Unlike Julia, I LOVE Halloween. When my kids were little, I loved to dress them up and take them trick-or-treating. I loved decorating the house and making costumes. Now, sadly all my children are grown and they won’t let me dress them up any longer. No more vampire and princess costumes to sew or faces to paint. No more pillow cases filled with candy to loot once the kids are in bed.

These days there is only Jack in his pumpkin suit and Anna in her chicken hat to dress up for me. Don’t let their sad faces fool you. It’s just model affectation. They volunteered. They LOVE it. Really.

And if animals weren’t meant to wear clothes, why do they sell them at Target? Wasn’t it another Goddess (Julia) who wrote an entire blog devoted to her love of all things Target?

What are you doing this Halloween? Are you dressing up or do you have little goblins to dress up?

41 Comments »

I guess I’m a grinch when it comes to Halloween. I’ve never been a fan, even when I was a kid. Maybe because I live on a ranch and no one came to our door. Or, when we went to town to trick or treat, we were encouraged to “dress up” only to discover our costumes were never as cool or elaborate as the kids in town.

It’s the costumes that bug me. I like the candy. I like seeing the little kids in their costumes (I don’t like seeing teenagers come to the door with no costume and nothing but a grocery bag). I like that my dogs actually act like dogs and bark at everyone who comes to the door. They never bark at the UPS guy. But when it comes to me, I can’t decide what to wear to the grocery store—how can I possibly come up with something suitably humorous or scary or political?

I’ve never had a good costume. Ever. My husband recounts with great fondness the year he and his baseball buddies were the Seven Dwarfs. He has told the story so many times that I can almost recite it. But when he tells it, I think, is that really so special? Seriously, how many men across America have been the Seven Dwarfs with their friends and thought it was hilarious? I have also seen some really hideous costumes on people at my door. If you’re going to go to the trouble of having a costume, shouldn’t it really be something? And what about pets in costumes? Some people on this very blog, who shall remain nameless (Rachel) dress their dogs in costumes. Dogs were really not meant to wear costumes. Don’t you think there is something just a little off about a dog in weenie suit?

This Halloween, I am not dressing up as anything but the old lady with the Cameron Diaz hairdo at the end of the street who doesn’t like people ringing her doorbell.

What about you? Do you like Halloween? Do you dress up? What’s your favorite/worst costume ever? What’s the worst you’ve seen?

53 Comments »

Halloween is but a few days away.  I was clicking around Yahoo and saw that ”Saw 4″ was the biggest boxoffice draw this weekend.  (For the record, ew.)  But then I saw an article on the 13 creepiest places on earth.  A few of them were indeed creepy, the creepiest being Mary King’s Close in Edinburgh.  I’ve been to Edinburgh and have been down in some of the underground tunnels on “Ghost Walks,” but Mary King’s Close opened in 2003, after my last UK trip, so I’ve never been here.  

This was an area where families abandoned victims of the plague in the 17th century.  “Abandoned” is actually a santized description.  They shoved them down there and left them to die, then sealed it.  I stopped to think about this - the horror of being the abandoned, knowing certain death awaited.  And the torment of being the families above ground, having to go on living with what you’d done.  That is creepy, people.  Still shivering!

I’ve travelled a lot and seen many cool things, including some pretty creepy places - here are a couple for your ghoulish pleasure:

1) Hallstadt, Austria - The Charnel House:  Hallstadt is this gorgeous town on a mountain lake in the Alps.  Apparently they didn’t have a lot of burial ground, so people could only occupy their grave for 12 years.  After 12 years, they were dug up and their skulls decorated with their names, the date of their death, and some pretty vines or something and stuck in this little house.  Surreal, for sure.  And totally DH’s idea to go.  I peeked through my fingers the whole time.

2) Ottobeuren Abbey, Germany: Now, this is one heck of a gorgeous building.  Built in the Rococo style, its interior must be seen to be appreciated.  However, inside, up at the front of the church, are several glass cases - with reclining dead popes inside.  I am not kidding.  I’m not sure whose idea it was to put them there, but they’re there, in all their skeletal glory, lying lounging on their side, propped up on their elbow, bones wired together, still dressed in their papal finery and grinning evilly.  Ew.  DH thought this was the coolest thing he’d ever seen.  Ew.  Can you imagine worshipping there every week?  It’s still a working church, so people must.  Still… Ew.  Creepy.

3) Rothenburg, Germany - The Medieval Crime Museum:  This has all kinds of medieval punishment (and torture) devices.  Everything from masks for nagging women to a chair of nails and an Iron Maiden.  If you’ve read DIE FOR ME, now you know where “Simon” got his inspiration.  Bwahahahaha.  And no, I’m not a cruel and mean person.  I didn’t even want to go to this museum, it was all all DH’s idea.  But once in there, the images lingered for many years, waiting for the evil Simon (DIE FOR ME’s villain) to come along and voila! (Shameless plug.  So sue me.)

 And not to put all the creepiness in Europe…

4) My Orlando hotel room last weekend.  After standing in line for 30+ minutes to check in, DH, and the kids and I wanted to get to Disney to attend Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween party.  But we were locked in the room!!  Ack!  Even DH with all his manly muscles could not open the door.  I kept my cool, kind of, and called the front desk.  “We’re trapped!”  They had to let us out from the outside and replace the doorknob.  Totally creepy, people.

5) Honorable mention goes to my 17-year-old’s bedroom.  Ew.

So what’s the creepiest place you’ve ever been?  Tell all, in the spirit of Halloween! Bwahahahahahaha!

45 Comments »

Here at For Refreshment Only Sundays (FROS) on Mt. Oly, we all love a man who is willing to stand ah, firm on his principles. A man like Robin Hood, for example.

Of all the men in tights, except one, Robin Hood is a favorite.

For one thing, there are so many shapes and sizes of RH. There’s the vintage Flynn RH and the Disney animated RH. There’s Sean Connery as RH and many, many more. Over the years, RH has been portrayed every way you can imagine.

Like Young and Misunderstood RH:

And Older and War Torn RH:

And Sexy RH:

Who, you ask, is better than RH? Why the delicious Alan Rickman as the ultimate bad boy Sheriff of Nottingham, of course!

Enjoy your kinky MEN IN TIGHTS FROS, m’dears!

26 Comments »

When I was sixteen, a guy I’d considered just a “buddy” for four years asked me to the Junior-Senior prom. I’d never thought of him romantically, but what the hey, it was the prom, right? Once he got me to agree to that, he decided to push his luck and ask me out to see Romeo and Juliet the week before the prom (boy, was he priming me). We went and it turned out very … well, romantic. Lo and behold, my “buddy” was quite the dashing young fellow, and I hadn’t even noticed.

Although we only dated a few months (we were freaking sixteen, remember?), we fell madly in puppy love … at least until my family moved away. That began my lifelong enjoyment of “buddy to boyfriend” stories. It’s probably why I love Jane Austen’s Emma so much that being asked to write the afterword for the upcoming Signet Classics edition put me in a state of terror and ecstasy (and I kid you not, that pink thing to the right is indeed the new cover). It’s almost certainly why I adore the movie Sabrina (but you knew that, right?), and why I salivated over Goddess Karen Hawkins’s story in the first Lady Whistledown anthology. I can’t help it—I enjoy reading about friends turned into lovers.

Do you like those stories, too—the ones where the heroine suddenly goes, “Huh, he’s a hottie. Who knew?” Or is there another theme that really lights your fire: marriage of convenience, reunion stories, spies, older woman/younger man, tutor/apprentice, guardian/ward? If so, what are your favorites in the type? And have you ever had your own friend-turned-lover romance?

32 Comments »

The Goddesses thrilled to welcome  Lori Handeland to the Mount!  Lori Handeland spent years waitressing, teaching and managing a photography studio before selling her first novel in 1993.  She is the recipient of many industry awards, including two RITA Awards from Romance Writers of America for Best Paranormal and Best Long Contemporary Romance.

Lori lives in Wisconsin with her contractor husband, two teenaged sons and a yellow lab named Elwood.  She can be reached through her web site www.lorihandeland.com  There you can join her Full Moon Club and receive a monthly e-newsletter with spooky werewolf lore, fun full moon facts, recipes, excerpts and more.  So without further ado - here’s Lori!

I’m so glad the goddesses invited me to be Goddess for a Day. In that vein, I thought I’d tell you about My Glamorous Life. I can hear all the goddesses snickering.

I used to go to work wearing make up, with my hair “done,” wearing skirts, hose, heels. I had manicured nails. Those days are done, and truthfully I don’t mind. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people upon hearing what I do comment, “What a glamorous life!” after which they usually ask my husband why he’s still working for a living. The goddesses are snickering again.

My day always begins at 5:30 am when I roll out of my canopied princess bed, complete with filmy harem curtains—ahem—I mean my king sized bed, of which I sleep on about ¼ because my husband and his dog hog the rest, and hit the shower. In my mansion there is only one shower and if I don’t get it before the teenagers, forget about hot water.

For the next hour I masquerade as an alarm clock, routing teenage boys from their rooms, pounding on the bathroom door so the next guy can get his turn, feed, clothe, find lost homework, books, wallets and cell phones. By 6:45 I shove them out the door and say, Whew! The mansion is mine until 3 pm—in theory.

Since I am the queen of my castle, I do not wear make up; I do not do my hair. For work I wear flannel pajama bottoms and sweatshirts, no shoes, just slippers. It is heaven.

Until the doorbell rings and the Fed Ex man asks if I’m home sick. Is that a comment on my appearance or just that I appeared?

Next I grab my coffee and sit at my computer to read over what I wrote yesterday on my latest work in progress. I make some headway before my husband returns and sets up shop at the kitchen table. His phone rings, the fax machine buzzes, the doorbell blares and his employees tramp in and out dropping off time cards and picking up materials. I slam the door to my throne room and put in my ear plugs.

I return to the world of the Nightcreatures where kick ass heroines fight deadly monsters and survive. Someone taps me on the shoulder and I shriek. Luckily I can’t hear the shriek because of the earplugs.

My husband has just taken the new puppy for a walk. He hands me the adorable ball of fluff. As soon as I’ve enfolded him in my arms hubby says, “He rolled in poop. Gotta go.”

Puppy and I take a shower.

Since I’ve been torn out of my imaginary world for the time being, I run to the drycleaners figuring no one will be there in the middle of the day. The clerk says, “I’ll be right with you, Mrs. Handeland.” The customer in front of me turns, looks me up and down and with a wrinkled nose says, “You’re the writer.”

Uh, no. That would be another Mrs. Handeland.

When I get home, it’s time for lunch. But the cupboard is bare. The servants are really slacking off. I partake of the last few grapes in the bag and some cheese. That should get me through until the chef makes dinner.

The cover for my next book arrives via e-mail attachment. “How do you like it?” my editor asks. I stare at the beach scene they’ve put on my jungle book and wonder if I got someone else’s cover. I point out that there is no beach in this book. “Can you put one in?” my editor asks. I spend an hour creating a dream sequence for my heroine, complete with a walk on the beach. By the time I’m done, they’ve changed the cover to a jungle. But they like the beach scene so much, they leave it in. I can’t decide if that’s good or bad.

I manage a few more pages in the Nightcreature world before my younger son calls to be picked up from school. I drive there in my work clothes, then spend the return ride hunched over like a crone wishing I had long hair to cover my face since my darling son neglected to mention I was also giving 6 of his friends a ride. “Dude, is your mom sick?” one of them asks. “No,” he answers, “she always looks like that when she’s writing.”

Like what? I think, but I know better than to ask.

At home, the chef has not shown up. The servants have not returned from the grocery store and the dusting fairies haven’t arrived yet either. Darn it. I mix a casserole with noodles and whatever is left in the house—noodles will cover a multitude of sins around here–then return to Nightcreature land where my heroine never has to make dinner, run errands or pick up a truckload of teenagers. Her puppy doesn’t poop (because she has no puppy, although werewolves are another story) and if someone recognizes her when she’s out and about it’s usually to say “thank you for saving my life” unless of course, that person, or creature, has been sent to kill her.

Come to think of it, even with the puppy poo, I like my life so much better. I get to visit other worlds every single day, and in my imagination I can be anyone and still return to my glamorous life whenever I want.

So tell me, what’s the biggest daily interruption to your glamorous life and how do you cope?

73 Comments »

I wrote a book under another name, One Lucky Lord by Kim Bennet. It’s no longer in print and it has the worst cover in the world.

No kidding — the WORST. Here’s a pic of it: This is actually the first book I wrote, though it didn’t sell very quickly. I always kid around that it was rejected by every publisher in NY before it was finally picked up by someone, but that’s not true; we still haven’t heard from Berkley. I expect to get the rejection letter any day now.

Not that it’s a bad book, because it isn’t and actually sold very, very well. The book has a great heroine (Fia is just awesome), a terrific setup (the luckiest man in England ends up married to the unluckiest woman in Scotland), a lovely historical setting (Elizabethan Scotland/England), a dash of political intrigue (you get to see Lord Walsingham and Queen Elizabeth!), and some of the funniest scenes I’ve ever written.

What it didn’t have was a great hero.

Thomas was ALMOST hero material. He’s handsome, wealthy, has an interesting and complex past. The problem with Thomas is that I didn’t understand conflict so I took The New Writer’s Way Out — I just made him mad. Well, first he was irritated. Then, to show character growth, I made him mad. We then progressed to furious and finally, back to slightly irritated at the end of the book.

Don’t laugh. I was very, very young when I wrote this book. Like . . . thirty or something. One day, I want rewrite it and make Thomas into a real hero. Until then, well, let’s just say it’s a good thing it’s out of print.

Still, it brought to mind a very interesting question: Characters. Do you ever stop reading a book because of a certain character? Which is more important to you — a great heroine or a great hero? And do you forgive new authors for making mistakes like The New Writer’s Way Out?

49 Comments »

Sunday I finished the book I’ve been working on for the past 3 ½ months. As I was writing the “I will love you forever” scene, I started crying. I do this frequently while I’m writing – in fact, that’s how I know when I’ve hit the level of emotional resonance I’m looking for. I cry. But since this particular moment coincided with the end of the story, I sat back and wiped my eyes and thought “hey, I’m Joan Wilder”.

You remember Joan. At the beginning of the movie Romancing the Stone she finishes up her book with Angelina and Jessie, sits back crying, and then goes looking for tissues and drinks one of those airline bottles of booze.

I had tissues, and I drove through Carl’s Jr. for a strawberry shake in lieu of the alcoholic beverage, but I still felt like Joan Wilder. I’d finished my book, sent Phin and Alyse metaphorically riding into the sunset, and then I celebrated. And wiped my nose.

Today of course I have to dive back into the book and do some revisions, tighten it up and get it ready for my editor to look at. And I used a computer, rather than a typewriter. But that’s all just silly reality intruding. For those few minutes, I was Joan Wilder. And I loved it.

Have you every had one of those moments, where you become a heroine or a hero from a book or a movie? Where you catch yourself in a moment of doing or saying something one of them did, and you think “hey, I’m______”? Who have you been?

53 Comments »

I don’t know how many books you have to write or sell before you can take the release of a book in stride. I am getting better, but I still have a ways to go. Today is the day the third book in the Desperate Debutante series, The Dangers of Deceiving a Viscount, goes on sale. I hope you will pick it up!

In the meantime, I am doing my usual—distracting myself with limericks. What, you’re surprised?

One thing before I get to the limericks: Great minds think alike. When KH suggested we do a goddess bulletin board, a couple of people had already begun to set up a Julia London bulletin board. We want it to be a place where friends and fans and readers alike can hang out—just like this one! Mine launched last week, and to celebrate, I am hosting a contest for aspiring writers (plus a historical smorgasborg giveaway). If you are writing a romance novel, you can win a chance to have your work put in front of my agent. This does not guarantee representation or publication—but the winner gets some thing really valuable-the opportunity to leap frog over hundreds of submissions she gets each week. Please visit my board to read the details, and I hope you register here, too.

Right, so, I have a book coming out, and I like to take my mind off the actual release by doing something completely off the topic of books. Like creative photoshop (Suzie and Ellen, you challenged—I deliver!). And sometimes I dilute my thoughts by making up silly little limericks like this one:

There once was a lady in red
Who had a strange-looking head
It was her face
That didn’t sit great
A tragedy that sent her to bed

Okay, I don’t really make up limericks, but when I saw this picture of Juzie, it sort of sprung to mind.

Want to play along? Make a up a limerick about your favorite goddess—or hell, whatever you want—and the winner gets an autographed copy of The Dangers of Deceiving a Viscount!

75 Comments »

As a fiction writer, I’ve killed my share of villains. Granted, my villains aren’t as deliciously dastardly as Karen Rose’s, but they definitely deserved their comeuppance and I took pleasure in doing them in when their time came.

There are also villains in real life that I would love to see get their just desserts. In fact, I just read about a best-selling mystery writer who started her mystery career because she wanted to do in her ex-husband, and writing novels was the best way to kill him off over and over again without having to go to jail for it.

I’ve fantasized a few times about doing in certain real people. Top on my list is a dentist I went to several years ago on the recommendation of a neighbor. He screwed up my mouth so badly that I literally started grinding my teeth in my sleep in an unconscious effort to make my bite fit. That man caused me countless hours of misery, not to mention all the wasted time and the many thousands of dollars I spent to have my bite problems corrected.

Since then I’ve enjoyed dreaming up creative ways to off him – or at least torment him a little and make him suffer. Some of the fantasies in my darkest heart:

– Take out a contract out on him employing the assassins in TV shows Burn Notice and Alias.

– Tie him to his dentist patient chair and flood the room with laughing gas till he expires from laughing himself silly.

– Have a tribe of evil elves set up shop in his mouth and go to work with hammers and chisels,

– Drown him in a vat of boiling Listerine.

– Pay a wicked scientist – what was the name of that Dustin Hoffman movie? – to drill his molars out without anesthesia.

– Turn loose two dozen screaming kids with drills and give a prize to the kid who inflicts the most holes in his body.

– Make a voodoo doll of him and stick big swords in certain vulnerable parts of his anatomy.

Fortunately I’m a writer, so I can claim creative license. We’re talking fantasy here, and I would never actually act on my murderous impulses. But it sure would be satisfying to cause that villain even a fraction of the suffering he caused me.

Let me also say that I don’t have it in for all dentists. My new one is highly skilled at his trade. So was my dear late dentist father in law – and no, I didn’t have anything to do with the “late” part.

Is there someone you would love to see get their just rewards – payback for the pain and frustration they caused you? Do you ever fantasize about delicious ways to do in the villains in your life? Or is that just the realm of fiction writers?

53 Comments »