Aaaaaaggggghhhh!!!
Oct 9th 2007
Suzanne EnochWhen Goddesses Fall To Earth
There are a few things that give me the willys. Those ghost hunter shows, a weird sound on a dark night, and spiders.
My house doesn’t seem to be haunted, and the weird noises are usually from my aquarium, so I’m pretty safe there. Which leaves…the spiders.
I try to be rational about it. After all, I consider myself a well-educated, animal-loving woman. I have a garden where little things that chew on other little things that chew on my plants are a good thing. I’ve even tried telling the spiders (from a distance) that there are rules: Stay outside, kill bugs, don’t make webs across the walkway, and we’ll get along just fine. Apparently while spiders have many eyes, they don’t have ears. Or they don’t speak human. Or they just don’t care about rules.
And so I’ve drawn the battle lines. I keep a stick, called “The Spider Stick”, right inside my back door. Whenever I go outside I wave it around like a crazed monk blessing the out-of-doors, clearing my path before I end up with a web head. I keep a shoe by the couch, because there’s nothing worse than being barefoot with eight legs heading across the carpet in my direction. And I have the dreaded spider spray – which I vowed I would only use against Black Widows.
BW’s have a special horror closet in my mind. Poisonous, lurky, black, and bulbous, with that red hourglass on their abdomen saying “hey, I’m bad. Get out of my way.” Apparently BW’s love my yard. I’ve learned to use the tip of The Spider Stick to imitate some poor fly stuck in a web, thereby drawing the BW’s into range of the spray. I make a good fly, if I say so myself.
Do you have an enemy out of all reason and logic? Something you just can’t tolerate whatever the circle of life song says? Does anything creep you out more than spiders?
76 Comments »
76 Responses to “Aaaaaaggggghhhh!!!”
TinaLouiseF on 10 Oct 2007 at 12:49 am #
Any time I see a spider or snake either on TV, in a book or live, I shudder.
Stacy ~ on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:46 am #
I can live with spiders, but water bugs and woodticks and army worms creep me out. Ick, ick, ick.
Dot C on 10 Oct 2007 at 6:09 am #
We’re so lucky, here in Maine, not to have any poisonous spiders or snakes (well, the snake thing is up for debate though). I am, however, afraid of an animal called a fisher. Fishers are in the weasle family, and are very mean and can be rabid. They eat pets, like cats and dogs pets. And they are quite large, sometimes as large as a medium size dog. They also sound like a child screaming when they call. http://www.animalpicturesarchive.com/view.php?tid=3&did=65670
As for bugs, I don’t like crunchy bugs. I hate Japanese beetles and June bugs, although I’m not scared of them. My daughter is terrified of spiders, and got a nasty surprise when we went on a haunted hay ride. They had ginormous fake spiders that came flying into the hay wagon. She almost fainted.
Karen Rose on 10 Oct 2007 at 6:31 am #
Snakes. Live, dead, drawn, photo, whatever.
Suzie - whenever I think of spiders I always think of that scene in “Ruthless People” when the hero is telling his wife “We must be ruthless,” referring to their demand for ransom for Bette Midler. The hero is declaring their ruthlessness even as he gently scoops up a spider and places it on the stoop outside. Then frowns, opens the door and steps on the spider.
DebMarlowe on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:10 am #
Snakes. Shudder. I really hate snakes.
But now I’m afraid of fishers too, Dot C. and I’ve never heard of them before!
Karen Hawkins on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:14 am #
I HATE spiders, Suzanne. I can face snakes, bats, and other creepy crawly things EXCEPT spiders. But I don’t scream and run away. (Well, I scream if I accidentally TOUCH one, but that’s another story.) Normally, I become an assassin, determined to kill the creature at all costs.
I even caught my house on fire trying to kill one once, I’m THAT serious about ridding the world of every creepy spider I can.
Take THAT, you spider you!
Lisa H on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:28 am #
I share your terror over spiders but I also hate frogs.
For some reason they make me scream and run.
My daughter, the budding scientist actually asked for a dissecting kit and frog for her birthday. We got it for her and I nearly fainted when she opened it!
Yech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cail on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:36 am #
for me its dead mammals. dead mice, dead rats etc. you can definitely hear me scream when i come across one.
Julie on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:54 am #
Spiders must die! Preferrably by someone else’s hand, but since I live alone I overcome my terror and do the job myself.
The worst is when you are in bed reading and notice movement on the ceiling and don’t have your contacts in…you aren’t sure if you really saw movement or not. On go the glasses and then out comes the broom & the RAID. All the while screaming, “don’t you dare fall on the bed!”
SuzyQ on 10 Oct 2007 at 8:21 am #
I hate spiders. I hate bugs. I hate anything creepy crawly. I can’t even kill them with a tissue because I have a fear of them crawling out onto my hand. I hate to even watch them on TV. Does anyone remember the scene in Indiana Jones II where the girl has all the bugs crawling all over her? I get chills just thinking about it. My son got a bug vacuum for his birthday for catching bugs (and no, he’s not allowed to bring anything he catches into the house) but I find it works great for me. I can now just suck them up without getting close to them.
doglady on 10 Oct 2007 at 8:40 am #
Is this a bad time to tell you about my pet taratulas - Lily and Morticia? They have long since gone on to spider heaven, but they were kind of neat. Morticia was a pink-toed tarantula and it looked like she had pink nail polish on each of her eight little toes. Then there were my pet snakes, lizards and my Pac-man frog (big as a dinner plate and he ate mice.) My last python died about 5 years ago. I had her for 26 years. She was 13 ft long / 100+ lbs. My menagerie is just dogs, cats and tortoises now (they live forever.) I even had Madagascar hissing cockroaches (3 to 4 inches long.)Which is surprising because I HATE cockroaches in my house! YUCK!!! I don’t like poisonous snakes! We have rattlers, copperheads and cottonmouths here. BUT I have at least two king snakes in residence on my property. They eat poisonous snakes. YAY king snakes! I have a rat snake in my barn 6 ft + He keeps out the rats and mice. My nephews call him “Jesus” because even though I know he is in there I went in
doglady on 10 Oct 2007 at 8:44 am #
to get some hay, picked up a bale and he was under it and I dropped the bale and screamed “Jesus!” I have bat houses on my property so they will hang around because they eat mosquitoes! What gives me the creeps??? Sixty year old men hitting on me because I am an almost 50 year old fat widow and I must be in need of male companionship!!! EEEEEEEK Especially as everyone knows I prefer younger men!!!
Julia London on 10 Oct 2007 at 9:03 am #
Spiders don’t bother me. Roaches and geckos ick me out. But the two things that really make my stomach turn are snakes and crickets. Nothing grosser in the entire universe!!
Karen Rose on 10 Oct 2007 at 9:46 am #
Oh, gekkos are cute, Julia! We have them all over my yard and everytime you go outside they scurry. They’re adorable, especially the babies. DH thinks it’s weird that I like gekkos when I hate snakes. But gekkos have feet. It makes perfect sense to me.
Of course that Geico Gekko is darn annoying.
Every now and then my cat does this yawn thing and her teeth look like fangs and that kind of creeps me out. But she’s so soft and sweet and helps me think of ways to murder people in the books, so I can overlook the fang thing.
Cookiedough on 10 Oct 2007 at 9:56 am #
I spent some time in Trinidad as a teen and we had a tarantula swimming in our pool once. My sister had a rrived for a visit and I’m showing her the house . We look down and the there is this HUGE spider just swimming around. We shriek, and our dad calmly gets the scoop and flings it into the bushes-towards the prime minister’s house next door, we later found out.
A few hrs later, he’s shaking the lime tree, although, why he didn’t just pick the fruit is beyond me, and the biggest iguana we’ve even seen scurries down his back. again with the shrieking.
My sleepless nights then were due top the fact that since there were now glass on the windows, just wooden slats, the bugs could roam free. 2inch long cockroaches crawled all over. ewwww. I received a cat a few months later, and all I heard while I was trying to sleep, was it’s nails scratching against the carpet, then a thump as it caught a roach. I was so glad to get away from creepy crawly land!
dbrown3400 on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:10 am #
I hate gnats when they fly around your head, or any bugs that do that, but most of all I hate June bugs. Growing up in Oklahoma, we had millions of them. I don’t recall seeing them in NJ, but boy did we have them in OK.
My brothers used to put them down my back and squish them. Yuck!
I also hate roaches because if you see one you know there are thousands more just waiting behind the walls. Thank goodness we don’t have them in our building. Just knowing if someone in another apartment were to spray they would all head to mine.
dbrown3400 on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:10 am #
creeps me out.
claudia dain on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:20 am #
Talk about being on the same wavelength! Yesterday morning, as the sun was being gently filtered through the trees, I saw this GIGANTIC spider web stretching across my back patio. By gigantic, I’m talking at least 40 feet across. I am not making this up. In the center of the web (which I swear sprung up over night) was a GIGANTIC spider, roughly the size of a half dollar, legs extended.
From the safety of my kitchen window, I watched my cat walk under the web. The spider scuttled down to take a closer look. I really think that, if my cat hadn’t started sprinting, the spider would made a run for my cat.
I called my DH at work and told him about the spider web. Now, because I am a reasonable, lovely woman, I didn’t INSIST that he come home and take care of the spider instantly. No, I could wait. I was just going to wait in the house. No way was I going to go outside and take a chance of getting tangled up in that web.
That creepy scene from LOTR was definitely running in my head.
claudia dain on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:24 am #
(Cont)
So, DH gets home and gets involved in something other than Spider Killing. I am so reasonable and so darned nice that I didn’t even make an issue of it. Of course, I stayed in the house, where it was safe.
This AM, I looked out the kitchen window and the spider web was gone. Not a trace left.
Why??? Where did Monster Spider go???
Fellow goddesses, I am truly creeped out. This spider comes and goes at will. It could reappear anywhere. Over my front door? All over my car?
This is what being nice gets you—-Commando Spider, waiting for his chance to get me. I should have killed him when I had the chance, and by *I* I mean my DH.
Karen Rose on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:33 am #
You know, if somebody wanted to be really evil to us, we’ve just exposed our most vulnerable fears…
Just sayin’.
Cookiedough on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:37 am #
my poor sister has a huge fear of spiders. One day as she was pulling the clothesline in, a nest of spider eggs started hatching and spewing tuny spiders all over her. Her son was laughing at the poor woman as she ran screaming through the house dropping clothes and spiders all the way. she stayed in the shower for quite some time after that.
Just hearing the story second hand gave me the heebie jeebies.
She got her DH to take down the line and she’s been drying in the dryer ever since.
J Perry Stone on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:41 am #
I HATE the serial-killer, pterodactyl blue heron who keeps staking out my koi pond as though it were a free buffet … WHICH IT IS NOT!
I hate him.
But sometimes I try to find the love, to see him as a part of nature who needs to eat and feed his young (ew, young herons!), but whenever I see him, my blood pressure starts to rise, which inevitably throws off my aim. I hurl potatoes at him to scare him away.
And I also hate the way his legs and feet flap behind him when he flies. Icky.
And his razor beak
And the way he turns his head all the way to the side to look at you with one beady eye.
Bastard.
I’m coming back as a heron, aren’t I?
J Perry Stone on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:42 am #
“Whenever I go outside I wave it around like a crazed monk blessing the out-of-doors…”
LOL, Suzanne
J Perry Stone on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:50 am #
I once got bit in the center of my forehead by a spider that crawled underneath my cap when I was in the woods walking.
I grew a huge bump–much like a unicorn–that stayed with me for NINE WHOLE MONTHS.
The first time I went to the dr., he lanced it because he was afraid the spider laid eggs inside of me (and then he kept chuckling calling himself, “Sir Lance-a-lot” for which I wanted to deck him).
No eggs though.
But then at Christmas time, when my bump was only 4 months old, I got interviewed by CNN about how the public feels about Christmas shopping. I said something about “road rage,” which of course got aired, and then all my students came into class the next Monday laughing their heads off because my HORN showed up so well on TV.
I’ve been through so much.
Ronlyn on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:51 am #
Snakes are evil vile things.
ugh. Spider suck. Especially when they startle me.
And my spiders don’t have ears either. Our new house seems to have LOADS of spiders in the yard. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten webhead by walking out the door. I HATE it.
I was helping my 3 year old clean his room the other day and he says, “Look Mommy, it’s an ant!” I lift the teddy bear he’s pointing behind and this HUGE spider went running under the bed. I flipped and screamed for my husband…with a screaming 3 year old hot on my heels because if mommy screams she must not scream alone.
Suzanne Enoch on 10 Oct 2007 at 10:55 am #
OMG, these stories are creeping me out! I even had a hard time posting the pics for the blog. *g*
Claudia, I am so with you on the commando spider. They are much smarter than we give them credit for. And they are patient.
J Perry Stone, though I like herons, I will admit that it’s from a distance. Those beaks could totally put out an eye.
And doglady, YOU terrify me. LOL. *g*
Cookiedough on 10 Oct 2007 at 11:12 am #
8 yrs ago, I voluntarily entered a butterfly house,completely forgetting butterflies are bugs. I was also wearing a light green tee shirt. hmm.. I was fair game. I had two impressional little girls with me and when four of the pretty little buggers landed on my back and shoulders, it was all I could do not to sweep them away. The girls were entranced and in awe, while I was stock still with fear and frantically whispering to the handlers to get them off me.
These same girls are now 9 and 11, and they laugh hysterically telling this story to their younger siblings.
Karen Hawkins on 10 Oct 2007 at 11:22 am #
Yeah, cookiedough, kids can smell fear. NEVER let them see you flinch. You have to sleep sometimes and that’s when the rubber snake/spider/bug comes into play . . . Ah, a mother’s pain!
Doglady, I’m with Suzanne. All this time, I thought you were a sweet, funny, gentle lady and now I find out you’re Morticia in disguise! You had PET spiders and snakes? shudder!
I’m going to try and forget you told us that. I really am,
Though I’m with you on the Human Pests. There is this ICKY man at the place where I get my car fixed who just kills me with his suggestive comments. I want to look at him and yell, “YUCK!” at the top of my voice. But they do a great job on my poor ole jeep, whom I love, so . . . guess I’ll just make my trips short and ignore him as I always do.
Claudia, next time, use Hair Spray. That freezes ‘em in place until you can get something more serious to hit them with . . . like a flame thrower.
Suzanne Enoch on 10 Oct 2007 at 11:28 am #
Cookiedough, your Trinidad story had me laughing in sympathetic horror. I visited a small everglades park in Georgia a few years ago, and much as I enjoyed the experience, it was still like going through one of those carnival houses of horror. An alligator to the left, a snapping turtle to the right, and look, some sort of orange and black swimming snake just ahead. Aaaggghhh!
Suzanne Enoch on 10 Oct 2007 at 11:30 am #
Claudia, don’t listen to KarenH about the flame thrower. Remember the “I almost burned my house down trying to kill a spider” story? Now we know how it happened. *g*
Lisa H on 10 Oct 2007 at 11:32 am #
About 20 years ago I visited Sea World in San Diego. While there I had the opportunity to swim (snorkle) with a whole lot o’ fish. You couldn’t really see the tank untill you got close up, but when I went in there, I was TOTALLY grossed out. Large 2 foot long, fat fish were looking at me, swimming up along side me…there were small sting rays above and below me (I never knew then how deadly they are) and all maner of ugly slimmy fish surrounding me. I have never had the urge to swim or snorkle with fish again.
No, I don’t swim in ponds or lakes, too much slime. Give me a nice clean clorinated swimming pool in which I can clearly see my feet and I am a happy woman!
colinfirthfan on 10 Oct 2007 at 11:37 am #
Oh J Perry, I feel for you. Your story was quite hilarious though!
I hate rats, mice, lizards and COCKROACHES. Cockroaches, need to exterminated and go the way of the Dodo! I will scream and jump on furniture if I see any of the above anywhere near me.
Spiders are OK. I will catch one in a paper and put outside the door. Snakes I don’t mind form far away. I have touched them at the zoo.
I loved Ruthless People!
SuzanneE, I finished A touch of Minx and I loved it. When is the next book coming out? I can’t get enough of Sam and Rick. Please tell me I don’t have to wait a WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR for it.
claudia dain on 10 Oct 2007 at 11:59 am #
Cockroaches. Ugh.
When my DH and I were newlyweds and living in an apt in L.A., our next door neighbor (the one who’s kitchen backed up to our kitchen—you can see where this is going) was never home. He traveled for work or something and he NEVER did a dish. He never threw out his trash.
Naturally, the cockroaches took over his place, making themselves at home, breeding like cockroaches. And when his apt. became crowded, they moved into ours via the pipes that ran through our common wall.
These L.A. cockroaches don’t run when you open the cupboard on them, flooding them with light. Nope, these Gang Cockroaches looked you square in the eye and dared you to take one step closer. I think they had switchblades.
I tolerated it as long as I could (a day? two?) and then packed my bag and moved out. Yup, I moved out on my new husband and back to my parent’s house. I told him I’d be back when the bugs were gone.
He was seriously motivated. He poisoned them. And we bought a house.
Kay on 10 Oct 2007 at 12:22 pm #
I HATE SPIDERS. Youngest child is a budding entomologist, has some learning/behavior issues, and can be quite a challenge on trips. So what do I do when I see a melt-down coming? I try to find a bug, or spider web, to distract him. It works over half the time.
Picture this—middle aged midwestern mom, deathly afraid of spiders (I broke out in a cold sweat just looking at the pictures on this blog) SEARCHING FOR SPIDERS, taking small child by the hand, and getting really close to the nasty beasty on purpose. Oh, the things parents will do for their kids. LOL
BTW, he just asked tor a tarantula for his birthday next month. NO WAY. My excuse is the cat will get it and eat it. He got tears in his eyes at the thought of that and agreed with me
(cont)
Kay on 10 Oct 2007 at 12:27 pm #
(cont)
Spider webs are everywhere. We went to the top of the John Hancock building in Chicago. ( I hate heights, too) It was the end of a long day as tourists, and youngest child was starting to lose it in the elevator on the way up. The doors opened, he reluctantly left the elevator, looked up and broke into one of the biggest smiles of his live. The view of the city, Lake Michigan, and three states did not impress him. It was the colony of spiders, OUTSIDE THE WINDOWS, a million stories up, that lit him up like a Christmas tree.
So there I was, confronted with the two things I like the least, putting on a brave face and taking pictures of youngest child with beloved, high-altitude spiders.
Dh knew exactly how much that cost me.
Nicole Jordan on 10 Oct 2007 at 12:46 pm #
Spiders don’t bother me as much as roaches. Yech! And I think geckos and lizzards are cute, especially after all those adorable Giecho car insurance commercials.
Water snakes like moccasins scare the devil out of me, but land snakes usually are more afraid of you than you are of them, so as long as you don’t spook them, they’re fairly safe. We used to have copperheads sunning themselves on our back yard when we lived in Missouri.
elsiehogarth on 10 Oct 2007 at 12:56 pm #
I love spiders, snakes and bats….but I cannot handle roaches and mice. They give me the chills. Every summer since we were little my family use to take us to the Caribbean to visit with the relatives and it was there that my fear of roaches began. The roaches in the Caribbean—-FLY.
20 years ago, on my honeymoon, in Puerto Rico, at the Hyatt Cerromar Beach Resort, a fly roach got in through my bathroom window. It was just great, I ran screaming naked, from the bathroom to the balcony, the husband ,in shock, and also my neighbor in the next room who only was the then Mayor of San Juan who was attending a Latin American conference. Did I mention that all the balconies were full of people checking to see what was going on.
DebMarlowe on 10 Oct 2007 at 1:02 pm #
doglady–is a king snake the same as a black snake? We have black snakes here who eat rodents and other snakes. They grow HUGE. Last summer there was one sunning itself happily on my deck. There was no way I could tolerate it. No way. But it was a black snake, which everyone says you should be happy to see.
I am never happy to see a snake.
Loud banging noises didn’t phase it. I could NOT continue blithely through my day knowing that thing was there. So I fixed a big pan of icy water, opened the door for a millisecond, threw the water over the heat-lovin’ little monster, and ducked back inside.
It moved over a little into a warmer spot.
THREE pans of icy water later, it gave up. I had to lie down.
Kerri on 10 Oct 2007 at 1:35 pm #
Spiders don’t bother me. Lizards are OK (though gross when the cat catches one and they drop their tails - EEWW!) Snakes? Yawn …
What freaks me out are birds. I can admire birds of prey, have feeders for the songbirds, and love to watch hummingbirds, but every once in a while they just creep me out. I think it’s the hopping about, and how they watch you out of their beady little eyes. I know that deep down, they remember they are really dinosaurs and would like to eat me!
Cookiedough on 10 Oct 2007 at 2:15 pm #
snakes and igunas don’t bother me at all. now.
an ex loved snakes-go figure- and really wanted one. He finally annoyed me enough to agree to go to the pet store to look at her. a pretty red albino corn snake all orange and yellow. I was so resistant but he got his way and I grew to like little Umbegella. yup that was her name. We slowly aquired 2 more snakes, 2 turtles, and 1 cat became 4 ( I am allergic) And oh yeah, a ferret that I only let stay for a week or two. He also convinced me to get an iguana, who I ended up loving. there is a video in my collection of me sitting on the couch with our iguana tucked under my hair with his lips always having to touch my neck, right where my heart beat was. I told this story to my 15 yr old neice at my last birthday party, she was holding on to her chair and squirming. Later, my sis in law told me she was trying to be polite and not from her now scary aunt.
The biggest problem with snakes is that you have to feed them. mice.cont’d
Cookiedough on 10 Oct 2007 at 2:22 pm #
so we got a few mice but they breed so quickly and the snakes don’t really eat that often. 5 becmae well over 30 in no time. I went a way for the weekend and called to see how things were. He laughingly tells me one of our cats has let the mice free. He was a stray we rescued and obviously loved me enough for me not to be around for the bloodbath that followed. Three of the four are flinging the mice around or howling at the drapes for the mice to come down and play. one is hiding in the bathtub where I would have been. Or screaming into the night.
As it was , I was safely away in another province. I laughingly told the ex I wouldn’t be home until they were all gone. not just back in their aquarium, but gone gone gone.
Is it any wonder I hate mice so much now, I’ve got 7 traps set up plus poison for this time of year when the feild mice come in looking for a home
Ladytink_534 on 10 Oct 2007 at 2:28 pm #
Spiders, snakes, and great big flying water bug thingies. I killed a big spider yesterday, I killed three water bugs last night, and when we first moved in here my husband killed the yellow rat snake that had taken up residence in our laudry room. Yuck!
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 2:37 pm #
You SO know I will be ALL over this one! Can’t wait to get home.
Later gators…unless they gross you out.
Ellen
Sherri Erwin on 10 Oct 2007 at 2:47 pm #
Gators, Ellen, you nailed it! I have recurring nightmares featuring alligators and crocodiles. Scary! Also, spiders and most bugs don’t bother me. Rats and mice– eeeek! Creepy long tails.
claudia dain on 10 Oct 2007 at 3:10 pm #
Deb Marlowe, I’m LOL at your sunning snake story. You are so brave!!! I don’t mind snakes, but I don’t seek out their company either. A pan of cold water is *not* an adequate defense.
Birds, I like them from a distance. Heard a horrible story once about a blue heron that plucked the eyes out of a Labrador Retriever, one-two. I’ve never looked at birds the same way since, though I love birdsong.
Bugs, don’t like any of them. It’s an open secret that they want to take over the planet.
Rodents, hate and fear them, including rabbits. Anything has to keep chewing, chewing, especially on *my* stuff has got to go.
All I ask is that the Real World look and act a lot like Disney World. Is that so much to ask?
Bumblebee on 10 Oct 2007 at 3:26 pm #
I HATE TICKS! HATE HATE HATE!!!!! Worthless, repulsive, disease spreading wastes of DNA. I am always having to remove them from pets because squeamish owners bring in Fluffy COVERED with the disgusting little vampires and say “Oh, please, you do it!”. I actually have a container filled with pesticide labeled “The Tick Jar Of Death”. My veterinary assistants get such a kick out of it. One horrible time, I must have missed one, because I found it when I was in the shower the next day- attached to my head IN MY HAIR. I let out a blood curdling scream, and my husband came tearing in yelling “What’s wrong”.
“IT’S ON MY HEAD, IT’S ON MY HEAD!”
I had shampoo in my eyes, and was crying and whimpering so badly that I almost drowned, but my beloved husband bravely did his duty and removed that bloodsucking monster from hell from my scalp. I think I sniffled for an hour after that one. Still creeps me out. Hate Hate Hate ticks.
Emmiebee
Santa on 10 Oct 2007 at 3:27 pm #
Mice. Field mice, specifically. The ones my DH says are only inside because they want to stay warm! Warm my Aunt Fanny’s jenny! Isn’t that what those adorable little holes in the corners of the yard are for? Stay out of my house!! I’ve had the vermin guy come and pump all holes in and around my house with that expandable foam stuff. Works wonders!
I get so bad I can’t be in the same room I saw them in for a couple of days. Makes doing laundry even more of a chore than it already is! They just give me the willies BIG TIME!
Suzanne Enoch on 10 Oct 2007 at 3:29 pm #
My grandmother, who lived in Beaumont, TX, used to tell the story of how one day after a bad storm she opened her front door and there was a 4-foot alligator on her porch. She promptly went back inside, and apparently it moved on all on its own eventually.
Snakes creep me out because they don’t blink. At least not when I’m looking at them.
And Claudia, eye-plucking herons? Good gravy. I’m never going anywhere without sunglasses and/or a knight’s helmet.
claudia dain on 10 Oct 2007 at 3:39 pm #
I know. Horrible, isn’t it? It’s a true story, too. Happened to the beloved dog of my f-i-l’s best friend. The poor dog never knew what hit him.
Triple dittos on the ticks. Hate, HATE ticks. Though has anyone heard that adorable country song, “I want to check you for ticks” ? Too cute. “I’ll check your back. I’ll check your front, too.” LOL
It takes real talent to make ticks into a charming love song.
Judy F on 10 Oct 2007 at 3:48 pm #
Normally spiders don’t bother me unless they are those huge wolf spiders. I swear they are bigger then my cat.
I am terrified of bees, wasps etc. I run and scream when I am near one.
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:01 pm #
Thankfully, a Mother who read us Charlotte’s Web brainwashed me into thinking that spiders are my friend. And, while I am not a fan of rodents, I didn’t immediately think of the animal kingdom. No my friends, when asked if there was something that I just couldn’t tolerate it, only one thing came to mind.
The human beast. Allow me to share…
The 14 year old boy: My skin crawls every time I open the door to his bedroom door. The room smells like a gigantic sock which had been fermenting in a chicken soup and Frito bin. Sprinkle a little bit of 5 year old yellow lab into the room, and you get the picture. >
The 3 year old niece with a cold: Yes it’s so adorable that she loves olives as much as the adults, but I am real uncomfortable eating out of the same bowl with someone who thinks hankies and hands are interchangeable. >
The 52 year old husband: How can a sophisticated, educated, man of distinction laugh that
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:02 pm #
(continue)
hard over a 14 year old’s bodily functions? How will I ever get the boy to stop doing that, in an enclosed car, if you keep laughing at him? >
The 88 year old in-law: While I appreciate you trying to save enough money to leave something for us, I must caution you about reusing dental floss. I will practice euthanasia if I ever hear about that again. >
It is the human beast that has me screaming in fear. If only I could wave a spider stick to make them go away.
RachelG on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:05 pm #
Grasshoppers. Mr. G says that if he ever wants to kill me and make it look like natural causes, he’d lock me in a room with a grasshopper. He’s right. I would die of a heart attack.
rachelg
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:07 pm #
DebMarlow: Are you saying that three pans of icy water will get my husband to move over in bed? I dare not use Karen H’s flame thrower! The gas explosion would level my house.
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:10 pm #
And by the way…I would rather watch a black snake eat the head off a tick infested field mouse while fornicating with a bird of prey…than watch Michael Douglas make out in a movie…>
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:10 pm #
SHUDDER!!!!
Suzanne Enoch on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:19 pm #
LOL, Ellen. There are some humans who can send me screaming in fear — most notably KarenH with a flame thrower. *g*
Sabrina Jeffries on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:27 pm #
I’m not bothered by ticks or spiders or snakes or even centipedes (my friend Ursula goes freaky at the thought of centipedes). But I hate roaches. Especially the flying ones. Fortunately, they’re rare where I live now. Thank God.
Oh, and I once got a fly in my mouth (don’t ask) and managed to taste it before I could get it out (they’re very metallic-feeling in the mouth, in case you’re wondering). It grossed me out for weeks. Weeks! I could feel it in my mouth, and then I’d shudder. Flies don’t bother me in general, but having one in my mouth was the grossest thing ever.
colinfirthfan on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:43 pm #
Oh God! I am laughing so much. Ellen, Sabrina, DebMarlow you are gals killing me…. our GM just walked by and I had to stuff my hand into my mouth!!
LOL about Michael Douglas - I assume you didn’t watch his movie with Glenn Close. I haven’t seen it either.
Hate centipedes and caterpillars and chameleons and millipedes and all the rest. I used to help my brother catch frogs when I was young. I don’t go anywhere near them anymore.
Meg on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:48 pm #
Like so many of you, I am deathly afraid of spiders!! I was walking into my house one evening and walked through part of a web and felt what I thought was spider on my face. WHACK!! I hit myself in the face so hard I literally saw stars and wavered on my feet! One had obviously decided that in front of my door would make a good place to catch food.
Basically, anything that has more legs than my dogs gives me the willies. Some things more than others. While I was married, I was a firm beliver of “The Man Must Kill The Bug!” I have had to get over some of the fear with the little ones, but still need help with anything that *I* think is big.
DebMarlowe on 10 Oct 2007 at 5:53 pm #
Ellen, I don’t know if the icy water works on husbands, it barely worked on the dang snake!
But if you decide to try it–PLEASE set up a video camera beforehand. All of us goddesses would swamp You-Tube to see it!
BTW–Today my youngest came in to tell me about the HUGE spider web outside–that a frog had spun. It took me ten minutes to convince him that it was a wolf spider sitting in the middle of the web, not a tree frog. Hee hee!
colinfirthfan on 10 Oct 2007 at 6:11 pm #
I have only seen a picture of a wolf frog. Looked cute.
Probably would remind me of Aragog (from Harry Potter # 2). Shudder!!!!
Yes, Ellen please take a video.
twolilhahas on 10 Oct 2007 at 6:46 pm #
I’ve heard it said that Florida is the bug capital of the world. lol I don’t know if that’s true, but I know that we have the biggest banana spiders I’ve ever seen. They’re colorful, but they strategically place their webs around lights/walkways/etc…a favorite place being between my car mirror and a small tree a few feet away. For years now, I’ve taken something with me on any dark walk and walk waving it in front of my face. I’m not terribly afraid of most spiders, but those enormous banana spiders kill me.
Oh, and ticks. And roaches. Only recently have I gotten to where I can kill a roach with a fly swatter. That used to be too close, but I’m older now, and have to be mature for the kids. lol (That’s why after I kill it, I barter with the oldest daughter *6 years old* to get rid of the dead roach, while I, in turn, offer her something she might value…like a new toy!) Her plans include being an entomologist (she didn’t get that from me).
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:01 pm #
The way I see it, I’m not the only one who should be video taping. I really would love to see the spider stick dance that so many of you practice ritualistically.
Cookiedough on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:02 pm #
oh I am going to have to look that up! I’ve never heard of a banana spider!
Cookiedough on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:03 pm #
I do the stick dance with my broom and a mouse
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:07 pm #
J Perry….I just read your blue heron tribute. Gotta love a goddess who embraces her predators so completely. Also…My husband called from upstairs, asking what was so funny. How could I tell him that one of my new friends thought she had spider eggs in her forehead?
LOL
twolilhahas on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:13 pm #
lol Ellen, you have such a way with words.
Suzanne Enoch on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:27 pm #
If anyone taped me doing the spider stick dance, I would lose all credibility as an author and have to get a job doing bad street pantomime.
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:53 pm #
The dance really worth seeing is the one you do when you unknowingly walk through the web…flailing arms, strange guttural cries, a side step that would make Sammy Davis Jr cry…I could just pish myself thinking about it.
Thanks for a great topic, Suz. I had a blast today.
Arachno Ellen on 10 Oct 2007 at 7:54 pm #
lilhaha…thanks, but I am in the company of masters. You all crack me up…(sometimes when you aren’t even trying!)
Have a great night…cya tomorrow
Kelly Ann on 10 Oct 2007 at 8:15 pm #
There is nothing worse than spiders! I have been bitten, attacked & chased. My latest episode happened about 2 weeks ago. I was taking a shower. 1st I had to get out & get more conditioner and there was a huge spider on my rug, with it’s legs reared, probably trying to spit it’s web @ me. I did kill it, with the empty conditoner bottle! Then, I was rinsing my hair and I just had that feeling that something was stalking me! I looked up and walking across the top of my shower curtain was a huge spider. I screamed so loud that through the bathroom door, my hubs who was sleeping, with a fan and tv running on the other side of the house heard me. He opened the door just as I whipped the shower curtain aside, jumped out of the bathtub only to realize that I didn’t hit the rug, slidding on one foot toward the door I grabbed my towel, hit the carpet and ran screaming the rest of the way to my bedroom!
I hate spiders!
doglady on 10 Oct 2007 at 8:31 pm #
Okay, you guys are cracking me up! Did anyone notice how Karen Rose worked out that everyone is providing the romantic suspense, murder on the menu, scare the heck out of you author with each of our worst fears??? Karen Hawkins is suggesting indiscrimant use of a flamer thrower and I’M scary?? Don’t you wish you had some of these adventures and dances on tape? I mean the one of J Perry flinging potatoes at the blue heron has GOT to be worth a million bucks! Yes, Deb, the black snakes are usually king snakes and they ARE your friend. Got a fire extinguisher? They will run from that cold. They are not really biters. You could have shooed him with a broom. The funniest animal adventure I ever saw was when a former student brought his wife to my house. She asked where the bathroom was and Richard told her. In a few minutes she is screaming like a banshee standing in the hall with her drawers around her ankles. Richard fell off the couch laughing when he saw my 6 ft. iguana, Sigmund, come
doglady on 10 Oct 2007 at 8:36 pm #
lumbering out of the bathroom, crawl over her drawers, come down the hall and climb up on the couch. Apparently he had been sleeping in the bathtub and while she was sitting there he came crawling from behind the curtain and scared her to death!! To this day (ten years later) she STILL accuses him of knowing Sig was in there and sending her in there on purpose. Sigmund was nearly 30 when he passed away 3 years ago. One of the nicest condolence cards I got was from Richard’s wife.
doglady on 10 Oct 2007 at 8:39 pm #
And really, ladies, what did you expect from someone who raced funeral home gurneys down the halls of one of the oldest funeral homes in Alabama. We Southern Belles have hidden depths!
Plus, I grew up with two of the meanest, toughest brothers on the planet!
darkshire007 on 11 Oct 2007 at 10:10 am #
I am so glad that i’m not the only one who talks to spiders. I have repeatedly asked them to keep their hideous little bodies outside to do their business. I have told them if they break that rule, then it’s chemical warfare ! (The environmentally safe stuff because i use it in the house!) Widows are not a problem here…hobo’s are. Plus wolf spiders and some rather colorful tree spiders. The word being “tree”, that means they should be OUTSIDE! Okay, i’ve vented enough.