GRE vocabulary!) so let me enjoy my pleasure reading in peace.
i dislike gloom and doom people, but love sarcastic people with all my might.
i had a romance novel with me, in my hands as a distractor during many a plane ride, and the first 30 or so times i got on a subway, after not having been on one for years (after that traumatic experience)
cail on 14 Oct 2008 at 7:06 am #
although, K-Ro, i have to say that my preference for happiness and light in books makes me steer clear of most romantic suspense… but when i’m in the mood for something a bit darker you can bet your money that i’m heading towards the Karen Rose section of the bookstore.
Karen Hawkins on 14 Oct 2008 at 7:08 am #
Karen, glad you got to see The Good Parade with The Good People!
I read an article about this called “Toxic Friends” and it really struck a cord. I have a friend who fell in love with an incredible guy who is sweet, devoted, adorable, and showers her with gifts. Good for him! Would that we were all so lucky!
But once that happened, some of her so-called friends began to nitpick her to death. Once, when she left to pay the bill at lunch, one of them looked at me and said with a sneer, “She’s so happy that it gets sort of boring.” I almost choked on my tea!
Anyway, these little snarky comments began to be said TO her as well and she had to stop seeing these people, some of whom she’d been friends with since high school. I think there are some people who enjoy being miserable and don’t know how to do anything but criticize and snark. It really does take the joy out of life for those around them and you HAVE to remove yourself from their presence — for your own good.
Lisa H on 14 Oct 2008 at 7:44 am #
Karen R- I think your blog is profound. I realized this several years ago and actually began to move away from people who were into drama, negativity and all around downers.
I only surround myself with people I think are kind-hearted, loving and friendly. We all have problems and talk about them when they come up but it is always in a supportive way, looking toward the positive.
My life has improved dramatically as a result of my earlier purging.
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 8:46 am #
Marisa, I’m very sorry. I shouldn’t have been so snarky about those 70’s nature films
I guess the Disney magic started back for me with Mermaid in ‘89. DH and I went and we didn’t even have kids yet, LOL.
Marie - planes are very safe! Never forget that. But being nervous is a natural reaction I think. After years and hundreds of thousands of miles of air travel, I still get hyper during takeoff. A good book or sudoku puzzle usually does the trick. Have a wonderful trip!
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 8:52 am #
Michelle B - I’m with you on the sad books. Life is too short. When I first started reading romance, I had a husband in chemo, a brand new baby, virtually no remaining savings, and so much stress I look back and wonder how I made it through. A novel with a guaranteed HEA was escape then. For a few hours, I could go somewhere else, be somewhere else and recharge.
Then I could come back and care for everyone around me.
It’s a small thing, a book, but on the inside it’s so huge.
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 8:56 am #
Gillian - you are dispensing spoonfuls of sugar to your co-workers whether they want it or not! Well done!
Yes, I think you should count books as medicine. Of course I’m not an accountant, didn’t play one on TV, nor have I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express recently, so you shouldn’t listen to me on that one, LOL.
PJ - I’m so glad the books helped carry you through. And I’m with you on the gloom-and-doom people. I’m wondering now how often that’s me! Ack!
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 9:03 am #
Cail, I’m honored that you’d choose me for your dark side experiences
So what was the word you had to look up? Inquiring minds want to know!
Karen H - how sad that those women couldn’t be happy for that woman. I’m glad she found happiness and a more supportive group of friends.
LisaH - good for you for surrounding yourself with happy people!
And I am profound! I’m smiling now
Maria on 14 Oct 2008 at 9:41 am #
Karen - this subject is near and dear to my heart. I absolutely think the people around you and the books you read effect your mood.
My mother had a saying that I hated when I was young, “Tell me who you hang around with and I’ll tell you what you are.” Strange huh? But it has a ring of truth. If I’m around people who complain and whine all the time, I soon find myself complaining about everything. So being around positive people who really go after life is my mantra.
Claudia Dain on 14 Oct 2008 at 9:51 am #
Karen, what a great example of the power of the positive! Negative people are infectious, and not in a good way. I avoid them when at all possible.
Let me tell you about my good book/bad time. My dad died. Horrible, horrible time for me. It was when he died that I started reading romance novels. I read one or two a day for 365 days. Those stories of love and hope and happy endings are what got me through that first year. Eventually, it got me thinking that I’d like to do for others what others had done for me. I started writing romance novels about five years later.
terrio on 14 Oct 2008 at 9:55 am #
Great topic, Karen. This is why I don’t like to go home for holidays. My family is not happy if they are not miserable. And we all know misery loves company. So holidays are an exercise in irriation for me as I hate to be miserable. Hence, I rarely go home.
Unfortunately, this kind of thing can affect anything you do in a public forum. The people around you at a sporting event or at a concert can make or break the experience. I’ve been surrounded by obnoxious drunks at a sporting event and ended up next to some fun groups at concerts. It’s a crap shoot pretty much everytime.
And I’ve never been on a plane that had to crash land (thank goodness!), but I find that having a book with me anytime I have to wait for something makes that time go so much faster. I can’t imagine traveling without one!
Santa on 14 Oct 2008 at 10:46 am #
I’ve always believed that “One bad apple DOES spoil the whole bunch - if you let it.” There are times when a customer is having a particularly bad day and decides to ride me for it - unprompted on my part. You just have to slowly step away and let them vent. Lol, you can see everyone else ease away from that person, as well. I can’t let it color the rest of the day because that makes for an inordinately long day for me and, frankly, they are long enough as it is.
I also find myself conscious of other people’s moods whenever I am in a line. Personal space aside, as soon as I hear someone grumbling behind me in line, I let them ahead of me because, really, if you are in that much of a hurry or that impatient it’s up to me to make sure you don’t infect my day in the same way. So - go on ahead of me. It stops them short every time, as if they didn’t realize they were grumbling aloud.
Deep breaths, friends. Deep breaths.
Nicole Jordan on 14 Oct 2008 at 10:47 am #
Oh, I love this blog, Karen!
And I second everything everyone has said. The older I get, the more important it is to surround myself with sugar people. Lovely description. I’m gonna remember that!
It’s also why I love this site and the people who hang out here.
And Marie, flying terrifies a lot of people. But did you know you’re 100,000 times safer in a commercial airplane than you are in your own car?
Also, I never ever get on a plane without at least two books!
Julie on 14 Oct 2008 at 11:31 am #
Karen Rose said: It’s a small thing, a book, but on the inside it’s so huge… Yes, I think you should count books as medicine.
You’re not the only one who thinks so, Karen Rose. Browsing through a pamphlet written by the American Cancer Society is a chapter entitled “You Are Not Alone: Getting Emotional Support.” In this chapter is a section called “Other Coping Strategies: Take Care of Yourself” which advises people to “Take time to do something you enjoy every day… read a good book…”
So there you have it, from the ACS themselves. The effects of reading a good book can be hugely beneficial to a person’s ability to maintain a positive emotional outlook. This is especially important when that person is fighting cancer. From a mental & medical standpoint reading a good book helps you to Feel Good. No kidding. And No surprise to those of us who are fans of Romance Lit.
Julie on 14 Oct 2008 at 11:36 am #
One last thing
I wanted to remind everyone that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So please, if you haven’t had a mammogram recently Then make an appointment for one. Today.
RachelG on 14 Oct 2008 at 11:41 am #
I don’t hang around negative people anymore. I used to have a friend who was a real drag to be around. She was so sure that everyone else was getting a better deal in life and that she was getting the shaft. Once I got rid of her, my life is a lot more pleasant.
rachelgibson
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 11:51 am #
Maria - so true. You are who your friends are in many cases. It’s so much easier to get dragged down than build up a negative group. Your mother was wise
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 12:01 pm #
Claudia, the world is a more beautiful place because of the novels you’ve gifted. wow, you read 700 boks in one year. Amazing!
terrio- it’s unfotunate that public events areas such a crap shoot. It would be nicer to have a no grumbling section,.LOL.
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 12:13 pm #
Santa, I’m going to remember that next time I start to get grumpy with a salesperson. And letting them in front of you in line… I just might try that!
Nicole, here, here! We have such a positive group here. To revise Toby Keith a little, I love this blog
Julie, we’ll said. I also recal a speech at RWA 2 years ago when someone said romance novels had been recommended for combatting menopausal symptoms for much the same reasons.
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 12:18 pm #
Rachel, I think all of us have known someone like that. They can be toxic.
sometimes friends also just need to vent, but its usually clear pretty quickly which are toxic and which are in a temp slump.
Kim on 14 Oct 2008 at 12:38 pm #
K-Rawk–I totally agree with you! And I think K-Hawk hit the nail on the head. Toxic people just drag you down with them. You definitely have to distance yourself from them if you want to be happy.
There’s a reason I’m so much happier working from home than I was in that war-zone of a factory
PJ on 14 Oct 2008 at 1:34 pm #
Julie, that’s so true. I was on a romance blog a couple years ago when the topic of breast cancer came up. I mentioned that a dear friend of mine was undergoing chemo at the time. The guest author emailed me privately and asked if I thought my friend might like one of her books. When I got the box from the author it contained from 8-10 (I don’t remember the exact number but she was very generous) autographed books which I then shipped to my friend. Some time later, after she had completed chemo, she told me that those books were the best gift she had gotten during the almost two years that she battled the cancer.
Don’t know what to do with those romance novels you’ve read but don’t want to keep? Donate them to a cancer center for the patients who are undergoing treatment!
Karen Hawkins on 14 Oct 2008 at 1:44 pm #
PJ, that’s a GREAT idea! I never would have thought of that.
I have sent some of mine to the gals (and I suppose some guys) in Iraq and gotten some very, very nice letters back. They are uplifting!
Karen Hawkins on 14 Oct 2008 at 1:45 pm #
Karen Rawk, I love this blog, too. And that’s ONE country music song that doesn’t make me weep!
Sabrina Jeffries on 14 Oct 2008 at 1:47 pm #
This is why I love my friends–they keep me cheerful!
I find that watching depressing shows a lot can bring me down, too. I mean, we need a mix of both to be grounded, but sometimes you just need a happy movie.
Suzanne Enoch on 14 Oct 2008 at 1:51 pm #
Oh, I totally agree with this. My favorite thing to do is at Christmas — I go to the mall and freak all the clerks and my fellow shoppers out because I’m cheerful. On purpose. Even if I’m annoyed or tired or whatever, I make sure I smile and am helpful to other shoppers and patient and always say thanks and happy holidays and have a great day.
I’ve even seen people do a double take and then kind of remember why they’re there and smile back at me. So I figure that way, I’m helping to make other people’s day a little bit better. Or maybe after I leave they just shake their heads. *g*
Claudia Dain on 14 Oct 2008 at 2:12 pm #
Suzanne, that’s a true gift you’re giving to mall shoppers at Christmas. What a lovely thing to do.
cail on 14 Oct 2008 at 3:17 pm #
the word was obfuscate
Nicole Jordan on 14 Oct 2008 at 4:35 pm #
Awwwe, PJ, that is a lovely story. I guess romance novels are a lot more powerful than we think!
Marisa on 14 Oct 2008 at 5:43 pm #
PJ, what a great idea - I have a load of books ready to pack off.
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 5:50 pm #
PJ - thanks for this message. I’ll be sure to donate my books there.
Kim, the first time I started writing from home, it was after I’d been laid off work. I found I climbed the walls, not having anyone to talk to. I started teaching school for a lot of reasons, but having someone to talk to was a big one. When I started writing full-time again, I worried about that a little, but now I have you guys on the blog
So working from home is a plus on all accounts.
Sabrina - sometimes I want a sappy movie to make me cry. Sometimes, though, I’ll watch a movie that makes me grumpy because I don’t care about any of the characters. Example - I saw The English Patient and was SO GRUMPY afterward. I didn’t like either of the characters and felt like my hours in the theatre had been stolen from me.
Louisa Cornell on 14 Oct 2008 at 6:02 pm #
Suzanne, you are welcome to come and shop at the Wal-Mart where I work anytime!! These days most of my customers do their very best to make sure I have a bad day. The thing is, I try my damnedest not to participate!
Romance novels saved my sanity and my life after my husband died. I cannot tell you how many I devoured in those first few years after I lost him.
And I simply refuse to allow toxic people into my life. I cannot afford it! When it comes to my fellow writers I try to cheer them up and on and I love it when they do the same. I don’t want to hear how hard this business is to break into and I don’t want to hear how long I may have to wait. Writing is not a destination to me - it is a journey and I want to relish every minute of it!
Every single one of the Goddesses has gotten me through some of the toughest spots in my life and I THANK YOU !! And everyone on this blog has made me laugh and think and made me feel like I have sisters all over the country. A truly great feelin
evlqn on 14 Oct 2008 at 6:06 pm #
Love this blog! I know that I am influenced by the people around me and if I feel it going into negative country my sister and I have this little thing we do. We say “Shield” out loud. It is a verbal reminder to bring up our shields to keep the bad stuff out. Try it you will be surprised at how well it works might freak out those around you but if you needed a shield maybe they need freaking.
And Nicole, I never go anywhere away from the house without at least one book and if I am nearing the end of it I take a back-up book.
Marisa, everyone in my life knows to leave me alone if I say I am on my last 6 pages. It doesn’t necessarily mean I only have 6 pages left to read, but it does mean, “I will take you out and never do a day if you interrupt me again.”
evlqn on 14 Oct 2008 at 6:09 pm #
When my marriage went south I needed the escape provided by what my husband always called my “trash” books. I still havemy books and he doesn’t have me or his children,who won???
Kendra on 14 Oct 2008 at 6:41 pm #
I keep getting kicked out of the comment box! How depressing.
I had to cut back on visits with a grandmother because her attitude was toxic. I feel bad about it but know I did the right thing. Especially as I watch my mother try to deal with this woman.
I spend a lot of time with my nose in books, looking for that escape and HEA. Probably too much.
Kim on 14 Oct 2008 at 6:46 pm #
For those getting the error message our awesome tech support thinks she has it figured out. It should be fixed soon.
PJ–that is an excellent suggestion! Occasionally I take books down to our cancer center. They have a wonderful chemo room. They have books, magazines, audio books, etc. Lots of stuff to make a horrible situation a little brighter.
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 6:53 pm #
Suzanne - I’ve done that before, been purposely cheerful. Sometimes I’ve done it simply to make a grumpy person hush, and then I end up feeling better too.
That’s a five dollar word, Cail. Or maybe it’s worth twenty now. Hard to tell these days
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 7:00 pm #
Louisa, I’d come shop at your Walmart! I could be your silent partner, handing out happy-face cookies to mean customers. How can you be angry when eating a happy face cookie, I want to know!
Evqln - good system you have with your sister.
This reminds me of a report I saw on the news. It was a community who decided they would go “negative free” for 90 days. No whining or complaining or b**ching. They wore those plastic/rubber bracelets on one arm and if they were negative, they had to move the bracelet to the other arm. The goal was to keep the bracelet on one arm for 90 days. The people said they felt silly at first, but it built a unity in the community that they hadn’t had in a while.
And they were all so much happier! THey said they hadn’t realized just how much they were negative before.
It’s something to consider, for sure.
Karen Rose on 14 Oct 2008 at 7:03 pm #
Kendra, sorry you keep getting bumped out of the box. It happened to me a lot last week.
Is there such a thing as “too much time” looking for happy endings? Nah.
Kay on 14 Oct 2008 at 7:07 pm #
Oh, Karen, what a great topic. I have relatives staying with me. Relatives who have very strident–and opposite to me–political beliefs. And who need to tell me how WRONG I am. It is going to be a LONG week.
BUT—I have planned to treat myself next week to some time with great friends who will erase the memory of this week for me. And my DH is wonderful.
Wish me luck, and a long fuse, through Friday.
Janae on 14 Oct 2008 at 7:09 pm #
Agh, I had just finished my post when I got bumped. Grr.
Absolutely. I love caller id because while I love my 6 siblings, some of them are toxic. I don’t want to talk them because they bring me down. I just don’t get it because out of all of us, they have the most to be grateful for, but they always seem to be down on something.
OTOH, I talk to one of my other sisters at least once a day. She’s the only sister that I’ve ever lived with since I moved out at 18. She and her 12 month old son went home, today, after spending a week here. I miss her already.
evlqn on 14 Oct 2008 at 9:37 pm #
Totally off topic but I was in St.V.dePaul today and they had made displays of Sabrina,Karen H and Suzanne e’s books. Maybe not so far off topic because it sure made me smile.
Ladytink_534 on 14 Oct 2008 at 11:01 pm #
Grumpiness does tend to wear off on other people. Especially when it’s a nasty grumpy person not just someone who can be cheered up. I read Eragon during Hurricane Katrina (we were far enough inland so we didn’t get anything but some wind a a little rain) and it helped me not freak out as bad.
Julie on 15 Oct 2008 at 8:22 am #
PJ, what a wonderful idea.
Other than a hug, I can think of nothing better to help keep a cancer patient upbeat than A Story with a guaranteed HEA.
Kristi Little on 12 Nov 2008 at 4:30 pm #
7accgmapcg04mtow