It’s New Year’s Eve.  This year has flown by.  But I always say this, every December 31st. 

Like all years, 2007 has had its ups and downs.   Like all years, I accomplished many of the things I wanted to do and didn’t accomplish others.   If you’re like me, you’ll spend some time in introspection today, maybe thinking of all the things you wished you’d done.  But this year, I’m not going to focus on the mumble-mumble pounds I lost, gained and am struggling to lose again.  I’m not going to focus on any of the things I didn’t do. 

This year, I’m focusing on the things I did, and I’d like you to do this with me.  I’ll get the ball rolling with my list.  Now, seriously, be thinking about the things you did and not all the things you didn’t.  No cheating.  My first entry proves I can kick your butt otherwise.  Literally, LOL. 

I started out the year earning my yellow belt in karate.  I’m Very Proud of this!  Not shabby for an old lady of 43, eh?  In the upcoming year I want to earn my blue belt, which is the next step up.   That’s me with my sempai, Sonie (left) and Sheehan (right), the leader of the dojo.

This year I wrote the book that will be my first hardcover, SCREAM FOR ME (May ‘08).  Isn’t the cover stunning?  This year I wrote another book, KILL FOR ME.  Actually, I’m still closing in on the end of KFM, but I’m counting it as a 2007 accomplishment, because it’s my blog, nyah.

This year I navigated the often terrifying world of college application forms with my oldest child, who is no longer a child.  Next year I will have to come to terms with her leaving the nest, but I’m putting that one off until next year, LOL.

And this year I joined a group of true-life goddesses and saw “myself” in a bikini top for the very first time e-ver!  (Photoshop and Goddess statues totally rock.  No pun intended.)  Thanks to all of you for all the great conversation and the many TAB-spewing-on-my-keyboard moments.

Now, looking forward:  A very, very Happy New Year to you all!!!!!!!!

What did you do this year?  Tell, tell!  And remember, no cheating.  I want the DIDs, not the DIDN’Ts.  Did you write a book?  Did you start to write a book?  Did you clean out your closet?  Did you try a new author or a new food?  How about making someone smile?  I know you all did that, because it was me smiling.

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For those of you who’ve had it with Christmas cheer and would like to escape into the wild for a bit, legs locked around a quivering, powerful machine . . .

Climb on and take a ride on wild side. (A special thanks to one of our wonderful Goddess Readers for this lovely FROS donation!)

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I had to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles yesterday. Though in California you can renew a driver’s license by mail, apparently every two decades or so they want to see you in person. In addition, I somehow neglected to change my address on my license when I moved. Hey, it’s only been four years, and I’ve…been busy. Yeah. Busy.

I scheduled an appointment via the DMV website. Two o’clock on Friday. On the plus side, hopefully I wouldn’t have to stand in line forever. On the minus side, I had to go to the DMV, I had to find a parking spot at the DMV, and I have one of those crappy winter colds where it feels like your molars are going to shoot out of your head because your sinuses are so congested.

Anyway, I found a parking spot without crushing anyone, I bypassed the two huge lines for people without appointments, and in I went – Window 20. Only two people in front of me. As I walked up to the counter, the clerk asked if I have an appointment, which I do, and if I’m there to renew my license, which I am. Then she tells me that the computers are down, and she can’t help me. They’ve been running VERY slowly for the past two days, and the wait to get license photos is so long they’ll be closing before I could make it to the front of the line.

I ask if I can at least pay my fee and change my address, and come back for the photo later. No, she says, because if they don’t take a photo the file can’t be closed, and it will erase, and they won’t have any record that I paid my check.

So I made another appointment for week after next, made my way back to my car without being crushed, and returned home to eat crackers and watch Love Actually. Yes, I’ve finally seen it now.

What’s your least favorite place that you have to go? DMV? The dentist? Jury duty? Does anyone know the secret formula to navigating these places successfully?

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Much as I adore Christmas, I find it overwhelming when I’m also on deadline, since as any of my friends can tell you, I’m easily distracted by shiny things and chocolate. So here’s my version of 12 days, dedicated to ADD authors everywhere (note that I would rather write this than work on my late novella, which just shows how dysfunctional I am). And if you’d like to see the wonderful pics that The Good, Bad, and the Unread blog affixed to this when the version I did for them appeared there Christmas Eve, then go for it. Thanks, Sybil, for letting me post it here, too.

An ADD Author’s Dysfunctional 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, I started writing this: a book from my inner goddess.

On the second day of Christmas, I started watching this: two TV shows, then I wrote to please my inner goddess.

On the third day of Christmas, I started drinking this: three cups of coffee while watching reruns as I tried to soothe my nagging goddess.

On the fourth day of Christmas, I started reading this: four great novellas while drinking coffee, then watched some “Cold Case,” thus ignoring my inner goddess.

On the fifth day of Christmas, I started answering this: five fan e-mails—then I read a while, drank coffee black, watched an hour of “Charmed,” and I wrote a blog to spite my goddess.

On the sixth day of Christmas, I started skimming this: six old PWs, then read e-mail, read a long novella, drank lots of coffee, watched “the Daily Show,” and I wrote around my inner goddess.

On the seventh day of Christmas, I started plotting this: seven future novels, then skimmed PWs, tossed out e-mail, read a long love scene, bought me a latte, watched “Without a Trace,” and I wrote the book without my goddess.

On the eighth day of Christmas, I started reading this: eight Goddess blogs, then plotted novels, tossed out PWs, answered e-mail, read a short novella, added rum to coffee, watched the “Messiah,” and I lied to my inner goddess.

On the ninth day of Christmas, I started eating this: nine chocolate bonbons, then swung by Goddess Blogs, plotted my novels, got a new PW, answered fan mail, skimmed a novella, swilled rum-laced Coke, watched a sappy film, and I drank with my inner goddess.

On the tenth day of Christmas, I started wrapping this: ten Christmas presents, then ate some bonbons, read blogs at GB, wished my plots were better, tossed aside PW, ignored e-mail, stumbled through a book, bought some tequila, watched the ticking clock, and then whined to my inner goddess.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, I started baking this: eleven Christmas cookies, then lost the presents, ate lots of chocolate, checked in at Goddess Blogs, gave up on plotting, cursed at PW, fired off e-mail, decided not to read, swigged margaritas, watched myself implode, and then yelled at my inner goddess.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, I started screaming this: “Where’s the tequila?” then I ate the cookies, gave up on presents, stuffed myself with chocolate, grumbled at GB, swore off of novels, forgot PW, ignored e-mail, tossed the book aside, drank whisky neat, cursed at Dr. Phil, then I killed off my inner goddess.

So am I the only one who finds that Christmas, wonderful as it is, wreaks havoc on her life? How do you deal with it? Eating? Drinking? Procrastinating on work? All of the above?

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Sure, I love giving gifts. There’s nothing like seeing my kids’ happy faces when they see those cuddly little ipods under the tree.

But I like getting gifts, too. I like big gifts, small gifts, glittery gifts, wrapped gifts, surprise gifts, expensive gifts, hand-made gifts, and about any other gift you can imagine.

The only gift I’m not crazy about? Large, gilt-edged ceramic pigs. They’re nice, but . . . where would I put one?

Just for fun, I thought we could do a little Goddess Gift Quiz. Here goes!

A quiz for our goddesses:
1. Favorite gift you’ve given?

6. What would be your fantasy gift — the one gift you’d love someone to give you, providing you don’t have to pay for it or live with someone who might be grumpy because they have to pay for it?

That’s it! Com’n and answer the Goddess Gift Quiz!

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This year I tried to be nice. I mean, I always try but I just don’t always succeed. I am very impatient, and I don’t like to be trapped by stupid people who make me crazy. This past year though, I decided that I just needed to relax. To be more chill. I came to this decision when I was in my car early last spring. I was stopped at a stop sign and the car in front of me wouldn’t move. She sat there and waited until there wasn’t another car in sight before she made a right-hand turn. So of course, I started yelling at a her. Which was okay until I stuck my head out the window and yelled, “For the love of God, what are you waiting for? A written invitation?” My blood pressure spiked at a dangerous level, and that was when I realized I needed to take a chill pill. To try a little harder at being a nicer person.

Looking back, I know that I didn’t always succeed, but I no longer stick my head out the car window when I yell at people. And if I’m trapped by stupid people who call my books “nasty,” I just smile and think to myself that they’re stupid. I no longer have to tell them how stupid they are.

So did Santa reward me for chillin’ and being nicer? Yes he did. He brought me two awesome purses and the sweetest pair of ocelot pumps.

Were you naughty or nice. Did Santa reward you accordingly?

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We hope your holidays are happy, peaceful, and fulfilling. We’d like to thank each and every one of you for sharing your precious time, your vast and interesting lives, your divergent opinions, and your fresh and wonderful senses of humor. You’ve made Mt. Oly a very special place for us all and we can’t thank you enough.

Meanwhile, we wish you . . .

. . . the best holiday ever!

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Anyone with children knows that the Santa visit is obligatory, at least until the children find out (shh, don’t tell) that Santa, the version showing up at malls anyway, is a figment of Thomas Nast’s imagination. Unfortunately children can be a mite skittish around strangers. Only think what horrors they imagine when they look into the white hairy face of a guy dressed in red velvet and fluffy white things, a fashion only seen on Santa suits and Playboy bunnies.

Which leads us to the subject of today’s blog and forum contest: funny pictures of children with Santa. I submit three for your perusal: 1) my son with Santa, taken at school 2) a friend’s one-year-old at his first visit with Santa 3) a contribution by Goddess Reader Michele (thank you, Michele!). I have added captions.

“Please don’t kill me, Santa! I promise never to diss your cheesy painted tree again!”

“Sheesh, what do I look like, an offering to Zeus?”

“Stuffed bellies make the BEST pillows!”

Here’s the contest part: You can either share your funny, poignant Santa pics or you can supply different captions for the pics above. It only counts if you post them on the forum, but feel free to post them here, too, for our amusement. The winner will be drawn at random by Kim, our handmaiden, but I am also going to pick a fave, who will receive an autographed copy of Beware a Scot’s Revenge!

And while you’re at it, do share any amusing tales of your own children’s visits to Santa. That’s not part of the contest, but hey, we could use some laughs this manic Christmas Eve!

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Shopping.
Crowds.
Spending (too much) money.
Parking hassles.
Family strife.
Noisy get-togethers.
Eating too much.

Christmas can be stressful. So why don’t you just lean back, and let Dr. McDreamy take care of all of your Christmas aches and pains . . .

MERRY FROS CHRISTMAS! The doctor is IN!

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My current screen saver is me squeezing my cat and kissing her until she meows that she loves me. I wondered what this says about me, and I decided that it means I like to force my love on reluctant animals. I asked Mr. G. if he feels like I force my love on him, and he assured me that I don’t force my love on him as much as he’d like me to. So, I guess it’s just animals who feel the need to run and hide from me.

What about you? What is your screen saver and what does it say about you? And sorry if this blog is lame. I am brain dead from x-mas shopping.

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