No Sleepovers with MY Heroes
May 22nd 2007
Sabrina JeffriesGoddess Grins
I’m cheating a little with the blog post below, because it’s a version of one I wrote a while back for my Amazon blog. But I thought it would be fun to share it with y’all, and I’m writing a new companion piece for Thursday, entitled “Ten Reasons I Don’t Want a Heroine for a Best Friend.” Besides, I thought we could have some fun with it. So I’m making it into a contest. Y’all come up with additional reasons, and whoever proposes the best one wins an autographed copy of my new book. I’ll announce the winner on Thursday. So have at it!
Okay, I know we’re always saying things about wanting to meet this or that hero in the flesh. I’ve even seen contests with categories like “Hero you’d most like to sleep with” and “Hero you’d leave your husband for.” In theory, it’s a great idea. But the more I consider it, the more I think my heroes are better kept in my fantasies where they belong. So here are . . .
Twelve Reasons I’d Never Invite My Heroes To Sleep Over
(even if I weren’t already happily married)
- The last time I checked, piracy was illegal. Which means harboring a pirate is illegal. Which means sleeping with a pirate… Well, there must be a law against it somewhere.
- My guest room is only big enough for one person. So where would I put the hero’s valet, first mate, ex-mistress, best-friend-and-soon-to-be-hero-of-his-own-story… you get the picture. Heroes come with a major entourage.
- Good mutton is hard to find in my part of the country.
All that long, thick hair would wreak havoc on my plumbing, not to mention how it would make the tub and sink look after a bath or a shave. You just know those guys never clean their whiskers out of the sink.- I’ve got no secured area for storing sabers, knives, muskets, pistols, etc.
- There’s no setting on my clothes dryer for leather. And have you ever tried to get a grease stain out of a doublet? Sheesh!
- I’m fresh out of grog, claret, and port.
Any hero worth his salt can impregnate a woman who’s using three kinds of birth control and wearing a chastity belt, and I’ve had all the children I intend to have, thank you very much.- My neighborhood isn’t zoned for horses.
- My heroes tend to have servants. So without those … well, guess who’d end up playing the servant? And I do not make good servant material.
- The smell of testosterone in the morning makes me dizzy.
- I like to sleep occasionally. And you know those heroes with their marathon lovemaking capabilities…
On second thought, maybe one short sleepover wouldn’t hurt!
So tell me, what about you? Can you think of a reason not to have a hero sleep over? Or do you think you might want to try it, at least once in a while?
53 Comments »
53 Responses to “No Sleepovers with MY Heroes”
MizMacgyver on 22 May 2007 at 4:54 am #
Just one reason or as many as we can think of Sabrina??? Here is one, but I have more if you want them.
I for one have never had ballroom dancing lessons, I would have to watch him dancing with everyone else.
MizMacgyver sitting here with a boggled mind thinking of nekkie heroes in her bed.
Stacy ~ on 22 May 2007 at 5:30 am #
See I’m thinking I might be willing to risk it. My concern is I might not be able to have a pirate sleep over, because I have nowhere to dock his ship. I’ll have to work on that one.
Sabrina Jeffries on 22 May 2007 at 6:54 am #
Hey, MizMacGyver, if you can think of more, by all means think of more!
amy1242 on 22 May 2007 at 7:32 am #
My kids would be wondering who the “hottie” is and eventually be fighting him for the tv remote. I’m sure I’d be out back tending to his trusty mount, pondering what I was going to make for dinner tonight. Same ol’!
amy
Beth C. on 22 May 2007 at 7:34 am #
I don’t need the villian to track said pirate hero to my house and turn it into a disaster area. (It happens to be moderately clean right now.)
Beth C.
MJ on 22 May 2007 at 7:44 am #
His boots wouldn’t fit under my bed.
Julia London on 22 May 2007 at 7:56 am #
My first thought was laundry. All those lawn shirts and neck cloths…but Ann from IL would be in heaven. One woman’s hero disaster is another woman’s hero fantastic!
Keri Ford on 22 May 2007 at 8:02 am #
Because their best performance is with a virgin….and I don’t qualify. By golly, if I’m to be having marathon sex, I want it up to par.
Sometimes those heros are stuck in their ways, and I’m not sure they’d be open to laytex. And no freaking way am I introducing my most private part to, what is it?, pig’s intestine. I don’t think so.
Keri Ford on 22 May 2007 at 8:05 am #
oops, Latex, not laytex.
sorry, I was thinking about…well nevermind…
Cail on 22 May 2007 at 8:09 am #
i can’t think of a single good reason! if the pirates come knocking on your doors, send them to me!
terrio on 22 May 2007 at 8:43 am #
I’m thinking I could give it a go but then again…
I don’t have a single ball gown or corset for him to help me take off. I’m afraid jeans just wouldn’t cut it and I’m a jeans kind of girl.
The carriage would look very conspicuous parked outside my apartment building.
I can’t take the long hours. Do you know how long those balls last?!
I’m trying to think of anything else but even with all this, I’d still be willing to invite him over. I guess I’m easier than I thought….
Sabrina Jeffries on 22 May 2007 at 8:52 am #
LOL about the laytex, Keri!!!
Oh, and I guess I should put a deadline on this for comments. Let’s say Wednesday night at midnight. That will give y’all two days to come up with something.
KMB25 on 22 May 2007 at 9:06 am #
Hmmm…terrio, I’ve got a corset but it’s just so hard to get into that thing by myself! (Actually it’s near impossible…I see now why they had servants!)
I’ll post again later once I’ve come up with some really good reasons!
Claudia Dain on 22 May 2007 at 9:44 am #
LOL. This is too funny! Sabrina, I know I’m not in the contest, but I have to chime in on the ‘need my sleep’ one. I like a long night of uninterrupted sleep. What can I say? I’ve been doing it since I was a baby; it’s a happy habit.
My favorite line from Bonnie Hunt’s defunct tv series—
Bonnie to her husband as she climbs into bed: “Do whatever you want. Just don’t wake me.”
Something my DH has said more than once: “Take a nap today. You’ll be busy tonight.”
darkshire007 on 22 May 2007 at 9:57 am #
No sleepovers! It would be my luck that about the time said Pirate and I were fully engaged in something rather aerobic an enraged earl, duke and/or prince would be pounding on the door wondering who is in there with me and can they meet at dawn. The dawn meeting would then in turn bring the police and the reporters and I would go down in media history as a tart. But on the other hand….
Karen Hawkins on 22 May 2007 at 10:01 am #
One word … backache.
ladydawgfan on 22 May 2007 at 10:50 am #
1. I don’t have a rose trellis for him to climb in the dark of night. On the other hand, if he can climb the pine tree and make his way across the garage roof . . . well, I suppose I can leave the window unlatched . .
2. I don’t have a stable for his trusty steed, and if he leaves his carriage parked in the street overnight, he’ll find a Denver Boot on the wheel in the morning and a parking ticket stuck somewhere on the horse.
3. I live down the street from the original Gladys Cravitz, and all of South Burlington would know about his visit before the morning sun crested Mount Mansfield!!
SuzyQ on 22 May 2007 at 11:33 am #
We don’t travel in the same circle. I’m not the daughter of a duke, marquis, earl, viscount, etc. . . .
Ahhh, but if we did chance to meet - well, that’s a different story
Kasey on 22 May 2007 at 11:38 am #
I really don’t see any problems with it, especially if he wants to wisk me away in his carriage or ship. Then I can have him take care of me, instead of worrying how he is going to get along in my little apartment.
Kris on 22 May 2007 at 12:03 pm #
I’d never invite a vampire to sleep over, just in case it turns out that we’re fated to be together for the rest of eternity, and romantic as it might seem at the time, then I’d have to spend the rest of my days without sunshine and couldn’t watch my son play t-ball.
anneriailin on 22 May 2007 at 12:18 pm #
Since I’m a medieval book type of gal, I’d have to say that there would be no place to store the armor and chain mail! Besides, would take him too long to get outta that stuff without a squire!
Secondly, there are no castles nearby.
Thirdly, all those hero-types like long think lustrous hair and mine just wouldn’t compare!
–dorothy
dbrown3400 on 22 May 2007 at 12:28 pm #
I only have a shower. Nowhere for a pirate to float his boat, drop his anchor or any relevant body parts. Although a shower has possibilties. Hmm
Donna
FilmPhan on 22 May 2007 at 12:47 pm #
Since heros are usually big and tall men, he would totally hog my double bed and probably the covers. I don’t like sleeping on the floor.
colinfirthfan on 22 May 2007 at 1:24 pm #
After docking boat at harbor, pirate might balk at getting in my car and driving home.
Said home doesn’t have 20 bedrooms and it definitely has no footmen to pour steaming water into a claw footed tub in front of the fireplace. It also doesn’t have a clawfooted tub!!
I, however, have no objections to helping the hero with scrubbing his back!!
colinfirthfan on 22 May 2007 at 1:27 pm #
Thought of another reason -
Not enough money to bail out the hero when he gets drunk and goes wenching.
DebMarlowe on 22 May 2007 at 1:48 pm #
My Regency Rake would scoff at my lecture on STDs and I would get furious if he said he’d only need a virgin to cure him!
epfeiffer1 on 22 May 2007 at 1:59 pm #
I have to confess, there is no reason above that would dissuade me from having a marathon session with some hunky hottie. Sorry. Guess I’m a slut
-B
OV_099 on 22 May 2007 at 2:11 pm #
Oh, I wouldn’t mind trying at least once. . . but a reason or two not to. . .
1) alas, I own not a single gown or skirt, therefore they might complain that all my, ah, breeches are too boyish. (Although I do recall some heroes who catch the heroines in their breeches to do whatever it is they are doing, and like the look)
2) most importantly, seeing how chocolate candy didn’t or really didn’t exist as we think of during the Regency period, they might come to like my chocolate. . .
Then I’ll have to hurt them because I share my chocolate with no one, not even a very virile hero, thank you very much!
Lois
Sabrina Jeffries on 22 May 2007 at 2:30 pm #
Lois, that’s certainly a reason I can identify with–don’t touch my chocolate!!!
Y’all have great ones. Definitely chain mail and lack of rose trellises are serious considerations, aside from the whole chocolate thing. No parking for the carriage is a liability, too.
And Claudia, I love the line–”Take a nap today. You’ll be busy tonight.” That’s hilarious. You should use that in a book!
epfeiffer1, if you’re a slut for wanting a marathon session with a hottie, then we all are. Just don’t forget it could have complications. That’s all I’m sayin’.
KMB25 on 22 May 2007 at 2:30 pm #
Ok, I’ve thought of a couple!
I wouldn’t do a sleepover with those yummy Regency-era Heroes because:
1.) While I do own a corset, I don’t wear it very often and I wouldn’t be content to just sit and embroider….
2.) I DO NOT know how to embroider and so wouldn’t be a very proper English miss…(besides the fact that I’m VERY happily married)
~Kim
Ann in IL on 22 May 2007 at 2:49 pm #
Well Julia, as it happens, I have experience ironing lawn. So bring it on!!!
I am the keeper of our family Christening gown. It’s made of lawn with a gazillion tiny pintucks, miles of lace ruffles and teeny tiny buttons. It’s four feet long and has two slips (one for girls with 8in of lace and one for boys with another gizillion pintucks at the bottom) It takes a little over an hour to press properly, but the result is mind blowing. It was hand made by my Grandmother 104 years ago and is on it’s fourth generation of use.
Would I allow a hero to spend the night? You betcha!!!!!!!!!!!
After all, didn’t Cinderella get the Prince?
MJ on 22 May 2007 at 2:56 pm #
Another couple of reasons, all very practical:
I’m hopeless with buttons.
I can’t stand wool next the skin (so no plaid would be tolerated for long….)
I don’t have a daybed or other necessary seduction prop. A rocker-recliner just doesn’t cut it.
And one selfish one: no-one shares my port.
Cail on 22 May 2007 at 3:04 pm #
ok, i’ve brainstormed all day:
1) All the *fun* places to spend the night with the hero, the carriage, the cabin on the pirate ship, etc, would prove to involve far too much motion for my motion sick body to be able to handle.
2) my hero wouldn’t be thrilled that i’d have to get up at the crack of dawn to treck off to the office to work in ::gasp:: the business world. clearly no place for a lady!
3) the people in my neighborhood might wonder when the group of people who hang out on St Mark’s place in the Village started hanging out in our neighborhood.
cate on 22 May 2007 at 3:15 pm #
Ann in IL — I’d love to see the christening gown!! Sounds absolutely stunning!
I might spend a night with in our time but not in theirs…
No regular baths — indoor plumbing.. use of perfume rather than bathing! YIKES!
However, if you could promise me servants… I’d try anything once!!!
Which may be why I’ve enjoyed time-travel stuff like Outlander…
But I love all romance!!!
helen on 22 May 2007 at 4:02 pm #
My home isn’t big enough I don’t have a castle or a mansion and a couple of my children still live at home and my grandson visits a lot and he is very curious about everything, so I think I should leave my heros in my dreams where I can imagine lots of things.
Have Fun
Helen
MizMacgyver on 22 May 2007 at 4:47 pm #
Okay, here is some
His nice sleek muscled body would give me a complex about my frumpy one. (who am I kidding I already got a complex about my frumpy body)
His horse would try to use my cat’s litter boxes and I am NOT cleaning that out. I don’t have horse doody cleaning equipment available.
My idea of breakfast is a bagel and a cup of coffee, I am not getting up at 3 a.m. to make one of those huge breakfasts heroes seem to require.
I don’t have a subscription to any newspapers and most definitely not the London Times.
MizMacgyver on 22 May 2007 at 4:55 pm #
Ann in IL, I gotta tell you girlfriend, you are my hero! Er… Heroine, anyway, you know what I mean, once upon a time I tried to iron, and I used to cook, and clean on a regular basis and everything. I will admit it, I am a failure ::hanging head in shame::: however, if you want some things put into a cool spreadsheet, I’m the one to talk to….
Julia London on 22 May 2007 at 6:26 pm #
Wow, Ann! That christening gown sounds amazing! How cool to have that sort of heirloom.
Brandy on 22 May 2007 at 6:27 pm #
I’m perfectly happy with my “hero hubby”, but this is fun!
I would be considered a blue-stocking and we all know they weren’t considered attractive.
I can be rather outspoken when it comes to sharing of household chores (no that it works!) and Gentlemen don’t usually go for that.
TinaLouiseF on 22 May 2007 at 7:27 pm #
There is not room in my small apartment for another person.
Judy on 22 May 2007 at 8:20 pm #
I wouldn’t invite a hero to a sleepover because…
He’d crush me!! I’m on the small side in everyway possible and heroes tend to be 6 foot whatever and very stacked in everyway possible and I’d rather not suffocate and die in the end of a blissfull marothon…but then again…what a way to die right?
Suzanne Enoch on 22 May 2007 at 8:51 pm #
Those heroes don’t know how to do anything but ride horses, hunt, and play cards. What about mowing the lawn? “Hey, Lord Bob, go mow the lawn! And take out the trash while you’re at it!”
Kelly Ann on 22 May 2007 at 9:42 pm #
This is not easy - I can think of a million reasons to let him stay & even kick out the family. Ha-ha - just joking, maybe. I can’t help that I’m a tramp & proud of it.
But… it may ruin all of my dreams & future romance reading if I were to expierence one night of bliss with one of my favorite hero’s.
We’d also fight over the brandy!
One demand & I’d throttle him.
All the women in the neighborhood would be beating down my door trying to get to him.
I got a little carried away - though I still hold that I’d take a healthy romp with Sir Lachlan & the Pirate Lord any day!
darkshire007 on 23 May 2007 at 12:02 am #
All of the above entries are starting to sound like desperate housewives! LOL! This is better than television anyday! And I must say that I am picking up some very interesting ideas along the way….hope no one minds.
Stacy S on 23 May 2007 at 5:47 am #
I’d prefer to keep them fantasies. But if one would happen to show up I would have to let him stay for alittle while.
Caren Crane on 23 May 2007 at 8:29 am #
I was thinking like Cail. Those hero types always seem to want to romp in carriages and on boats and in canoes and on swings (Sabrina!). Call me old-fashioned, but I like a bed. A bed helps one avoid the backache Karen was talking about.
I also really like to do my own thing. Heroes seem to be fairly high maintenance and require a lot of attention. I would want him to run off and play. I would be no good at adoration (though I used to do loads of embroidery).
The worst is that those guys almost all sleep until noon or shortly before. I’m an early to rise person. I would make coffee, but not breakfast. I might make him a sandwich for lunch if he was really, really lucky and asked nicely.
Last, as Suzanne and Brandy said, I would expect His Lordship to do chores!
zambonigirl on 23 May 2007 at 10:38 am #
My hero is Max Mixon from Animal Cops: Houston. I see absolutely no reason to kick him out of bed for eating crackers, or bringing along a hamster or four. Or a horse. I mean, my house is pretty much a zoo already…
The downside is that you don’t know humiliation until you roll over and see a cat watching you, disapproval etched all over his little squishy face. He’s thinking, “Humans. So messy. So undignified.”
Sabrina Jeffries on 23 May 2007 at 10:58 am #
These are great! I’ll have a tough time choosing one for tonight.
Sabrina
dbrown3400 on 23 May 2007 at 11:44 am #
Some of my heroes are writers of noir. I will put their names into a hat and pick one although they could go together as a class. I can only think of some of the places he’s been to do his research. Think of the laundry products I would need to instruct the cleaners to use on his jeans and T-shirt ’cause I ain’t touching those puppies myself.
And heaven forbid should he want to bring anyone home for interviews. That would interrupt the evening for sure. What if I had prepared an intimate candlelight dinner for two? Certainly not meant for three. Then there’s the weapon’s research that he wants to spread across the sheets. ‘Nuff said.
Donna
TheNightPoet on 23 May 2007 at 9:34 pm #
I wouldn’t want to have a hero sleepover because I wouldn’t want to hear from him how I am too scared of the opposite sex. I would rather keep him in my fantasies and “believe” that he finds me perfect all around.
Andrea
ladydawgfan on 23 May 2007 at 10:43 pm #
One other reason why I wouldn’t invite my regency hero to sleep over:
In my bedroom, I have digital cable television, a DVD player, and my computer. My regency hero would be so busy being a typical guy, fascinated with the technology of THIS era, that he would spend all of his time fiddling with electrical gadgets, instead of fiddling with MY “gadgets!!”
MizMacgyver on 24 May 2007 at 7:06 pm #
Andrea, it isn’t that you are scared of the opposite sex, it is they are too scared of your strength in your beliefs. There will be a hero that will find you perfect all around.
Alondrajack on 29 May 2007 at 6:41 pm #
I don´t think I would mind one little sleepover, it wouldn´t be so bad, in fact, I would like it but I would have a problem to decide who I want, so many cute heroes around.