My Precious
Feb 21st 2008
Claudia DainOn Writing!
I use my dining room. Shocking, isn’t it? When the kids still lived at home, we ate in the dining room every night. Wait, there’s more. This will really shock you. We ate off nice china with damask napkins and candlelight. Every night.
Why not? The dining is just sitting there, a room with a table, chairs, and lighting. It’s not doing anything. It might as well be used for what it was designed to do. I mean, what am I saving it for? If the chairs get dinged, oh well. If the tablecloth gets dirty, off to the dry cleaners. If the napkins get stained, it’s back to Ross to get $6 worth of napkins.
Who am I saving it for?
The result of this use of a room in my house that rarely gets any use in most houses is that we linger over dinner. We talk, share stories, discuss movies, laugh about silly memories. We linger. Who lingers over a meal anymore? We do. Because we’re in the dining room and there are no tasks staring us in the face. I can’t see the dishes on the kitchen counter. The mail is sprawled on the kitchen table. The dining room has one purpose: eat here! And we do. And it’s nice. And my kids are comfortable using cloth napkins and nice china and the silver candlesticks from grandma.
My kids have moved out now, but they come home every Sunday and we sit around the dining room table just like we used to do every night. This room hold memories for them. I’m glad we made those memories.
Of course, I grew up eating in the dining room. It was an ingrained practice and I just slid it onto my children.
When I got married, my mother made me a gorgeous tablecloth upon which she’d creweled tiny white daisies with yellow centers in a delicate design. She said, “Use this! Don’t store it, use it! It’s a pointless, empty gift if you don’t use it. Don’t be afraid to stain it, to tear it. I made it for you to use!” She was adamant about it because my dad’s mother had given her a beautiful crochetted tablecloth on her wedding day and said, “Use it! I made it for you to use!”
My mother never used her crochetted tablecloth. She gave it to me. It had yellowed to a beautiful pale beige. I use my grandmother’s gift to my mother, but I’ve never used the daisy tablecloth. I can’t. It feels too precious to me. My mother would be so upset with me and she’d be right.
What good are saving the things we cherish in boxes or up on high shelves? What good is it to have something that feels too precious, too special to use? Use everything. Enjoy your stuff. Who or what are we saving it for? Is anything more wonderful, more precious than these people, in this moment?
But I’m all talk. I still can’t imagine using the daisy tablecloth. Maybe someday.
What do you have that you’re afraid to use? What special memories do you have of special, precious to you, things?
79 Comments »
Margaret Garland on 21 Feb 2008 at 7:01 am #
Oh Claudia! I’m all teary. I agree with all you say today. Here’s my reason for using stuff till it falls apart. My parents had a business that required salesmen who drove panel trucks to stock grocery shelves. You have know up front that I am 69. One Christmas when I was 4-5, the saleman borrowed a truck to take his family to a large famiiy do in Beaumont, TX. On the way, they were hit head on by a car full of drunken teens. The dad, grandfather and my friend, Elizabeth, were all killed outright. The mom spent quite awhile in the hospital. Elizabeth was my age.
Margaret Garland on 21 Feb 2008 at 7:07 am #
Elizabeth’s mom was one of those who put things away that were “too nice”. One of those things being a gorgeous doll that Elizabeth had gotten for her birthday a couple of months before. She sat in lonely splendor high on a closet shelf.
Then the accident happened and Elizabeth never got to even slightly muss the “too nice to play with” doll. My mother, who was of the same bent, said she learned a lesson and never put away another toy “for when you’re old enough to take care of it”. When would that ever be for a kid?
I did the same thing for my daughter. She even had a Madame Alexander that looked more like Poor Pitiful Pearl when I got rid of her years later. But Madame was loved and tended to with fierce devotion.
I recommend using the daisy tablecloth & giving your kids another memory of an unbroken chain of love. Darn, I’m all teary again.
Margaret in snowy Amish country
Cookiedough/Kathy on 21 Feb 2008 at 7:19 am #
I cherish my royal dalton dish set I got from my mother. She decided years before she passed away that a lot of her “gifts” should be used now and so she gave accordingly. She wanted to see the use.
I use them as my everyday dishes. I once broke a plate and gasped att he replacement price, but fine china will dry up, crack and break if it isn’t used . What would I rather have? A box full of crumbling dishes that I never got to use or some great food on pretty plates?
I also have a tablecloth lovely ecru linen and lace. I was with her and we picked it out when I was 15 and living in Trinidad.
I unfortunately have no dining room table- nor dining room. there isn’t room in my small apt. I use the tablecloth in the summer as a bedspread. It looks light and fresh.
MarthaH on 21 Feb 2008 at 8:34 am #
My dh’s grandmother made us a quilt and presented it to us on our wedding day. It was hand sewn and for the first few years I couldn’t bring myself to actually use something so special; until her passing. I realized that my son (who was quite young at the time of her passing) would have very few memories of his great grandmother so I brought out the quilt and other hand made gifts we’d received to use everyday - it brought us comfort and warm memories of her. That quilt is now 32 years old, well used, well cared for and loved.
Freedom Writer on 21 Feb 2008 at 8:57 am #
Christmas before last, my DH had given me a handmade deer skin purse that was made and beaded by a local Native American. I had had my eye on this beautiful piece for several months. I now have this purse hanging in my closet in my office. My DH once asked me if I didn’t like the purse since I never use it, and I told him no that I love the purse, I just don’t use it because I am afraid of getting it dirty. The color of the purse is off white.
Karen Rose on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:07 am #
Claudia - what a beautiful blog! We have a dining room with furniture, but we don’t use it - not because I don’t want to ding it, but because the room is very narrow and I feel claustrophobic sitting there!
My kitchen table is in a room with big windows and lots of light. I feel comfortable there and there we linger to talk. I especially like to eat there in the daytime as I can look out to my back yard. Living in FL, it’s green and lush year round.
My mom gives me expensive jewelry sometimes that I’m afraid to wear. I normally don’t spend more than $5 on earrings from the bargain bin at Claire’s because I leave them everywhere and lose them. Knowing how expensive a piece of jewelry is makes me afraid to use it!
Kay on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:09 am #
Another dining room & cloth napkin user here. We eat in our dining room, but not every night.
I have a beautiful set of bone china I inherited from my M-I-L. No one else in the family wanted it! I have never used it, because I’m so afraid something will get broken. We DO use the china and crystal I got as wedding presents, but that’s different. LOL
After reading this, I have to make myself use the “good” china.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:10 am #
Oh, I’m getting teary, too! Margaret, I love (you know what I mean) your story about Elizabeth and her special doll. How wise of your mom to change her perspective after that tragedy.
Freedom, your purse sounds gorgeous. I’d be afraid to use it, too! This is exactly my “problem” with the daisy tablecloth.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:13 am #
MarthaH, your story about your quilt reminded me of another Precious story. My husband’s grandmother gave us a hand crocheted afghan in ivory yarn for our wedding gift. We used it right away, laying it on the foot of our bed. Every time my husband touched it, he was struck by a bolt of love and longing for his grandmother. Why? Because the afghan carried her scent! All those hours touching the yarn had imparted her scent into the gift.
I’m getting teary again.
Anyway, because the afghan was always out and in use, when we got a puppy he found it and chewed a hole in one square. You know what? We kept the afghan and now, that hole is a cherished memory of a dog we loved, our first dog as a couple.
Sobbing now…
SuzyQ on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:14 am #
Claudia, growing up, our family always ate in the dining room too - with the good china. So, I’ve always believed if you have it use it. The only problem is now I don’t have a dining room, just a large eat in kitchen. But from time to time I do bring out my china and linens. The only thing I haven’t used is my silver. If I take it out of the plastic seal, it will start to tarnish.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:19 am #
Kathy, I had NO idea that china gets brittle and dried out. Another reason to use my stuff! As long as it’s going to break anyway…LOL
But you know, I wrote this blog not because I’m so good at using my stuff, but because I always have to make the choice to use it. I have to say to myself, sometimes out loud, “What am I saving this for!”
And you know what, SuzyQ, I never use my silver. I just hate to polish it. But I have it from a silversmith (who got all in my face one day) that using silver is the best you can do for it. He lives in a constant state of outrage and hopelessness that all the beautiful silver in the world, which gets more lovely with use, is sitting in silver boxes covered in plastic wrap. I listened. I believed. And my silver is still in the box.
One battle at a time, huh? My daisy tablecloth is still in the closet, pristine.
doglady on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:28 am #
What wonderful stories. My dh’s grandmother hand-stitched a double wedding ring quilt top for us. I quilted it as her hands would not hold out to do it. My dh loved that two women he loved made it together. We USED it. It was on our bed for 14 years before he died and for many after. It too had puppy love marks from the dog he gave me before we married. Three years after he died, the dog - Sasha - passed away at the age of 17. She was that last real connection to him so she went to heaven wrapped in that quilt. It was worn and ragged, but I wanted her to have something of her Mom and Dad with her. For all intents and purposes Sasha was our only child - furry though she was! I have a tablecloth sent by friends in England as a wedding gift. I didn’t use it until I moved here. Now it reminds me of them and my dh every meal.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:30 am #
KarenR, I know what you mean about the kitchen table having the prettiest view. That is so often true! I’m sitting there right now, the sun pouring in, the birds flitting to the bird feeder. Of course, it’s not even 40 degrees, but still. LOL
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:34 am #
Oh, Doglady! What a touching story about your wedding quilt! I’m completely at a loss for words.
Gannon on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:35 am #
Claudia, what a lovely blog. I’m get all weepy reading everyone’s stories!
I have a silver tea service that I never use. It’s polished and sitting in my china cabinet. What am I waiting for?! We really should use what we have, even if it means eating pizza on the good china. Life’s too short.
I have some beautiful, expensive jewelry that has been passed to me by my dh’s mom and grandma, both of whom have passed away. I finally started wearing it, even if I’m just wearing jeans. If I wait until I’m all dolled up–which does not happen often–that would be a waste. I feel like I have a part of them with me when I wear it!
SnikyWhite on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:37 am #
Well why doesn’t everyone just make me cry today! Sheesh! Such lovely stories though, and it really does make you think. I mean we can’t take it with us when we go, so what are we really waiting for. I have a set of silver that was handed down from me by my mother, who got it from my grandmother on my dad’s side. I never met my grandmother, she had died before I was born, but if there ever was someone I wish I could have known…she would be it. I have never used it. I don’t know how to take care of silver honestly, and yet would she want me to just leave it in the closet on a shelf? Perhaps a meal, complete with cloth napkins and real silver is in my future…
DebMarlowe on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:22 am #
Sniff, sniff! You guys have some beautiful stories–and household wares! I’m a big USE IT girl too. Mostly because I can’t stand clutter. If it is going to stay in the house, it had better have a good use. Plus, I just really like to enjoy stuff like that. The memories we make are the most precious of all of our ‘things.’
Julia London on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:23 am #
Margaret, that story is heartbreaking.
Claudia, you brought back many fond memories for me. When I was growing up, every Sunday we had Sunday dinner at my grandmother’s, who also trotted out the fine china and silver and crystal. My family always ate together, too, but not on china. We had other quirky little habits, like singing the blessing: Father we thank thee for the night and for the early morning light and for the food and loving care and all that makes the world so fair…anyone know it? Anyway, all six of us sang it, When we were little, we sang the blessing. All six of us. It was our thing and we refused to eat until we’d sung it….or until we turned into teenagers, hahaha…
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:25 am #
Gannon, I wear my ‘good’ jewelry all the time, too. Why not? I’m always in jeans and a sweater, but why not wear the pearls or the sapphire ring or the whatever?
My mom bought a gorgeous amethyst cocktail ring (do they even use that expression anymore?) for my wedding. She was wearing a lavender chiffon outfit and wanted something special to go with it. About a year after my wedding, she gave me the amethyst ring. Every time I wear it, I remember not only my mother, but my wedding. It’s a memento of that day that’s much easier to use than a pressed flower.
It’s funny how, when you use something that has meaning, it gets *more* meaningful.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:29 am #
SnikyWhite, let me pass on to you what the sliversmith told me.
It’s okay to put silver in the dishwasher as long as there is no stainless steel in there. It has to be just silver (plus glass or china), but no stainless. They don’t play well together, apparently!
Also, he said that in using it, the acids and oils in human skin actually slows the tarnishing process. So the more silver is touched, the less it tarnishes.
And when silver is used often, it gets tiny scratches on it, which is called a patina and actually makes the silver more beautiful, according to him.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:32 am #
Julia, I love that you sung a blessing! What a Hallmark moment. What incredibly sweet memories you must have of that.
I hope my kids (and future grandkids) keep coming to my house for Sunday dinner. That would be a dream come true. My dining room isn’t nearly large enough, but then we could bring out that old stand-by ‘the kids table’—where all the fun stuff happens.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:33 am #
DebMarlowe, you said it beautifully. The memories we make are the most precious of all our things. Yes! And why not make them with our precious stuff?
Okay, fellow goddesses, by the end of today I want to have pulled that daisy tablecloth out of the closet!
Nicole Jordan on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:43 am #
Awwwe, these wonderdeful stories are making me cry.
Claudia, that is so great that you made a lasting custom with your family and created such special memories.
I’ll have to think about mine and get back to you.
Marie Conley on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:07 am #
I love this blog. It’s true we should cherish what we have and use it. The only thing I can think of that I’m scared to use is an afghan my grandma made me for my graduation. She spent hour after hour using it. It is currently in a closet in my bedroom at her house. I have never used it and probably never will. When she is dead I want to be able to hold it and remember her.
SnikyWhite on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:11 am #
Ok…so I am an emotional wreck today. I run my own business and I make digital scrapbooks set to music. Most of my orders come for birthdays, graduations, mother’s day, or just general for gifts. This week I am working on my first for a memorial service. The music that goes with it, is a song speaking from the perspective of the person who’s passed saying “If you could see me now, you’d see the pain is gone…” I got the music literally moments before I came back here to check for more posts. I tell you all this to explain why after reading Doglady’s post I literally had to go the ladies room and find some tissues…did anybody have a clown in the family that left them some large floppy shoes and the secret to making balloon animals? I need a giggle!
cail on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:19 am #
hm… stories… well lets see. My grandmother is 85 and still kicking. When she was my age, we were about the same size. As a result she recently gave me all her vintage gowns, suits and skirts for my wearing pleasure. I wear the skirts constantly, and often break out the satin Jackie O jacket for a night on the town. The gowns mostly stay in the closet since I rarely have an occasion other than halloween to wear them.
My mother gave me her old silver set when grandma gave her hers. Its all I have. Therefore, I use my ‘good’ silver every day.
I eat at my dining room table for every meal, but thats mostly because I live in NYC and have a kitchen that can’t fit a table.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:20 am #
Oh, SnikyWhite, what a great thing you’re doing! It’s okay to get emotional. How could you do your job well if you didn’t?
But if you need a giggle…let me see what I can come up with…got it!
So I have all this stuff from my family, my husband’s family, piles and piles of stuff. I don’t buy my own stuff since I’m drowning in other people’s stuff—and I cherish it, don’t get me wrong. I actually cherish it more since it’s old and has been loved long before I came on the scene.
So I have this gold cup. I mean, really, it’s a gold cup. It’s tumbler sized and covered in 24k gold filigree with this little oval pictorial painted on one side. My uncle bought it for his mother (my grandmother) while in NYC sometime in the 40s.
From my husband’s side I have this gold plate, dessert sized, heavily filigreed in gold, about 100 years old. I have them displayed on the mantle–they look really good together.
My husband is doing something at the fireplace with a broom…(cont)
cail on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:20 am #
OH! and the best one. My grandma gave me a tie tack that her father was given late in his life. We had it converted to a ring, and now I have the most unusual diamond ring I have ever seen. I wear it as often as I can remember to. No sense in not wearing something so fun and beautiful
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:25 am #
Can you see it coming?
DH is at the fireplace, bending and turning, the broom handle sticking out and swinging around. I see. I understand. I know what’s going to happen next.
“Put down the broom!” I call out.
He lurches to his feet, swinging the broom. The cup goes crashing to the floor.
“Stop!” I yell.
He swings the other way, looking at the broken cup on the floor…and knocks the plate down. He has a bewildered look on his face, followed closely by horror.
“DON’T MOVE!”
He stops moving. The carnage comes to an end. But now, our Married People’s Code Language includes the phrase, “Put down the broom.” Whenever this is spoken, we instantly stop moving.
I love this guy. He’s such a…man.
Karen Hawkins on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:27 am #
Ah, Claudia, what a beautiful tradition! And Margaret, that’s a hard lesson well learned. Bless your mother for making something positive out of such a tragedy.
Every time I used to visit my grandmother, I would sit her Victorian rocking chair. It was handmade and had gorgeous roses carved the arms and the high arched back and oh, as a child, how I looooved that chair.
Whenever I went to stay with her, she’d sit in that chair and read Harlequin romances by the dozen. That’s my favorite memory of her. She later left her chair to me, much to my surprise. No matter where I go, I take that rocker with me and I use it a LOT! It’s now where I sit and read romances.
Now I’m a bit weepy. I loved my grandma and it was so generous of her to leave me something so dear to her. I hope my daughter feels the same way about it, because one day it’ll be hers and I hope she”ll sit in it and read, too.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:27 am #
Cail, what an amazing and brilliant use of a memento. Anything that can become jewelry is high on my list of Wonderful Things.
Yasmin on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:28 am #
I try to use everything if possible. I use my good jewelery all the time. I have this chain with an angel holding a saphire (my birthstone) that my mom gave me for my 15th b-day. I treasure it so much but that doesnt keep me from wearing it all the time. I even sleep with it. I feel I always have my mom with me.
zambonigirl on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:48 am #
Actually, in my quest to be more environmentally friendly (several people just rolled their eyes and passed over this, but hey! It’s important to me and your children!), I’ve actually salvaged several of my Grandma’s handkerchiefs, all embroidered pretty (some of them with initials on them that don’t match mine) and I’m going to start using them instead of disposable kleenex. Since my allergies are really bad, this should be interesting. I’m also going to start using cloth napkins. Alton Brown once said that using disposable dinnerwear breaks down the human spirit, and I think that it extends not just to plastic forks but to paper napkins and paper plates, as well. I think it’s awesome that your family *dines* like civilised people rather than wolfing down a microwavable burrito over the kitchen sink. Not that I’d ever do anything like that…*whistles innocently*
Yasmin on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:50 am #
My mom is a big Use It person, maybe because of her background. She was born here in L.A. but was raise in Mexico. No matter how well established a person is in Mexico you still lack things that we take for granted here in the U.S. I guess that is why nothing was beyond our reach as kids. I am not saying we were spoiled but we broke our toys, mixed up our playdoughs and played with dirt. She wanted us to be kids. She grew up in a single mother household and took responsiblity for taking care of the 2 youngest, cooking, cleaning and going to school while her mother was out working.She doesnt hold a grudge but she made the necesary changes in raising her own children.
She is a weird mixture of practical and impractical, never wanting anything to go to waste and always buying too much of some stuff.
Claudia- we also use our dining table each night even if we have take out. Lol we drive waitresses mad at restaurants because we are always the ones laughing and lingering.
SnikyWhite on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:54 am #
THANK YOU CLAUDIA!!! LOL Just what the doctor ordered haha. Though secretly I am still hoping someone has a long lost clown relative. The scrapbooking is still in its infacy and I still have to work my day job and no scrapbook is delievered until it passes my “cry test” (meaning i have to choke up or its not done) I don’t think this one will have any problem with that, but I thank you again for a break from the tears
zambonigirl on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:56 am #
Sorry, Snick White! The best I’ve got is that my brother once inherited an accordion. He’s the kind of person who can play any instrument, no matter what it is. So, he’s got this big ugly thing strapped to his chest-he’s 6′4″, and it still looks huge-and he’s making all sorts of horrible noise. Male cats are lining up outside the door, wondering who the betty is. Soon, though, it stops sounding like noise and actually begins resembling what an alien would think that earth music sounds like if an alien had to reproduce earth music with whatever instruments it has on hand, and Brozo says, “Okay, I’m pretty sure that these little buttons are the chords, and that the keyboard is [some sort of technical music speak that I don’t understand]. What do you think, Mom?” My mom, who has been ducking her head and attempting to ignore everything up until now, looks up and says, [Bah! Ran out of room!]
zambonigirl on 21 Feb 2008 at 12:02 pm #
So my mom looks up and she says, “Gee, son, seeing as how everone who ever played an accordion is now dead, it’s really impossible to know.”
Brozo, indignant that Mombo would be putting down the preferred instrument of hipster Yankovic fans everywhere snits that “Weird Al plays the accordion!”
“Maybe you should go find him, then,” Mombo returns happily, with a huge smile on her face. “I bet he’d LOVE to see your accordion.”
The accordion probably would have died after that, but I was at a record store a few years later with a friend (who found a first edition of the Sweeney Todd soundtrack with Angela Landsbury on it!), and I found a Stan Yankovic (father of Weird Al) record with his polka favorites, and I have mentioned that Brozo can play by ear, yes? I also bought him a bagpipe in Scotland, bringing his annoying instrument collection to a whopping 2. I’m sure my SIL loves me.
SnikyWhite on 21 Feb 2008 at 12:11 pm #
LOL I literally snorted when you called him Brozo!! My brother, while not as tall, but seemingly as dorky instantly came into my head wearing a multi colored wig and his plaid shorts. The visual was MUCH appreciated!!
Oh and side note…if I was your sister in law, I would be camped on your couch!
zambonigirl on 21 Feb 2008 at 12:13 pm #
I almost forgot! Grandma left Brozo a banjo, so his annoying instrument collection is now at an all time high!
Actually, I enjoy banjo music…
Glad I gave you a smile! Sorry I spelled your name wrong.
Lisa H on 21 Feb 2008 at 12:14 pm #
Claudia - I love your blog and your dining room is beautiful. I too have a very special tablecloth. My mother made it for my grandmother for Christmas. It is embroidered with trees, bells, candles, etc. We in the family refer to it as “the tablecloth” everyone knows the one. Well, because I am a use it person, but I treasure that tablecloth, we use it at Christmas and New Years with a clear plastic cover over the top. Even though it may sound cheesey, we all respect all the work that went into it.
I also have a ring I inherited from my grandma when I was 13. It is a blue star saphire surrounded by diamonds. My grandma wore it every day. I kept it tucked safely inside my jewelery box, waiting until I was “old enough”. When I hit 35, I realized I was indeed now “old enough” and now I wear that ring every day. I look at it and can still see it on her finger. She was an amazing woman and I am honored to have something that meant so much to her.
SnikyWhite on 21 Feb 2008 at 12:34 pm #
NP Zamboni…you’d be amazed what I’ll answer to
Keri Ford on 21 Feb 2008 at 12:59 pm #
I have always LOVED the idea of sitting around a table for a meal. I don’t know why, my family doesn’t do this (not counting holidays) and I don’t remember it happening at my friends’ houses either, but I’ve always known when i got a house and family, we’d be around the dinner table as often as I can.
I got my nice china for this past christmas (did you know that stuff is dish washer safe! just don’t touch it until the plates have cooled after the drying cycle if they’re got gold/silver edges, you can smudge it.). Now when I get space to put the dishes in a china cabinet next to a table, we’ll be using it often. I can hardly wait!
Suzanne Enoch on 21 Feb 2008 at 1:01 pm #
My younger sister (the middle one) has always been a wanderer. We all joke when we go shopping somewhere, because as soon as you turn around, she’s gone somewhere else. She just loves to explore. Everywhere. This Christmas I got her a necklace engraved with the words “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” — it’s from a poem about Aragorn in “The Fellowship of the Ring”, one of her favorite books and movies.
Now she’s never been much of a necklace wearer, but every time I’ve seen her since then, which is at least twice weekly, she has on that necklace. I told her I was glad she liked it, and she smiled and said “it’s about who I am.” That, I think, is how something becomes precious.
SnikyWhite on 21 Feb 2008 at 1:25 pm #
Suzanne - when I read your post it brought something to mind that I heard last night. I was in class and we were talking about building our “Family Identity” That being how we associate with our family as a whole, who we are in our family and what we contribute. What the story about your sister spoke to me is that her necklace is precious to her because it says you “get her.” The necklace is a reminder of an aspect of who she is, and who she is to you. We all want to be understood and all of these precious things are just snipets of who these people were to us…and perhaps our hesitation in using these things every day is the fear of losing that meaning, the scent in the yarn…but if we fail to use these gifts they’ve given, we might miss the opportunity to “get” the aspect of them they were trying to share…does that make any sense?
cail on 21 Feb 2008 at 1:28 pm #
Oh Suzie! Thats the most thoughtful present ever! My dear heart made me coasters with sketches (with a wood burning tool) of ships on them for christmas, and i love using them since they mean so much. Its the tailor made gifts that really mean the most.
BTW i’m spending my sick day (i’m home sick from work) catching up on your backlist. I am LOVING the With This Ring trilogy… on to book 3! I can’t wait. I loved Emma and the Duke in the trilogy after this (i did something i hate to do and read a backlist out of order…).
Ok. done gushing now.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 2:33 pm #
Karen, I love that you have this image of your grandmother in her rocking chair, reading, and now you do the same thing in it! Love the overlap of these memories.
And the thing is, for all of us, and especially for me (daisy tablecloth, daisy tablecloth!) when I give my daughter the daisy tablecloth it’s going to have NO meaning for her because she’s never seen it or seen me use it. She has nothing, no memory, to connect to it.
I AM GOING TO USE THE DAISY TABLECLOTH!
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 2:36 pm #
Zambonigirl, I use cloth handkerchiefs! I have for years. I love having a bit of clean linen handy at all times (clean freak!). They’re easy to wash (garment bag) and toss back into my purse. I usually carry two. The thing I’ve found is that with lots of sneezing and stuff, my nose doesn’t get red and irritated. I love using my handkerchiefs, even though I suspect a look a bit like Miss Marple when I pull one out. LOL
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 2:37 pm #
You know Lisa H, my mom suggested I get a plastic cover for the daisy tablecloth if I was going to be paranoid about it. She knew me so well. I never got the plastic so the tablecloth stayed in the closet.
But no more! I am going to set the daisy tablecloth FREEEEEEEE!
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 2:38 pm #
Suzanne, I LOVE the line “not all who wander are lost”, but I love everything LOTR. What a lovely gift, and doesn’t it make you feel wonderful when you see her wearing it? That’s the other gift of use—we honor the giver.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 2:41 pm #
I do understand what you mean, Sniky. I think. How interesting that you got to discuss Family Identity in class. That must have been fun.
SnikyWhite on 21 Feb 2008 at 2:49 pm #
Well it’s a parenting class…helping us to form an environment for our children where they have a firm identity, which had us delving into our own childhood. Last night was the last session after 17 weeks, but I’ve already signed up to do it again…too much information, not enough brain power ;P
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 2:51 pm #
What a great thing to cover in a parenting class!
Mia Rose on 21 Feb 2008 at 3:40 pm #
I’m getting all teary reading everyone’s beautiful stories! My family is defintely a USE IT family… and Claudia I applaud your decision to unleash your daisy tablecloth! It certainly deserves it. The first thing that came to my mind was my great aunt Mae who made my barbie a wedding dress and veil. I was afraid to use it at first but my mom told me to, since that what grammy would have wanted, so I did. I was always careful with it, but I never took it off one of my barbies.
I’m with Keri, my family never really had ’sit down’ meals, except for the obvious holidays and occasional special occasions but I’m determined when I have a family to have sit down dinner’s every single night. I WANT that legacy, and those memories. Especially now that the house we just bought actually has a formal dining area that is begging for me to pick out a nice big table for. I won’t even complain if we end up getting the pool table my husband wants for the attached formal family room.
PJane1031 on 21 Feb 2008 at 3:44 pm #
O.K. This may sound silly, but one of my treasured possessions is a wooden cutting board in the shape of a pig. Growing up, my mom would always use hers, and I learned that all of the women in my dad’s side of the family (my mom, my two sisters, two aunts and two cousins) ALL had the pig cutting board. Being the youngest cousin, and probably not having been even born when the boards were made, I was the only female that didn’t have one. One of my aunts passed away several years ago, and I was helping one of my cousins in packing up my aunt’s house, and we came across her board. I was so honored when my cousin decided that I should have the board since she and her sister both had theirs. I use it practically every day in the kitchen. And the bonus? My Aunt Hazel is my ‘favorite’ aunt, and every time I wash the board I get a ‘whiff’ of what my aunt’s house always smelled like. I love those memories and I always get a ‘warm fuzzy’ when that happens!
Sabrina Jeffries on 21 Feb 2008 at 4:10 pm #
Since Nick eats while he’s out (he almost never eats supper at home these days) and it’s just hubby and I, I confess that we eat in front of the TV, and I can’t imagine that changing. Sorry, Claudia! My family does the same except when we’re all together and then we all do linger. A LONG time.
I do believe in the idea of using everything–except the china, because it costs a fortune to replace (it’s been unavailable as a pattern almost since we got married) and we have a tendency to break things, so we do save it for special occasions. Maybe, just MAYBE, it will last our lifetime, but knowing us, maybe not.
Never had a problem with anything else though. I use quilts made by my sister, I wear whatever jewelry I own that happens to match my clothes that day, I put flowers in the crystal vases, and use all the towels and tablecloths. I don’t have any silver, and in the brief time we had crystal glasses, we broke so many of them, we finally traded in the remaining crystal for more china!
Caren Crane on 21 Feb 2008 at 4:42 pm #
Claudia, I love it that you use your stuff. We have recently started entertaining more - having dinner parties! - and I’ve taken pains to use all the stuff I inherited from my MIL. She didn’t have anything really nice, but it’s pretty and I feel she would be happy we were using it.
I visited my mother last weekend and she offered me quite a few serving pieces of a popular china from many years ago. Of course, looking for missing parts from Replacements was quite an eye-opener. They want a fortune for that stuff! I’ll be trotting it out for the next dinner party, naturally. *g*
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 4:54 pm #
PJane, I love your pig cutting board! This is like one of those cool family identity things SnikyWhite was talking about. Every woman in your family using the same shape cutting board! I think this goes down as a Brilliant Idea. And cutting boards get a lot of use and never wear out. What a fun family tradition.
Judy F on 21 Feb 2008 at 4:55 pm #
I do have the tendency to put some things up. Just today at work I was so cold all day and kept thinking about this quilt I have in my closet in a box that I sure could have used.
I have this lovely afghan on my couch that my sil’s grandmother made for me when she was 93. She had found out that I had moved out into an apt and asked me the colors of my living room furniture. At the next family get together I had a lovely blue tri color afghan made by her. I use it all the time.
ladydawgfan on 21 Feb 2008 at 4:58 pm #
I also come from a “use it” family, although with a few exceptions. My mom’s good china is only used for the holidays since it is a pattern that has been discontinued for about 3 decades and would be virtually impossible to replace. Other things like silverware, crystal, and the “good” linens are used regularly.
These days, my mom is the one crocheting afghans and such for people with the expectation that they will be used and loved. She made a shawl for me last year that has been a great comfort to me with this blasted bronchitis (it is sooo wonderfully warm!), and I can’t imagine saving it for a “special” moment. Why??
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 4:59 pm #
Sabrina, I know how you treasure your china. I sort of feel the same way about a collection of tea cups I have. My mom collected porcelain tea cups for a good chuck of her adult life. She gave them to me when I got married. My mother-in-law also collected tea cups for most of her adult life. As a wedding gift *she* gave me her tea cups.
My father-in-law had his mother’s collection of HAND-PAINTED tea cups (she did the hand painting) and gave them to me.
Seeing that I had a ‘thing’ for tea cups, my friends started buying me tea cups for various celebrations.
I have TEA CUPS!! They are so delicate and so priceless to me that I’ve rarely used them. My mother used hers all the time; a very firm memory for me. If I drank tea or coffee, I think I’d use them, too. I think.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 5:01 pm #
Mia Rose, do it! Have sit down meals when you have the chance. It was an ah-ha moment for me when I realized that the dining room table was the same number of steps to the dishwasher as the kitchen table.
This is the truly important part of the dining room equation. LOL
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 5:05 pm #
Hey, I just realized an important part of my Use It philosophy regarding china and such. I don’t match. I’m never going to need replacement pieces. I just use things that are in the same basic color family and call it done.
I get this (as all things) from my mom. She had her dinner plates, all matching. Then she had her dessert plates, which were clear. Then she had her tea cup collection–each cup individual so that at a party no one would get confused as to which cup was theirs. Brilliant, huh?
Anyway, when something breaks, I sigh in sadness and then shop around for something else I like, letting the spirit move me. Matching? Not required.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 5:09 pm #
Judy, my m-i-l made a knitted afghan for each of my kids in the color of their choice. My older son still has his on his bed and sleeps wrapped in it every night. They truly love knowing that someone who loves them made them something special.
colinfirthfan on 21 Feb 2008 at 5:20 pm #
I have a dining room with a table and we use it to work. Both my DH and I frequently work from home so we plug in our laptops and work there so the kids can actually still see and talk to us. Also I get my 7 yr old to come and do his homework there so we can check his work.
(The only reason I have furniture is because my DH went to an auction and bought a bunch of furniture without asking me… but that is another story so…)
I too hate using things that are special - in case it breaks. But after my parents died I started using my Mum’s clothes. She used all her things instead of saving them forever.
But I am getting there - I bought a spoon rest from Florence and instead of hanging it up - I use it. Everyday!
Jane on 21 Feb 2008 at 6:10 pm #
My mother wouldn’t let us use the good china when we were kids. She also didn’t let us use these ivory chopsticks that she got as a present. Nowadays she doesn’t even remember where she packed these things. I think it’s more of a waste if you don’t get to use these things.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 6:35 pm #
Jane, I agree. It’s a complete waste. I wonder what it is that makes some people users and some people savers. I have to think that we all tend to be savers, until something (like Elizabeth’s death) forces us to rethink and become users.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 6:40 pm #
ColinF, you’ve reminded me that I have clothes I’ve bought that I never wore because I was saving them for ’special.’ Special? What do I do that’s so special?
Now the clothes are special because they don’t fit me anymore.
Wow, smart move on my part. LOL
zambonigirl on 21 Feb 2008 at 7:19 pm #
It’s so true, Jane. One of the main things that got me on the “Simple Living” track was moving my grandma out of her house. Every time we turned around, there was a new closet to unload, stuff that was beautiful and nice and lovely that was not used or treasured. I decided then and there that I wanted to know and use everything I own, and that I don’t want to own anything that I don’t use.
freshechelle on 21 Feb 2008 at 8:17 pm #
Life is short! Use what you have. I used to sell china silver and crystal at bloomingdale’s and learned then the more you use your silver the less you have to polish. I’d like to contribute more but I’m on a plane and we’re taking. All your good stuff? What are you waiting for, the pope to drop in for a visit? Carpe diem!!!!
Karen Hawkins on 21 Feb 2008 at 8:49 pm #
Fresh! Goooodbyyyyyyyeeeeee! And let us know how your trip is progressing when you can!
Claudia, this has been SUCH a great topic. My mother asked me a few months ago if I wanted my grandmother’s china because my mother has three different sets and I said, ‘No, I’ll never use it.’ After this blog today, I called her and said, “I’ll come and get it next week.” I’m going to use and enjoy it and smile every time I think of my grandmother.
Thank you for such a great topic!
doglady on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:13 pm #
You go and get that china, Karen! Family stuff is beyond priceless. I too inherited an antique rocking chair. It has the arms that are carved swans’ necks and the back and seat are a very old burgundy, rose and white floral print. It sits very low to the floor. It was my great aunt’s favorite. I, however, was not. She was always so mean to me and the last then years of her life I was the one who did her shopping, took her where she needed to go and the last six months I was the one that took care of all of the stuff that needed attention at the nursing home. My mother was her favorite niece. I was stunned when she left me the rocker AND three of the porcelain dolls she painted and dressed. They are all sitting in my writing studio in front of the fireplace.
Karen Hawkins on 21 Feb 2008 at 9:42 pm #
doglady, that chair sounds beautiful! I love the chairs I’ve gotten from my family and yes, they all sit much lower to the ground than the new ones, which works great for me!
Sounds like your aunt wasn’t very good at expressing gratitude. Some people never get there. She was certainly lucky to have you there and I’m glad she finally found a way to show what she couldn’t say.
Claudia Dain on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:04 pm #
Karen! I’m so glad you’re getting the china! What a timely blog for all of us.
The daisy tablecloth will remain sequestered no more! *G*
evlqn on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:19 pm #
We don’t really have anything that we are afraid or reluctant to use. Maybe it’s because we have lost everything a couple of times and so we know how fleeting somethings may be.
We even use our “good” china and crystal in our daycare. We serve our meals with the same dinnerware we would use for a dinner party.One of our favorite memories is when a new little boy came to the table and asked, “What’s that?” and one of our four year old boys replied “A napkin.” Some of our kids didn’t know that not all napkins were made from paper.
Over the years we have had very few things broken by the children. They learn to handle fine china and they feel very grown up to be drinking thier juice out of stemware.
evlqn on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:20 pm #
I have lost treasured things,like the ceramic gingerbread man my son made for me. That and several other Christmas ornaments were stolen from our storage room this year. I don’t grieve the lights or trees, but I do grieve the handmade things that we have loved and used every year. So I think that if you have it and you value it , use it.
Santa on 21 Feb 2008 at 10:58 pm #
Yeah, for using the dining room and lingering there creating memories.
I never put anything away I can’t use. I think I may be the last person to have had a trousseau prepared for her. I have sheets hand embroidered by my cousin and another set done by an aunt, table runners, tableclothes and napkins. I use them all both for every day. My mother sewed the appliques she had from my wedding gown, which she made, onto a yellow taffeta bedspread which she gave to me. It matches the green one her mother made for her. When my children were baptized I laid them on it, just as my mother did for us.
I also have my husband’s paternal grandmother’s hand painted wedding china. It is delicately painted with tiny pink roses. I’d admired it when his mother first used it and she promised it to me when she moved. It brings a smile to my face every time I use it because I can see his grandmother proudly present it to her new husband in their Bronx home. I love that kind of stuff!
FreshEChelle on 21 Feb 2008 at 11:38 pm #
I’ve landed safely and am home, thanks to your kind thoughts Karen. Damn, it’s cold in Detroit!
Many of my colleagues get our company’s luxury product at a great discount and then put them in a closet. It frustrates me to no end. You just never know when you’re going to hit by a bus. And when your dealing with leather goods like a nice purse or good luggage, put it away for too many years and it’s going to deteriorate. Use your good stuff, scratch it, chip it, stain it - the sentiment will remain and the damage will add to the story.
ct009ct on 22 Feb 2008 at 10:30 am #
I missed another great blog - what beautiful stories and memories everyone shared - sorry I missed it.
BTW - we’re dinner table eaters, too. Not always in the dining room, sometimes in the kitchen, but we’re at the table.
Margaret Garland on 22 Feb 2008 at 12:37 pm #
I know this is a day late, but I have to respond to a couple of things. I’ve been quilting/knitting for many years. Each grand and greatgrand child has a baby quilt. When given, I always stress to mom that they please let the child use it. In the past few years, I’ve added a few colorful words to the request. Nothing irks me more than something I spent hours on winding up stowed away in a drawer or closet. I would prefer to see it in rag condition after it’s been loved lots.
Karen, your grandmother reading Harlequins tickled me. My grandmother was a big fan of the old true crime magazines. Anybody remember those? I used to read them when I spent the night. The back door was in my bedroom. Could I sleep? Don’t be silly! They were truly gory. Complete with b/w pictures. I don’t know if they still publish those or not.
Margaret