Growing Old Very Ungracefully
Jun 10th 2007
Julia LondonWhen Goddesses Fall To Earth
Recently, I had a chemical peel to remove some pigmentation from my face. I had noticed, after a youth spent in a vat of Crisco chasing that deep, deep tan (we were SUCH idiots), that as I got older, some new “freckles” were popping out on my face.
The procedure I had done is purely cosmetic, and I think no one notices but me, but I am very happy that the spots are gone. I went to a chi-chi dermatologist office to have it done. You know the type of place—mood lighting, soft music, cushy furniture, and a wall full of facial products to drool over.
While I was waiting, I perused the menu of options for cosmetic enhancements and started to get little heart palpitations. This place does everything, from little stuff like chemical peels to full metal butt lifts. And if I was confused about a procedure, there was a handy rack of brochures for me to read in the comfort of my thick, soft chair that would recline into a table. 
I did not know this—but there is a
Okay, I am kidding about that. I actually like to exercise. But I’ve told you guys I’m vain, and if I had beaucoup money, I’d probably have some of the stuff done. Not all of it—I can’t see getting a face lift with knives and stitches and black eyes and all that, but I can see having a little laser pick-me-up to the eyelids, or a little fill around the lips. But then again, if I had the money and time, there are worse places on me to fix than my face (she says, confident that none of the goddesses will snicker). And would I stop there? What about teeth? Or hair? I want more of it on my head, less of it in other places. I’m glad I am not filthy rich. I’m not sure I would trust myself.
What about you? Is there something about you that you would have fixed if money was no object? What do you think of cosmetically turning back the clock? If you could cheat on diet and exercise and get there, would you?
33 Comments »
33 Responses to “Growing Old Very Ungracefully”
Stacy ~ on 11 Jun 2007 at 5:23 am #
Probably my teeth - rather than get braces I’d like the veneers. Seems the nicest and easiest way to get perfect teeth.
Definitely thicker and longer hair (on my head). The other places it can just go away permanently.
I don’t wait to go under the knife, but bigger boobs and smaller thighs would be awesome too.
Geez, what wouldn’t I do is probably an easier question to answer!
cail on 11 Jun 2007 at 7:45 am #
well, its not really cosmetic, but i’m getting my eye’s lasered soon (in july). i’m dying to get rid of my corrective lenses. otherwise, i might go with some laser hair removal to avoid the annoying task of shaving from my daily ritual.
Claudia Dain on 11 Jun 2007 at 8:43 am #
Please don’t boot me off of Mt. Olympus, but I think growing old ungracefully means just flat out letting yourself go. No hair appointments. No dental visits. No discreet visits to the dermatologist to get that weird mole removed.
I get a micro-dermabrasion done every 8 weeks. I consider it my gift to the world.
Scalpels? Needles? That would take some serious thought. I don’t know if I would, but I do come from a family of women who have ALL had “work done.” And I mean ALL, even my grandmother, who was born in the 1890s had her eyes done. A little nip/tuck.
Susan K on 11 Jun 2007 at 8:57 am #
Well I’m turning 30 this week (I’m not ready!) and I’m starting to notice that things are starting to sag. My tummy isn’t as flat as it used to be and my thighs have grown. I hate exercise but I don’t think I’d EVER consider going under the knife to fix anything. I would like to get laser eye surgery just so I don’t have to wear glasses anymore.
Claudia Dain on 11 Jun 2007 at 9:14 am #
My husband had laser eye surgery a few years ago now. He LOVES the result. I think when you’re desperate to be free of your glasses, you’re not even scared to have it done, at least he wasn’t. I was a nervous wreck!
Nicole Jordan on 11 Jun 2007 at 9:20 am #
>>I’m glad I am not filthy rich. I’m not sure I would trust myself
LOL, Julia.
If I had unlimited resources, I would do skin stuff - dark spots, moles, etc.
And if I’m really dreaming big, I would love to have a pill or something that would let me eat white bread regularly again.
NicoleJ
Kay on 11 Jun 2007 at 9:26 am #
I have always wanted to be 6 inches taller. I know THAT’S not going to happen.
I would settle for a tummy tuck, but I’m too chicken. “Firming” undergarments are my alternative.
I do the hair color…., can’t stand the thought of grey, yet. After 40 there are so many little wrinkles and sags that I would have to spend years repairing, just to have to start another round later. LOL
My DH and I are going to hire a personal trainer. A gift from both of us to both of us.
I’ll never look 20 (or 30) again, but I will try to keep a little more fit.
Julia London on 11 Jun 2007 at 10:20 am #
Claudia, sounds like the women in your family should adopt me :-). Cail, I hear you on the laser hair — I wouldn’t have to contort myself in the shower anymore (TMI!! TMI!!) Stacy, I didn’t think of boobs, but that is what so many women think of, isn’t it? And Susan, the one thing on me that hasn’t gone south is my eye sight. I have to wear reading glasses to read nutrition charts on small jars, but other than that, I see very well (knock wood).
Kay, I think if you exercise and eat properly, it takes 10 years off of you. That’s what that book YOU on a Diet is all about.
And Nicole, I am so there with you — if a pill is ever invented, I will be the first in line!!
Claudia Dain on 11 Jun 2007 at 10:45 am #
Nicole, I just had to laugh at your comment on white bread. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I grew up in the Wonder Bread years. There’s just nothing that zings my heart with joy like the bright dots of color on a Wonder Bread bag. It’s instant time travel back to my youth, when Mom made my lunch every day and it was always a Wonder Bread sandwich.
Julia London on 11 Jun 2007 at 11:24 am #
Wonder bread was the greatest! We still scarf it up at a BBQ joint down the road — they serve wonder bread with their meals.
foreverdelayed on 11 Jun 2007 at 11:45 am #
Facial hair!!! I wish there was a pill for removing my mustache permanently!!!
I actually had some laser work done a few years ago on my chin, but it was just too expensive and I can’t justify doing it again.
Hair dye, I have been using it since I was a teenager and have no intention of quitting until I am very old and can no longer raise my arms above my head
Julia London on 11 Jun 2007 at 11:47 am #
Me, either, 4everdelayed–I will insist they do my roots before they plant me.
colinfirthfan on 11 Jun 2007 at 12:39 pm #
I got my face and arms lasered - Bliss!! Soon I have to get my legs done.
Kay, I agree with you - I would love for my tummy to vanish but I would never voluntarilly go near a scalpel so “fiming undergamrnets” it is.
Sabrina Jeffries on 11 Jun 2007 at 12:48 pm #
Every time I complain about shaving, plucking, or waxing, my husband tells me I should try the hair laser thing. He did it for his ear hair (I know, TMI) because it bugs him, and was delighted with the results. If it wouldn’t cost a fortune and umpteen treatments, I’d be game for my legs, but I still may try the facial hair, particularly the eyebrows. And who knows, I suppose I could branch out. But it just seems like WAY more trouble than it’s worth. Of course, so is shaving and waxing.
cail on 11 Jun 2007 at 1:13 pm #
Colinfirthfan, i think you’ve inspired me, i’m going to do some research on Laser Hair removal. I think a few of my friends have had it done to make bathing suit season a bit easier…
Suzanne Enoch on 11 Jun 2007 at 1:20 pm #
I just tell people I’m 96, and they all wonder at how good I look. *g*
Julia London on 11 Jun 2007 at 1:54 pm #
colinfirthfan, how long does it last? Sabrina and I want to know
Suzanne, you do look marvelous for a 96 year old, girlfriend!
RachelG on 11 Jun 2007 at 1:57 pm #
Plastic surgery is God’s gift to the world. Not saying I’ve had it done, but I’m not saying I wouldn’t.
Aimee on 11 Jun 2007 at 2:28 pm #
well after three kids and each one bigger than the last not to mention losing a dramastic amount of weight after high school there are quite a bit of areas I would like to touch up. Also I hate the whole shaving and waxing thing too but I know my husband would frown if I let the inner wookie out…..and sharp objects don’t appeal to me so dealing is what I do best.
Karen Rose on 11 Jun 2007 at 2:33 pm #
The mind quails at my list, Julia. Taller, skinnier, no wrinkles, no roots. I don’t want to look younger though. I like my age. I earned it, after all. Perhaps in twenty years I might want to look 40-ish, but I hope I’ll say the same thing. I still want to look my best, but I hate diet and exercise. I seem to go through fits and spurts, usually timed with whether I’m on deadline…
Now I have to do 20 minutes on the elliptical because I’m feeling guilty that I let myself to go to pot during deadline. Grrrr.
Sherri Erwin on 11 Jun 2007 at 2:56 pm #
I would get stuff done. Fortunately, I’m blessed with great genes and I don’t need a thing. (hahaha-practicing what to say for the days when I get stuff done and people wonder but I won’t tell).
Jami Alden on 11 Jun 2007 at 3:06 pm #
I would love to do something to improve my skin tone. I have lovely brown areas on my face now thanks to my 2nd pregnancy. Kinda looks like I have a dirt mustache. and speaking of mustaches, I’d LOVE to get some laser hair removal. And if my postpartum jelly belly doesn’t start tightening up soon, I may have to look into a tummy tuck.
colinfirthfan on 11 Jun 2007 at 3:28 pm #
Julia, Sabrina - it lasts forever!
Ok here’s the deal - if you have pale skin and dark, coarse hair the laser works really well. So all the coarse dark hair on my face and arms have vanished. The very fine hairs do come back.
I have had 4 treatments on my arms. What’s remaining on my arms only takes 2 swipes of the razor to get rid -off!!
Oh and initially if you do it every 4 to 6 weeks - it works much better.
On my face, I have had about 10 treatments because I want to get the fine hairs off. You can’t see them unless you peer really really closely at my face but I want them to go away!! It has been a year since my last treatment. When I go get my legs done (if I ever have the time) I will ask her to do my face again. Also the stronger they zap you the better - I am a great big chicken and wince and whine (and she puts numbing cream on my face before starting)
Susan K on 11 Jun 2007 at 4:05 pm #
All this talk of waxing and lazering makes me wince. I have never been waxed and I truly don’t think I want to be. I don’t handle pain well. At all. I am the biggest wuss in the world when it comes to pain. I don’t even know how I will handle childbirth when the time comes.
Keri Ford on 11 Jun 2007 at 4:18 pm #
I would so go for a pill that made my hair thicker, so long as it didn’t come in thicker in other areas. For my body, well, if I had that kind of money, I’d build me an indoor, heated swimming pool and steam sanua. I cluck like a chicken when I see needles. Although, as Jami put it, If this post-pard. jelly bean (good gravy and the hips too) doesn’t start going back wherever it came from, there’s no telling what I might try.
Judy F on 11 Jun 2007 at 4:22 pm #
I would like to have a smaller nose, brighter teeth, an actual chest. LOL Maybe just relocate the fat from my tummy to the boob area..
I would be interested in the hair removal thing. I am tired of shaving and plucking.
Claudia Dain on 11 Jun 2007 at 5:27 pm #
I know a lot of people who’ve had surgery to fix an area (not the goddesses since we’re born gorgeous and stay that way for eternity) and not one of them has ever regretted it.
I’ve seen two breast reductions, two breast augmentations, one lipo to the inner thighs, four eye lifts, one lower lid clean up, two nose jobs, two lipos to the midsection, one frown line erased by a scalpel, one neck lift.
They’re all happy with the results and they do all look very nice.
I look at Joan Rivers and see a woman who went too far, and think maybe she got addicted to the surgery, to the fantasy that she could hold it all at bay. She had enough money that it got dangerous.
Brandy on 11 Jun 2007 at 6:20 pm #
I hate needles, surgery etc.. BUT, I wouold do laser vision surgery if they can find a way to knock me out during it. As for anything else, the only thing I’d get rid of would be the 2 vericose veins I have thanks to my pregenancy with my Son.
Julia London on 11 Jun 2007 at 7:21 pm #
Keri, have you tried Nioxin? It was hair products developed for cancer patients to thicken and smooth their hair — then they started making it for anyone who wants thicker hair. I love the stuff. You can get it at stores that sell salon products. A little pricey — like $15 for a bottle of shampoo — but I swear by the results. I never have split ends any more.
And Karen R, where do you think this obsession started? After a deadline!
Karen Rose on 11 Jun 2007 at 8:12 pm #
Now I don’t feel so bad.
TinaLouiseF on 11 Jun 2007 at 10:16 pm #
I need to get my teeth fixed. I should get a bridge to replace the partial denture I have.
The last time I had my eyes checked, they said that laser eye surgery wouldn’t improve my vision much. Course if my vision was fixed, I’d have to learn how to see properly. I was born with a left lazy eye. I had surgery before I was one year old. I didn’t get glasses until I had to pass the eye exam to get my driver’s license. I haven’t spent the time to strengthen my left eye. I see primarily out of my right eye.
MizMacgyver on 12 Jun 2007 at 6:07 am #
If I could lose the tummy and ugly dimpled thighs I would be a happy camper but that isn’t going to happen, I spent life as a person trying to gain weight, now I got it, I don’t want it. Never had a chest until I had my son, I don’t know what to do with them either.
Tracy on 13 Jun 2007 at 9:20 pm #
*wince* this laser removal stuff churns my stomach! I am such a wimp, I don’t think I could stand it, especially if it were over a large area of skin! AGH! But I definitely give out props for you gals who are brave enough to do it. It would be amazing not to have to wax my eyebrows anymore or shave my legs, but as it is, I’m too scared.
As for tummy-tucks and the like, I would love to do that. I’ve recently lost quite a bit of weight and I’m not done yet, so I’m scared that there’s going to be a little sagging of the skin - AH! I’m working out regularly though, so I hope that’ll be enough. If not, I’ll HAVE to buck up my nerves a little and endure some type of tucking surgery!