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Peer pressure for grown-ups

May 29th 2007Karen Rose
Karen RoseWhen Goddesses Fall To Earth

frantic.jpgLet me set this scene:  I’m frantically trying to finish revisions on my latest manuscript, which is due before I leave for New York for Book Expo on Thursday at five a.m.  I haven’t sorted my clothes.  In fact some of them are still in the suitcase from the last trip I took. (I’m ashamed to admit this, but there it is.) 

Tomorrow I’ll get my hair done and pick up a few odds and ends for my trip.  Wednesday I’ll get my nails done because when I’m writing they look really bad.  I have to pack and pay my bills.

vacuum.jpgBut FIRST, I have to get up early tomorrow morning and clean my house.  My house gets a thorough cleaning between books. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)  While I’m writing, things kind of pile up.  Cleaning was on my list of things to do when I get back from New York.  So why am I cleaning tomorrow?

Because I have company.  Friends of my oldest daughter.  People I’ve never met before and may never meet again.  But I’m cleaning my house for them when I don’t clean for my family!  How bizarre is this?

lipstick.jpgLast week I put on makeup to leave the house and my daughter said, “Why do people try to impress people they’ll never see again?  You never wear makeup at home.  What do you care what strangers think of you?”

tootsieowl.jpgWell, isn’t that just a question for the ages?  Like the meaning of life or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-Roll-Pop.  I think the world will never know.

So do you doll up for strangers?  Clean your house for company?  Or do you truly make your guests feel “at home” by leaving the house as it was before they get there?  I suppose some of you out there actually keep your houses clean for your families every day.  How bizarre.

40 Comments »

40 Responses to “Peer pressure for grown-ups”

  1. Stacy ~ on 29 May 2007 at 5:51 am #

    I used to do that just to go to the grocery store early Saturday mornings, now I could care less LOL. Take me as I am, or forget you - now that’s my motto. Plus I’m rather anti-social, well, more like I go to other people’s houses instead of invite them to mine, so cleaning gets done oh, about twice a year. It’s a system that works for me *g*

  2. Caren Crane on 29 May 2007 at 8:30 am #

    Karen, it’s odd you should post this. My daughters (12-1/2 and 14) and I were just discussing this a few days ago. I used to wonder why I felt compelled to fix my hair (at least a little) and put on lipstick (and usually eye make-up too) anytime I leave the house. I figured out years ago it is *not* for other people. It’s for me.

    I don’t have to worry about people in my house thinking I am unattractive, but I have no control over what others think. So, I put my “best face forward”, as the saying goes. I show people what I want them to see. It doesn’t matter to me if they are acquaintances or complete strangers. I feel better when I look nice, so I make efforts to do so. Except when I go to the gym at 5:00 am. I figure those other 3 or 4 people have very low expectations. I know I do for them! ;-)

  3. Caren Crane on 29 May 2007 at 8:32 am #

    Oh, and I do make an effort to clean for visitors. My family is living in their own filth, so they have no right to complain. But we really shouldn’t subject other people to it!

  4. Susan K on 29 May 2007 at 8:42 am #

    I never doll up to leave the house. My fiance actually prefers me without makeup. And if I do put it on he will then tell me everytime he sees me that I don’t need it. I do clean when I know visitors are coming. Things tend to get cluttered during the week. Especially my new “Scrapbooking Corner” in the livingroom of my tiny apartment. Of course I’m hoping as soon as I get the card table from my friend that will help a little.

    BTW, I told you guys about that job I got at Borders. Well it looks like it’s not going to work out. I was told last Wednesday that someone would call me the next day (Thursday) and set up a training schedule for me. It is now Tuesday and I have NOT heard from anyone. So I’m telling them I am no longer interested. If that is how they treat potential employees then I don’t want to see how they treat their actual employees. Not calling someone back when you tell them you will, especially for a job, is bad form. So not only will I not work there ….

  5. Susan K on 29 May 2007 at 8:44 am #

    ….I will also be taking my shopping elsewhere. When I get angry at a business I go to extremes. One time I stopped to get gas at a Speedway and the cashier was so rude to me I told him I would never buy gas from a Speedway again. And I never have. That was 5 years ago.

  6. Kay on 29 May 2007 at 9:06 am #

    Oh Karen, you hit the nail on the head with this one! My house is never cleaner than when we go away, and have someone come in to feed the cats. I always dust/vac/mop just as we are going out the door. It drives my family nuts.

    I used to do this whenever we had babysitters. I would spend hours getting the house perferct so my DH and I could go out and “relax.”

    As for the makeup, I used to do that, to. Now I’m happy my teeth are brushed and hair is combed before running out the door fro errands.

  7. Karen Rose on 29 May 2007 at 9:15 am #

    A long time ago when my kids were little, I splurged for a few months and hired a house cleaner. She came in every two weeks and made the place shine. Of course I had to clean before she came. I couldn’t let her think we lived in such a mess!

    Caren Crane - you’re right. (I’m nodding emphatically.) My kids are responsible for their own filth, so I don’t feel bad for not cleaning up after them. They are teenagers after all.

    I’m feeling much better now!

  8. Julie on 29 May 2007 at 9:24 am #

    If I know I’m going to be entertaining then I clean like a maniac. If they show up unannounced than I feel that they get what they deserve.

  9. elsiehogarth on 29 May 2007 at 9:44 am #

    I will say no to all of the above. Because from all the cleaning you have done throughout the years you get to the point where you could CARE LESS WHAT ANYBODY THINKS. Once you clean, dust already starts accumulating again. Plus I make believe that the other persons house is probably dirtier than mine. I’ll stick to that concept.

  10. Cail on 29 May 2007 at 9:51 am #

    Karen, I wish I didn’t have to work Friday. I’d totally treck down to the Javit’s Center.

    I like to clean for myself. My roommate and I tend to tidy a bit before company, then go all out with the vacuum and mops AFTER the gang has left. We don’t want our hard work to get undone by the masses.

  11. Sabrina Jeffries on 29 May 2007 at 10:10 am #

    I’ve had this SAME argument with myself many a time, Karen!! Why am I putting on makeup or cleaning the house for [insert one] the caregiver, the grocery store clerk, my brother who knows what I’m like and won’t care, my friends … who know what I’m like and won’t care.

    I don’t know. I’ll go with Caren’s reason. But mostly it’s because I have a curse that takes a peculiar form–whenever I go without makeup or don’t clean the house for someone, someone I want to impress shows up with the guest or I meet an old friend, bookseller, librarian, or reader while out in public. So I guess I’ll keep doing it. Most of the time. :-)

    Oh, and Happy Book Release Day to Suzanne Enoch!! May your book sell like hotcakes. Can’t wait to read it!

  12. darkshire007 on 29 May 2007 at 10:22 am #

    I don’t wear make-up…at all. I found out long ago that I have extremely sensitive skin and it breaks out severely the day after wearing. I do try to fix my hair though. As for cleaning the house. I have to clean everyday because of Max. He sheds something terrible! It looks like we have exploded a rabbit with as much hair as he leaves on the floor! I wouldn’t want someone to come over and REALLY be covered in pet hair. Most people don’t mind a little, but there is a limit.
    Good luck to Suzanne with Sins! :)

  13. gannon on 29 May 2007 at 11:01 am #

    I definitely clean up when company is coming–can’t have them thinking we are slovenly pigs! Of course, I put on some makeup before I go out! The few times I haven’t, I always run into someone I know. Besides, after a certain age, which begins with a 4, a little makeup helps immensely!

  14. Susan K on 29 May 2007 at 11:22 am #

    I used to wear makeup a lot more than I do now. But I seem to have developed an allergy against certain types cause I keep getting eye infections. It just seems easier not to wear it at all!

  15. zambonigirl on 29 May 2007 at 11:37 am #

    Well, I want my guests to be comfortable at my house, so I don’t want it to be *too* clean, but I don’t want them to think I’m a pig, either. My house is usually pretty clean, though, I just need to put stuff away. I’m horrible about dragging things out and just leaving them, because I might want to use that thing again, and it would be really awful if I put it away only to have to pull it back out again a few days later. [/sarcasm]

    I’m usually on my best behaviour with other people. I offer to do the dishes if someone invites me over for dinner. I make really great desserts for pot lucks, and if a friend is sick, I make them a really healthy soup with only the finest organic, free-range ingredients. If I drive someone someplace, I make sure that I’m not listening to my usual melange of The Zamboni’s, Niel Diamond, Perry Como, Johnny Cash and Flogging Molly, and I drive really safely, too. Close ones get the real me, though. And they still seem to like me…

  16. Karen Rose on 29 May 2007 at 12:11 pm #

    Well, the guests are here and I didn’t clean that much. My kids did a lot of it! (I’m in shock.) The company seems down to earth like us, so I’m not worried the house isn’t perfect.

    Zamboni - what is a Flogging Molly? I’m almost afraid to ask.

  17. Claudia Dain on 29 May 2007 at 12:19 pm #

    Clean? I’m happy to clean. Make-up? I do it for me, everyday, whether I leave the house or not. I have mirrors, you see.

    I’d happily clean the entire house for myself, my family, or for random guests. Just don’t expect any food. Cooking is not on my agenda. I don’t even own a coffee maker, so all my old friends who come to spend the night know enough to bring their own. And the coffee, too. Mugs, I have.

  18. ericaleigh on 29 May 2007 at 1:07 pm #

    Caren Crane, I totally agree with you on “putting your best face forward”. Whenever I want to feel really good about myself I put on make-up, it adds that extra boost of confidence that I need. When I leave the house I’m more concerned about stains on the shirt than if I put on lipstick. My mom and I just had an argument about cleaning the house before we went on our last trip, she was for it and I was against. I think I won for the most part, but I did have to clean the bathrooms before we could leave. She was saying something about coming home to a clean house and all I kept thinking is its going to get trashed when we come back anyway so why bother. As far as having guests over, I think we all just want to show off our domaine the best way we can…if it’s clean we’re proud to show off our hard work.

  19. zambonigirl on 29 May 2007 at 1:21 pm #

    Flogging Molly is an Irish punk band. They sing what could be pretty traditional Irish ballads with traditional instruments, but to punk beats. They’re lyrics are just fantastic, a lot of fun. Was she sent down to me from the heavens above/her breath pure as whiskey/my heart filled with love…

    Will you believe me when I tell you that I got my 60-year-old mother hooked on them? She says that they’re music cracks her up.

  20. zambonigirl on 29 May 2007 at 1:22 pm #

    Bah. Their music.

  21. Suzanne Enoch on 29 May 2007 at 1:24 pm #

    Thanks for the book day wishes! It’s hard to type with my fingers crossed for my latest kid going out into the world.*g*

    My slobby self is my secret identity. Only my family and very close friends know about it. To the rest of the world I present my clean, well-groomed, super heroine self: Put-Together Girl.

  22. Susan K on 29 May 2007 at 1:27 pm #

    Ooh, Suzanne, I can’t wait to run out and get it! I’ve been watching the clock since I got to work!

    Sabrina, finished Beware A Scot’s Revenge this weekend……AWESOME!!!!

  23. Julia London on 29 May 2007 at 4:25 pm #

    Hmmm….I blog about fashion, about hair, about getting a personal trainer. So I don’t think it will surprise anyone if I say that I do wear makeup and keep a clean house. But I wear the kind of makeup that’s supposed to make me look naturally beautiful. And you thought I was born this lucky. HAHAHA

    Speaking of makeup, have you tried bare eseuntials or glo mineral make up? Sherri turned me on to it, and MAN… LOVE THAT STUFF!

  24. Claudia Dain on 29 May 2007 at 4:49 pm #

    I’m a Glo MIneral Girl, too!!! Love, love, love it. It’s like me, only the better version of me. LOL

  25. Karen Rose on 29 May 2007 at 5:08 pm #

    I’ll have to try the makeup. Every little bit helps. Is it on line, in the drugstore, at the dept. store?

    Sending up good wishes for Sins, Suzanne!

  26. Claudia Dain on 29 May 2007 at 5:19 pm #

    I get mine at the hair salon, also at my facial salon. I’m sure you must be able to get it on-line, but it would be nice to experiment with the colors first.

    Get the powder foundation! It’s like a miracle face lift in a compact. I use all their powder stuff—foundation, blush, eyeshadow. The lipstick is fine, but you can get a nice lipstick elsewhere. Mascara is a drug store purchase for me. The magic is in the powder!

  27. colinfirthfan on 29 May 2007 at 6:08 pm #

    I don’t put make up on to run to the grocery store but I do dab on some lip gloss and brush my hair. I would hate for people to think that I rolled out of bed and strolled into the store.
    I know I shouldn’t care what people think but I do.

    My house is relatively clean if you can ignore the toys :-) I have cleaners coming in every week to clean (negotiated this with DH after hte last round of lay-offs. Since I didn’t get laid-off I get to have the clenaers come in EVERY week). I don’t clean for my cleaners but I do pick up some of the toys so they can actuallt spend more time vacuuming and less time picking up. :-)

  28. TinaLouiseF on 29 May 2007 at 6:49 pm #

    I don’t invite people to my small apartment. The only piece of furniture to sit on is the couch. Considering the couch is where my laptop resides, there is not any room for any one else.

  29. catslady on 29 May 2007 at 6:50 pm #

    I detest housecleaning. I don’t get company too often so if I know someone is coming, I’ll clean. But most of the time it’s take it or leave it. I used to always dress up even to go to the grocery store, but the older I get the less I can be bothered or care what others think. Of course that’s always the time you run into someone you haven’t seen in ages. It just happened to me but the good part was that she looked worse than me lol.

  30. RachelG on 29 May 2007 at 6:50 pm #

    Clean the house everyday? What kind of crazy neurosis is that? I don’t wear make up to the store, and most of the time my hair is in a ponytail. I’m not saying I naturally look good. I’m just lazy.

    rachelg

  31. Karen Rose on 29 May 2007 at 6:55 pm #

    I’m thinking that there’s a reason there’s a Starbucks on every corner. That’s where we’re all going to meet, because nobody wants to clean their house for company!

    I’m feeling downright smug :-)

  32. MJ on 29 May 2007 at 7:21 pm #

    Well…. I do clean. But not often, anymore (no time and even less energy). Today I hired someone I feel I can trust to come in and at least do floors and bathrooms so I can concentrate on the tidying thing…..

    Yes - this was motivated by a lineup of company coming either to dinner or (worse) to stay….and my realization that although I’m quite fond of my dust bunnies now (my only living pets, I call them), I’m not sure my guests will be as affectionate towards them.

    And I wear makeup but mostly because I’d scare people into fits without it. (That would be fun if I ever learn CPR, otherwise the responsibility is too great).

    One tip a lovely 93 year old gave me yesterday (during my visit, I mentioned my housekeeper visit today): To spray a wee bit of Pinesol or other aromatic cleaner in your front hall before you open the door to unexpected guests. The power of suggestion will tell them that your house has just been cleaned. (Mine was way too far gone to rely on this)

  33. Brandy on 29 May 2007 at 8:17 pm #

    I clean the house for company, but then again, I clean the house all the time. I just put that extra oomph when it’s actually company. As for dolling up, I only do that for my husbands company functions and I keep it at a minimum. *g*

  34. Judy F on 29 May 2007 at 9:08 pm #

    I just cleaned this past weekend only because it got on my last nerve. My friend Ann and I have a pack we don’t clean when the other is coming over, we are there to see each other not the homes. LOL

    My sister will clean like a demon woman esp if her in laws are coming luckily that gene did not get passed to me.

    This weekend I went out with my hair partialy wet and pulled up to go to kohls. LOL

  35. Sabrina Jeffries on 29 May 2007 at 10:08 pm #

    Susan K, glad you liked Beware!

    zambonigirl, thanks for the tip about Flogging Molly. Have you ever tried Enter the Haggis or Bad Haggis? Are they anything like those two?

  36. Cail on 30 May 2007 at 8:37 am #

    Zamboni, back in college I used to go to tons of FM concerts. My roommate did a paper on them for a class, and we spent the evening interviewing them, then headed out to an irish music evening at a local pub. They’re crazy guys!

    Sabrina, got your book yesterday, can’t wait to sit down and read it! Suzanne, looks like i need to make a trip to B&N!

  37. zambonigirl on 30 May 2007 at 10:35 am #

    Cail, you saw them in concert? They were playing out here at a Bennigan’s for St. Paddy’s a few years ago, but I had important work-type things to do and I never made it out, but the concert was on the local indie station, so I streamed it live through my computer that day. They’re a great band. During the Hurricane Katrina crisis, they auctioned off some of their equipment, including a mandolin signed by all of the members. I can’t imagine owning something so awesome. I’m so jealous that you’ve seen them live!

    Sabrina-you could probably compare them to Enter The Haggis, but FM has a definite edge to it.

  38. TheNightPoet on 30 May 2007 at 10:53 pm #

    Whenever we have company coming over, we’ve always cleaned the house. This winter before we cleaned my room, anyone that came over saw how bad I let my room go. Now though I try and keep it as clean as possible.

    When I go out, I like to look nice. If I’m coming from work and have worked all day, sometimes I don’t care that my hair is still in a ponytail and that my makeup has worn off. If I have time I’ll freshen up a little, but usually I just come as I am (after I change into comfy clothes) and figure if someone can’t handle me not being dolled up, then that’s their problem.

    Andrea

  39. Aimee on 01 Jun 2007 at 8:18 am #

    Yeah I have always a take me as I am type girl but my mom used to clean the house like a hampster on caffine when we had company to the point of when she starts cleaning to this day we ask her who is coming over

  40. Aimee on 01 Jun 2007 at 8:23 am #

    I also don’t wear makeup basically cause I look really young for my age so I would just look like a 12 year old playing dress up lol I am actually 27