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Things that Really Piss Me Off

Oct 8th 2007Julia London
Julia LondonMy Life As A Plebe

boxwaveclear1.jpgThere aren’t a lot of things that really piss me off, and the list tends to change. Somedays, my handsome husband can really piss me off, but I get over that pretty quick, unless he…well…never mind. Traffic, weather…those subjects sometimes undo me, but it depends on if I’m in a hurry or on vacation.

But there are a few things that really irritate the crap out of me, and they are ALWAYS on the list. Numero uno is USELESS PACKAGING. You know what I’m talking about. The cellophane and tape on CDs that you have to chew off. The little silver tape thingie on a new tube of toothpaste—the one you can’t possibly grasp with your fingers and have to use your husband’s hair clippers to punch through. Luncheon meat in the resealable Ziploc bag, which has been hermetically sealed for your protection, and on which they provide a quarter of an inch for you to grasp in trying to pull it open. Just thinking about it make me clench my jaw and steam.

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But there is one sort of packaging that really undoes me. Recenly, my sister and I were in Ireland and her curling iron (tong, for you Europeans) fried. It always does. We always have to buy new. But I digress. She goes and buys one, brings it back, and we find it is encased in plastic. Completely sealed all the way around with no entry. You’ve seen it—it’s the way they package new software or stupid cheap alarm clocks. So anyway, not having a table saw with which to open the curling tong package, we stabbed at it with the rental car keys, and when that didn’t work, we used the matches in the room and tried to burn it open. Didn’t work. We tried to crack it over a chair. We tried to stomp it open.

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Finally, my CPA sister, my reserved and quiet sister, got wild-eyed. She took out our corkscrew and held it up. I screamed, “Not the corkscrew!!” but I couldn’t stop her. Using the foil cutter and the cork popper, she mangled the plastic until the damn thing was open. And she bent the corkscrew.

I ask you, what is the point of encasing objects in plastic and sealing them? Do they really have a problem with curling tong theft in Ireland? Doesn’t all that plastic pose a problem for the environment? Seriously, what is the point????? I swear, I think they do it just to piss me off.

Useless packaging is top of my “really undoes me” list. What’s at the top of yours? Got a useless packaging story tha makes you steam?

80 Comments »

80 Responses to “Things that Really Piss Me Off”

  1. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:44 am #

    Here’s the scenario…Christmas morning with a six year old who can’t wait to play with his new Spiderman action figure toy. Armed with only a butter knife, I hack away until my living room floor is littered with a million tiny shards of plastic.

    When I finally hand the toy to my kid and go into the kitchen to make breakfast, three of the dozen eggs are cracked because the powers that be decided to package something that fragile in a piece of cardboard!

  2. Aemelia on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:48 am #

    Don’t forget those damn little twisties they put on toys to “hold them in” they are the worst!!!!!!!!!

  3. Gannon on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:56 am #

    Oh, do not get me started on the little twisties in the toy packages! They put about 20 on a small toy!!!! By the time we get the stupid thing out I’m ready to head straight for a bottle of wine!!

  4. Gannon on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:58 am #

    Julia, I was so caught up in my rant that I forgot to congratulate you on being #7 on the NYT best seller list! Hooray!!!

  5. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 7:02 am #

    I can’t tell you how many melt downs I had trying to undo those twisties! I get to the point where I would rather decapitate the action figure than undo another one.

    And what’s with pickle jars? Are we really so worried about pickle tampering that we need to seal the lid in industrial plastic that can only be removed with your sharpest steak knife?

  6. cookeemama on 09 Oct 2007 at 7:41 am #

    I hate those plastic entombments also. One of the reasons why I’ve carried a pocket knife in my purse for years. The only time I had to take it out was when I went down to the courthouse for some reason a couple of years ago. If I flew, I guess I’d put it in my luggage. It’s not a fancy knife like the Swiss Army one. Just a simple one bladed thing. There is a nifty knife/scissor place in Lancaster County. Out near Intercourse. I lust for knives I didn’t even know I needed when I go in there. LOL

    Maybe your sister ought to pack 2 hairdriers when she travels, Julia. But they’d probably die at the same time. Such is fate.

    Margaret

  7. Sherri Erwin on 09 Oct 2007 at 7:46 am #

    Packaging is annoying, but I am sorry– I can’t help howling at the thought of you going after the sealed curling tongs with lit matches! Hahaha!

    Traffic hacks me off– but not just any traffic, the traffic that happens when parents drop off or pick up kids at school. There are rules that could make it all so much easier. Parents are issued guidelines designed to speed the process and improve flow at the beginning of every school year. But busy parents (each one believing themselves busier and more important than the next) chuck the rules, do what they like, and create chaos. It’s insane! It’s hard to stay mellow in the fray.

  8. Karen Rose on 09 Oct 2007 at 7:58 am #

    People who do fifty in the seventy lane on purpose, just to piss me off. Grrrr. People who do forty in the seventy lane because their reflexes are no longer sharp and should not be driving anymore anyway (welcome to Florida). People who weave in and out of the seventy lane because they’re putting on mascara! May you stick yourself in the eye as the road rises to meet you. A twist on an Irish blessing, Julia, in honor of your trip.

    Okay, I’m done.

    Oh, wait. Congratulations on your NYT #7!! I saw your book on the front tables at B&N and Borders on Sunday. JULIA LONDON. I got a tear in my eye :-) And NOT because I was putting on mascara in the (*&(*& car.

    Okay, now I’m really done.

  9. Karen Rose on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:01 am #

    Oh wait - this was about PACKAGING. I got distracted by the title and went on a small tangent as I have just come back from a small road trip.

    I just give my hard-to-open packages to DH to open. Otherwise I get a meltdown.

  10. cail on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:14 am #

    i hate the packaging, i hate when people go 50 in the fast lane, i hate when tourists stop in the middle of the sidewalk en masse to look straight up without warning, i hate when people tailgate, i hate when people at stores take forever to check people out… i could keep going.

  11. Julia London on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:16 am #

    Oh, here’s something else — insurance. I am on my way to the doctor and I can’t wait to see what insurance decides to charge me this time. The last time I went, it was $200 for a cholesterol test.

    More later kids, and thanks for the congrats! I am over the moon!

  12. Kay on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:18 am #

    Cookeemama, I bought a Leatherman tool to keep on my keychain for insane packaging. LOL It even cuts through the twisties on toys. It gets a workout on Christmas morning.

    The thing that burns me is that so much of that packaging is not recyclable. What a waste.

  13. Kay on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:20 am #

    CONGRATS, JULIA! You goddesses have been tearing up the Times list this fall. :-)

  14. dbrown3400 on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:25 am #

    Julia, congratulations on your NYT #7. You were sold out at Borders in Bridgewater NJ a/o Sunday.

    The thing that gets me most is heat and humidity, but back to packaging. I have a cap snaffler for opening recalcitrant jars, so I’m good to go there. Small sewing scissors are good for opening CDs — providing you don’t stab your finger. On the totally sealed plastic I jsut go as close as I can to the product with kitchen shears w/o totally decimating it — providing I’m not in Ireland.

    I’ve mastered those things pretty well.

    But I do hate TRAFFIC and HEAT AND HUMIDITY It does look as though we’re going from 92 to 60 in NJ. I am so happy.

  15. Karen Hawkins on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:26 am #

    Plastic packaging is HORRID! I once broke a knife on a package that held a tool set. BROKE it, right in half. Never had that happen, but it couldn’t stand up to the Power of the Plastic. They should make cars and planes out of that stuff. No one would ever get hurt.

    Kay, I need one of those leatherman tools. Of course, it’d probably come in a plastic Carton of Death, but still, once I blasted it out, it could be useful.

    Julia, don’t even get me started on insurance and the cost of Being Healthy. Sheesh! If that isn’t a racket, I don’t know what is.

  16. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:39 am #

    High School Drop-Out Celebrities who feel obligated to share their political view points during award shows really annoy me. Sally Field, yes I really liked you….really, really liked you. But not anymore! Your last ranting during the Emmys pissed me off!

  17. Lisa H on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:46 am #

    What really gets me is when you get your groceries and the clerk puts only 1 item in each bag. Because you are busy putting everything on the belt, and getting out your checkbook and store discount card, you don’t notice it until you load the 2700 bags or so into the back of your van!

    Gimme a break, I am capable of carring more than a bottle of ketchup into the house at a time.

    Oh Ellen, I so agree with you. I cannot even watch the award shows anymore because I get so disgusted with their liberal and disrespectful attitude. Most of those “celebrities” cannot manage to keep their marriages and children out of trouble yet they think they can run a country!

  18. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:47 am #

    People who say “Are you going to eat that?” really piss me off. “No Miss Skinny, I am just going to store it in my mouth in case of a global famine induced by the aerosol in my hair spray can. Then I am going to laugh as you waste away after two days, while I live off my fat reserves until the scientist figure a way to feed mankind.” Mwaaahaaa ha.

  19. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:01 am #

    I just thought of a biggie for me. Ready?

    Mother’s who talk through their babies. You know the type. They even change their voice to sound babyish. I have learned to spot them in the grocery store and avert my gaze so that they don’t start in, but some of them just don’t get the message.

    “Do you like my liddle teddy bear? I won’t let my mommy leave the house without him. He’s my favorite, favorite snooky,” says the annoying Mom while everyone on line is forced to look at the sleeping infant in the carriage.

    Of course I immediately notice the excessive pink surrounding the little bald baby. Pink blankets, pink outfit, pink booties and even a little pink bow taped to the head. It looks like someone spewed Pepto Bismol all over the carriage. Obviously, I have no choice but to respond.

    “He’s so handsome. How old is he?”

  20. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:02 am #

    Thank you Julia! I love ranting.

  21. Claudia Dain on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:29 am #

    The vacuum sealed plastic packaging is the most annoying invention of the last 20 years. Makes me feel like an idiot, like a feeble old woman, like a complete FAILURE because I can’t remove a layer of plastic.

    It’s cruel.

    I hate all the layers being me and the product: the foil tops, the clear plastic sleeve, the boxes, the twisties. Even the simple looking layers can be deadly; case in point–cereal.

    Once I wrestle open the cereal box, I lift out the plastic bag and try to calmly open the bag with my hands. Not happening. If I force it, the bag rips open and cereal spews all over my kitchen floor. If I cut it open, half the time the scissors catch on the fold and rip…and cereal is all over my kitchen floor.

    I don’t know why I ever taught the kids to eat cereal in the first place.

    And while I’m ranting, how about electronic devices with tiny buttons? What? Do I have King Kong fingers? They couldn’t make the buttons a little bigger?

  22. SuzyQ on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:39 am #

    Oh I hate the twisty ties too on the kids toys - and those little itty bitty rubber bands.

    Another thing that gets me is the person in front of me at the grocery store in the 10 and under lane with 25 items while I stand there with a gallon of milk.

  23. DebMarlowe on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:50 am #

    Oh, man, are we a fiesty bunch or what? I’m laughing my way down the page.

    I don’t even bother to untwist those horrid toy twisties. I just go for the pliers and snip them all. Come on, just one of those suckers will keep that action figure from being shop lifted. Do we really need 30 of them on a 5 inch Jedi Knight?

    Claudia, your ceral woes remind me of that funny radio commercial series for Hardy’s. Have you heard it–the one that always end with “Without us, some guys would starve.” I always laugh at those.

  24. doglady on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:53 am #

    This is the most fun I have had in years. I have this image of a #7 NYT bestseller on the cover of an Irish tabloid wielding a corkscrew. “Romance Author Goes Beserk!” Congrats, Julia! (on the #7, not the tabloid thing) Then we have TICD (she will explain for those who don’t know)Claudia standing in a sea of cereal. Karen Hawkins in her plastic car with a broken knife sticking out of it which she has to use to get the door open. Cookeemama in the news for trying to sneak a pocket knife into the courthouse. Lisa H standing in her driveway surrounded by 2700 grocery bags. Karen Rose committing road rage with a mascara wand. I have laughed so hard I forgot what pisses me off! Oh wait, I know. Customers who call to order a birthday cake for their kid’s party on a Saturday morning and the party is at 2:00 that day! They planned a party. they have a theme, they bought decorations AT Wal-Mart, they sent out invitations and they wait until the day of the party to order the cake??? GRRRR.

  25. doglady on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:06 am #

    Do not get me started on slow drivers, Karen R. When you live in the country the kiss of death to getting to work on time is when you get behind any vehicle with a handicapped tag being driven by an old man with a hat on. Worse? A tractor WITH a handicapped tag (I kid you not) with an old man with a hat on. You might as well get out and walk!!

  26. Sherri Erwin on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:15 am #

    Hey Lisa H! I looked all over for you at the NJRW Conference. Sorry I coudn’t find you to say hi but I hope you had a great time.

    Editors who take forever to get back to you– there’s another one that gets me going. I know they’re super busy, but it’s all about US, right? Where’s the love? Do you think authors needing attention is on their list of peeves? LOL!

  27. Sherri Erwin on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:17 am #

    Ellen, too funny! You cheeky lass. I do know some of those moms.

  28. Karen Rose on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:25 am #

    Okay, Ellen, I must confess. I never talked to my kids that way, as I’m certain it kills brain cells. But I do talk to my kitty that way. But only when nobody is home…

    But to balance it out, I sometimes practice my villains’ threats on her - to get the feel of the dialog right, you understand - but in that silky voice that says I still wuv her. And her tail just slinks back and forth. So she either still wuvs me or she’s plotting to kill me when all the cats take over the world.

    So do your worst, Ellen. It’s a free shot for the CHOCOLATE CARROT CAKE … CAKe…CAke… Cake…cake…

    I just wrote a villain scene. Can you tell?

  29. Jami Alden on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:26 am #

    Julia, I am so with you on the packaging - children’s toys are even worse. My 2 year old son got a toy train as a gift, and my mother in law went to open it for him as he waited patiently (not). forty five minutes and a phillips head screwdriver later, and we finally had the damn thing out of the box.

    As for the slow drivers - we live off a 2 lane road about 5 miles from the highway, with no passing allowed. Speed limit is 35 or 40 depending on the section. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stuck behind some moron going 25, trying to figure out where he or she is supposed to turn. It’s even more fun when the kids are pitching a fit in the back.

  30. Karen Rose on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:28 am #

    Doglady - how about GOLF CARTS who hog the road and do under the limit? Again, welcome to FL. One mom drives a super-fancy golf cart to school every day (not sure how she manages the drop off line, Sherri) but she is kind and keeps to the sidewalks - which are extra wide for this purpose (I’m not kidding). Her, I nod to nicely.

    The others, I narrow my NON-MASCARA’d eyes at while I’m passing them when it’s finally safe to do so. Evil golf carts.

    And what about gurneys in funeral homes? I once heard they can be a road hazard, eh, Doglady?

  31. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:37 am #

    LOL….How can I ever repay you for that visual, Miss Karen?

    “So my wittle kitty. Let’s plot some murders together. You’d wuv that wouldn’t you,” says Karen while stroking the cat.

    “Purrrrr.”

    “Oh, you think Mommy should bludgeon the pwitty lady in our book? Should I use a baseball bat to split open her pwitty little skull?”

    “Purrrrr.”

    “Oh my wittle sweetie. A medieval tool of torture? You are such a cleaver little kitty, aren’t you,” says Karen, running back to the computer.

    “Purrrr.”

  32. Karen Hawkins on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:38 am #

    Ohhh, Karen! Don’t point your mascara wand at Doglady and her gurney! She’ll put you DOWN, kiddo.

    Don’t you all hate roads where they’ve obviously painted the lines with wash-off paint and the jackass in the pickup truck who decides he then needs the ENTIRE road and won’t slow down as he wheels toward you?

    Grrrrrr!!! I brandish things at those people, too, though it’s not my mascara wand.

  33. Kay on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:38 am #

    One the subject of parents and kids…..I HATE IT when DH and I try to go out (once in a blue moon) for a romantic meal in a very nice restaurant, w/o the kids, and have CHILD FROM H*** at the next table. If we go out on a special evening, I let the restaurant know when we make the reservation that we do not want to be seated near small children during our romantic meal. Most places are very nice about it.

    Yes, I know how difficult the little darlings can be, but at 8:30 pm on Saturday, they need to be HOME IN BED, not next to me at the nicest restaurant in town! Don’t get me wrong, I think kids should be taught how to behave in public, and eat at nice places, but if they are toddlers, they’re not ready for the nicest places, especially past their bed times. And if I’m going out to have a break from MY children, I don’t want other peoples screaming, crying, running-around kids seated near me.

    So nice to have a place to vent :-)

  34. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:55 am #

    OMG Kay. I am right there with you.

    Sherri…you must have been at my first Jenny Craig weigh in. CHEEKY indeed! (It was all Karen’s fault. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)

  35. Karen Rose on 09 Oct 2007 at 10:57 am #

    Hmmmm. I wonder what Goddess Karen H is brandishing…. Hmmm.

    Ellen, I’ll have to dedicate my next book to my cat. I did include her in the acknowledgements once. She’s a devilish one, for sure.

    And I do not brandish a mascara wand! I rarely OWN a mascara wand because my 13 year old keeps STEALING mine.

    Kay, I know what you mean. You go to all the trouble to get a babysitter for a special night and da-dum, somebody sits next to you with a screaming baby. Sets my teeth on edge. I guess they’re so rich that they can afford to pay a lot of money for a meal they spend telling their baby to “Be kwiet, little precious. Mommy’s little precious.” Or worse, they think we all want to hear their baby scream. Gives me a twitch.

    They might be that rich, but I’m not. When I go out with my husband, it’s usually to celebrate something and we’ve usually put some money aside for the occasion.

  36. Georgie Lee on 09 Oct 2007 at 11:00 am #

    Every time I pry, cut, rip and destroy one of those platic clam shell packages I feel sorry for people with arthritis. How can anyone with any kind of limited mobility ever possibly open those?

    I also agree with Kay about the child from hell at the table next to you. What I hate is when parents treat a store like a playground. There is nothing worse than trying to shop while little kids are running around screaming and bumping in to you.

  37. doglady on 09 Oct 2007 at 11:04 am #

    Hmmm. A funeral home gurney race down the streets of San Francisco WHILE putting on mascara. What do we think, ladies??

    Any guesses as to what Karen H brandishes at oncoming drivers??

    Kay, try getting the evil eye from parents when you tell them to PLEASE get their kids out of my cake case in the bakery when the kid is STANDING UP IN THE CAKE CASE AND JUMPING OVER THE CAKES!!!

    Ellen, somewhere there is a kid who is going to need YEARS of therapy!!!

    Oh we get golf carts here, too, Karen. And four wheelers! Horses too, but most of them are faster than the golf carts, four wheelers and old men wearing hats driving tractors!! No gurneys, but I AM trying to lay low for a while.

  38. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 11:12 am #

    Is it my imagination or have all the goddesses conspired to use the word “cake” as many times as possible before my NEXT weigh in? Are you having a secret contest whereby the person who mentions food the most gets a prize?

    Let me go check what Jenny is allowing for lunch today. Probably a turkey burger the size of a bottle cap with the texture of a doll’s head.

    Dieting pisses me off.

  39. colinfirthfan on 09 Oct 2007 at 11:28 am #

    The plastic packaging makes me want to fling things around and my DH wants me to cut it neatly. PUHLEEZ… not in the next 5000 years!!

    The twisty ties on toys are annoying but worse is the hard plastic ties that you have to cut to open. Grrr!!

    Don’t get me started on traffic. Just this morning I was late to drop my kid off to school and one lady stops her car in the middle of the *&%*@#$^% drive through to let her kid out - so everyone else had to wait until she was done to pull up and drop of their kids. HELLOOOO…. please pull up and drop your kid off…
    (Sorry… I am PMSing… everything sets me off right now!!!)

  40. cail on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:04 pm #

    ok, i NEED that recipe for Carrot Cake, even though i got on a scale for the first time in a while recently and realized that it wasn’t that my pants had shrunk but that my tush had grown.

    instead of golf carts/tractors/horses we’ve got tourists. i even tend to switch to the other side of the street when i see a group of tourists dressed alike holding maps and looking up. once you’ve been here for a while you can figure out exactly where they’re from based on their clothes.

  41. colinfirthfan on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:08 pm #

    Ellen… thanks for making me laugh … I don’t feel homicidal anymore….
    Pepto Bismol….lol lol lol lol

  42. Julia London on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:10 pm #

    Wow. I go off to wrangle with doctors and insurance and look what I come back to!

    Ellen you make me laugh laugh laugh! And I’m with you: dieting pisses me off! Its one of my top five!

    Claudia, I had the same experience, only it was with a chip bag. I was acting a little holier than thou, having watched what I ate for a couple of weeks, and the DH comes home with chips. So I was trying to SNEAK a few chips and that happened to me. Chips all over the floor. I was FURIOUS.

    I forgot all about the twisty ties that have been melded on to toys and cardboard. Its insane! How much do they think an elmo is really going to shift during transit? Really??

  43. Lisa H on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:13 pm #

    Hi Sherri,

    I saw you!!! Okay, here’s a funny story…I was just exiting a stall in the ladies room and a tall, attractive woman wearing a beautiful red blazer was hurrying into the very stall I had just… ahhh… used. I happened to glance down at her name tag and it said, Sherri Erwin.

    I didn’t feel it was the appropriate time to introduce myself, but maybe I should have!

    I had to leave the conference a little early or I would have looked for you at the book fair.

    By the way…Thank you Ellen and Karen H for the great tips on pitching my book. 2 very reputable agents have requested to see it and both said I pitched very well. Thanks for helping me out!

  44. Lisa H on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:30 pm #

    Ellen,

    You can do it!!!!!! Don’t think of it as a diet, think of it as a means to a very hot body. (Look who’s talking miss 40lbs overweight) but seriously, complain to us all you like, we’ve all been there, keep up the good work, you will feel so good about yourself and your accomplishment.

    Think CARROT STICKS, YUMMMMM

    LOW FAT YOGURT, DELISH

    LOW FAT POPCORN, CRUNCHY

    100 CALORIE SNACK PACKS, SWEET

    See, dieting can be fun, even sexy, its all how you look at it!

  45. Julia London on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:34 pm #

    Lisa H — that’s where I met Sherri. She’s very approachable in the bathroom.

  46. J Perry Stone on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:34 pm #

    Julia, this blog topic–including everybody’s responses–is hilarious!

    And now Ellen has me mad at plastic, people hovering over my unfinished plate, dingdong celebs who think mentioning something political will give them instant depth, and baby talkers.

    Karen, my husband talks to our cat using a baby-voice. He also uses as many bad words as he can think of. The cat just lolls around the floor purring because DH’s tone is that of affection.

    The following piss me off:
    -competitve parents at soccer games, especially when the mother is screaming next to my ear
    -people who won’t let me into their lane
    -Dr. Oz on Oprah, but only when he said men who have sex 4 x’s a week live longer (and now DH keeps saying, “do it for my health.”)
    -the stalling my kids do at bedtime, and then I can’t get them up for the bus the next morning
    -people who identify with their problems so no matter what fabulous advice you might provide, they say, “That won’t work.”
    -alarm clocks

  47. Lisa H on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:45 pm #

    Julia, I should just resign myself to the fact that I will have to socialize in the bathrooms, as my bladder matures gracefully, I seem to find myself spending more and more time in there…

  48. Ladytink_534 on 09 Oct 2007 at 12:49 pm #

    Do you know how many times I have cut myself on that plastic stuff trying to open it?! Someone needs to start sueing and maybe then that stuff wouldn’t be so hard to open!

  49. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 1:06 pm #

    Oh J Perry…how could we all have forgotten the alarm clock?

    How bout the cooking instructions that are written so tiny, you need the Hubble to read it.

    AND

    I hate parents that yell at thier children when they make mistakes on the athletic field. Do they really think it helps to humiliate their kids?

  50. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 1:19 pm #

    Thanks for your kind encouragement, Lisa H. It really does help. I have so much to lose, it gets overwhelming. I’ll weigh in for everybody once a week. So far, I lost one pound. (I was smart enough to take off my shoes and earrings to get that!)

    Oh yeah…the perky diet consultant pissed me off.

    “Did WE have a difficult week, Ellen?”
    “No WE didn’t. If WE had, you would be one hundred pounds heavier and about to climb on a scale.”
    “Don’t make me cut off your free portion, Ellen.”
    “Oh no! How could I ever survive without my unlimited zucchini allotment?”

  51. doglady on 09 Oct 2007 at 1:43 pm #

    Ellen, I think it is a moral imperative that we kidnap the perky diet consultant and take a little road trip to the alligator farm. Add a little stringy tough meat to the gators’ DIET!!! Was the the ROYAL “we” or the “I have never had a weight problem nor a difficult week in my life” WE!!! Can you tell I DESPISE dieting???

  52. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 1:45 pm #

    LOL…I wuv you doglady!

  53. Julia London on 09 Oct 2007 at 2:06 pm #

    Jperry — I hate that too, the people who have an answer for everything except whatever they have to complain about. Have you ever known someone who knows everything you tell them — EVERYTHING — and can never be surprised or carry on decent conversation? Drives me insane. Even if you DO know everything, can’t you at least have the social grace to pretend you don’t once in awhile?

    Ellen, I am rolling on the floor. I mean, really, I am rooting for you — but do you have to be so funny about it?

  54. Cookiedough on 09 Oct 2007 at 2:26 pm #

    it’s been cathartic to read all the rants.
    The one thing that pisses me off though is people (sisters) who call you to find out how you are during a difficult time in your life, then proceed to complain about everything in their lives. even when it’s supposed to be about me, it’s about them! arghghgh

  55. Cookiedough on 09 Oct 2007 at 2:30 pm #

    and Cail, if you REALLY want the recipe for the Chocolate Carrot Cake,or anyone for that matter:
    ktrites@accesswave.ca

  56. Ann in IL on 09 Oct 2007 at 2:32 pm #

    OK, here’s what pisses me off. …. People who tell me I can’t possibly know or understand anything about men/children because I haven’t been married/pregnant.

    HELLO !!!!!! I finished raising my younger brother and sister who were ages 10 & 13 when my parents died. Try my shoes on. Try listening to “you’re not my Mom” as an response to any request for co-operation.

    They are 42 and 45 now with kids of their own and I am “Nanny” to all of them as they have no living grandparents. It wasn’t easy by any means, but they are great adults now and even better parents.

    So tell me……at what point in the marriage ceremony is infinite wisdom bestowed? Hmmmm???

  57. Karen Rose on 09 Oct 2007 at 2:37 pm #

    I’m sorry, Ellen. I hate dieting too. Especially since I just started a new one, right when I’m into a new book.

    It sucks getting old. Especially when I want chocolate carrot cake.

  58. Claudia Dain on 09 Oct 2007 at 2:46 pm #

    J Perry, thumbs up on Dr. Oz on Oprah, but mostly because he’s on a talk show wearing scrubs. Um, can’t afford a suit, Dr. Oz? I mean, we *know* you’re a doctor, okay? You can wear *real* clothes on television.

  59. Julia London on 09 Oct 2007 at 2:58 pm #

    Ann — I agree 100%. I also hate the assumption that if you didn’t have kids, you must not have any maternal instinct. Drives me NUTS

  60. doglady on 09 Oct 2007 at 4:01 pm #

    Good grief! Giving birth to children is a biological function! Being a parent is a calling, an art, and a skill! Ann, you ARE a parent and probably know about real parenting than any of those people who say “You just don’t know.” I mean starting at 10 and 13 is just torture! People who give birth to and raise five or six kids haven’t done a thing if they don’t do it right! My dogs are better behaved than a lot of people’s children and I have never had to lay a hand on them. THE VOICE is all it took. Worked on my students too. One student said “She’s like Yoda, man, she says you want to do something and you just do it.” Of course several others said it was more like Darth Vader. “She says you are going to do something and you do it because you are scared to death of her!” My students are all grown now, but many of them still call me Mama H. They KNOW I love them and am proud as I can be of them. And how many people’s kids put their toys away at the end of the day? My dogs do!!

  61. Ellen on 09 Oct 2007 at 4:14 pm #

    Okay, so someone named Cookiedough is talking about a chocolate carrot cake recipe???? LOL…You can’t make this stuff up! I think I gained two pounds just blogging with you gals, today. LOL

    BTW, Karen. Great idea starting a diet and new book at the same time. The lack of calories should have you primed perfectly for some really heinous murders. Do me a favor…wack someone with some frozen cookiedough and then have the murderer eat all the evidence.

    Thanks so much Julia. I think it’s obvious we all enjoyed ourselves today. Great Blog!

  62. Sabrina Jeffries on 09 Oct 2007 at 5:45 pm #

    I have two words for you people (aside from “you’re making me laugh myself silly”). Kitchen shears. They open anything, especially if you buy the expensive kind. I use the ones I got from the knife people (forgot the company’s name) for everything plastic–they’ll cut through it better than any knife.

    What drives ME crazy is the deceptive packaging. The things that LOOK like they’re easy to open. Like the ground coffee bags that look as if you could just gently pull apart the two edges. Only if you’re Godzilla! Or the mustard packets that say “Tear here”, but only Edward Scissorhands could get through it without squirting it in someone’s eye. I actually buy the brand of Dayquil I use (or its equivalent) according to the one I can open without hunting for the scissors. There’s nothing worse than dragging yourself from the sickbed to take something to ease your discomfort and have to find a “tool” to open the meds. Might as well stay sick!

  63. Karen Hawkins on 09 Oct 2007 at 5:57 pm #

    OH OH OH! I have another one! Sales people who come right as I’m slipping off for my writer’s nap. And ANY sales call via the phone. Hate ‘em, hate ‘em, hate ‘em!

    As for you people who are dieting - my dh’s sister just lost 41 lbs! I’m so proud of her and she’s an inspiration for me, too. What an INCREDIBLE thing to do! WOOHOO! I hate dieting, but ohhhh I love the results! Bring on the Smart Start!

  64. lisa on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:09 pm #

    The packaging today is responsible for at least 25% of the price of the product. Which absolutely makes no sense and makes the irritation worse. However, I’ve been to Ireland and taking any kind of hair control, styling, calming product is a waste of time. Thankfully I went with a native Irish woman and the first piece of advice she gave me was leave your hair straightening and other products behind. It will be raining or misty the entire time. It was liberating and just another reason to fall in love with that lovely country.

  65. darkshire007 on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:22 pm #

    Packaging, traffic, alarm clocks (the list goes on) are all valid gripes. But the one at the top of my list is the directions that come with purchases. My own personal example: I bought a futon and had to assemble it. Keep in mind that I am a aviation maintenance technician and there is not a tool around that I can’t use for something. Anyhoo, the directions that came with the stupid thing were incomplete. They just stopped. I guess they thought you would figure the rest of it out. I figured it out all right….with the help of a hammer. The futon now sits in the reading room and no one is the wiser. That was not my only run in with poor directions from manufacturers but I think you get the point. :-)

  66. darkshire007 on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:24 pm #

    That should be “are the directions” but my eye/brain/finger coordination seems to be off today! Think I need a martini.

  67. Kay on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:34 pm #

    New Rant-the power going off on a sunny afternoon. Called the power co -on my cell, because my land line is wireless, and won’t work w/o power. The electronic voice (can’t ever talk to a REAL PERSON) said 4 HOURS before the power was restored!

    After fighting with the garage door to get it open, I drove to pick up oldest child, and passed the guys working on the power “box,” They said the repair was a scheduled one!

    Sooooo, dinner in the oven was ruined, because I had places to take kids and oven quit (it’s new and has a spiffy timer to keep things warm, when the power works), lost 200 words on WIP (yes, I know I should back up more often :grrrrr:) and the power co PLANNED this. Can’t they let us know ahead of time? They can get my bill to me, by golly, so they know where to find me :snort:

  68. Sherri Erwin on 09 Oct 2007 at 6:42 pm #

    Lisa H, LOL! Julia’s right, actually. We met in the bathroom and we’ve been friends for so long now. Soooo long. In fact, she has been going around telling everyone how old I am this week. (she’s older, nyah!)

  69. Dot C on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:05 pm #

    Inherent stupidity usually sends me off into a rage. That and Ann Coulter. I had to touch her book last week, I felt violated.
    I used to give my employees detailed instructions on how to accomplish a task, and I’d return to find them either not started yet, or doing it exactly opposite of what I’d instructed. The veins would pop out of my neck, and the hulk would begin to emerge..Then I saw “Karate Kid” and that line..”Always looka eye”. That works for me. Employees, much like children I’ve discovered, are not listening to you if they are not looking at you. So now, with the harder to “reach” employees, I stop, say “Always looka eye”, then continue, slowly, step by step, asking….ARe you with me, tell me what I just said. I always hear laughing in the background, and people ask me why I treat my employees like they are mentally handicapped. But I gotta say, my projects are completed timely and correctly.

  70. Dot C on 09 Oct 2007 at 8:11 pm #

    OHH, and if the speed limit says 40, thou shalt not drive 38. If one cannot manage to reach the accepted limit, pull over and let those who can, go by. Conversely, if you want to speed, pass me, but GET OFF MY ASS! Because, if I had a gun, I’d shoot you. :)
    Lastly, people who intrude on conversations that don’t include them risk violent things happening to them. It’s MY conversation, go get one of your own, LOSER!! I had a phone call once, and someone else picked it up and started talking. When I told them to put it back on hold so I could pick it up, they said, “I’ll be off in a minute”. OMG, the hulk was back…And I mean, my eyes were fully dialated and changing colors. I get charged money by my boss for every time I swear at work. I owed him almost 75.00 that day. He had to lock me in his office till I calmed down.
    That was a bad one!
    Dot

  71. Julia London on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:15 pm #

    These are the best rants! I agree with every single one of them. Ladies, we are surrounded by stupid people and stupid ideas. We must band together. We can’t change everything at once, so I suggest we start in the most logical place: We lobby for our own lane on our highways. Goddesses only!

  72. ladydawgfan on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:23 pm #

    I have been LOL at much of this thread!!! A lil’ ol’ hint for that nuclear plastic packaging: I keep one of those razor blade thingies from the hardware store (the kind with the snap off blades) in the kitchen drawer for the plastic nightmare. Just pierce the plastic with the sharp end of the blade and drag the blade around the perimeter of the item in the plastic. Lift the resulting “cover” off of the item and “TA DA,” you have instant access without the hassle!! :) Just be careful that you don’t slice A. the cord, if there is one, or B. your fingers, ’cause this really hurts.

    What pisses me off are those folks who go out in public and suddenly forget how to flush the toilet. &**^%%$$ing slobs!!! Someone ought to horsewhip their mothers for not teaching them better manners!!!

  73. ladydawgfan on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:31 pm #

    I realized that the last part of my comment might be a little harsh. However, manners or the lack thereof is what a lot of this all boils down to. People who leave public toilets unflushed don’t have them. Neither do children who stand up on theater seats during a movie and scream, ”I want my popcorn NOW!!” People who block the driveway in front of the school so that their precious Makayla and Tanner don’t have to walk as far as the other children don’t have manners and likely aren’t teaching them to their children. The “me, gimme, mine” society that we seem to live in now really pisses me off, in case you haven’t noticed!!!

  74. Georgie Lee on 09 Oct 2007 at 9:44 pm #

    Lisa H you forgot 100 calorie Hostess chocolate cupcake packs. If you’re doing Weight Watcher they’re one point and they take the edge off of dieting.

  75. colinfirthfan on 09 Oct 2007 at 11:00 pm #

    DOT, I have to agree with you on Ann Coulter. She is just sooo offensive. Anytime I see her on T.V. I change the channel!!

  76. Karen Hawkins on 09 Oct 2007 at 11:33 pm #

    Oh, DON’T get me started on Ann Coulter. Did you see where she said this?

    “If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.”

    Pardon me? Single women don’t VOTE well? Actually, they vote according to their personal issues — public education and health issues — and good for them! How DARE she question an entire constituency. We should all vote according to our issues — that’s how the system works.

    I believe we should all vote as we see fit, and that’s good for the country and the system.

    Ok, I’m off my soapbox. Can’t stand people who take potshots at single women, especially as I’m one myself.

  77. pri.r. on 10 Oct 2007 at 12:16 am #

    76 posts to this blog,ladies we are all officially nutcases,who apparently like to brandish mascara wands,pocket knives and various other vicious objects that have the potential to maim evil golf cart mothers and the person who invented plastic packaging. :P *shakes head* julia what have you started!?hehe.i must admit though those little twisty thingies are a quick way of pissing me off! and it really gets to me when i pull out a pair of scissors and STILL the twisty things resist! i mean you’d think the toy making companies would actually WANT us to use their products as apposed to leaving them on the mantle in their attacked plastic glory.
    continued…

  78. pri.r. on 10 Oct 2007 at 12:16 am #

    i recently had a bit of an incident with plastic. plastic sleeves. they’re useless! and it bugs me even more that they’re transparent.picture this a plastic sleeve is lying on the ground camoflaged into our carpet, and then the phone rings. me being in a rush as usual and not noticing the invisible sleeve runs and slips on it. 2carpet burns later and i’m thoroughly ticked off with all forms of plastic

  79. Caren Crane on 10 Oct 2007 at 8:21 am #

    Sherri, I just saw your comment about the carpool line at school. AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! That is my single biggest source of irritation in the universe. People who don’t have to watch parents break the rules put in place for the safety of the children simply don’t understand the intense desire to jump out of the minivan, beat on someone’s window and give them the tongue-lashing of a lifetime. I HATE carpool!

  80. Julia London on 10 Oct 2007 at 9:00 am #

    Like I said — we start in the most logical place: Goddess lanes. No carpoolers allowed. No tailgaters, no men in huge pickups (and they don’t even live on a ranch) and definitely–DEFINITELY–no teenage girls with cell phones.