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The Christmas Meltdown

Dec 28th 2007Sabrina Jeffries
Sabrina JeffriesGoddess Grins & On Writing!

Much as I adore Christmas, I find it overwhelming when I’m also on deadline, since as any of my friends can tell you, I’m easily distracted by shiny things and chocolate. So here’s my version of 12 days, dedicated to ADD authors everywhere (note that I would rather write this than work on my late novella, which just shows how dysfunctional I am). And if you’d like to see the wonderful pics that The Good, Bad, and the Unread blog affixed to this when the version I did for them appeared there Christmas Eve, then go for it. Thanks, Sybil, for letting me post it here, too.

An ADD Author’s Dysfunctional 12 Days of Christmas

Woman typingOn the first day of Christmas, I started writing this: a book from my inner goddess.

On the second day of Christmas, I started watching this: two TV shows, then I wrote to please my inner goddess.

On the third day of Christmas, I started drinking this: three cups of coffee while watching reruns as I tried to soothe my nagging goddess.

On the fourth day of Christmas, I started reading this: four great novellas while drinking coffee, then watched some “Cold Case,” thus ignoring my inner goddess.

On the fifth day of Christmas, I started answering this: five fan e-mails—then I read a while, drank coffee black, watched an hour of “Charmed,” and I wrote a blog to spite my goddess.

On the sixth day of Christmas, I started skimming this: six old PWs, then read e-mail, read a long novella, drank lots of coffee, watched “the Daily Show,” and I wrote around my inner goddess.

On the seventh day of Christmas, I started plotting this: seven future novels, then skimmed PWs, tossed out e-mail, read a long love scene, bought me a latte, watched “Without a Trace,” and I wrote the book without my goddess.

Drunk womanOn the eighth day of Christmas, I started reading this: eight Goddess blogs, then plotted novels, tossed out PWs, answered e-mail, read a short novella, added rum to coffee, watched the “Messiah,” and I lied to my inner goddess.

On the ninth day of Christmas, I started eating this: nine chocolate bonbons, then swung by Goddess Blogs, plotted my novels, got a new PW, answered fan mail, skimmed a novella, swilled rum-laced Coke, watched a sappy film, and I drank with my inner goddess.

On the tenth day of Christmas, I started wrapping this: ten Christmas presents, then ate some bonbons, read blogs at GB, wished my plots were better, tossed aside PW, ignored e-mail, stumbled through a book, bought some tequila, watched the ticking clock, and then whined to my inner goddess.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, I started baking this: eleven Christmas cookies, then lost the presents, ate lots of chocolate, checked in at Goddess Blogs, gave up on plotting, cursed at PW, fired off e-mail, decided not to read, swigged margaritas, watched myself implode, and then yelled at my inner goddess.

ChocolateOn the twelfth day of Christmas, I started screaming this: “Where’s the tequila?” then I ate the cookies, gave up on presents, stuffed myself with chocolate, grumbled at GB, swore off of novels, forgot PW, ignored e-mail, tossed the book aside, drank whisky neat, cursed at Dr. Phil, then I killed off my inner goddess.

So am I the only one who finds that Christmas, wonderful as it is, wreaks havoc on her life? How do you deal with it? Eating? Drinking? Procrastinating on work? All of the above?

34 Comments »

34 Responses to “The Christmas Meltdown”

  1. Cookiedough on 28 Dec 2007 at 6:47 am #

    lol Sabrina!
    You gave me quite the chuckle this morning!

    I avoid deadline of any kind until the last possible moment. I tell myself since I’m mullling it in my mind, it counts as progress. Then stress out completly into a sobbing mess when it all goes to pot and doesn’t turn out the way I want.

  2. Ellen on 28 Dec 2007 at 7:54 am #

    Eating? Drinking? Procrastinating?

    Yes. Yes. And Yes.

  3. KariE on 28 Dec 2007 at 8:58 am #

    All of the above in no particular order.
    I eat for lack of something better to do. I procrastinate becuase I am busy eating. I have to drink to wash the food down. By the time I’m done eathing I’m too tipsy to work because of the wine I washed my food down with. Then I eat to sober up. It’s a vicious cycle.

    But seriously, I try to take deep breaths, remind myself it will be over soon and forge on even though it is overwhelming at times.

    (I was just thinking yesterday how “Zeus” needed to add the upcoming releases on the “Coming Soon” list. Yeah!!!)

  4. cookeemama on 28 Dec 2007 at 9:25 am #

    Love the 12 Days, Sabrina. Now get back to work.

    Wait! Since I am terminally senile, would someone please tell me what a PW is? I hate not knowing stuff.

    One of my greatest regrets in life is the fact that I won’t live long enough to know everything. Sigh.

  5. KariE on 28 Dec 2007 at 9:37 am #

    I share you pain cookeemama.

  6. Sabrina Jeffries on 28 Dec 2007 at 9:39 am #

    Oh, sorry, I should have put that in a parentheses or something. PW is Publishers Weekly. I subscribed for the first time this year, and I’m having trouble keeping up with them. It’s a WEEKLY, for God’s sake. I can barely keep up with Romance Writers Report, which comes out MONTHLY.

    Sigh.

  7. claudia dain on 28 Dec 2007 at 10:14 am #

    How do I deal with it? I watch old movies and call it research. I read history books and call it research. I shop and call it…uh…my duty to the American economy.

    The trick to procrastinating is to find the right label to slap all over it.

  8. FreshEChelle on 28 Dec 2007 at 10:21 am #

    Mmmm, did you mention tequila, Sabrina? That’d make a nice “breakfast of champions”. Gotta check for limes in the fridge. My New Year’s resolution may be to become a boozehound.

  9. FreshEChelle on 28 Dec 2007 at 10:27 am #

    My need for a drink was inspired by hanging blinds and curtains (with the drill Santa brought) which I happily procrastinated for ’bout 3 weeks. The neighbors were fed up with my exhibitionism. I’m thinking about trying my hand at the ceiling fan that’s been waiting 2 years to be installed. Yeah, procrastination is good…. always gives you something to look forward to.

  10. Lismore on 28 Dec 2007 at 10:44 am #

    It’s nice to know I am not alone in procrastinating. I feel like I am living in a house of squalor because of it. So much more fun to be entertained with amusing blogs and enjoying new Christmas gadgets rather than cleaning.

  11. Sabrina Jeffries on 28 Dec 2007 at 10:48 am #

    Cleaning? What’s that? ;-)

  12. Kim on 28 Dec 2007 at 11:04 am #

    I literally have a meltdown. Every. Year. I break at some point and scream at my husband who has no clue what he did. (Nothing most likely). Then I cry, apologize and tell him I’m just stressed. Then he offers to take over most of the non-cooking items on my to do list and takes me to lunch some place I love and he hates. Usually I can also finagle a trip to Goodwill (another place I love and he hates) and some good chocolate.

    Seriously, I don’t plan it! LOL

  13. FreshEChelle on 28 Dec 2007 at 11:19 am #

    Kim, my mother used to have that same breakdown every Christmas since the early 70s. It’s so healthy to see you acknowledge it instead of trying to justify it. Feel better.

  14. Haven Rich on 28 Dec 2007 at 11:32 am #

    Hold on, printing….

    Ok, this was an awesome post! I shall keep it for future inspiration (read, kicks and giggles).

    I personally slept through most of the 12 days of Christmas because my darling husband gave to me…ONE horrific cold that he got from his boss. But unlike my husband, my immune system is cr** and I’m still not over it. Only yesterday did I begin to feel human again.

    Ok, small rant over…now about that tequila…

  15. zambonigirl on 28 Dec 2007 at 11:34 am #

    you are absolutely hilarious and i love you. i can’t wait to spend my b&n and amazon gift cards on you and the other goddesses. tonight, we shop in heaven!

  16. Paula on 28 Dec 2007 at 12:32 pm #

    All of the above because sometimes it beats having to do the usual everyday jobs. Congratulations to Sabrina, Rachel G, Karen R , Julia and Suzanne for being nominated for the Romantic Times awards and good luck with the end results.

  17. Karen Hawkins on 28 Dec 2007 at 12:41 pm #

    Lol! Brava, Sabrina!

    As for me, I don’t even know how to spell procrastinate. I just do it naturally and call it ‘as soon as.” As in “I’m going to get to that as soon as I (fill in blank).”

    And congrats to all you guys, too, for the RT award noms! Let’s see, there’s Sabrina, Rachel, Karen R, Julia and TWO nominations for Suzanne E! WOOOOHOOO!

  18. Lisa H on 28 Dec 2007 at 12:46 pm #

    Eating - oh yeah! I gained 5 lbs as of 1 1/2 ago and haven’t been on the scale since. Based on the tightness of my jeans, I’m guessing I have put on 5 more.

    Stressed? Just a bit…my house is trashed and I am out shopping and going to dinner with my girlfriends and last night even went to see Sweeny Todd (which was so excellent! I am saying it’s the best movie I have seen a long, long time) I’m not worrying though, I’m going to get my hair colored, tommorrow I am going to a Baby Shower, and on Sunday I can clean.

    Hope I can find my family in this rubble!

  19. Sabrina Jeffries on 28 Dec 2007 at 12:47 pm #

    Thanks for the congrats, y’all! I didn’t even know about the RT nomination until someone in my chapter congratulated me. Then of course I had to go see what goddesses were there. It should have been ALL of us, but there’s no accounting for taste. Sniff, sniff.

    I’m working on the novella today (really, I am), and hoping it turns out all right. Where IS that tequila, anyway? :-)

  20. Haven Rich on 28 Dec 2007 at 12:58 pm #

    I don’t know, but I know where the Jack is and the Rum (puns totally intended!).

  21. Ellen on 28 Dec 2007 at 1:13 pm #

    I think last night sums it all up for me…

    I sat in front of the TV in my PJs eating Chinese Take Out and drinking a bottle of left over Chardonnay….While watching….wait for it….wait…wait…

    The Biggest Loser.

  22. Petrina on 28 Dec 2007 at 3:00 pm #

    Great post Sabrina.

    My first Christmas meltdown happened in the car, in Des Moines Iowa, in the middle of a snowstorm…there was no tequila anywhere to be found.

    The second Christmas meltdown happened when I attempted to introduce the cat (who was in the car during the snowstorm) to the cat who rules my DH’s house. Fortunately, there was a LOT of chocolate available for rapid consumption.

    The third Christmas meltdown happened when I realized my editor had no clue what I was writing. Copious amounts of chocolate and several bottles of wine later I am immersed in a new WIP and the cats are making friends…sort of.

    Please tell me that Christmas, wonderful as it is, will be over soon.

  23. Caren Crane on 28 Dec 2007 at 3:03 pm #

    Sabrina, I loved your 12 days! Of course, being a boring stickler, this is actually only the 3rd day of Christmas, with 9 more to go until Epiphany!

    Okay, stickling aside, I do find Christmas stressful most years. This year, however, I gave myself a break and decided if I needed to do every bit of my shopping online, that was fine and the shipping charges well worth it. My siblings had insisted over Thanksgiving that we adults not get each other anything - so I didn’t. I only felt slightly bad when they all bought me something and I had actually honored the agreement. *g*

    Ellen, we must be twins! I wore my new polar fleece pajamas and sat in front of the TV eating spinach and feta pizza and watching a whole season of “Dead Like Me”. Heaven!

  24. Sabrina Jeffries on 28 Dec 2007 at 3:52 pm #

    Yes, Miss Caren Stickler, it IS only the 3rd day of Christmas, but that’s why I felt like I could post the 12 days thing, because we’re in the middle of it.

    BTW, y’all, it turns out we had two MORE nominations that I missed, because they were in the Career Achievements section at RT. Nicole is up for an award, and so is Karen Rose again. Woowoo!

  25. FreshEChelle on 28 Dec 2007 at 3:54 pm #

    Goddess, don’t try to install a ceiling fan by yourself. I’m going on match.com to see if I can “date” an electrician.

  26. emmiebee on 28 Dec 2007 at 4:44 pm #

    Poor FreshE! Please do not fry yourself trying to set up that fan. This year, I HAD to stop trying to squeeze in every last thing, because- wait for it- I fell down the stairs in my own house and strained my back! AND MY FEET WERE SLIPPERY BECAUSE WE HAD JUST STEAM-CLEANED THE RUG AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS! Housework kills, ladies. I had to take it very easy after that, and guess what? I actually relaxed! No last minute gifts for my brother’s inlaws when they all had gifts for me? Ah, well, Christmas is too commercial anyway. No driving, only riding in the car with heated seats and a pile of books? Bring it on! I am now fine except for a twinge when I am picking things up. So, the house can stay cluttered for the nine more days of Christmas. Hooray! Can I fake this next year?

    -Emmiebee

  27. Julia London on 28 Dec 2007 at 5:01 pm #

    Sabrina, that is so funny — I did the exact same thing this week: went through a mountain of PWs, LOLOLOL

  28. Julia London on 28 Dec 2007 at 6:27 pm #

    emmiebee, I have been waiting for someone to finally admit it! I’ve had little ones around all week. Can’t work, might as well do some serious cleaning. Oh. My. God. I have been exhausted! I told Jack London I was so tired from cleaning my office and he gave me one of those looks. He said, “Its 12 by 12. How hard can it be?” And he wasn’t kidding! I cleaned out all my bookcases and restocked my books (I am running into a space issue). The next day, I did the same to the kitchen. today, I got my hair done and read a book. Housework kills!

  29. FreshEChelle on 28 Dec 2007 at 7:53 pm #

    emmibee, thanks for your kind words but more importantly sorry to hear about your pain. Glad to see you used your downtime to remember that gifts aren’t the important part of Christmas.

    As for my fan, my father is my hero. He came over and made it all better. What a swell dude he is.

  30. Marie Conley on 28 Dec 2007 at 8:48 pm #

    Food-YES! I eat to live and live to eat.
    Drink-Gosh if I was 21 I’d be drunk at this exact moment. I drank a little too much during the holidays though.

    Procrastinating? What am I doing here if not procrastinating?

  31. doglady on 28 Dec 2007 at 9:43 pm #

    This blog is definitely a keeper, Sabrina! As a newbie at this writing gig I have suffered from ALL OF THE ABOVE!! My Christmas meltdown starts in October when they start playing Christmas music at work! It ends with me yelling “If she wanted the cake today then why did she wait until an hour ago to order it? She’s the kid’s mother! Wasn’t she there when he was born? Did she just FORGET the date? My Mom can tell you the date, the day of the week, the time, the weather and exactly how many hours she was in labor with me (36!)Hell no, she cannot have the cake today!” Welcome to my world! I don’t drink, but could somebody pass the brownies, some whipped cream and FROS guy in the Santa hat??? Congrats to all the Goddesses for their well-deserved nominations. I agree - it should have been all of you!

  32. darkshire007 on 29 Dec 2007 at 11:18 am #

    My Christmas meltdown happened this year, for the first time. I got everyones’ gifts wrapped, boxed and shipped; I was so proud that all of them made it before Christmas. I got in the Burb yesterday and found my BIL’s gifts in a bag under the back seat. Yes, under the backseat. Why I put them there I have no idea. So last night I had to wrap them and write an idiot letter to go with them. Today they go to FedEX on will be on there way to Hawaii; I enclosed a bottle of mead from Ireland to soothe any hurt feelings. The wrapping isn’t the best; that was how I took out my frustration at the whole holiday breakdown (and they do break you down! your sanity, your wallet, your body from lugging bags and boxes). I think I need that mead now.

  33. darkshire007 on 29 Dec 2007 at 11:20 am #

    Of course I think I mis-spelled mead twice! Isn’t that with an “e”? Meade? Just give me a drink!

  34. Sabrina Jeffries on 29 Dec 2007 at 5:28 pm #

    Hey, darkshire, I’ve got one almost as bad as that. I was going through my gift bags to wrap things and a gift card fell out of one of the bags. It was from last year. Ack!

    I did ask the person (one of my son’s caregivers) if I’d given her one last year, and she said she thought I had. I do remember at some point finding myself missing one and buying another. I am hoping that’s what happened. But when I first saw that card, I nearly had a heart attack!

    Oh, and you spelled mead right!