Warning: Warning Labels Ahead; Could Cause Stupidity
Jan 2nd 2008
Karen HawkinsMy Life As A Plebe
My parents bought me an IRobot Roomba vacuum cleaner for Christmas. It’s small, noisy, and vacuums the floors all by itself. Yep, you heard me, it runs all by itself. You just schedule it and at the correct time, it pops on and starts vacuuming until 1) its sensors tell it the floor is clean or 2) the battery runs down.
It’s a very nifty little item and I love it, but as smart as this vacuum cleaner is, apparently I, as a mere human, am not so smart. How do I know this? Because of the list of warnings that came with my vacuum.
According to the warnings, it is dangerous to ride on the Roomba. (I know, I was disappointed, too. Especially as it careens madly around and around, often darting under bookshelves and chairs. Boy, wouldn’t that have been a fun ride! Not.)
I also discovered I shouldn’t operate the Roomba while standing in a pool of water (Hm. I wonder why . . .), nor should I attempt to stuff my hand between the moving brushes (Who’d a thought?).
It’s a bit insulting the things they put on warning labels these days. Look at some other warning labels and signs I’ve seen:
One I found beside an airport runway taxi area:
One for a chainsaw that clearly indicates that, while it’s ok to read and/or listen to your ipod while operating your chainsaw, you shouldn’t use it to slap a mosquito off your head:
I remember a few others I don’t have pictures for. Like a new lawn mower that had a picture of the mower on a cliff, rolling over and over. (I guess you’ll have to weed whack the cliffs in your yard.) A coffee pot with a sticker that said, “WARNING: COFFEE GETS HOT.” (I would hope so.) And a warning on a dog chew toy that said, “WARNING: NOT MEANT FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF FIVE.” (What? It’s ok for a child over the age of five to have a go at the dog chew toy?)
What’s the stupidest warning label you’ve ever seen on a product? Do you think those labels are on there because some idiot has already performed this act — tried to brush his teeth with an electric knife or attempted to ride on his Roomba and was thrown through a plate glass window — or is it because lawyers run most companies and they’re really, really into CYA? And am I the only one who finds these warning ludicrous? Stupid? Wildly funny?
72 Comments »
72 Responses to “Warning: Warning Labels Ahead; Could Cause Stupidity”
Kim on 03 Jan 2008 at 12:40 am #
Karen these are hilarious. I love stupid warning labels. I think it was Bill Engvall who did a skit about warning labels. One of them was about preparation H; that you were not to consume it orally. LMAO!
After a story one of my girlfriends told me about her mom; those immerisible blenders should come with one too. They really don’t do double duty!
Kim on 03 Jan 2008 at 12:42 am #
Hey, I thought you wanted one of those Dyson animal hair vaccums? My sister in law has one and loves it. They have 2 golden retrievers and it works wonderfully.
Tracy Kay on 03 Jan 2008 at 12:48 am #
I definitely think that they put those ridiculous labels on products because some jack*ss in their tester group decided to try it. That or they got sued because someone really did it after they bought it…
Who would really try to ride a Roomba?
In one of the books for a game I just got, it had the usual ‘Warning’ ‘Caution’, etc..but what really thrilled me was that they had to give the definition of Warning, Caution, and seven other terms that we’ve all known the definition for since we were 10.
It’s amazing..honestly.
Judy F on 03 Jan 2008 at 5:48 am #
I like the ones that warn you not to use a curling iron or hair dryer while sleeping….
lisa on 03 Jan 2008 at 7:54 am #
The one that just gets my blood boiling (pun) is the famous McDonalds coffee cup disclaimer. Warning contents are very hot!! I think someone collected big bucks in a law suit before they added that one. Probably the litigator got more money than the person that got burned.
Karen Hawkins on 03 Jan 2008 at 7:58 am #
Kim, I do want a Dyson animal hair vac . . . once they start running themselves. I’m so spoiled with my Roomba. I may never vac manually again. Yes, it’s THAT good. The only down side is that I have to empty it about mid-vac because of the dog hair. But let me tell you, that sucker gets it all up!
Tracy, you’re KIDDING me! They DEFINED what ‘warning’ meant? Sheesh! Talk about Lawyerese!
Judy, I’m so glad you told me about that warning. Somehow, I’d missed it and you know what could have heppened . . . POOF!
PJ on 03 Jan 2008 at 7:59 am #
These are hysterical!
Unfortunately, we’re most likely bombarded with these idotic warnings because some IDIOT has performed the unbelievably stupid act then sued the company and WON! Case in point: The woman who drove away from McDonald’s with a cup of coffee between her legs then sued the company for millions (AND WON) when the coffee spilled and burned her legs because, OH HORRORS, the coffee was HOT! Any intelligent person would think that lawsuit was the exception. Sadly, it’s become more the norm. Not too long ago I read about a convicted burgler who tripped over an electrical cord, fell and broke his leg after breaking into a house (through an unlocked window). He sued the home owner and WON! I have to wonder what those juries are thinking…
Karen Hawkins on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:00 am #
Lisa, there was an actual lawsuit from a woman who’d put her McD’s coffee between her thighs while driving and then ’sustained painful burns’ when it spilled. She received millions of dollars — can’t remember how much, but a judge later reduced it though it was still a LOT of money to be paid to be STUPID. I mean, coffee is SUPPOSED to be hot and to put it between your legs while driving? SHEESH! …
Ooops, PJ just posted the same thing. And PJ, I agree with every word. Makes me wonder about our legal system!
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:03 am #
One of my favorites came with my Conair Blow Dryer. It said, “Do Not operate while in the shower.” I cannot tell you how that warning has changed my life. Now my hair dries in half the time.
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:08 am #
Apparently, there are many things that one should NOT do in the shower. I’ve seen warnings that say I cannot iron my clothing, dry my hair, vacuum my rugs or, sadly, make a pot of coffee in the shower. I am starting to consider the option of not showering anymore. It’s just not safe.
PJ on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:08 am #
LMAO @ Ellen!
Buffie on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:24 am #
LOL — great post Karen. Yep, there are some really big idiots out there.
I was surprised to here that your roomba is noisy. For some reason I thought it would be quiet. Is it quieter than a regular one?
Karen Rose on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:27 am #
The one I always remember is the guy who tried to use his lawnmower to trim his hedges and ending up severing a limb. I always wondered how much alcohol was involved in thinking this was a Good Idea. He sued because there was no warning on the lawnmower. Now there is.
Part of me wonders if this is one of those urban myths like the chihuahua rat on the airplane (DH loves the urban myth books!). But then I remember that some people do really dumb things and the lawnmower/hedgetrimmer is put back into perspective.
Karen Rose on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:30 am #
PS - having worked consumer comments/questions in my career as a product development engineer, you would be ASTOUNDED at the bizarre and often painful uses people find for household products that are not the Intended Use.
I can’t say anymore than that, but you would be truly surprised. I still laugh after all these years.
Karen Hawkins on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:38 am #
Ellen, feel free to Not Shower. There’s no scratch N sniff on Mt. Oly, so we can fully and happily support all of your Shower/Don’t Shower decisions.
Buffie, it’s no noisier than a regular vac and, honestly, if it was too quiet, someone might trip over it. I just meant it vacuum-like-noisy. Do you have one? Do you love it, too?
And ah, Karen Rose, you are TEASING us! Tell us more! We don’t want names or addresses, just anon examples!
cail on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:58 am #
you guys must check out the Darwin Awards. It’s truly amazing what stupid things people will do.
I bet there has been at least one toddler who would think it would be fun to ride your vacuum, Karen.
p.s. i want one of those vacuums!
KariE on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:11 am #
Cail- I was just thinking the same thing about the Darwin Awards. My dh made me buy the first too books for him. This blog sooooo reminds me of some of the stories in it. Makes you step back and think, what the?
I read an ariticle not too long ago about a contest that was held that people submitted warning lables for different products. I think the winning one was a warning about death if the product was used wrong. Now I have to go find it…..
KariE on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:21 am #
I found it!! It was a small tractor that said “Danger: Avoid Death”
Karen Rose on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:25 am #
I’ve spun a bit of fiction, just for you, Karen H.
Woman: Do you ever get that not-so-fresh feeling?
Friend: Oh yes, but trust me, do not use mouthwash. You do not get a two-for-one benefit, no matter what your boyfriend thinks.
Woman: You didn’t.
Friend, sighing: That’s what my OBGYN said. After he stopped laughing…
The characters and situations in this little story and entirely fictitious and any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Karen Rose on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:31 am #
Kari - damn. And I run after Death with open arms. Especially after I saw Meet Joe Black. (Brad Pitt for those of you who haven’t seen it.)
Death was yummy. Then there was the Twilight Zone where a very young Robert Redford played Death. Oooh. Yummier.
Now if Death looked like the Biker of the Apocalypse, I can see running the other direction.
Okay, now I’m back to my fast approaching deadline. See, there’s a theme here.
SnikWhite on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:35 am #
On a curling iron: Do not insert into any orafice.
RachelG on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:43 am #
I have a Dyson and love it.
I used to have the hair dryer that warned against using it in the shower. I always figured that there must have been some idiot who’d actually done that and sued. Thus the warning.
doglady on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:48 am #
What a great way to start my morning! I LOVE the Darwin awards! Of course I think it is Jeff Foxworthy who said “The last words of most rednecks are - Hey, y’all watch this!” I remember the McDonald’s case and I too cannot believe someone was rewarded for being STUPID! I want a ROOMBA! And I hate to say it, but I might have been tempted to at least let my Chihuahua ride on it. I wonder how much of the lowering of IQs in this country have to do with the fact that someone feels it necessary to do our common sense thinking for us. The mouthwash thing and the curling iron thing are really disturbing!
Sabrina Jeffries on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:50 am #
KarenR, I had to laugh at the mouthwash. When I was a teen, I thought it would be a great idea to use shampoo for ALL my hair. Yes, ALL. I … er … had a reaction. It never occurred to me that shampoo might be too strong for … er … certain parts of the body.
Warning labels are made not only for the stupid but for the young. Although honestly, I doubt that any teenage girl would read them, so what good do they do? Plus, I don’t think THAT particular warning is on the shampoo. Must go check.
Karen Hawkins on 03 Jan 2008 at 9:58 am #
cail, it’s an awesome vacuum! And yes, a toddler would think about riding on it. I hadn’t thought about that.
Kari, at least they were thorough. WARNING: AVOID DEATH will pretty much CYA the world.
Karen Rose, NO! That’s wrong on so many levels! Lol!
snik, you made that up. Didn’t you? I cringed when I read that. OUCH! Though i have a friend who swears her curling iron came with a warning that said, “For use on hair on head only.” ?????!!!!!!
RachelG, as specific as some warnings are, I think you’re right. Someone somewhere has tried to do something stupid, hence the warning. Probably Darwin Award winners in their off hours.
doglady, your dog would run from the Roomba. My dogs did at first, though now they just look annoyed when it rolls their way and, with a huge sigh, will get up and move to another room. VERY funny to see!
Lisa H on 03 Jan 2008 at 10:13 am #
Boy Sabrina, you really are transparent! LOL!
I love this blog, I have nothing to add, but am sitting here laughing…my toddler thinks I’m wierd…which I am.
Karen H I love the photo of the sign warning you not to walk under the plane’s propeller…love the blood splattering…
Lisa H on 03 Jan 2008 at 10:15 am #
Somehow I think there’d be more blood.
Mia Rose on 03 Jan 2008 at 10:35 am #
LOL, those are all absolutely hilarious… I ALWAYS look for the stupid labels on things… it’s priceless fun… so here are a few I can actually remember off the top of my head:
Windex - Warned against spraying in the eyes.
Christmas Lights - Notes For indoor or outdoor use only. (As Opposed To…)
Hair Coloring - Warned against using as an ice cream topping. (seriously… I couldn’t beleive that one)
Baby Oil & Little Ones Baby Lotion - Warned to Keep out of reach of children. (well, that kinda defeats the purpose)
Clothes Iron - Warns against ironing while clothes are on the body.
P.S. Karen I’m so jealous of your Roomba! I was wondering if they actually work… good to know.
Meg on 03 Jan 2008 at 10:51 am #
Oh, Karen!! I am actually crying, I am laughing so hard! I would never have thought to realize that the warnings on that chaninsaw would mean that. But I too love stupidly funny warning signs.
Karen Hawkins on 03 Jan 2008 at 11:12 am #
Sabrina, Sabrina, Sabrina . . . TMI! TMI! Lol!
LosaH, yes, you’r think there would be more blood. Raiders of the Lost Arc certainly splattered a lot around when that guy ran into the prop.
Mia, I’ve seen the ‘don’t iron clothes on body’ barning, too! What the heck is THAT all about? Makes you wince for the human condition, doesn’t it?
And Meg, aren’t those pictures rather ambiguous? I had a good time using ‘interpretive license.’ Heh!
And for those Darwin Winner Lurkers who follow this blog but never post (probably because you’re in traction right now and can’t reach a keyboard), I just want to mention that the warnings on the chainsaw do not mean you should wear your ipod and/or read a book while running it and no, the warning portion has nothing to do with mosquitoes. That was a joke.
There. Was that CYA enough?
Claudia Dain on 03 Jan 2008 at 11:19 am #
I have nothing to add, can’t remember a single warning (hey, do you think that means I’m the one they’re written for??), but I’m having such a good time laughing at all of these!
DebMarlowe on 03 Jan 2008 at 11:26 am #
Oh, I’m back from holiday vacation just in time to LMAO! These are some good ones.
I recently bought a steam cleaner. I used it to take old wallpaper off, but it has many uses. It shoots superhot steam–and occasionally water–from a small nozzle. It says you can use it to steam wrinkles from your clothes, and has the warning not to use on clothes you are wearing. Ack–can you say third degree burns?
Happy New Year all you Goddesses!
zambonigirl on 03 Jan 2008 at 11:32 am #
Those window screen covers that keep your car cool in the summer time have a warning label against using it while driving. “Well, I can’t see well, but I do love Fig Newtons…”
The peanut bags on the airplane that say they may contain nuts.
Good times.
Karen Rose on 03 Jan 2008 at 11:36 am #
>
Karen Hawkins, YES! I know. Snicker… I haven’t even broken into my store of FemHy stories. And I won’t. It’s my gift to you.
Snicker…
SnikWhite on 03 Jan 2008 at 11:57 am #
Karen - Sadly I didn’t make that one up. Trying not to visualize the brain trust who actually caused this warning to make it on a label has provided many giggles. Also something to ponder…had it been plugged in prior? Oh yeah, I went there.
Mia Rose - While it seems absurd to iron clothes while they are on your body, I have actually witnessed someone doing it. Her blue jeans were apparently too wrinkly, and she tosses her leg up onto the counter and starts ironing away…I personally am more of the toss into the dryer to get the wrinkles out, I guess it takes all kinds.
Mia Rose on 03 Jan 2008 at 12:14 pm #
SnikWhite I can’t believe you actually witnessed someone doing that! (Talk about wincing for the human condition Karen!)
Personally, I’m with you on utilizing that fantastic invention referred to as the dryer for removing wrinkles… but maybe we’re odd. who knows.
The hair dye on ice cream is the one that really boggles my mind. I can only imagine someone actually giving that one a try (obviously trying to cut down on the calorie intake and needed a sub for choc. syrup…)
ladydawgfan on 03 Jan 2008 at 12:21 pm #
I wish I could have been the one to rewrite that McD’s cup after that lawsuit!! It would have read something like “Caution: contents of this cup are HOT!! Careless handling could result in burns!! Do NOT place between thighs and attempt to remove lid while driving a vehicle!! Do NOT juggle with full cups!! Acceptance of this cup from any McDonalds employee or representative constitutes acceptance of these warnings and relieves McDonald’s Corporation, its holdings and all subsidiaries of any and all legal liabilities should injury or damage to personal property result from spilled contents.”
Of course, the writing would have to be tiiiiiny, but the point would be made!!
ilovetoread on 03 Jan 2008 at 12:25 pm #
Okay, this is a fairly lengthy “joke”, but I think that you all will get a real kick out of it! I have started a new topic on the forum with the title of Jokes. It will be in the Off Mt. Olympus section. It didn’t happen to me but was forwarded to me as a warning to never attempt to do a bikini wax at home!!
J Perry Stone on 03 Jan 2008 at 12:30 pm #
What about those pharmaceutical warnings on TV?
“Warning: if taking PILL A results in fused joints, twitching muslces, oily leakage, or abnormal hair growth, stop taking immediately.”
I heard that oily leakage one once and it scared the hell outta me.
Did they used to have a fat-free chip that resulted in oily leakage?
And Sabrina, sadly, I too tried the shampoo on all my hair. It only took one time to learn that lesson.
KariE on 03 Jan 2008 at 12:39 pm #
Since I have not tried the shampoo on “other” parts, does that give me the right to laugh hysterically at those who have? Or do I have to do it in order to earn the right to laugh hyserically?
These are all too funny.
What about the warning labels on cigarettes? Despite all the warnings about them and on them, we still smoke them. Well not me, smoke free for going on 6 months. wheewww
Emmiebee on 03 Jan 2008 at 1:41 pm #
I just looked, and my orange soda can does not contain the warning “Do Not Read Goddess Blogs While Ingesting, Nasal Expulsion May Result”. But it should, ’cause I did. See, where was a USEFUL warning when I needed it?
My parents love their little red Roomba so much, that I gave them a little blue Scooba for Christmas this year. After “Roombie” vaccuums the floor, “Scoobie” mops it! They are so excited! Although I have to send them the warning now that they should never use the device as a “Little Red Riding Roomba”. Ha!
-Emmiebee
Keri Ford on 03 Jan 2008 at 2:12 pm #
“It says you can use it to steam wrinkles from your clothes, and has the warning not to use on clothes you are wearing. ”
Deb, I’m guilty of doing this…but I will say it weren’t my idea. I was wearing my wedding dress fixing to do pictures, but darn it the neckline wouldn’t stand up right…so we stuffed my chest with rags (yes, at the photographers place) and mom steamed while I leaned as far away as possible. only a few hot sprinkles on my skin here and there.
One I’ve never forgotten comes on a lot of stuff “Do not drop, could cause damage.”
Ya, think?
Kay on 03 Jan 2008 at 2:33 pm #
I HURT from laughing so hard at these.
My Dh works in an emergency department. He says the famous last words around here are, “Hold my beer and watch this.” Nothing good can come of that.
I took my kids and some of their friends bowling yesterday. There was a WARNING sign above each lane. I didn’t read it, so I can’t say what was so dangerous. I guess you shouldn’t put the bowling ball in any orafice, or bowl in the shower. LOL
Karen Hawkins on 03 Jan 2008 at 2:36 pm #
Deb, a steam cleaner on a LIVE person? Youch! Btw, hope you had a good vaca!
zamboni — I’ve seen that same sticker on my screen. What are they thinking? You can’t SEE out of them AT ALL! ??? I wonder if that came from a TSTL (Too Stupid To Live) personal lawsuit or if they’re just CYAing?
Karen Rose, thanks for not breaking into your FemHy stories. I mean, we love you and all, but . . . yeap. That’d be a bit much. Besides, I’m still reeling from Sabrina’s revelation.
Snik, you went there. I didn’t want to go there, but you went there. Thanks for the instant visual. Pardon me while I go and wash my brain.
ladydawg, you should submit that proposal to the MacD’s team! I like it! Of course, if certain TSTL people tried to read said writing on said cup and, because of having to tilt the tiny writing to a light of some sort, might spill the contents of said cup into many a TSTL lap . . . we might want to add something on there about Do Not Attempt To Read Unless The Cup is Empty, FOOL!
Gannon on 03 Jan 2008 at 2:42 pm #
Thanks for the laughs, Goddesses! Unfortunately, all of these absurd warning labels are there because, no doubt, some idiot tried one of the above, was injured and then sued and won! What is wrong with our judicial system?!
The McDonalds coffee incident is so unbelievable. But then so is the fact that a few years ago, some yahoos wanted to sue the fast food industry because they got fat eating the food! No! Really?! Burgers and fries are fattening??!! And here I thought they were health food. Puhleeze!
Karen Hawkins on 03 Jan 2008 at 2:46 pm #
ilovetoread, that wasn’t a joke. It was a brief look into why I avoid Home Projects. I’ve never ended up with my wooha glued to the bottom of my tub, but I’ve come close to losing other parts of my person.
J Perry, no kidding! And please do not use the words ‘oily leakage’ in the same sentence again. We’re all very creative people here and we have no impulse control over our imaginations. Something like O.L. could cause people to have nightmares or, at the least, need counseling. EWWWWW!
Kari, congrats on the smoking ban! You rock! Well, you do when not shampooing a la Sabrina Jeffries. :O
Emmibee, Little Red Riding Roomba — BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I like that! I want a Scooba, too! Do they like it?
Keri, I can just see you LEEEEAAAANING back while your mom LEEEEANNNS forward to steam the clothes you’re wearing. Glad you didn’t get hurt!
Kay, I bet you’re right about the sign — NO BOWLING IN SHOWER. So long as it didn’t say anything about J Perry’s Oily Discharge, I’m happy.
Cookiedough on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:08 pm #
I’m laughing so hard I’m in danger of peeing my pants! known for evermore as PMP!!!
lol
Paula on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:26 pm #
Fantastically funny blog Karen H. The warning label that gets me every time is : On a bottle of children’s cough medicine( Ie for children under 12 years of age) If this medicine makes you drowsy do not operate machinery or drive a motor vehicle!! As if.
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:32 pm #
Hey Snick…I think I’m safe with the curling iron. I cannot think of a single orifice that I would want to add a curl to. Who wants to be a human soft ice cream machine? Or a wet slide at the amusement park.
I’ll stop there
Yasmin on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:36 pm #
At my work we have one of those machines that dispense hot water and coffee. the warning label reads: Extremely Hot Children Do not Touch!!! It was written manually so the person made a mistake and put too much space between “Children” and ” Do” and no punctuation at the end of “Hot” . It gives the impression that the children are hot lol
SnikWhite on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:40 pm #
Ellen I almost joined cookiedough as a fellow member of the PMP club! Thanks for the wonderful visuals that resulted from your comments HAHA
You ladies have made a totally unbearable day quite worth it! Thanks to KariE for giving me the link to the blogs!!
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:43 pm #
Here’s a visual for ya…
When we were very, very young kids, Mom would toss a few of us in the tub at the same time…she had seven, so she gets a pass.
Anyway, my brother thought up a game of bowling for the tub. We’d let all the water out, and then soap up the tub real good. Next we’d give the smallest kid a hard push so they would slide from one end to the other. You got extra points if you could get them to “luge” up the side of the tub.
The game was great fun until someone opened their head up on the faucet.
There was always one bleeder that ruined it for the rest of us. Anyway, the sign was right. No bowling in the shower.
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:47 pm #
Snick…As one of the founding goddesses of the PMP club, we ASUREDLY welcome you.
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:50 pm #
Forevermore, I will refer to shampooing other places as a “Sabrina.” She deserves the credit for being the first to “come clean.” LOL
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 3:53 pm #
Here’s an oldie but goody.
On Birth control pills: “Do not take if you are pregnant.” Ya think!!!
KariE on 03 Jan 2008 at 4:08 pm #
LMAO Ellen!!!
Suzanne Enoch on 03 Jan 2008 at 5:09 pm #
When I moved into my brand new house there were safety labels everywhere. I loved the one stuck to the garage door — “Do Not Lower Product While Standing Beneath”. I’m certain that sign has saved my life.
Ann in IL on 03 Jan 2008 at 5:34 pm #
This isn’t a “warning” per se, but in our freight elevator at work there is a red box with a silver button to push if the elevator becomes stuck. Under the button there are Braille letters for “help”. Under the braille letters there is a label that says “Help in on the way when red light is blinking” Um, if you need to use Braille how can you read the part about help on the way OR see the blinking red light??????????? So far, no one has been able to answer my question.
Ann in IL on 03 Jan 2008 at 5:42 pm #
Ellen, Ellen Ellen.
God love ya. If I had not known you are a nurse, that “wet slide at the amusement park” comment would prove it. My nurse friends and SIL tell the craziest stories about what people try and then come to the ER and explain how it happened.
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 6:09 pm #
Ann…The Braille sign is one of my favorites. The irony made me LOL.
By the way, I am not really a nurse…I just play one on TV. Seriously, my mom was a nurse, my sister and sister in law are nurses and I took three years of nursing in college, but alas, I am not a nurse. I am a nurse trainer for a Medical Manufacturer. I just walk like one and talk like one from years of working with them and training them. I show nurses how to keep their patients from skin breakdowns and how to position them…especially in the NICU.
I have an incredible job. I get all the emotional feedback of being a nurse without all the hard work they are responsible for on a daily basis. The nurses I train are true heroes.
Lisa H on 03 Jan 2008 at 6:55 pm #
I was thinking of Sabrina’s story and remebered the beer scented shampoo that was popular when I was a kid. I think it was called “Body on Tap” If a woman used that as Sabrina had, I think it would make her totally irresistable to the opposite sex!
Oh the Power!
Ellen on 03 Jan 2008 at 7:00 pm #
LOL Lisa….a Beer “Sabrina” Too Funny
Gannon on 03 Jan 2008 at 8:54 pm #
Ann, the braille sign made me think of the drive thru ATM machine that has braille on the buttons!! Should we be concerned that they think someone blind would use a drive thru?
Ellen, you never fail to make me laugh. When you said, “I’m not really a nurse, I just play one on TV,” it reminded me of the Holiday Inn Express commercials. You know, when someone is acting like an expert and then they say, “but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”
And sweetie, training nurses makes you just as important, or maybe even more, than one. Bless you.
Karen Hawkins on 03 Jan 2008 at 10:28 pm #
Lol! You guys crack me up! Yes, we have a ‘beer’ Sabrina. Or a ‘tangle-free’ one, we’ll probably never know.
I take that back. She’ll probably tell us.
And Ellen, I echo the others - thanks for doing what you do at work, and especially thank you for sharing with us!
Gwen on 04 Jan 2008 at 12:12 am #
Not a warning, but it was still a funny as heck label.
Bought a bag of lemons that had a tag on it with a recipe for lemonade. The recipe told me to use “cold ice.” I laughed for two days on that one.
Braille on a drive thru is a scary thought.
Audrey on 04 Jan 2008 at 1:02 am #
The instructions that came with my Dremel warn you not to use it to perform your own dental care!
I think I remember that Body On Tap shampoo - if it’s the one I’m thinking of, it came in a bottle that was big on the bottom and smaller on the top and if you picked it up with soapy hands it just slipped right on through.
Karen Hawkins on 04 Jan 2008 at 8:07 am #
Gwen, I’ve used that warm ice in some of my lemonade and it really isn’t all that good. No, all kidding aside, WHO wrote that and WHY? I still ponder whether those people (whoever they are) think we’re that stupid or if they’re just not thinking clearly when they are writing those things.
Audrey, that’s the shampoo! I think the bottle was supposed to look like a tap pull on a beer dispenser but hey, I’m really not sure. It was a very odd bottle, but all the rage amongst the younger set wayyyy back when.
Btw, I saw another this morning — WARNING: DISH WILL BE HOT UPON REMOVING FROM OVEN.
Sigh.
cookeemama on 04 Jan 2008 at 9:02 am #
I’m late to this dance but have been laughing myself silly. I was at the day surgery center yesterday while my daughter had arthroscopic knee surgery. Then to her house where I stayed to make sure she behaved herself by keeping her body on the couch. The woman doesn’t know the meaning of sit, stay.
Your posts reminded me of this lawsuit. When some dishwashing detergent started adding lemon scent to their product, they sent out samples in the mail. In tiny packages if I remember correctly. Naturally, there was a picture of a lemon on it to advertise the scent. Some fool woman down in Maryland drank the stuff! Even tho it stated clearly on the front of the packet that it was a dish detergent. I can’t remember if she collected or not. Probably. It was around the time of the TSTL woman and the McD incident. It was in the papers along with her picture. Sheesh!
cookeemama on 04 Jan 2008 at 9:09 am #
All this reminds me. Have any of you ever noticed there is a gender division in stupidity acts? All the incidents cited in the above posts are thing a woman might do. She would never try to fly a lawnmower, leap a motorcycle over 5 million cars or see if hairspray would ignite if a match was thrown into the spray. . Dave Barry is an expert on guy stupid doiongs. He’s been collecting these stories for years. On some tv show last night, they showed a guy jump from an airplane and try to land on top of a hot air balloon while it was floating along minding it’s own business. Yep, he slid right off.
I didn’t see what happened after that as I was trying to keep the daughter on the couch. I told her Dr. Iwas going to nail her feet to the floor. He said I should nail them to the ceiling so she’d have them above her heart. See? Even Drs can have a sense of humor. LOL
Karen Hawkins on 04 Jan 2008 at 9:32 am #
Cookkeemama, nail them to the ceiling! BWHAHAHAHA! I want that man’s number. My doctor has no sense of humor. If I crack a joke, he just looks pained and then leaves. Honestly, I think he’d drop dead if he so much as smiled.
I need a new doctor. One who has a joy of life. One who understands that giving me a prescription that reads “Could cause headaches, blurred vision, oily discharge, or death, which you’ll welcome if you end up with the oily discharge.” will leave me sitting in my car, crying with laughter for two days.
cookeemama on 04 Jan 2008 at 1:37 pm #
It would probably cure you of what ailed you also, Karen. That old chestnut about laughter being the best medicine is so true.
Update on daughter: The drugs have worn off today and she’s in a heap of pain even with oxycodone. I fed her and babied her for awhile. Now, I’m home and she’s taking a nap. Her daughters will be home from school soon and will take care of her for awhile.
Karen Hawkins on 04 Jan 2008 at 1:51 pm #
I hope she heals quickly and feels better soon, cookeemama. It’s tough when one of your kids suffer. Hugs!