The Big “O”
Jul 20th 2007
Karen HawkinsOn Writing!
I don’t have a reason to call this column The Big “O.” I just felt like putting that up there and because it’s Saturday and all of the other goddesses are home doing their laundry and such, I know no one will be around to tell me not to.
I don’t have a reason for putting up this picture of oranges, either. I just did it ’cause I wanted to.
Hooboy, I’m a rebel now!
I’m going to tell you all a secret: I may look meek and mild on the outside, but inside I’m a rockin’ rebel woman. Just this year, my work evaluation was filled with references about my unhealthy habit to strike out on my own. I believe I called it ’subversive tendencies.’
I do other naughty things, too. I always drive five miles over the speed limit. Not enough to be dangerous, but enough to feel a little more Rebel Woman and a little less Soccer Mom. And there have been times when I’ve tried to return merchandise without a receipt. Oh, and I always tear the tags off all of the mattresses in my house, regardless of the printed warning.
That’s right, my goddess sistahs! I’m a R-E-B-E-L!
By the way . . . this book cover was on an academic paper entitled “The Emergence of the Lesbian Romantic Hero and the Plot In Which She Thrives.” I’m a rebel, but not a REBEL. Just sayin’ . . .
Frankly, the rules I like to break are the ones that don’t count. I’m not really bad . . . just slightly impolite.
What about you? Are there any rules you like to break? Do you take 11 things into the 10 Item Check Out Line? Ask for the Senior Discount even though you’re only fifty-one? Drive for a few extra days on expired license tags before you renew them? What naughtiness do you habitually get into because you think no one will either notice or care? Or do you do it because it makes you feel, even if just for a moment, a little ‘bad?’
40 Comments »
40 Responses to “The Big “O””
Ann in IL on 21 Jul 2007 at 7:06 am #
Wow, I guess I am a goddess sistah !!!! That’s a cool feeling.
Guilty of all the above infractions, but I consider those as b e n d i n g the rules. I KNOW that if I ever truly broke a rule/law I would be caught in a heartbeat. All thiose people who pass me on the highway going 90 never get caught - Me? There would be an entire squad of patrol personnel training for uber radar detection if I ever tried to go that fast, and they would nail me.
License tags? If they wouldn’t mail the renewal three months before it’s due, I wouldn’t lose it and forget to go to the DMV. That’s their fault.
My worst infractions are at work. My breaks and lunches are ALWAYS just a little longer than they should be, but I only take one long break not two like everyone else.
Karen Hawkins on 21 Jul 2007 at 7:33 am #
Ann, you go, girlfriend! Let that Inner Rebel out! I’m bad about that whole Long Lunch thang myself. Of course I never took as long of a lunch as my boss, so it was okay… or so my Inner Rebel said!
amy1242 on 21 Jul 2007 at 7:46 am #
Only 5 miles over the limit, Karen? I up you by 2…and sometimes 4, depending on schedule limitations. Sometimes, at my daughter’s fastpitch games, when there is only one set of bleechers and it’s on the other teams dugout side, I sit there anyway and cheer for her team, instead of setting up my beach chair on our own side. This can really tick off the rabid fans on the other team. I do it for entertainment purposes and feel like I’m getting away with something. I DO like to think of myself as a rebel. My friends still think I’m “too nice” most of the time, but I know the truth!
Kelly Ann on 21 Jul 2007 at 8:27 am #
I sometimes leave the dishes after dinner - yep! I don’t do them until the next day. Talk about feeling like a rebel! I also speed & sometimes I go 5 miles over the speed limit if there is a cop sitting there, sometimes I smile at him.
When I’m feeling especially naughty - I eat 2 scoops of ice cream - at night!
But when I really want to rebel I wear a skirt with no undies on a date with my hubs - I may have done this more then once, but I can’t tell you for sure. My hubby seems to like it & I feel very very bad!
Oh & one last thing - I will read a romance instead of cleaning or doing something else I’m supposed to do! I say, let the rebel out!
doglady on 21 Jul 2007 at 8:56 am #
Ann in IL, I am with you on the tag thing. I just renewed mine. It was due in May. I break the rules big time on my diet. Does that count? When I had my Mustang I got three tickets in a row for doing 90plus. Had to get rid of that bad car! I did steal my first deaf Great Dane from an abusive home. Another vet tech and I did a day raid at a drug house to do it. It was day, they were all passed out! Helen weighed 50 pounds. Her proper weight? 150. She only lived three more years, but they were happy,fat ones on my couch and bed. I too remove mattress tags! I wear white after Labor Day too! (For a Southern woman this is a SIN!!) I take long breaks and lunches sometimes because I read romance novels and who wants to leave in the middle of a love scene?? I am “disrespectful” to sheriffs, but only because I was their English teacher. “Junior, if you give me that ticket, I am going to take back that C I gave you on your senior term paper and revoke your diploma!” God, I feel OLD!!
Maggie Robinson on 21 Jul 2007 at 9:02 am #
Oh, I’m ashamed. I’m the original rule follower. I mean, I’m the woman actually counting items in the cart before I get on the 20 items or less line at Wal-Mart. I drive under the speed limit and piss people off. My bra straps never show.The craziest thing I’ve been doing lately is to leave the house without mascara on the rabbity blond eyelashes. But I’ve still got lipstick on. I feel entirely boring now. Who knows what mischief I might get into now that I’ve been challenged by you, Karen?
Karen Hawkins on 21 Jul 2007 at 11:32 am #
You ladies are R-E-B-E-L-S fo’ sho’! Driving crazy, eating two scoops of ice cream at night, and breaking dogs out of prison - excellent work, m’dears!
As for those of you who are trying to be bad, we all know you can do it! Quick, while no one is looking, cut the tags off of a mattress! It fees soooo good!
Kay on 21 Jul 2007 at 12:04 pm #
I ALWAYS read the end of the book first!!! Last night, at 12:40, I got my hands on the three copies of HP 7 that my kids and I had been impatiently waiting for. Before stepping out of the store, I scanned the last chapter.
NO SPOILERS HERE!
I just had to read the ending first. I stayed up all night to read the whole thing.
I finished about 5 min ago.
My other VICE is putting change in expired meters for strangers. My DH had his car towed once, for an expired meter (Baltimore is strange.) We were broke, and the expense was devastating to us. Ever since then, I can’t stand the thought of someone getting a huge ticket or being towed for an expired meter.
Karen Rose on 21 Jul 2007 at 12:14 pm #
KarenH, you bad girl you. Tit-ling your blog “THE BIG O” just to be tit-illating.
Ahem. I have never cut the labels off mattresses. I have never gone through the 10 items or less line with any more than 10 items.
But once I got mad at a host-dude in a restaurant in Colonial Williamsburg on my honeymoon when he told us we had no reservation (when we’d made reservations at the expensive tavern months in advance) and to go to the McD’s outside of town. My new husband of less than one week could not believe the stream of objectionable terms coming from the mouth of his beloved. He still chuckles about it to this day. We got our table and free drinks and the guy playing the recorder came to soothe me, the savage beast, with a colonial rendition of Greensleeves.
Don’t tell me to go to McD’s when I’m planning for prime rib colonial style. It’s just not safe.
dbrown3400 on 21 Jul 2007 at 12:17 pm #
Maggie. I’m with you, pretty much OCD, on everything but the car business. If some moron cuts me off on the Jersey Turnpike, I ride his rear bumper to let him know how angry I am. Of course, that makes me the idiot riding someone’s bumper on the NJP — each going about 85-90 mph. Not smart.
And it’s usually the guy in front of me who has forty items in the express line. I stand there counting out loud and pointing to the sign. Unless it’s a really big guy.
I do go crazy with my mouse on Amazon. Does that count?
Donna
Karen Rose on 21 Jul 2007 at 12:19 pm #
Kelly Ann - you go girl. I bet your DH is a happy man
Doglady - you’re a rebel with a heart of gold. And white after Labor Day - and they let you LIVE? My oh my.
Kay, one of these days the parking meter maids will find you and it won’t be pretty. You’re spoiling their gig.
Ronlyn on 21 Jul 2007 at 12:27 pm #
Well, gosh…I always thought the speed limit was more of a suggestion.
I’m terrible about speeding. Not intentionally, it just sort of happens. Then I wind up un buttoning a button on my blouse and taking a lot of deep breaths and get only a warning from the nice Mr. Police Man-sir. My DH rolls his eyes at me and a coworker has vowed to figure out a way for this “warning-karma” to come bite me in the ass. LOL. Last time was because I had my license tags in my purse, but I’d forgotten to put them on my car. Nice Mr. Police Officer-sir put them on the car for me and sent me on my way. LOL.
I still haven’t renewed my drivers license since moving…although I guess that’s not renewing, it’s just changing the address.
My dishes are still piled up on the counter because this Mommy is on strike against the “I have to have a new cup for every glass of water I drink’ movement that’s making it’s way through my house. *ugh*
LOL…
PJ on 21 Jul 2007 at 1:48 pm #
There’s a speed limit? Seriously? Couldn’t prove it by me. I had a 2 1/2 hours interstate drive home from Charlotte Wednesday. The posted limit most of the way was 65. I had to do 80 just to keep up with traffic! lol I don’t think it counts as rebel behavior when you’re just trying to keep from being run over. (grin)
Most of the time I’m like Maggie. I always count my items and never use the express line if I have more then the posted number. If the sign says “Cash Only” I wouldn’t dream of writing a check. I shouldn’t say this because I’ll probably jinx myself but I’ve been driving for 39 years and I’ve never, ever had a ticket.
continued…
PJ on 21 Jul 2007 at 1:55 pm #
Occasionally, I do have a brush with rebel glory. Like last night. I blew off making a nutritional dinner. Instead of fruits and veggies, I made myself a double-dip ice cream cone, turned on some jazz then I curled up on the couch with the dogs to read, of course, a romance novel. Around 10pm I was feeling a little hungry so the dogs and I indulged in some buttered popcorn. By this time I was really getting into the rebel groove so I, yes I really did, turned the television to the Gem Fest on QVC and there it was.
A gorgeous turquoise necklace and stretch bracelet. It was a sign. That jewelry was meant for me! I didn’t even think about it. I just grabbed the phone and dialed. Less then two minutes later the transaction was complete and I was the proud owner of some great new bling. Roar, Rebel, Roar!
Karen Hawkins on 21 Jul 2007 at 2:51 pm #
Oh, PJ, that’s a great theme — Roar, Rebel, Roar!
I dig it!
You guys are gutsy bumper-ridin’, anti-McD, package countin’ (I think you’re a Rebel if you face up to other Rebels), Amazon-burning, QVC shoppin’, ice cream cone lovin’ REBELS! WOOHOO!!! I’m feeling like I should visit the ice cream section of Publix THIS MINUTE!!!
Sabrina Jeffries on 21 Jul 2007 at 3:57 pm #
Okay, I will admit to driving 5 miles over the speed limit … and occasionally 10 if I’m being REALLY bad. There’s this one l-o-o-o-ng stretch of highway I have to travel for 5 weeks during the summer to take my son to his job training program, and the posted limit is 65. No one does less than 70. There are cops lying in wait all the time, and I’ve noticed that even if my cruise control is set on 70, I can breeze past them and they do nothing. I always feel so deliciously wicked when I do it, too, because I normally ALWAYS slow down for a trooper.
You have just heard the sum total of my rebelness. I follow all the rules otherwise to the point of being absurd about it. Oh, although I do take tags off mattresses. Seriously, that isn’t even breaking a rule. You’re only not supposed to take them off if you plan on reselling them, and trust me, you wouldn’t want a mattress that had been slept on by MY family. We’re really hard on mattresses. My son actually broke his last box spring!
Patty L. on 21 Jul 2007 at 8:13 pm #
I drove once for five months before I realized that my drivers license was expired. I always drive over the speed limit, and have been known to pass on a double line.
Suzanne Enoch on 21 Jul 2007 at 8:14 pm #
Add me to the speeder list — don’t they know it’s hard to go the speed limit when you’re a goddess?
And I read the end of HP7 first, too. NO SPOILERS. I know I won’t get to read the whole book until after November 1st, and by then someone would spoil it for me. I prefer to do it myself.
I will on occasion dine on ice cream and popcorn for dinner. Better than ambrosia. *g*
Karen Hawkins on 21 Jul 2007 at 8:24 pm #
Gasp! Kay and Suzanne Enoch — YOU READ THE LAST OF THE BOOK FIRST? That’s beyond R-E-B-E-L.
Well, ok. I do it, too. But ONLY for certain books and ONLY to make sure I want to read them. If the ending is weak, why waste time reading all the way up to it?
Patty, be careful crossin’ on the double. That can be VERY tricky, although there are places where you wonder why oh why don’t they have a dotted like HERE?
Karen Hawkins on 21 Jul 2007 at 8:30 pm #
PS Note to self under Juicy Gossip To Repeat: Sabrina Jeffries admits she’s ‘hard on mattresses.’ (TEEHEE!)
Karen Rose on 21 Jul 2007 at 9:39 pm #
I didn’t read the end of HP7 first - I went to wikipedia and read the spoilers! I am so bad…
Karen Rose on 21 Jul 2007 at 9:40 pm #
But I did wait until after the book was released. I’m not that bad to read illegal spoilers.
Brandy on 21 Jul 2007 at 9:55 pm #
Not much of a rebel here, unless it’s against family? I homeschool (the In-Laws don’t get why) and we converted to a different religion than the entire family (kept waiting for an intervention for that!). Um, I have a habit of speeding, especially on the interstate and sorry to say it’s more than 5 miles an hour over the limit. And sad to say, that’s about it for me. I spend more than I should on books, but then again I don’t spend much on myself other wise. And yeah, I read the ending of Harry Potter. And no, I’m not telling!
Kay on 21 Jul 2007 at 9:59 pm #
Oh Brandy, the whole family and religion thing, please don’t get me started!!! All I can say is my DH and I started at what we considered different extremes, and “met in the middle” and neither family is happy! LOL
Kay on 21 Jul 2007 at 10:01 pm #
Karen H, At least I read the whole book after reading the ending. Unlike some Goddesses who just read the end or spoilers
Karen Rose on 21 Jul 2007 at 10:41 pm #
Yeah, yeah, yeah …
doglady on 21 Jul 2007 at 11:51 pm #
What have we learned here? Do NOT get in a car with ANY of the Goddesses! Do NOT get between Karen Rose and prime rib colonial style or any style, just to be safe. Do NOT buy a used mattress from the Jeffries’ household. Take Ms. Ronlyn with you if you plan to speed or commit any other moving violations. Kelly Ann’s hubby is a very happy man. Everybody on this blog has read the Harry Potter book and none of these women will help me out by telling me what happens. I cannot start the book until I catch up my word count for this week. That’s how I justified spending the money on the book - If you get 10K written you can read Harry Potter. I am channeling my mother or perhaps, hopefully some editor way out there in my future. Has anyone raced gurneys down the second floor sloped wooden floored hallway of a funeral home late at night to see if you can make the turn first AND take the stairs without turning over? Not that anyone I know has done that. I’m just asking!
pri.r. on 22 Jul 2007 at 1:40 am #
i 2nd SuzzaneE’s notion, i just bought the book and let me tell you FABULOUS ENDING!! ….ooohh i’m not THAT much of a rebel….ok somtimes i withdraw from my savings account when i really shouldn’t BUT it’s for books so i have an excuse.. OMG KARENH!! i got Officer and Gentleman FINALLY! …currently wondering why the book is so large, as in length wise, but otherwise am completely ecstatic as have sucessfully persuaded mother aka. portable book buyer that i love, to purchase HP7 AND karen’s book.
Karen Rose on 22 Jul 2007 at 2:36 am #
Now wait just a second, doglady dear. I am guilty of sailor talk when I’m denied prime rib, but I never said I speed in my car. Not that I don’t, but I never said I did!
Once I did drive 125mph, but it was on the Audobahn in Germany and it was totally legal and cars were whizzing by me like I was stopped - very surreal. THis little motocycle went by me in a blink and all I could think was - if he crashes, they’ll scoop him up with a spoon.
You rode the gurney through the funeral home late at night? Oh, man, that’s got to end up in a book. So could you take the turn and make it down the stairs without turning over?
Karen Hawkins on 22 Jul 2007 at 4:58 am #
I had guests over for dinner and didn’t get my usual evening goddess fix . . . so what do I find when I return? Our lovely goddess readers and authors misbehaving all over the place, impishly and delightfully admitting to all SORTS of minor rules infractions. How delicious!
There you all are, buying books and reading the endings first, sneaking money from your savings accounts, racing gurneys down ramps in funeral homes, and STILL driving like mad women! Go, goddesses, go!
Pri, I hope you enjoy Her Officer and Gentleman! One of my favorite heroes ever.
And yes, doglady, do tell us if the gurney turned over or not. And was that a gurney WITH a dead body on it, or without one?
Nicole Jordan on 22 Jul 2007 at 8:52 am #
Had trouble posting yesterday, but it looks like I’ve been allowed back on Mt. Oly. Just my luck, I try being a rebel for half a sec and then Zeus hits me with a lightning bolt.
I was admiring your oranges, Karen, and laughing.
Anyway, I’m more like Maggie. Big rule follower. Except for the speed limit thing. 5 miles over is all I’ll do. The one time I drove 10 miles over, I got a speeding ticket, so that cured me.
And I work on weekends… take my time off during the week, so if you need me to tell you how to behave, Karen, I’m here .
NicoleJ
Karen Hawkins on 22 Jul 2007 at 8:59 am #
Lol! Thanks, Nicole! I’m glad to know you’re there, ready to tell me what to do. SUCH a relief!
Ah, the joys of Being A Little Bad. I’m working right and still wearing my jammies. That makes me feel pretty naughty although NOT as naughty as going without underwear, as one of our Bodaciously Bad Goddess Readers did to tantalize her husband. I’m telling you, I’m INSPIRED to be a little naughtier with you guys around!
doglady on 22 Jul 2007 at 11:45 am #
Karen, I stand corrected on the speeding.(Snicker)I lived in Germany for a few years. You are so right about the Autobahn!! Now as to the “alleged” gurney race. Actually, I WAS the body on the gurney. Two riders, two pushers, no holds barred. When one choses to partner with the man who can lift a 400+ lb body onto the embalming table solo, one not only makes the turn on two wheels, one makes it to the bottom of said stairs intact. However, when the director of the home, who looks like a gargoyle in a Sears and Roebuck suit, is standing at the bottom of the stairs - it ain’t pretty. His response? “Are you on a break?” “Yes, sir.” “Oh. Carry on.” The guys did things like this late at night when they needed to relieve stress. Sometimes the job got to them, as you can imagine. They did unintentionally race one with a body on it down that hall. I heard a crash and yelled “If I come out there, am I going to be offended?” “That depends. Did your grandma die recently?”
Karen Rose on 22 Jul 2007 at 12:35 pm #
A pretty apology, most delightfully offered and duly accepted, doglady. Of course I do speed, just not like the demons on this blog. Plus I won’t admit to anything in a public forum that can get me arrested!
Thank you for a great laugh. I’m hormonally supercharged and in a horribly bad mood, so bad that chocolate doesn’t even seem desirable. But now I feel so much better. “Did your grandma die recently?” I truly laughed out loud!!! It was exactly the dark humor I needed today. I was ashamed, but laughed anyway
I will tell my own funny funeral home story, but I’ll wait a few days. Yours is a hard act to follow!
Karen Hawkins on 22 Jul 2007 at 12:44 pm #
Teehee! I hate to admit this, but I looove dark humor. Makes me feel naughty AND makes me laugh — two of my favorite things!
doglady, I wish I could have seen this funeral director. He sounds like something out of a movie. And Karen Rose, I’m ready for another funny funeral home story, so I’m checking in on your next blog date bright ‘n early!
Pam P on 22 Jul 2007 at 6:32 pm #
I do like to speed along the highway, don’t even know I’m doing it, lol. Though it’s not often here in the Northeast with our congested lanes. And I am currently driving with an expired emissions sticker, find it hard to get it inspected being a night owl and just keep forgetting - better check now in case it’s car registration time again, lol.
I remember my sister dropping a bowl of potato salad for a gathering once and getting upset that she had to throw it away and what was she going to serve now. I convinced her it was okay to scoop it back up in the bowl, carefully leaving avoiding a very thin bottom layer on the floor to go in the garbage can. Later when everyone was eating I kept a straight face but she kept giggling off and one, getting curious stares when she just kept laughing but wouldn’t tell the joke. Later on when everyone had their fill she finally confessed, lol.
Karen Hawkins on 22 Jul 2007 at 8:21 pm #
Ah, Pam, the dreaded dropped potato salad story. It’s sad, but this is not the first time I’ve heard it. Not saying WHERE I heard it, but I’ve heard it.
Meanwhile, inquiring minds want to know … after your sister ‘fessed up, was she allowed to bring the potato salad in the following years? Or was she brutally banned and relegated to store bought pecan rolls?
cail on 23 Jul 2007 at 11:21 am #
ah, the rebels. i was a bit more of one as a teenager, pink hair and all. But now I’m limited to bending the rules that inconvience me. i go 65 in a 55 zone, (they dont generally ticket under 10 mph over), bring drinks on the subway (it’s illegal to have coffee on the NY subway, did you know that?), and fun stuff like that.
I was a bit of a rebels HP7 wise as I waited until 10am on Saturday to purchase it!! Took 6 hrs to read. Excellent. I wouldnt even check to see how many pages it was as I was afraid I’d see something inportant on the last page. All in all I was extremely satisfied with the book.
Pam P on 23 Jul 2007 at 9:41 pm #
Well they did look closely the next time she made her potato salad, but since she does make the best and nothing happened to anyone last time, they decided to dig in and enjoy, lol.
Karen Hawkins on 24 Jul 2007 at 8:04 pm #
Ah, Pam, that’s the proof of REALLY good potato salad, when they don’t flinch at the ‘dropped on the floor and scooped back into the bowl” story and invite her to come on back with some more!
Her p/s recipe must rock.