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You’re a what . . .?

Jul 31st 2007RachelG
RachelGOn Writing!

giantsquidamnh21.jpgA few months ago, I was surfing the web–which I often do when I’m supposed to be writing–and I came across a review for a book in which the hero is a shape shifter. “Yeah,” you say. “Big deal.” Well, this particular shape-shifting hero turns into a squid. Yes. A. Squid.

Now, I like shape shifters. One of my favorite authors is Lori Handeland and her heroes turn into werewolves. Normally I don’t like werewolf. Wolves are dogs and dogs lick themselves and each other. Dogs are butt sniffer, but Lori is so good that I can suspend disbelief and forget about the whole dog licking and sniffing thing.

But a hero who turns into a squid? I think not, and there is no way I can suspend disbelief for a fish. It’s just not sexy. And can you image the conversation between the hero and heroine when he tells her he’s really a squid.

“Baby, I have to something to tell you. I’m a squid.”
“Are you high?”
“No. When the moon gets full, I turn into the Squid King.”
“Oh, so that explains why you smell fishy, won’t eat calamari, and squirt ink.”

jackolope.jpgNow, I’m all for stretching boundaries and pushing envelopes, but some things are just wrong. What’s next? Jack-o-lope heroes?

So, what do you all think of a squid hero? And if you read paranormals, what is the oddest shape shifter you’ve read?

60 Comments »

60 Responses to “You’re a what . . .?”

  1. Susan K on 31 Jul 2007 at 8:16 am #

    Ummm….the squid hero is a little weird. I do read paranormal but I stick to vampires, ghosts and time travels only. Plus, I only read certain paranormal authors (Christine Feehan, Katie MacAlister, Lynn Kurland, Lynsay Sands). So I haven’t run across anything too weird. Yet.

  2. Susan K on 31 Jul 2007 at 8:17 am #

    Suzanne - I’m running out to get your book after work! Can’t wait to read it!

  3. Susan K on 31 Jul 2007 at 8:19 am #

    Oh Rachel - I’m thinking of trying yours as well. I rarely read contemporaries but since your a goddess I think I should give it a try. You never know I may just love it!

  4. Susan K on 31 Jul 2007 at 8:22 am #

    Rachel - I was just on your website and it looks good. I will be adding it to my list at the bookstore tonight.

  5. Sabrina Jeffries on 31 Jul 2007 at 8:36 am #

    I’ve only read shapeshifter novellas (or seen shapeshifter movies), and both of them were pretty standard types of shifting–one was a wolf, the other a panther or leopard. I take that back–I also read Dara Joy’s REJAR, where the hero is a cat. I liked all of the ones I read (the Lucy Monroe story in UNLEASHED was stellar!), but prefer the wolf or big cat ones (anybody remember the movie Cat People? I loved it. Also loved Wolf.). I don’t know if I could do a squid.

  6. cail on 31 Jul 2007 at 9:08 am #

    the extent of my paranormal reading is limited mostly to some of nora roberts more magical stories. i think a squid shape shifter would be really strange for me to read. no, i don’t think i’d like that much at all. squids just aren’t sexy.

  7. J Perry Stone on 31 Jul 2007 at 9:15 am #

    I don’t know. I think the hero should shift into an animal that is fairly handsome and masculine.

    But I give her props for originality.

    That said there are plenty of other animals that might work besides a slimy squid:

    Birds of prey
    Big cats and wolves as Sabrina suggested (ooooh, how about the mysterious snow leopard????)
    Wild horses
    A shark might work
    A bull might work
    Fox
    Bear
    Jackal
    Maybe a snake (the author could have lots of fun with the obvious innuendoes therein)

    In any case, I admire someone for trying to branch out of the obvious choices, but I think there are limits: slime, buggy eyes and tentacles being a few of them.

  8. Darla on 31 Jul 2007 at 9:54 am #

    I don’t know, but mostly gastly images come to mind and creep me out.

  9. SuzyQ on 31 Jul 2007 at 9:55 am #

    Well, maybe it would work if the heroine was a mermaid.

  10. Susan K on 31 Jul 2007 at 10:09 am #

    Suzy Q - I tried to read a book that had mermaids/men in it. I couldn’t finish it. I just had a lot of trouble believing in what the author wanted me to see.

    Sabrina - Christine Feehan does a lot of stories on big cats. They’re really good.

  11. RachelG on 31 Jul 2007 at 10:15 am #

    I read a mermaid/man book too. It didn’t work for me. Perhaps it the whole fish as heroes and heroines that just didn’t work for me.

    Oh and not a rat either. Rats have gross tails.

    rachelg

  12. Julia London on 31 Jul 2007 at 10:40 am #

    A SQUID? Are you kidding me? I can’t think of anything more disgusting. Seriously! But then, I’m not really into shapeshifting. When Pocket asked me to write a couple of paranormals, I thought about it. I told them I couldn’t do werewolves because like Rachel, I think of dogs, and when I think of dogs, I think of the two fatties lying at my feet. Ick.

    I said no to vampires just because there are so many of them out there now.

    I said, how about wizards descended from merlin? And really bad-ass witches, ala Harry Potter, but with sex? They said yes. So I said yes. I like it because the characters are essentially people. I can deal with people and magic, and its actually fun to write. I can’t deal with squids. no way, no how.

  13. SuzyQ on 31 Jul 2007 at 10:42 am #

    LOL - you guys are cracking me up. To be honest, I’ve never read a shapeshifter book. But I did like the movie Wolf as Sabrina said. Does anyone remember Ladyhawke???

  14. dbrown3400 on 31 Jul 2007 at 10:44 am #

    Sabrina, I remembered Cat People, the original with Simone Simon. She was haunting in that part.

    I’ve read about selkies (sp?), pure white polar bears that morph into humans. The story was well done so didn’t gross me out. Also black panthers, vampires and werewolves etc., are okay with me.

    Squid and rats, eew. Snakeskin is dry but someone else can try it first

    If I disappear, blame Yahoo’s beta mail testing. Not even on my minus list.

    Donna

  15. dbrown3400 on 31 Jul 2007 at 10:48 am #

    SuzyQ I’ve seen Ladyhawke a dozen times at least. Rutger Hauer and young Michelle Pfeiffer were great together.

    db

  16. Nicole Jordan on 31 Jul 2007 at 10:53 am #

    A squid???? Eeewwwe. Just can’t see that as a hero. A merman, yeah. I’ve read a couple of wonderful romances about mermen heroes. But not a squid, sheesh.

  17. cail on 31 Jul 2007 at 11:04 am #

    Julia- totally looking forward to the bad ass wizard romance!

  18. Darla on 31 Jul 2007 at 11:06 am #

    I loved Lady Hawke!

  19. Suzanne Enoch on 31 Jul 2007 at 11:43 am #

    A squid. Hm. Ten tentacles. Hm.

    Okay, I thought about it. Yuck. I agree that in the best shape shifter stories, the person’s “animal” is a reflection of their human personality. The prey mammals. But a cold-blooded, squishy, big-eyed squid? What is the man-version like? Is he a kleptomaniac? Maybe a shortstop?

    I’m just not seeing the attraction. And now I want a tuna sandwich.

  20. Suzanne Enoch on 31 Jul 2007 at 11:45 am #

    Thanks, Susan K! My website and most of my email’s been down — one stupid server bought out another stupid server, and a 12-hour changeover is now over 50 hours old — so I can use some good news.

  21. Julia London on 31 Jul 2007 at 11:52 am #

    Suzanne, I don’t think I can go near tuna for some time now. Thanks, Rachel!

    Cail, I hope you like the books. They come out next July and August. Seems a long way away, but time will fly.

  22. twolilhahas on 31 Jul 2007 at 12:05 pm #

    I love shapeshifters! lol I read one once where he was a cat. I was surprised I liked it because I absolutely do not like cats. So, maybe despite the fact that squids are gross, I could love him? Hmmm…. Probably not. “Quick, Sweetie! Get me to the ocean, I’m about to change!!!!” “What are you talking about?!? The ocean? Change?” *looking over to her handsome passenger boyfriend* “OH MY GOD! Those are tentacles!” Shriek! Crash! Death by automobile…somebody wasn’t paying attention to the road!

    I think wolves are really sexy, so those are my favorite shifters. But, I wouldn’t write that in a story. It’s been done too many times. I would love to read a story with a unicorn in it, but I don’t think I would like for the hero to be the unicorn. I would see that sharp point in my mind’s eye when they were making love and would cringe.

  23. colinfirthfan on 31 Jul 2007 at 12:06 pm #

    Suzanne, your webisite is up and running. I tried to get in all day yesterday, emailed you about it. Email bounced back but I finally read the excerpt. Going to buy it ASAP.

    I definitely can’t do a squid hero. Its just WRONG!!

  24. Kay on 31 Jul 2007 at 12:11 pm #

    A squid hero does NOT work for me. I would not pick up the book. I like the big cats, wolves, birds of prey, and bears. That makes sense to me, but a squid? No way.

    SuzyQ—Ladyhawke is one of my and my DH’s favorite movies. That is my standard for shapeshifters. :sigh:

    I did like what J K Rowling did with the anamagis shapsehifter thing. Very clever. I was hoping for more of that in the last book.

  25. Susan K on 31 Jul 2007 at 12:16 pm #

    Suzanne - I couldn’t wait till after work. I went to Target to waste my lunch hour away from the crazy people (my co-workers) and there it was! So I snatched it up. Can’t wait to start it!

    Rachel G. - I’ll be getting yours next week with my next paycheck. Bills first, books second. That’s what I keep having to tell myself. LOL

  26. ladydawgfan on 31 Jul 2007 at 12:24 pm #

    A squid???? Double - dog EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! The thought of tentacles and bulging squid eyes takes me not to the world of romance but straight to “Iron Chef!!!” Good grief!!!!

    And actually, I am not into shape shifters at all, especially RE animals. I just can’t get past the pseudo-beastiality aspect of it. The whole idea of doing the nasty with something that is or isn’t a wolf or a cat instantly sets off my “Yuck-o-meter.” Sorry, but there it is!!

  27. twolilhahas on 31 Jul 2007 at 12:42 pm #

    I read one where there was a shapeshifter in it that was an eagle. That was cool, but he wasn’t the hero of the book. He was some sort of shadow man, and he and the heroine had lots of crazy wild group sex. She hadn’t met the hero yet. It was totally freaky! Overal the book was interesting enough to keep reading, but it was mildly disturbing. lol

    I keep thinking of Davy Jones in POTC, and am seeing a Beauty and the Beast kind of set up. That might work, despite the tentacles. That would be very cool, in fact, because I rather liked the guy, and longed for his happy ending.

  28. Karen Rose on 31 Jul 2007 at 2:03 pm #

    I must go with the majority on this one. I can’t embrace the thought of squid unless it’s deep fried as calamari. Once I had squid on a “pizza” in Japan. That was weird.

    Yuck-o-meter. Now I’m chuckling. Thanks Ladydawgfan - I needed a laugh today!

  29. Brandy on 31 Jul 2007 at 2:17 pm #

    I’ve read one where there is a Great White Shark as the shapeshifter. And then another where a Shapeshifter was a rat, but he was the villian. But, a Squid? Eeew, no thanks.
    And LadyHawk was a Fabulous movie.

  30. Maggie Robinson on 31 Jul 2007 at 2:43 pm #

    I’m just wondering how dextrous the hero is with all the tentacles…it might make me reconsider *g*.

  31. RachelG on 31 Jul 2007 at 2:50 pm #

    I thought about the whole dexterous thing, but ultimately, he’s a squid. And I did wonder if he turned red when he had the big O. Yuck.

  32. Ellen on 31 Jul 2007 at 2:51 pm #

    After I stopped laughing at the hero squid, I allowed my mind to flow like a piece of kelp on a wave. Just think about it….It could work as a historical paranormal. Let’s face it; the virgin would never know the difference. Not to mention, the predictable and delightful custom of “flying the sheets” the morning after would take on a whole new dimension.

    (A cheer went up in the main hall as the wedding sheet revealed a huge ink stain.)

    Not to mention, it answers my pet peeve about the lack of baths in past eras.

    “What is that smell?” the young maiden asked shyly.
    “I don’t know…it smells like fish.”
    “Dunna be looking at me, milord!”

    I’ll be back, Gees…I can’t leave this one alone. LOL
    Your loving Piscean Gee
    Ellen

  33. ladydawgfan on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:11 pm #

    “Fish heads
    Fish heads
    Rolly polly fish heads
    Fish heads
    Fish heads
    Eat ‘em up, YUM!”

    Just keeps rollin’ around in my head. Don’t quite know why . . . mebbe it has something to do with a squid hero . . .

    You’re right, Ellen. It IS hard to leave this one alone!! :)

  34. Ann in IL on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:13 pm #

    A squid……that is absolutely GROSS. Are you certain it was a review of book? Sounds like a comic book.

    I’m just not into paranormals. A human is a human and an animal is an animal. Preiod.

  35. Ellen on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:19 pm #

    Picture same Hero Squid in a chick lit called “MARRIED BEFORE THE INK DRIED.”

    “Okay, okay!” I yelled at the lump of cephalopod sitting on my celadon silk chaise. “I will call the landlord about the ink stains on the carpet. I just wish for once you would have some BACKBONE and make the call!”

    Granted that was a low blow considering my new husband was an invertebrate, however, except for the incredible sex, this guy was really getting on my last nerve. You would think he could use his eight arms for something besides a six pack, a TV remote and one left over to scratch himself with.

    “Maybe, just maybe things wouldn’t be so damn tense around here if you just acted like the man I married! You know, the one with two legs, two arms and all the other manly accoutrements.”

    His only response was to change the channel to “The Deep.” That was the final straw for me. My head practically exploded when I noticed the little suction cup smudges all over my Bellini glass coffee table. Well two could play this game. Let me just pull up my internet and pull up http://www.Recipes.com.

    “I have two words for you, Squid. Fried Calamari!”

    (I don’t know if I can stop myself. Authors, try one in your favorite genre.)

  36. gannon on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:23 pm #

    A squid is just crossing the line where shapeshifters are concerned–double YUCK!!!

    I do like paranormals and have not read any where the shapeshifter turned me off.

    Julia, “bad-ass witches a la Harry Potter, with sex”…you’ve got my attention. :)

  37. Ellen on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:42 pm #

    How bout an inspirational/exotic short story called, “ONLY IN HIS ARMS.”
    I have nothing for this. It was just fun paring an inspirational with and an exotic. Let’s face it, a ménage a trois with squid could cause a girl to yell, “Oh My Gauwd!” That counts, right?

  38. Ellen on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:45 pm #

    That’s all I got, “Gees!”
    Thanks Rachel. I laughed so hard I inked myself.

  39. Susan K on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:51 pm #

    You guys are cracking me up!

  40. Julia London on 31 Jul 2007 at 3:53 pm #

    “Thanks Rachel. I laughed so hard I inked myself.”

    Hahaha…Ellen your squid lit is wonderful. That’s too funny!

  41. colinfirthfan on 31 Jul 2007 at 4:15 pm #

    Ellen - I would read your Squid lit. Hilarious!!

  42. Judy F on 31 Jul 2007 at 4:49 pm #

    Oh Squid just give me the willies. Slimy is so not something I would enjoy. I have read some shapeshifters. I loved Lucy Monroe’s.

    Lady Hawke is a favorite and I did like Cat People.

    I hope your book is out at my store when I work tomorrow night.

  43. Claudia Dain on 31 Jul 2007 at 5:05 pm #

    Is anyone thinking Galaxy Quest? Those tentacles sliding around ‘Adrien Monk’s’ back? Guy standing there and saying, “That’s not right!” LOL

    See? Nothing new under the sun. Even squids have been done before!

  44. colinfirthfan on 31 Jul 2007 at 5:07 pm #

    I vaguely remember Galaxy Quest. It was funny!
    I love Tony Shaloub.

  45. Keri Ford on 31 Jul 2007 at 5:57 pm #

    Wow, a squid? Eckk! I don’t care how good it might be with access to all those extra limbs…that’s just gross. Not to mention all the slime and ickiness that’d be all over you when you were done. It’d be like walking out of a dog’s mouth in the summer.

    *involuntary shudder coupled with the ‘oh-that’s-nasty’ dance*

  46. Ellen Henson on 31 Jul 2007 at 6:18 pm #

    I’m breaking my back writing Western Historicals when “Squid Lit” was my meal ticket all along! Where’s Kate Duffy when I need her??

    I was sure Karen Rose would come up with a COLD BLOODED squid murder plot.

    Okay, Okay, I promise to stop now.

  47. Karen Rose on 31 Jul 2007 at 6:36 pm #

    Oh, now Ellen has put me in a spot. How can I compete with her hilarious Squid Lit?

    I even checked to see if any of the squid inks are poisonous but to my chagrin, they are all non-toxic to humans. Dang.

    Rachel - the squid turning red when he has a big O is making me wince with squid sickness. Ew.

  48. twolilhahas on 31 Jul 2007 at 7:56 pm #

    I have laughed at this thread all day! This is simply squidalicious!

  49. Stacy S on 31 Jul 2007 at 7:59 pm #

    That’s just gross!! A squid? I have read some shapeshifters. I’m just started to get into it now. But I love reading about witches(YAY Julia). I loved Cat People.

  50. twolilhahas on 31 Jul 2007 at 8:14 pm #

    OMG. A squid can change colors to suit its background. Can you imagine that in a hero? Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you standing there!

  51. Suzanne Enoch on 31 Jul 2007 at 8:33 pm #

    Other things I would not like to see shift into a man who wants to kiss me:
    Snake
    Lobster
    Snail
    Slug
    Armadillo
    Platypus
    Koala
    Elephant
    Giraffe

    I have to go get a drink now.

  52. Jami Alden on 31 Jul 2007 at 10:57 pm #

    Having dissected a squid in high school oceanography class, I find this particularly gross.

    Then again, think of all the places his tentacles can go. But does he have suction cups on the tentacles? that could create some major discomfort, not to mention a hickey problem.

  53. twolilhahas on 01 Aug 2007 at 12:46 am #

    ROFL OMG…Thinking of all the hickeys!!!

  54. Karen Hawkins on 01 Aug 2007 at 9:39 am #

    Tee hee! “Look deep into my eye as I wrap my tentacles about you!”

    Geez, that’s going a bit too far, even for me and I looooove paranormal. I’m a huge fantasy reader — David Eddings Belgariad Series is one of the best series I’ve ever read and oh, how I looove Terry Brook’s Sword of Shanara! But a SQUID KING?

    I can’t go there. I have enough trouble with werewolves. I know the heroes are super sexy alpha males, but all that hair … I’d just want to wax him and that’s SO not romantic.

    Ew!

  55. UrsulaV on 01 Aug 2007 at 11:55 am #

    You know, there’s a fairly famous Japanese woodcut entitled “The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife”…

    I’m just sayin’.

  56. TinaLouiseF on 02 Aug 2007 at 2:33 am #

    I read a story once where a man turned into a lynx and the woman into a bobcat.

    I prefer wolves or big cats.

  57. pri.r. on 04 Aug 2007 at 12:32 am #

    a bobcat?… is that a turn on for lynx-es? :P
    i prefer werewolves…. because you can never go wrong with them… well according to Kresley Cole’s immortal books, she makes them sound all big and strapping and ..*droolls*;) …. might i add though… vampires are pretty cool…but i may be bordering on supernatural beings as apposed to shape shifters?… we need a definition of a shape shifter specific guidlines people!:)…guess the name tells it all.

  58. pri.r. on 04 Aug 2007 at 12:34 am #

    oooh Karen, the hair in Kresley Cole’s books aren’t a problem you see because she just pretends that they grow bigger,more buff and their eyes turning … quote “a peircing blue”

  59. FreshEChelle on 05 Aug 2007 at 11:19 am #

    Nice Jackalope pic. There’s a good shapeshifting idea. Maybe it’s already been done in a Monty Python flic. Enjoying the new book Rachel but was surprised I couldn’t find it in Idaho on my vaca.

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