Holiday, Shmoliday
Sep 1st 2007
Sabrina JeffriesMy Life As A Plebe
Labor Day for the average person means a lovely long weekend to do as you please. For me and my husband, it used to mean hell.
Why? Because just about any holiday with an autistic child is no picnic. Did you know that entertainment places like swimming pools, gyms, and bowling alleys actually CLOSE at holidays? What’s up with that? And have you ever tried to find a McDonald’s open on Christmas? You might as well look for the Abominable Snowman in the desert.
Then there’s that pesky need of caregivers to be with their OWN families at holidays. Sheesh! Okay, so I’m kidding about that, but justified or not, it poses a problem for the parents of your average autistic child. And if, in anticipation of not having any help with your child, you plan a family trip, that presents its own difficulties. Autistic children often don’t travel well.
Fortunately for my husband and me, our son has matured, and holidays aren’t the bane of our existence anymore, but plenty of parents are still struggling with what we used to endure. That’s why my fellow writer Elizabeth Boyle (who also has an autistic son) is giving part of the royalties of her latest book to autism charities. You can read more about that at her blog.
But to be honest, it’s not just the autistic child thing that can make holidays difficult. We writers, you know, have been known to spend Christmas Eve working on our books after everyone has gone to bed. Most of us try not to schedule deadlines for right after the holidays, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.
By the way, rumor has it that MY next deadline is Jan. 1st. There will be no Christmas cookies baking at my house this season. Okay, so I haven’t baked a Christmas cookie in years, regardless of deadlines, but this could have been the year. You never know. And now the pesky deadline is going to prevent it. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
My point is, holidays aren’t the same for everybody. My sister-in-law who’s a nurse always seems to have to work, and plenty of doctors find themselves on call. The city expects even the hunky policemen and firemen to show up for work. And I’m sure service personnel get tired of not being able to spend every holiday with family. For some people, a holiday is just another workday.
So what about you? Are holidays magical times you spend with your family? Or do they present unique difficulties? Do you tend to work over holidays? Do you ever go on holiday vacations that AREN’T to visit family? And have you ever had Thanksgiving dinner at the Smithsonian?
30 Comments »
30 Responses to “Holiday, Shmoliday”
Ann in IL on 01 Sep 2007 at 7:06 am #
What’s a holiday?
My Father was a city policeman, two brothers are firefighters, two are EMT’s, one is county Emergency Management, my sister-in-law is an ER nurse.
A holiday occurs when the Hand of Fate that rules scheduling rotation actually has everyone off on the same day !!!!!!!!!! Working a Mon-Fri 8-5 job is a myth in my family. On the other hand, we probably have more holidays than most families, because we end up celebrating multiple times just to cover everyone on their days off.
Stacy ~ on 01 Sep 2007 at 7:35 am #
I love holidays because you get time off from work LOL. My family lives in another state, and I’m more of an introvert, so sometimes I don’t mind holidays (Labor Day, Memorial Day, etc) where I can just stay home and be lazy - reading, etc. I might to go a barbeque here and there, but crowds of people, even family and friends, can wear me down. I prefer hanging out with just a few people and enjoying their company.
Lisa H on 01 Sep 2007 at 7:45 am #
Sabrina, My heart goes out to you and others who have children with special needs. I am glad to hear your son has matured and is now better able to enjoy holidays.
I love holidays - mainly the anticipation. I love Thanksgiving because I truly am thankful for so much. I love to bake and cook “the meal” and I love the leftovers. It also signifies the beginning of the Christmas shopping season, which I also love.
I have three children and so Christmas is always fun and I think my husband and I enjoy it more than the children. My husband who is constantly watching the “budget” loosens the purse strings considerablely and we always have fun spoiling the children. I LOVE going to church on Christmas Eve, for many years we were unable to, but now we can and I really enjoy that, and I love the whole idea of God giving His son to us. Very mind boggling!
darkshire007 on 01 Sep 2007 at 7:59 am #
Because I am military I spent most of my holidays alone (when I got divorced the ex got my children and I didn’t see them on holidays). So other then celebrating the Lords birthday with a visit to midnight mass, I don’t celebrate them. I anticipate working instead and if I get the day off…I sleep in and read.
Sabrina Jeffries on 01 Sep 2007 at 8:45 am #
I think it doesn’t help for me that my immediate family is spread out all over creation. I have a sister on the west coast, my brother and I live on the east coast (3 hours drive apart), and my parents and my other brother live in Texas. When we got everyone together for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago, it was the first time in 18 years that the entire family was in one place. Three of the grandkids hadn’t even been born then. We had a blast and decided we ought to do it every few years or so, but it was quite an effort to get us all in the same place at the same time, so I don’t know if that can ever be done like that again. After all, many of our kids are grown and they’ll be having families of their own soon. We hope, anyway.
Plus, few of us work 9-5 jobs either, so we’re all busy all the time. Trying to get our schedules to mesh is a major pain. But we really enjoyed it, so I think we might attempt it again. Maybe in ANOTHER 18 years.
doglady on 01 Sep 2007 at 8:47 am #
I have an inkling of what holidays and travel with an autistic child can be like as my cousin’s son is autistic. He is 16 now, but over the years we have spent many holidays with him and it has always been a challenge. Fortunately for me, music is his thing and he happens to like opera so we do have that bond. I was so pleased to see the announcement in Elizabeth Boyle’s wonderful book. It is a great read as well. I manage a bakery, so as you can imagine, I don’t get many holidays off! For any of them that fall on my off day, I usually spend the day writing, sleeping and reading or watching movies. Of course Christmas has to be worked around which day I am off, but my family is pretty flexible. My vacation is always scheduled to coordinate with my BFF’s vacation as we try to hit a writers conference or a reader’s luncheon or something like that together. Last year we did the Georgia Romance Writers Readers Luncheon and we had a ball!!
Karen Hawkins on 01 Sep 2007 at 9:34 am #
My dh is a cop and he works ALL of the time, especially on holidays. His department trades those days off, but the truth is, whenever families gather, there are more emergencies than usual. For one thing, there’s more travel and for another, not all family get togethers are peaceful!
Sabrina, I can’t imagine all of the complications having an autistic child can cause. I hope you and your hubby find SOMETHING fun to do with your son this weekend! Wish I could help you out, m’friend!!!
twolilhahas on 01 Sep 2007 at 9:44 am #
I’ve been a stay-at-home Mom for the last four years, so I have been able to spend the holidays with my babies. Which is nice. I do have to share my babies with my ex-husband. I am very fortunate that my ex and I see eye to eye on the rotating holiday thing, and neither of us like it. We both wanted to see the babies on all the holidays. So, he comes and gets them in the morning of said holiday and keeps them until about 3pm…then I have them the rest of the day.
Holidays this year are not going to be what they once were, though. My family is really small. An aunt died a few years back and her kids don’t really come by anymore. And my grandparents just took up residence in a nursing home this year. So, there’ll be no delicous grandma food! I’m sure we’ll spend our holidays at the nursing home. I’m also trying to get a job this year, but hopefully I will have the holidays off. With small children, that’s important to me.
twolilhahas on 01 Sep 2007 at 9:46 am #
Karen, that’s so cool that your hubby is a cop. I think that’s a very sexy job. I don’t know how you stand it, though. I’m afraid if I were to meet a cop I’d worry every time he was at work!
Elizbo on 01 Sep 2007 at 9:50 am #
Deb, you are so sweet to mention my blog! And of course, you are my hero completely. Let me tell you folks, Deb has saved my butt several times when I am pulling my hair out trying to figure out what is going on when my son has those “bad times.” And like Deb says travels are somewhat limited–small car trips in off-traffic hours–and to places that don’t mind a kid who likes to run. My Dad’s house is perfect, since he has a couple of acres, a stream/pond for throwing rocks in, and all the space a kid who can’t be cooped up loves. When we come to visit, my dad calls it “Matthew proofing” which consists of putting away all the breakables, and using his tractor to make a big pile of rocks for Matthew to throw.
And Karen, understanding friends like you are the biggest gift!
Karen Hawkins on 01 Sep 2007 at 9:57 am #
Two Lilahs, I call him DH for Dear Heart — we’re not married . . . yet.
And YES, I worry. He’s been in some tough situations, though with his current assignement he’s doing more paperwork and he’s much less in the line than he used to be.
LizBo, I read your blog, too. Made me cry. My parents adopted a special needs child when I was nine. She’s my sister and she’ll never be able to live alone, but oh, what a sweetie. It takes a lot of courage and patience to be a parent of a child that Needs A Little Extra and you and Sabrina have my most heartfelt belief that YOU are our real heroines. Hugs to you both and I hope you find many creative ways to have a great holiday.
Sabrina Jeffries on 01 Sep 2007 at 10:19 am #
To be honest, Nick has become so easy to manage that I don’t consider holidays much of a problem anymore. We can travel anywhere with him, take him into any restaurant, go to any movie, etc. But that wasn’t the case until about five years ago (he’s almost 19). Autistic kids tend to get easier to manage as they get older, but those first 13-14 years are killer. And since he must have supervision at all times, we’ll never be able to go on long vacations without him … at least not until he’s in some sort of supervised home situation. It’s just too hard to find someone who will stay here and watch him for more than three days. But we just take him. It IS a little more complicated, but it gets less so every year. For example, until about two years ago, he wet the bed almost every night. Now he never does, so that eliminates our having to carry a plastic sheet with us on every vacation.
And really, he’s become quite the little sweetie. He carries suitcases when we travel, a real plus!
dbrown3400 on 01 Sep 2007 at 11:16 am #
The son of a dear friend of mine is autistic. They have since moved away but I watched Matthew grow from a boy of ten to a young man of fifteen, when he was going to school on the bus by himself and learning at a special school. For some reason, he and I really hit it off, so Kathy felt comfortable leaving him with me while she went to work cleaning rooms at a nearby motel. Yes, they had it rough, but he was content with Spongebob Squarepants and his video games — until the point where it was bedtime or mealtime and he didn’t quite want to change activities. He is a great boy and I love him as though he were my own.
I understand on some levels he is autistic savant from some testing they have done with computers they hadnt’ done before. I saw him fix my VCR just by looking at the parts and how they fit together. He is advancing some in mathematical areas but will stay the same in verbal.
TBC
dbrown3400 on 01 Sep 2007 at 11:18 am #
We shared holidays during a time when both my girls lived out of town. We would bake turkeys for Thanksgiving or shop for Christmas presents on Christmas eve. Kath and I would take turns going to the mall.
Those were some good times.
Donna
Judy F on 01 Sep 2007 at 11:42 am #
Sabrina your son sounds like a real sweetie. Hugs to you and your family.
I have no real plans for this weekend. Thought about cleaning but decided to finish Karen Rose’s book instead. Excellent. Now I want David… NOW.
Happy weekend everyone.
Marie Conley on 01 Sep 2007 at 12:05 pm #
I love Christmas though it does not have to be on the actual day. My family always has a huge Christmas with my step-grandmother then a small intimate on with my Grandma. I hate the huge party, there are usually 50+ of us. Did I mention I hate crowds. Then we are off to the always great Christmas with Grandma with only 4 of us. This weekend I am going to a Watermelon festival if my mom ever gets out of the hospital.
Karen Rose on 01 Sep 2007 at 5:19 pm #
Sabrina, I have never had Thanksgiving dinner at the Smithsonian. Did you? And why? Sounds like a story
I grew up in the MD burbs of DC, and we always went to my grandmother’s house in NC for all the major holidays. But when I got to university, I couldn’t just take off - I had work to do. One year my mother decided to stay home at Tgiving and paint ceilings. Dad and my younger sister went to NC and I stayed home with mom. She said, “Let’s go shopping for Tgiving dinner.”
Now, like Ralphie’s father, I love my turkey. My mouth set for moist, juicy white meat (who eats dark meat, I mean really?) Mom and I went to the store and I was appalled to find that year she intended to make Swanson’s frozen meatloaf dinners for Tgiving!!!!! I whined, but she was firm, saying she had to paint ceilings. So I whined louder, until everyone in the store was staring at us, thinking that my mom was a beast for making me eat FROZEN DINNERS on Tgiving.
Karen Rose on 01 Sep 2007 at 5:21 pm #
My mother gave me the evil eye and bought a turkey breast and some instant mashed potatoes. Looking back, I probably could have made the dinner myself and probably should have.
Except I don’t cook, and when I do, people give me the evil eye - it’s not tasty.
Other than that, all my T-givings were perfectly normal.
Except for that one other Tgving when our neighbors tricked DH into eating chitlins. That was entertaining, LOL.
Nicole Jordan on 01 Sep 2007 at 6:07 pm #
I severely dislike holidays! Cause I always have to work and everything else is closed. Bah humbug.
Sorry about your freezer, KarenR!
And Sabrina, you have a gold halo above your head for all you’ve been through.
NicoleJ
Jane Squires on 01 Sep 2007 at 7:05 pm #
When I was younger and worked, believe it or not I hated not working on holidays except Christmas. I am disabled now and being at home don’t get a holiday. My husband is a Deputy so ends up working Christmas Eve or Christmas every year and he has weekends off so ends up working ALL other holidays. He will work Labor Day as he works nights. He gets holiday pay but never one off.
When he was on Ambulance as a Paramedic we’d have all the ambulance crew to house and hope they didn’t get a call before they could eat.
Wasola, Mo.
Kay on 01 Sep 2007 at 9:25 pm #
Sabrina, you are a goddess in more ways than one. Your son is so lucky to have you for a mom. One of my children has some special needs, nothing compared to autism, but he is a challenge to travel with because of his medications and need for a routine.
I am so lucky that my mom is willing to watch my kids one weekend a year so my DH and I can have a break together. Next year, my son will be old enough for an overnight camp that will work for him–yippee!
My Dh woks in an ER, and BC (before children) I worked in a neonatal intensive care unit. We would always volunteer to work on Christmas, so families w/ kids could have that time off, and we would get New Year’s Eve off. My birthday is early Jan, so we would celebrate a little early.
My Dh has worked 16 of the last 20 Thanksgivings, and gets Christmas week off once every 7 years.
Kay on 01 Sep 2007 at 9:28 pm #
For everyone out there who doesn’t have a loved one working on major holidays, please think about a nice gesture for your local Police dept, fire dept or ER. We take fruit and bread in for 9/11, and sparkling grape juice for New Year’s Eve. We make cookies or brownies for other holidays. We include a note from our family thanking the people who are out there keeping us safe. Goodness knows they deserve our thanks.
Lisa H on 01 Sep 2007 at 9:45 pm #
Just a suggestion- many of you may already do this, but my friend Bev whose husband is a police officer wrote a great artical entitled,”Christmas Another Day” Because of her husbands schedule, and her children’s desire to have Dad around for the holidays they celebrate Christmas on Wednesday every year because thats when Mike is off. The children know Santa has already come, but they still wait until Wednesday morning to open their gifts.
I know it sounds hard to believe, but they have always done it this way and it works for their family, maybe it can work for some of your families too!
Sabrina Jeffries on 01 Sep 2007 at 10:14 pm #
Kay, what a lovely idea about providing brownies, etc., to police and firefighters and emergency personnel!
The one thing that’s ALWAYS open on holidays (or it seems to be) is movie theaters, so our new family tradition is taking Nick to the IMAX theater on Christmas Day to see a movie. He seems to enjoy that, and it gets him out of the house so he doesn’t get too restless.
Karen, originally I had a couple of lines in the blog about going on vacation to D.C. one year with Nick and having Thanksgiving dinner at the Smithsonian. Then I forgot to take the line out of the last part.
But yes, because of the caregiver difficulties, we sometimes take vacations at holidays, and a few years ago, we went to Washington, D.C., and did the tourist thing. The Smithsonian museums were open on Thanksgiving, believe it or not, so we went there for the day and had our dinner in their cafeteria (turkey, dressing, plus some “authentic” other dishes hearkening back to the pilgrims). It was fun!
Dot C on 01 Sep 2007 at 10:42 pm #
I have always worked retail or sales for as long as I can remember, and now, as an operations manager will work more than 60 hours a week from the day after thanksgiving until January 2. Managers at all retail firms are required to work 6 day weeks during the holiday stretch, so after 6 10 hour days, I’m too tired to do anything. Last year, I cut our own tree the week after thanksgiving, and decorated it in drips and drabs as I had time, never really finishing the decorations, but MAN, that thing was so bright you could spot it by satelite. When I was a kid, our tradition was to do our big celebration Christmas Eve. All our relatives came over, we did potluck, and we stayed up till all hours, or until we dropped. Christmas Day was all about lazing around in the jammies till afternoon, when we would go visit our grandfather, and the adults would sit, shoot the shit, and drink themselves under the table (good Canadian Whiskey!) TBC
Dot C on 01 Sep 2007 at 10:51 pm #
My sister has taken over as Holiday Host, but, since she is nicknamed The General, our holiday is now very regimented. It has lost the sparkle of my memory. I despise having to operate my days off on a schedule, and abhor trying to conform to someone elses idea of a good time. But the foods good
I suppose finding your own holiday and trying to escape the lingering disappointment of somehow missing the holiday season is part of becoming an adult. I truly want to enjoy the holiday time and do all those special things with my daughter, but somehow, we just always run out of time. Well, plus my neighbor is one of those over the top decorators….you know? And no matter how I decorate, nobody can see my house because he’s got the Chevy Chase Holiday theme going on. As the scheduling manager, I try to convince hourly people to work the holidays as opposed to salaried folk, so I get every other holiday off, give or take. I will be working Labor Day, but have Columbus Day off.
kim h on 02 Sep 2007 at 1:21 am #
yes hot men in uniforms. love them and thanks for keeping us safe. have a great labor day weekend
Sabrina Jeffries on 02 Sep 2007 at 2:03 pm #
Dot C, I have a brother who sounds like your sister! When we recently celebrated my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, he was the one who cracked the whip and made everybody get places on time. But to be honest, we were pretty happy about that because with OUR family we would have been messing around, trying to make a decision for hours. He just ordered everybody here and there (based on a schedule we’d all agreed to ahead of time), and that kept us from going nuts.
lremaly on 02 Sep 2007 at 9:25 pm #
I worked for years all the shifts that were hard to fill so that people with children could be at home for holidays. My work shift was Wednesday through Sunday, 1:30 to 10:00 and I volunteered for holidays. Now I’m 73, retired, and have NO SOCIAL LIFE AT ALL as I was out of the loop for so very many years. So all of you wonderful writers keep me from “losing it”. Thank you SO much!
Pat on 03 Sep 2007 at 8:51 pm #
My husband is a DJ, and they don’t get any holidays off, unless it happens to fall on their regular day off. In fact, since our kids are grown and gone, he works Christmas day for the people that have small children at home. I don’t think I’ve seen him on Christmas morning for15 years now. But, we’ve always managed to have Christmas supper at our house, with all the trimmings, and he does the cooking! He goes to work at 3:30 am, so the turkey goes in the oven with the timer set to go off at around 10 am and he comes home and does all the rest. I haven’t cooked a meal in the 23 years we’ve been married, and he likes it that way! He says that’s why we’ve survived all these years.