You’ve got a friend…
Jun 18th 2007
Karen RoseOn Writing!
I’ve been blest in my life with a handful of really true friends, one of which is my husband. Last week Mr. R. and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary! We met through the machinations of one of my other lifelong friends, who’ll I’ll call “K” (because that’s her name). K deviously introduced us against our will by orchestrating a surprise blind date. If you’re wondering what that means, never fear, I’m about to tell you.
It was 25 years ago, we were high school seniors, and K was a common friend to us both. All through high school, K had thought Martin (that’s Mr. R.) and I would be just perfect for each other. The problem was two-fold. No.1: I was shy (people never believe this, but it’s TRUE) and No.2: K had not yet perfected her matchmaking art. Her attempts went something like this: 
“You’ve got to meet Martin. He’s a wild and crazy guy!” But I was shy (really) and I didn’t want a wild and crazy guy. I wanted a nice, sedate young man who would enjoy doing math homework with me. (BTW, for those of you chronologically-challenged, aka young, that pic is Steve Martin circa 1978 doing his “wild and crazy guy” act.)
At the same time, K was telling Martin, “You’ve got to meet Karen. She’s so smart her head pulsates.” Oooh, now that’s a sexy mental image. Needless to say, he declined. (BTW, this is not me. This is a Star Trek alien whose head pulsates. Not me. Got it? Besides, I’m not so tall.)
Well, this went on all through high school, until K’s birthday. She was throwing a big SWEET SIXTEEN bash. So I said “Will he be there?” and she said, “Yes, but so will lots of other people you know.” Likewise, she assured Martin of the same thing. He actually saw her invite lots of people.
The night arrived and I expected the party to be loud, but there was silence in her house. Crickets chirping, even. K had uninvited everyone except me and Martin. Well. I was totally ticked off to have been so sorely manipulated and, I’m ashamed to admit, I took it out on poor Martin. But as fate would have it, he had this gorgeous head of golden hair. I was suckered in by the hair, then found out he was smarter and nicer than I thought. It wasn’t love at first sight - maybe second or third sight. But 25 years later, he still makes my heart go pitterpat.
And now, 25 years later, I realize what a sacrifice K made for me. She gave up her sweet sixteen party to orchestrate that wild scheme to get me and Martin to meet. I’ve thanked her, but don’t think I can ever thank her enough. So … thank you, K. Your unselfish act has brought me more happiness than any person could ever expect and far more than I probably deserve. You’re the true definition of a friend.
Now dry your eyes, people, and tell me true: has a friend ever made a big sacrifice for you? Have you ever sacrificed for a friend? What nice thing has a friend done for you lately? I want the scoop!
37 Comments »
37 Responses to “You’ve got a friend…”
MJ on 18 Jun 2007 at 7:28 am #
WHAT a nice, romantic story….
Well…. I do lots of little things for my friends, but I’ve never thought of anything that wonderful…. I’ll have to pull my socks up! And my friends do many wonderful little things for me….which I totally appreciate.
Most of my friends are at the age when the best I can do is to spoil their kids….with thousands of books, natch, and this week’s fun (you realize this is all totally selfish - I love shopping for surprises for kids and I don’t have any of my own) was researching and buying and setting up basketball hoops for a couple of small boys on their birthdays…. and for their sisters, I found PINK basketballs. YES they have them, and pink soccer balls too. Got those in the closet for the summer doldrums….
Julia London on 18 Jun 2007 at 8:08 am #
That is an incredible story, Karen. Have I ever sacrificed like that for a friend? HAHAHAHA….uh…no. I don’t have that gene. Has any friend ever sacrificed like that for me? No. They don’t have that gene, either, :-). But we do support each other emotionally, and for me, that is the best kind of friendship. You know, the don-t-make-me-work-for-it kind. As they are all of the same bent, we get along so well. I would feel so empty without my friends.
Sabrina Jeffries on 18 Jun 2007 at 8:14 am #
That is truly a sacrifice to make, especially for a 16-year-old. I don’t think I could top that. But my friends sacrifice for me in small ways all the time–we sacrifice for each other, listening when one of us really needs to vent, showing up for lunch when we’re desperate to get out of the house despite deadlines and children, putting up with my whining…
Claudia Dain on 18 Jun 2007 at 8:28 am #
Karen, I’m totally overwhelmed. K! You have a real talent for matchmaking! I have some friends I’d love for you to meet, see if you can work your magic on them the way you did for Karen.
I’m going to have to think about the Big Sacrifice question. Off the top of my head, I’d say no, but give me a few hours. I may be able to invent…um, I mean remember something!
Karen Rose on 18 Jun 2007 at 8:49 am #
Isn’t it nice to have friends who listen when we need them to? I’m still friends with “K” by the way. I thinks we’ve been friends for 29 years now. I never thought I’d ever be old enough to have known anyone for 29 years except my parents.
Perhaps K has set the bar too high
So let me ask another question! What nice thing has a friend done for you lately?
One of my other friends, Cristy, sent me flowers when my book came out - this pretty bowl of happy daisies. She also got us upgraded to concierge for free last year at the RWA hotel. Alas, she’s not coming this year, so I have to be in the “common” rooms with the rest of the authors!
Karen Rose on 18 Jun 2007 at 9:03 am #
MJ - that’s so sweet to buy the kids treats like that. They will remember it in years to come. Pink soccerballs - how cute! And my kids always loved getting books from people. My youngest used to sleep with books instead of dolls. Now it’s fashion magazines, sigh. Time does fly.
MJ on 18 Jun 2007 at 9:18 am #
Well…. I’m with Julia and you, Karen - it’s the little support things that matter the most. When I’m in total overload (and yesterday, it was Major Marking Rebellion) and I call a friend and dramatize… that I’ve got to get out and have a little fun, since I’m too young too atrophy here at this desk….and they drop whatever they’re doing to hang out with me. Yesterday, it was the Farmer’s Market and ice cream break….Friday night, it was help lifting basketball hoop boxes into the van.
Even a short coffee or a meal… or an ‘adventure’ (where we get in the car and go…somewhere….to watch ducks or sit by a lake or WHATEVER). Surprises. So much fun.
I’ve always appreciated my friends…but I do even more now that I’m a single girl.
Ellen on 18 Jun 2007 at 9:39 am #
My Ex-boyfriend introduced me to my husband. He asked me to meet him in a bar after work and proceeded to show up two hours late. I had already decided that he was NOT going to be part of my future, but that sealed the deal for me! I was very uncomfortable because I didn’t know a soul there…until a beautiful, tall, blue-eyed man started to talk baseball with me….a pattern that would continue throughout our 17 years of marriage. Our first date was to Yankee Stadium, where we sat in the bad seats and talked for four hours straight. (I just thought of a bunch of cute phrases like “batter up” and “grand slam”, but I want to keep this historically accurate!)
Sooooo, where ever my ex is right now….thanks for being late.
Karen Rose on 18 Jun 2007 at 9:53 am #
AW Ellen, how romantic! My heart just melted. Cheers to the ex.
Mine and Martin’s first date was a video of Ronald Reagan in BEDTIME FOR BONZO while sitting in his basement, drinking TAB and eating peanut M&M’s, a pattern which has also endured for our 21 years of marriage. We still watch lots of movies (now DVD), still drink TAB (yes, they still make it) and I’m the one who eats the M&M’s.
Bethany Hamilton on 18 Jun 2007 at 11:13 am #
I wouldn’t call it a “sacrifice” per se, but…
My best friend’s niece was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor when she was only five.
In the ten months between the diagnosis and when she finally lost her battle with it, I was the ONLY one of her friends who stayed with her for every moment. I was always there to talk with her, and I was the only one who would go to her sister’s house.
No one else could bear seeing that little girl so sick, and so they all abandoned her because their comfort was more important than being there for a friend.
Since my friend’s mother died when she was younger, she lived with her sister, and her niece was just like my own niece. I don’t think what I did was a sacrifice, but it amazed me how there were none others willing to stick by a supposed “best friend”.
Brandy on 18 Jun 2007 at 11:54 am #
I have never been blessed with friends like that. I am amazingly shy, to the point of panice attacks. My hubs has been my best friend for over 16 years, HE has been there for me. Especially when my Mother had surgery and never woke up, she died a month later. HER borthers and sisters didn’t bother to visit or anything. So, I am blessed to have him as not only my hubs, but as my best friend.
Brandy on 18 Jun 2007 at 11:55 am #
Excuse the typos! *sigh* Butter fingers today.
Kay on 18 Jun 2007 at 12:11 pm #
Oh Karen, you are the best freind!
Lest you all think I’m a saint, I will say that Karen is the best friend anyone could ever have.
My goodness, she is the most PATIENT AND WILLING LISTENER in the world. She has helped me through every major (and minor) life crisis since I was 15. And that’s a loooooong time (decades) & a multitude of crises. LOL
MY family took the “fun” out of dusfunctional, and she was there. Crazy ex-fiancee stalked/threatend, she was there. Other assorted life problems, she was there. Wonderful marriage stressed by infertility, she was there. Current death in the extended family, she is there.
I can’t think of any person other than my DH that I depend on more.
Wendi on 18 Jun 2007 at 12:14 pm #
How sweet! I’ll never forget the best sacrifice a friend ever made for me. When I was pregnant with my first (and only) child, I decided to take maternity leave two weeks early and put myself on bedrest. (Not doctor’s orders. I think the doctor actually said get lots of exercise … but I liked my idea better.) My best friend, who had no children at the time and was only a couple months pregnant decided to come over and join me. She brought bon-bons and for two weeks we laid in my bed, ate bon-bons and watched tv from the time we got up until our husbands came home from work. Ahhhhhh…. Now that’s sacrifice, she must’ve gained at least 5 extra pounds! I offered to do the same for her before her third child was born, but she said she’d rather have me chase the other two while she slept! I’m so glad we spent all those hours of peace, quiet and Lifetime Channel tears together before the next phase of our lives began. Thank God for girlfriends and good husbands. Happy Anniversary!
Kay on 18 Jun 2007 at 12:20 pm #
Shameless plug—I just read the ARC of DIE FOR ME, her September release. Go ahead, be jealous. LOL
OMG, this is the most amazing thing I have ever read. RESERVE YOUR COPY NOW.
It is a beautiful love story, a chilling mystery, and the amount of cool details woven into the novel makes me want to recommend this book to EVERYONE, because there is truly something in it for everyone. Romance, mystery, history, art, behind-the-scenes computer and gaming info….I could go on, but you just need to read it for yourself.
My writer’s heart shivers at the amount of reasearch that went into this book. It’s obvious from the rich details, and the list of those thanked in the acknowledgements.
Line this up for your fall bookgroup now, and everyone will thank you.
Vicki on 18 Jun 2007 at 12:25 pm #
What a wonderful story Karen. Your friendship with K is something special and 21 years with Mr. R well now, that’s awesome. Since we had the pleasure of meeting him at our last chapter meeting I can truly say that he is such a riot.
My best friend (non writing one) hurt her back several years ago at work. She couldn’t work and still really can’t to this day. I was living in an apartment at the time. Just me and my dog who I had for 6 1/2 years. Dorothy owns a 2 bedroom condo and with all the work comp stuff along with lawyers she wasn’t getting any money. So even though I had to find a home for my beloved Teddy (who I still miss to this day) I moved into her 2nd bedroom to help with the bills. I knew that I could not let her lose her home. Mine was only rented. And although it was very hard to part with my dog I still knew in the long run she would have done the same for me. Oh, Teddy does have a wonderful home with great people.
Sabrina Jeffries on 18 Jun 2007 at 12:49 pm #
Oh, I should mention THIS lovely thing my friends did. When I made the New York Times bestseller print list for the first time a few weeks ago, Caren Crane, Deb Marlowe, Liz Carlyle, and Claudia Dain bought me a silver necklace with a medallion engraved on one side with the initials SJ and on the other with the date of my first hitting the list. Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever? I wear it often, and I always think of them. It really touched me. They’re the best!
Karen Rose on 18 Jun 2007 at 12:56 pm #
Hi “K” - thanks for the plug (for me and for the book!)
Bethany - it’s hard for people to face staggering grief like that. I’m so glad you stuck with your friend. I’m sure it means more to her than you will ever know.
When my DH had cancer 17 years ago, not many people came to see him in the hospital. We chuckle about this now, but the only person to visit my DH in the hospital for a long time was a rabbi - and we’re not Jewish. I think the hospital was Presbyterian and the rabbi was a bit lost. Lonely, my DH told him to sit and stay awhile and they had a nice chat. I sometimes wonder if people don’t come because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Sometimes you don’t have to say anything at all. Just being there is enough.
Ann in IL on 18 Jun 2007 at 1:01 pm #
I just returned from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN. My brother was there for surgery. During the week I was gone, my friends put up a new tub surround in my bathroom, tinted the windows on my Jeep and washed and waxed the Jeep . All I asked them to do was bring in the paper and mail!!!!!!!!!!!
Karen Rose on 18 Jun 2007 at 1:08 pm #
Wendi - you’re friend sounds like a real pal, LOL. Eating bon-bons and watchin’ the soaps with a pregant woman! When I was in college, I had another friend who was something like a size 2. She was always trying to gain weight and the doc put her on a “Swenson’s” diet (or this was the story she was sticking to, anyway). Swenson’s was the ice-cream parlor right off the University of Maryland’s College Park campus. I still think of their turtle sundaes with a fond sigh. Anyway, being a good friend, I went with her to Swensons. I gained 5 pounds and she lost 5. It was not fair, but I was a good friend, sucking down those milkshakes right with her. Um, yeah.
And Vicki, giving up your pet. Wow, that is a major sacrifice. I’m glad Teddy got a good home, but still, sniffle. That had to be hard.
Sabrina, your friends rock. And you deserved the pendant, sister S, because your books rock, too. (Especially the steamy scenes. I like the steamy scenes. Write more steamy scenes.) Ahem.
Karen Rose on 18 Jun 2007 at 1:10 pm #
Ann, wow! That’s so very cool. And sweet. I hope your brother is doing well.
Bethany Hamilton on 18 Jun 2007 at 1:34 pm #
Karen -
I’m so glad your hubby pulled through
It’s great when nice things happen to people who deserve it. It’s also great that you guys can look back and laugh about the poor lost Rabi! I’m sure he was just as grateful for the company.
Vicki M. Taylor on 18 Jun 2007 at 2:57 pm #
Karen, you’ve definitely been blessed. Extremely shy as a teenager and still to this day, I never had anyone close enough to do thoughtful things like that for me. I actually didn’t have a best friend until I met my husband twelve years ago.
I met him at work and he was going through a divorce. When the divorce was final, he had a difficult time getting through it. His wife left him for his best friend. I blew off work and stayed with him all day and evening, just letting him talk. I listened to him for hours and hours while he got so much pain out of his system.
From that moment on, we became best friends. He repaid me by listening to all my problems and together we healed. We rebuilt our self esteem and grew stronger as individuals and even stronger together as friends. Our friendship eventually turned into something more, but we never let that part of our relationship get in the way of our friendship. Two years later we married and in January we celebrate ten years together.
S
DebMarlowe on 18 Jun 2007 at 3:51 pm #
Wow! To be so selfless at 16–you know how to pick ‘em, Karen! Congratulations on your anniversary and on maintaining a close friendship for so many years. Both are true accomplishments!
The writing friends I’ve made have been the best of my life. Rarely do you find people fascinated with human flaws instead of intolerant of them. I feel very lucky.
Nicole Jordan on 18 Jun 2007 at 4:25 pm #
What a wonderful story, Karen. K was clearly a very special friend.
The only story I have that can even come close is when a good writer friend of mine had major heart problems several years ago. You should have seen the outpouring of support for her… it was incredible. And it entailed getting the Pentagon and several US and state congressmen and senators involved to cut through the red tape so she could get a heart valve operation. But she was a very special person who fully deserved all the efforts her friends made for her.
NicoleJ
Judy F on 18 Jun 2007 at 4:52 pm #
What a wonderful story Karen. K sounds like a gem and I am jealous she has read the next book too.
I have some really terrific friends. Just a little over a year ago my previous job was ending I had to find a new job like NOW. I had worn jeans, shorts etc at my previous job so I needed some clothes that fit asap and money was very tired for me. My friend Laurie send me a check with no strings telling me to use it on whatever I wanted and not to pay her back.
My friend Ann and I have been friends since highschool, going on 30 years next year. I just called her to whine about my idiot landlord, he hadn’t cleaned the driveway so I couldn’t get my car out. I had been getting rides from my sister but this one day she couldn’t take me. I was planning on not going in till Ann said I can take you. She is a stay at home mom and didn’t have to get up at 6:30 am to take me to work but she did.
Julia London on 18 Jun 2007 at 6:12 pm #
You all have such lovely people in your lives. I intend to relate everyone of these stories at lunch to my friends very soon. I might even doctor some pictures to drive the point home :-)….especially the picture of friends giving a friend a silver necklace for an important milestone. I do believe that calls for visual aids.
RachelG on 18 Jun 2007 at 6:23 pm #
Happy Anniversary Karen. Sometimes I sacrifice the last piece of chocolate tort for Mr. G. But I’m kind of bitter about it afterward.
Karen Rose on 18 Jun 2007 at 8:36 pm #
Tcha. The last piece of chocolate torte is always MINE. I bow to your sacrifice, Rachel, even if you are bitter afterward! Chocolate for your husband? Somewhere, I must draw the line, LOL. Besides, he doesn’t like chocolate as much as me.
VickiT - congratulations on your own 10 years!
Julia, I agree. I’m waiting for my next big news and will send a transcript of today’s blog to my pals. Silver or gold or platinum(ha), it doesn’t matter. Diamonds work too. JUST KIDDING!
Judy, your friends are good ones, too. Most of mine wouldn’t get up at 6:30 for me. I know that right now
In fact at RWA, I’m the early riser (like 5 a.m.) and I’m just glad they didn’t start throwing rocks at me by the last day. I tried to be quiet, but I’m not very graceful, naturally. Invariably I’d wake one of them up.
Karen Rose on 18 Jun 2007 at 8:37 pm #
Nicole, taking on the US government in any capacity quails the mind. That’s support!
And Deb, thank you for the warm wishes. I agree - writers do tend to view character flaws more as learning fodder. My friends have lots of fodder from which to learn from me!
TinaLouiseF on 18 Jun 2007 at 9:04 pm #
My best friend deposited my paycheck for me and sent my bill payments in last fall. She was going to do that again next week, except my family reunion got cancelled.
My best friend and I went on an 8 day vacation in 02. We took her husband with us. They paid for the hotel and rental car in San Jose, CA and I paid for the Luxor in Vegas. They penciled out really close.
Sabrina Jeffries on 18 Jun 2007 at 9:07 pm #
I forgot to say, Happy Anniversary, Karen!! Being married forever is very cool.
>Write more steamy scenes.
Your wish is my command. I would ask YOU to stop scaring the peanuts out of me, but I doubt you’d listen, you and your wicked ability to build suspense to new heights.
Julia London on 18 Jun 2007 at 9:17 pm #
Bethany, I missed your post this morning. That is incredibly sad. What a good friend you are to have stuck with that poor woman. I can’t even imagine how horrible that must have been for everyone.
Roxanne St. Claire on 19 Jun 2007 at 5:56 am #
Karen - I loved that story! You are indeed blessed with a great friend and a great “first meet” story!
xoxo
Rocki
Erica R on 19 Jun 2007 at 7:23 am #
K had uninvited everyone except me and Martin.
Aww! K is a fabulous, fabulous friend!!! I’m so glad she did that–you guys are awesome together. =)
Bethany Hamilton on 19 Jun 2007 at 9:36 am #
Julia - It was very hard on my friend. She had lost her mother less than two years prior, and we were only about 14 at the time. She was also facing the prospect of having to move to Maryland to live with a father she never met. It was a very hard time for her. I’m glad I stuck by her
Lord knows she’s stuck by me through my times of crisis!
Karen Hawkins on 25 Jun 2007 at 8:10 am #
Awww, KAREN! I was sneaking in, re-reading all of the posts from when I was out of town, and you made me cry! In the morning! Over my coffee!
What a terrific story and what a great friend, too. That’s too, too, too sweet!