Forgive short and whiny blog, but I have a good reason. I’m on deadline.

Writers have the greatest job in the world, but the average reader would never know it, because we all complain incessantly about deadlines. We’re always up against one and we have no time to bathe or sleep or feed our kids. That’s because writers are generally terrible planners, and you could give a writer a year or a week and the result would be the same – they would just float along, the perpetual tourist in a strange new land, until that deadline was right up against them.

I am no exception. And this deadline is for the editor’s revisions! I am late, late, incredibly freaking late. Life intervened.

In that two week period before a manuscript is submitted, I get very short-tempered. Today, I had a complete melt-down at a traffic light because it was taking too long. A bang-the-steering-wheel with my fists, on the verge of tears melt down. Lights are either too short or too long, but they are never just right, are they?

It reminded me of all the other things that I will never notice when I am not stressed, but send me over the moon when I am stressed.

Gas. It takes too long to pump gas, and really, why do I need gas NOW? Why couldn’t I have needed it two days ago? How does my car no the exact day to run low on gas?

Friends. Well-meaning friends whom I love and who call to chat at a really inconvenient time. There are just some days I do not have even a moment to chat, and I want to shout, “Hang up the phone! Hang it up now before I say something you will never forgive me for! Please hang up the phone because I feel it rising up the more you talk!”

What are the three top things that annoy you to death when you are under stress that never annoy you otherwise? Is my post today one of them? Because it is for me (grrrrrr……)

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WOWZA!!!

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I come from a family of pranksters. My brothers tormented each other endlessly, and my dad used to regale us with tales of the pranks he and his buddies played on each other in college. Once in a while, even my mom would get in on the act.

But I lost my interest in pranking in 8th grade, after my two girlfriends and I pulled a truly spectacular stunt. We got mad at the boys in our class (I don’t even remember why), and decided to write them love notes signed “Your secret admirer.” We put a note in every guy’s locker. For a short while, they walked around with smug smiles on their faces, but it didn’t take them long to compare notes and figure out that they’d been had. They were furious.

It was great fun to watch … until the prank backfired. One of the boys didn’t get his note (it fell behind a piece of paper wedged in his locker) and the other guys started speculating that HE’D sent the notes. We felt awful about it! With all of them so mad, we weren’t about to fess up, but that did put an end to my prankstering.

What about you? Are you a prankster? Have you ever unscrewed the tops of salt shakers or made joke phone calls? What was the craziest prank you ever saw or were a part of? And have you ever had a prank backfire on you?

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Jack London and I try to be as green as we can. We have all the new curly-que lightbulbs, the energy efficient air filters, and we follow the guidelines for water consumption. We walk where we can instead of drive (although walking to shops and restaurants is really very difficult in suburban America—a real pet peeve of mine).

We could do more, but we are conscious of the need to be green, and we are working on it.

The one place we can’t seem to get on board is the grocery store. Yes, we understand plastic is bad. But look at the chick in the picture. She has ONE tote bag, the sort of bag you get at RWA conventions, and we are to believe she has her week’s worth of groceries in that bag. What planet does she live on?

Okay, granted, maybe we eat too much, but with a baby, dogs, and two grownups who try and eat fresh and healthy (down 21 pounds, thank you very much) we can fill up a cart in no time—bottom and top. And as we wait for the bagger kid to sack it all up, we look at women strutting in with their two or three green bags.  And then then we look at the dozens of little plastic bags filling out cart. How does the math work on that? How many canvas bags would we need to haul our grocery load each week? It seems like dozens, and I have to admit—it’s embarrassing.

You might be thinking we should cut down on the number of groceries we consume each week, and you’d be right. If Jack London gave up his chips and the ingredients for his special salsa that no one else will eat because its too hot, and his beer and—get this, I swear it’s true—his SNOBALLS, not only wouldwe save money, we would not need so many plastic bags.  But he thinks that I should give up the dove dark chocolate (because he’s a rube), and the weight watchers giant fudge bars (he can just bite me).   So, since he won’t listen to reason, we are stuck in plastic bag land.

What do you do to be green? Do you use a canvas bag to carry your groceries? What is your one must-have item from the grocery store each week?

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At any given time, I have random lines of dialogue running through my head. Usually from movies. This morning it’s, “What’s happenin’ hot stuff” from Sixteen Candles. There’s no reason that particular piece of dialogue should be stuck in my brain today. I haven’t seen Sixteen Candles in years.

Here is some of my all time favorite dialogue. Bits and pieces that stick in my head long after I’ve seen the movie.

a) “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older and they stay the same age.”

b) “You’ve got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It’s going to get you into trouble someday.”

c) “I want you to know that I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table.”

d) “Au contraire baby, you can’t resist me.”

e) “Shut up, Mr. Burton. You are not brought among this world to ‘get it’.”

f) “We’re not laughing at you; we’re laughing near you.”

g) “You’re… you’re crazy man. I like you, but you’re crazy.”

h) “You don’t wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.”

I) “Oh man, I just shot Marvin in the face.”

j) “A Sheldon can do your income taxes. If you need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man, but humpin’ and pumpin’ is not Sheldon’s strong suit. It’s the name. ‘Do it to me, Sheldon.’ ‘You’re an animal, Sheldon.’ ‘Ride me, big Sheldon.’ It doesn’t work.”

Can you guess what movie these are from? I’ll post the answers later. And what are some of your favorite lines of dialogue?

I really thought you’d all guess these right off. Since everyone is having a hard time, I’ll mix up the answers and you can try and match them.

John Keating-Dead Poet’s Society, Austin Powers–Austin Powers International Man of Mystery, Vincent Vega-Pulp Fiction, Wooderson–Dazed and Confused, Lo Pan-Big Trouble in Little China, Peewee Herman-Peewee’s Big Adventure, Harry–When Harry Met Sally, Count Rugen-The Princess Bride, Frank The Tank-Old School, Marie–when Harry Met Sally

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I’ve done lots of cool things in my life and have seen lots of cool places.  But every now and then I think, I wish I could drive a race car really fast or ride a horse through a meadow with the wind in my face.   I’ve always wanted to stand at the top of one of those rocks out West that only crazy people climb, and see forever.   I’ve always wanted to swim with dolphins.

Some things I want to do require special skills I was not born with, like - I’ve always wanted to be able to sing Ave Maria - it’s a hard song, you know?  I’ve always wanted to be able to learn a language snap, like that.  Or play the piano or violin.  Or paint.  Not sure any of those things will ever happen, at least not well!  Or in any form that I’ll let you all see.  Ha!

DH has always wanted to parasail or hang glide.  If he ever does those things, he’ll do them alone - I get motion sick watching the IMAX, LOL.  He also wanted to swim with the fishes and recently got SCUBA certified, so he’s achieved that dream.  (But he has not “swum with the fishes” in a mafiosa context, so have no fear.)

Some of the things I’ve wanted to do, I’ve achieved.  But I still have a lot of dreams, things “I’ve always wanted to do.”  A lot of times, I’ll let a character in one of my books do the thing I’ve always wanted to do - and that’s almost as good.  It’s nice to have fantasies sometimes.

So what are some of the things you’ve always wanted to do?  Are they something you can do now?  Something you need to train for?  Do you think you’ll ever do them, or is it okay to just keep them a dream?  If you’re a writer, do you let your characters fulfill your dreams?

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I’ll bet some of you Goddesses and visitors to Mt. Oly are getting tired of me talking about my books, since I have three Courtship Wars romances out in a row.  I promise this is the last for a while!

So except for mentioning that TO SEDUCE A BRIDE officially goes on sale today, I’ll skip over the promo part and get straight to the good stuff! Specifically, another romance quiz.

So please name your favorite:

1. Setting for a romance novel.

2. Hero’s name(s)

3. Heroine’s name(s)

4. Romance subgenre (paranormal, historical, contemporary single title or series, etc.)

5. Romance title(s)

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My nephew loves insects. Bugs. Six-legged arthropods. Little antenna wigglers. I do not like bugs. Butterflies, okay. Ladybugs, I can tolerate as long as they fly away home.

But as I said, the six-year-old loves the buggies. When he was younger he would lay on the grass and hang his tongue out of his mouth – playing dead in the hope that flies would gather and he could catch them. And so I wash out my peanut jars and parmesan cheese containers and when he comes to visit me, we go on bug hunts. I’ve had to catch grasshoppers in my bare hands. Tell me, is that green stuff that always ends up on my hand vomit, or poo?

At home he’s raising grubs that turn into beetles, caterpillars that turn into butterflies, ants who farm, and he has various “habitats” for grasshoppers and flies and moths. He calls it “The Bug Zoo”. And I ooh and ahh over the ugly little beady-eyed ickies and hope they never get loose in the house.

Now even when I was a kid, I didn’t like bugs. But man oh man, could I ever name every dinosaur. Do all kids go through this phase of obsessing over something? Is it just boys who love bugs? What was your “thing” when you were small?

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For Refreshment Only Sunday knows we cannot outdo our phenomenal offering from last week. We know many of you have taken last week’s FROS and used him as wallpaper on your computers, printed up mouse pads, and made t-shirts.

But we have to keep going. We MUST continue. Our mission is to bring every one of you a lift at the beginning of each week. So, the only thing we can do is offer you something special . . . something hot . . . something . . . in a KILT.

Happy FROS, m’dears! May your week be just as bright, sunny, and warm as our FROS!

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I suspect that tomorrow’s FROS blog will feature some lovely Easter hunks. In a preemptive strike, here are a few of MY favorite Easter hunks – of chocolate. And sugar, and marshmallow.

Yes, I believe I’ve mentioned my chocolate addiction. My favorite holidays are therefore Halloween, Easter, and Eat-a-Pound-of-Chocolate Day. Unfortunately, it is my understanding that EaPoCD was discontinued in 1951 due to health concerns and having an unpronounceable acronym. Halloween and Easter, though, seem fairly well entrenched.

So come on, ‘fess up. Do you eat Peeps? Have you made off with your kids’ chocolate bunnies? Do you start with the ears? What about those Jelly-Bellies? And those hard sugar eggs with the little scene of spring inside?

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