The TMI Gene
Jun 2nd 2007
Sabrina JeffriesMy Life As A Plebe & When Goddesses Fall To Earth
In case you’re the only person left who doesn’t know what it means, TMI stands for Too Much Information, as in, “I really don’t want to hear about your rectal exam.” My friends say “TMI” to me a LOT. You know why?
Because I am missing the TMI gene. I will discuss just about anything with anybody. It’s scary, really. Nothing is TMI for me. You want to tell me about your sex life? Fine—I will listen eagerly. You want to describe the nasty operation on your big toe? That too will not bother me … as long as you don’t mind listening to the details of my gall bladder removal. I cannot think of a single time in my life when I have used the phrase TMI with anyone.
This is why I have critique partners. 
Because occasionally I have my characters do things or say things that seem perfectly acceptable to me … and send other people running from the room or covering their ears, singing “lalalala … I can’t HEAR you!” I probably shouldn’t say this, but my new book has the heroine AND the hero relieving themselves by the side of the road. I don’t really describe it too much, but that’s only thanks to Deb Marlowe, my local TMI detector and critique partner.
My peculiar lack of TMI sensitivity translates into what I read, too. 
I’m not bothered when certain things are mentioned in a romance that other people seem to hate, judging from what I’ve read on reader boards. I can’t remember ever thinking, “Ewww, gross,” while reading a book. I LIKE hair on a man, even back hair (although I have learned through the years not to put it in a book, since I seem to be in the minority). I accept that certain acts involve certain … er … fluids. I’m more likely to be jerked out of the moment by an egregious historical mistake or bad dialogue than by something unsavory.
Am I as alone as I feel in this? Are you often crying “TMI!” to parents, friends, or co-workers … or are you eager to hear all the gory or gross details? What “facts of life” do you wish you saw more of in romances, if any? Or are you perfectly happy to have your romances relatively “cleaned-up”?
27 Comments »
27 Responses to “The TMI Gene”
Ann in IL on 02 Jun 2007 at 6:36 am #
Ahh heck. There is no such thing as TMI in my world. I’ve been friends with the same grooup of friends for 37 years. They were student nurses when we met (I was a ward secretary at the time). Believe me………nurses don’t hold back!!!! We can discuss anything during dinner and no one is grossed out.
My Mother would not say the word “pregnant”. She also didn’t believe you should tell anyone you were in that condition until it was obvious. I often wonder “what would Mom think of _____________-. Especially all of today’s TV commercials!!!!!!!!! STD’s, male enhancement, erectile dysfunction, condoms. She would not have liked the 21st century mindset of “tell it ALL”.
The only person I’ve ever heard use the term TMI is the lone male at work. We tend to forget he is there when we get on a subject like hot flashes and menopause or PAP tests and stirrups. He gets embarrassed. We just laugh.
I picked up Scots Revenge last night. Will be reading it today. Can’t wait.
Keri Ford on 02 Jun 2007 at 7:27 am #
About the only time I use TMI is when I’m critting. I’ll read something in my crit partners work and sometimes think of an ‘interesting’ reason why something should be changed. So I type in TMI ALERT and lay it out there with very little shame.
I like my romances to be on the cleaner side, only because wiping up fluids and whatever else jerks me from the romance between the two you’ve worked so hard at creating not because i’m grossed out.
Your two on the side of the road wouldn’t bother me, nor would it bother me if you had some details made into humor with it.
amy1242 on 02 Jun 2007 at 8:03 am #
Sabrina and Ann, I’m with you. Being a nurse and growing up with a mom that was a nurse, you learn that there is no topic with TMI in it. I mean, don’t you want to know it all, not just bits and pieces? I’ve learned to be as informed as possible, in as many things as possible. I’m good with the gory details. And Sabrina, after reading that part in your book on the side of the road, I was thinking, why don’t other authors do this. You KNOW they would have to relieve themselves at some point. Write it in! I’m all for it! It actually made me smile! Good for you!! Loved the book, by the way. It’s on the keeper shelf!
amy1242 on 02 Jun 2007 at 8:15 am #
By the way, that guy in the picture with the hairy back made me spit my coffee back out. I think I know that guy.
smlt76 on 02 Jun 2007 at 8:19 am #
The only time I ever use TMI is when my mother or my brother start talking about their sex lives, it is just to much for me. I do not ever want to have those pictures in my head.
Sabrina Jeffries on 02 Jun 2007 at 9:44 am #
Thanks, Amy, glad you liked the book and didn’t mind that part! Hope you enjoy the book, too, Ann.
smlt76, this is where I’m seriously messed up. The thought of my parents having sex (or even my siblings) doesn’t really bother me. It’s not like I enjoy it or anything–I just don’t care if they talk about it. I’m telling you–I’m missing the TMI gene.
Claudia Dain on 02 Jun 2007 at 10:13 am #
Okay, how about this, Sabrina? See, I’m trying to test your TMI capability. My DH went to visit his mother in the hospital once and she was pretty out of it and she told DH all about her sex life, including the details of various techniques that his father could or could not…um…manage.
That pretty much scarred him for life.
Nicole Jordan on 02 Jun 2007 at 10:17 am #
My dh comes from a medical family, and they were ALWAYS giving TMI about med stuff. I could take it except for the discussions at the dinner table. Those really grossed me out!
NicoleJ
Sabrina Jeffries on 02 Jun 2007 at 10:22 am #
Claudia, my mom and I discussed the … er … climactic moments she’d had with my dad, if you know what I mean, when she was NOT out of it and my dad was in the room. Didn’t faze me. Or her. Apparently, I come by the lack-of-TMI gene honestly, although at the time we all agreed that we couldn’t believe we were having the discussion. That didn’t stop us, however. I guess we’re just a clinical sort of family.
But she’d kill me if she knew I posted this here. Fortunately, she doesn’t read blogs. *G*
dbrown3400 on 02 Jun 2007 at 11:24 am #
Life is life and all of these things happen. People at work will say TMI to me over something that I think is part of everyday living. It’s all a matter of perspective. My girls, now 23 and 28, have always asked me pointed questions about sex. My mother never discussed anything with me so I guess I encouraged an open pipeline with my children from an early age.
I once wondered how people could endure an entire carriage ride without stopping for a “potty” break.
Donna
DebMarlowe on 02 Jun 2007 at 11:31 am #
Hey, I’m not the bad guy here!
My TMI gene is only marginally larger than Sabrina’s. Coming from the medical field, almost nothing offends me or grosses me out.
And you should have heard what her OTHER critique partner had to say about that scene!
DebMarlowe on 02 Jun 2007 at 12:38 pm #
Okay that guy’s back hair totally reminds me of Charlotte’s husband from Sex and the City. Remember when she made him get his back waxed and he got that huge nasty red reaction? I loved that character, and now I’m totally blanking on his name.
catslady on 02 Jun 2007 at 12:41 pm #
I’m good with discussing anything, even with my two girls. I’m even amazed at the things they are willing to tell me lol. I’m pretty open minded so everyone knows that I’m not judging them but they have to be willing to me giving my opinion lol. I am always willing to agree to disagreeing. I was pretty much the opposite of everyone in my family. My mom still says don’t talk about sex, politics or religion! What the heck is left lol. How can you learn anything if you can’t discuss everything.
MJ on 02 Jun 2007 at 3:15 pm #
I guess I’ll SAY anything to anyone…. and I don’t mind listening to most things from most people…. My ‘Line’ is - if I think they’ll be uncomfortable, I’ll refrain from telling them things. My need to disclose isn’t as important than their feelings…
This comes from having some family members who are VERY uncomfortable with candid disclosure of almost anything. One in particular, is so hung up over appearances that she approaches lying about us to her acquaintances to hid what she believes are terrible truths. Like age differences in our marriages, that innocuous sort of thing. (So you can imagine that S_X is completely out of the question as a topic with her, and bodily fluids even more so!!)
So of course, most of my closest friends are tell all/anything/anytime. That’s why they’re my closest friends… because I never have to censor or stop to think about if I can discuss whatever is on my mind….
TinaLouiseF on 02 Jun 2007 at 7:29 pm #
Most of the time what I think of as too much information, is some memory or location in a book that could be described in a few paragraphs, is instead dragged out for multiple pages.
I always tell people the problems I have as a result of having my gall bladder removed. Course I started the trend here. Since mine was removed in April 2003, my brother’s was removed in Sept 03, my sister-in-law in August 06, one of my parents employees in Aug 06, an ex-aunt this spring and a neighbor this month.
ladydawgfan on 02 Jun 2007 at 8:12 pm #
I had to laugh at that scene in Beware, Sabrina!! It WASN’T TMI, though. It was more like real life taking over. As in “yes, your heroes and heroines DO have working parts and systems, and the food they eat goes somewhere!!” It wasn’t the first time I saw it, either. I read a medieval romance a long time ago and the hero got out of bed and had to use the garderobe. The heroine interrupted him in the midst of his “relief” and he couldn’t stop what he was doing to answer her, much to her naive chagrin. I laughed at that scene, too, because it made the characters more human.
ladydawgfan on 02 Jun 2007 at 8:15 pm #
BTW, as to TMI in real life, the only incidence where this might come into play is in my parents sex life - I TRULY don’t want to know the details!!
In fact, a comedian I saw put it into brilliant perspective: thinking about the night you were conceived, you want to believe that it happened in a candlelit room, soft music playing, romance in the air. No one want to think that your mother could have been standing over your father, wearing leather and holding a whip and yelling, “BARK, Baby, BARK!!!”
MizMacgyver on 02 Jun 2007 at 9:11 pm #
My daughter is the only one that has ever told me TMI and that is just because I am not supposed to be flesh and blood. I don’t know why this is but it seems to be fact. As far as something being TMI to me, well, there are certain things I don’t like to hear when I am eating but other than that I am pretty well open to hear anything. And like with “Beware a Scots Revenge” I have often wondered just when heroes and heroines went potty. I mean, is there never a conversation interrupted because she has to go to the little girl’s room? And I have read more than one romance where the ladies are gathered in the retiring room for serious chats.
Woo Hoo, I finally got Sins of a Duke, anyone want to bet me I can get it read between tonight and tomorrow night?? A-N-T-I-C-A-P-A-T-I-O-N is now over….
Sabrina Jeffries on 02 Jun 2007 at 10:30 pm #
Well, in defense of many authors, fiction is, to paraphrase what Alfred Hitchcock said about movies, “life with all the boring parts cut out.” Unless you’re doing something dramatically with a toileting scene (or a flatulence scene or a heroine-on-her-period scene), it serves as little point as a dressing scene or a going to bed scene or whatever. Authors aren’t always leaving things out like that to avoid grossing out readers. Sometimes, such scenes don’t fit anywhere.
darkshire007 on 03 Jun 2007 at 10:25 am #
Well Sabrina, you are not alone. I have never used the term TMI and just like you, I will discuss anything with anyone. I think this is because I work with men. They will talk about everything (and I literally mean EVERYTHING). I have actually learned some interesting stuff about men in general through the years; their like and dislikes about women in general, how they plan out a date, how they decide what to buy a wife or girlfriend for a birthday/anniversary, how they plan their weekends, etc. In all that time I have learned that they still turn to a woman for a final input. That would be me. So I say write your books the way you feel and if it’s edited out, okay and if it’s not, great!
zambonigirl on 03 Jun 2007 at 9:05 pm #
Oh, Sabrina. Heroines never have their periods. They’re too busy getting pregnant!
Kidding. I kid.
No, not really, but whatever.
I really don’t mind people sharing too much, but I currently obtained a co-irker who doesn’t seem to know when to stop. I actually never thought I’d run the other way when I see someone coming, but I really don’t want to hear about her bowel movements any more, or her monumental blood clots in her menstrual blood. Also, speaking of menstrual blood (ha!), ever since I started using a Diva Cup instead of tampons or pads, I’ve learned some VERY TMI things that girls do with their menstrual blood. Apparently, flushing it down the toilet just isn’t good enough. Lasting memories must be made with every ounce-ful.
TheNightPoet on 03 Jun 2007 at 10:00 pm #
There have definitely been times I’ve said something along the lines of, “Oh no!!! Just stop right now!! This is TMI!!!” lol Now I have my parents saying it. lol One of my friends says a lot of stuff that me and our other friends tell her is TMI! I won’t say the stuff she says, I’ll spare you all.
Andrea
Cail on 04 Jun 2007 at 8:54 am #
i tend to preface my comments with, “i know this is TMI, but” i can’t seem to resist the urge to tell all sometimes. *especially* with my close friends.
i have yet to hit a gross-out-point in a novel.
colinfirthfan on 04 Jun 2007 at 12:05 pm #
Anything to do with my parents sex life is TMI. Thankfully they feel the same way. I am perfectly happy to insist I was found under a cabbage leaf.
My younger cousins and I frequently have TMI discussions.
I use TMI if my co-workers insist on telling me they need to pee etc.. really I know you are going to the restroom and I don’t wnat to know what you are doing in there.
Haven’t yet read Scots revenge. Can’t wait to read the scene. I remember in the Highlander books (K M Moning) they talk about using the garderobe when they are whisked back in time.
MizMacgyver on 04 Jun 2007 at 5:02 pm #
colinfirthfan, I remember one scene where he is locked in there, that was the only way she could get him to listen, I loved it!
colinfirthfan on 04 Jun 2007 at 5:27 pm #
That’s right - she locked him in. I remember now. I loved that scene too.
pri.r. on 08 Jul 2007 at 9:29 pm #
in the vain hope of not sounding like a petulant child,
this is soo unfair i want to read a scots revenge!
*cries*
btw, has anyone read Anne Gracie novels?? if so has anyone read Perfect Kiss??