When goddesslings revolt …
May 3rd 2007
Karen RoseWhen Goddesses Fall To Earth
I am a mother and I worked darn hard to get that way, what with the basal temperatures and morning sickness and the ninety-seven hours of labor. Okay, it was more like six hours, but the kids weren’t there (yet) to prove me wrong. So there.
I’ve heard my husband say that I’m “one bad mother,” but I think he was teasing. I’m pretty sure he was teasing. Okay, on the scale of maternal domesticity I’m not at the top. My husband is maybe an eight or nine and I’m down … somewhere below four.
My husband cooks. 
I have Pizza Hut programmed into my cell phone and my failure in the culinary arts has become a standard part of his comedy repertoire. Every student that passes through his class has heard the tale of my so-called meatloaf. (Actually, the meatloaf was pretty funny and so I put it in HAVE YOU SEEN HER, my second book.)
My husband cleans. Well, to be fair, that’s only when I nag. He even does the laundry because I once turned his underwear pink. It really was a mistake, but he never forgave me. (See my note in Rachel’s Life Lessons from a few days ago, ha!) He knows what size shirts and shoes the kids wear and what video games they want for their birthday.
There are times I feel like he’s a better mother than me, but THEN true maternal instinct kicks in. This is usually when our little goddesslings revolt. As in normal families, they do this in shifts so that there is no peace in our humble abode on the Mount.
And THEN I’m in my maternal element. I’ll say, “If I’d talked to my mother that way …” Then I stop and remember my mother saying the same. exact. thing. Shudder. I’ll say, “Don’t look at me like that” and the classic “Your eyes will get stuck that way.”
Yes, when my goddesslings revolt, my maternal instinct rises like Atlantis from the sea. It’s a beautiful thing to behold. All the mother-isms flow like honey from my lips. But my best, most terrifying threat - “If you don’t do [fill in appropriately] I’ll cook you dinner. And I’ll make you eat it.”
Then they run screaming to do my bidding. That is power, ladies. Take it from “one bad mother.”
So are you a domestic goddess? What mother-isms do you find yourself repeating? What motherisms did your mother use to warp - I mean “form” you? Does anyone out there sell soundproofing for my humble abode on Mount Olympus?
43 Comments »
43 Responses to “When goddesslings revolt …”
SuzyQ on 03 May 2007 at 7:26 am #
I’m not quite a domestic goddess. I love to cook (and I’m good at it - if I say so myself) but cleaning? Forget about it. That’s were my DH steps in. He actually likes to clean. I think that’s one reason our marriage works - there’s balance. I do most of the laundry, but he kicks in sometimes.
As for motherisms - the one that always sticks in my head is “As long as you live under my roof, you’ll do as I say”. I vowed I would never say this to my kids as so far so good, but then again, they aren’t teenagers yet!
Karen, let me know if you find a good deal on soundproofing. I need it as well
krissyinva on 03 May 2007 at 7:31 am #
I don’t classify myself as a domestics goddess. That being said I do 90% of the cleaning and maybe 99% of the cooking. My house isn’t a wreck but it is not clean at most times. I try, but for every room I get done another one gets worse. I do cook dinner 6 days a week, but I hate to cook.
mother-isms
“Because I said so” is the most used by me
Caren on 03 May 2007 at 8:07 am #
Karen, I make no claims to domestic goddessdom. None. I am a good cook (I’m Southern, so it’s kind of a requirement), but I don’t cook much. My husband was laid off and then worked from home for several years, so he learned to cook and did a great job! Neither of us likes to clean, but I do far more than him. He is, however, an ex-Marine, so he’s great at laundry! The Marines taught him to fold like nobody’s business.
As far as the kids go, I am the go-to parent. I fill out the forms, schedule the conferences, make the appointments, sign them up for camps/activities/classes. My husband is the taxi driver and money dispenser.
Motherisms: “Am I the only one who can see the filth?” and “You are a citizen of the house. As a citizen of the house, you must help maintain the communal property. We all share the responsibility.” The veiled threat being, of course, that they will be booted off the island or something? I have no idea why that one works, but it does.
Karen Rose on 03 May 2007 at 8:53 am #
I’ve tried the citizen of the house routine. My family doesn’t blink. I think we’re citizens of Pigpen’s house, maybe.
Yesterday I said: Am I the only one who sees this mess (a variation on yours, Caren), and my oldest goddessling said, “Well, yeah.” So I said. “Aren’t you embarrassed to bring your friends over to see this horrible pigsty?” and she says, “Well, nobody notices until you start ranting about it, then they say ‘What’s your mom talkin’ about’ and I say ‘I dunno’. I mean, like, we’re teenagers.”
Enough said.
DebMarlowe on 03 May 2007 at 9:06 am #
My most frequent motherism: “Because I’m the mom and you’re the kid. When you’re a parent, you’ll get to call the shots.”
Yeah, they hate that.
Karen, you’d better stop braggin’ on that husband of yours. Funny, cooks, cleans, and does the laundry?! Forget Hugh! Colin who? We’re all gonna be fighting over your hubby!
Karen Rose on 03 May 2007 at 9:11 am #
Yeah, well, he just might pick one of you if I don’t get this book done.
He’s cute, too.
Sabrina Jeffries on 03 May 2007 at 9:14 am #
Y’all are cracking me up!! I don’t have a typical teenager, so I can’t say the usual mother things, since he would just stare blankly at me. So I have to say them to my husband (who eyes me askance and ignores me). All this motherwit wasted.
But four years ago (next week!) I became doting aunt to twins. THEY visit a lot, and I do enjoy playing mommy with them. Except that they’re very, VERY clever, and they usually make me laugh too much to discipline them. Plus which, they’re sort of like grandchildren to me. My younger brother and I are 8 years apart and he waited very late to have children, which is why there’s a 14 year difference between his children and mine. So I treat them like grandchildren, and I’m WAYYY too indulgent. But what are doting aunts for? We’ll see if the motherisms flow like milk once they’re older.
Susan K on 03 May 2007 at 9:17 am #
Well I have no kids and I’m not married….yet. I do get on my fiance a lot though about replacing the toilet paper roll. He doesn’t seem to know how to do it. Drives me nuts!!!!! He does help with laundry, though. And he will cook and clean the kitchen. That’s all though. Everything else is left up to me.
My mom’s most frequent motherism for me was: “See that wall?” (as she’s pointing at it)”Do you want me to put you through it?” She also liked to say “I brought you into this world, I can take you out.” I was afraid of my mom until I was 18. I figured if she hadn’t put me through the wall once in 18 years she wasn’t going to at all.
Sabrina Jeffries on 03 May 2007 at 9:17 am #
I am not a domestic goddess, but I do cook. Unfortunately, I cooked a LOT in the early years of our marriage (Boeuf Bourguignon is a standard dish in my repertoire, along with Picadillo and an assortment of Thai curries), and we’re both foodies, so now he expects it. And now I’m tired of cooking. Sigh. If you just got married, be careful not to spoil your husband, or he will grumble once you grow out of it.
I do not clean. At all. Fortunately, he knew that going into the marriage.
Julia London on 03 May 2007 at 9:31 am #
Do not EVEN get me started on the cooking. When we got married, he was all “I’m a great cook! I’ll be happy to do the cooking!” Now, its “What’s for dinner? When are you going to turn that book in and cook again?”
I hate cooking. I have no repertoire. I can do two or three things well and that’s what we have. Cooking has made me fat and mad.
MJ on 03 May 2007 at 9:40 am #
Well… on the cooking theme, particularly…
Now that I have only myself to please, I’m getting really lazy.
So many delis and grocery stores do nice things like roast chickens every day and sell pre-made salad and all the picky-fiddly things I used to spend so much love and energy on….
I recall getting up early to make fresh muffins for breakfast, loving shaping meatballs, doing up special separate desserts (presentation is everything)…those were the ‘good’ old days.
Now I buy. You can actually put a well-balanced meal on the table in 5-10 minutes using this method. I still buy tons of cookbooks so I’m ready for retirement when I will once again prove my caring by feeding the world around me. (-;
[On the downside of single-blessedness.... it's all your own dirt. No-one else to mess up....no-one else to clean up. And no-one else to blame. You end up using your best 'Mother' lines on yourself. Talk about guilt... I've decided to forget most of them.]
Karen Rose on 03 May 2007 at 9:57 am #
I make three meals and they all require Bisquick.
That’s all I’m sayin’.
Karen Hawkins on 03 May 2007 at 10:21 am #
People really cook? I thought that was one of those movie-made-up-things, like using light sabers and jumping cars over rivers.
Who knew?
I DO love to clean, though. And as my guy loves to grill, and any ole person can toss a salad out of a bag … well, it works pretty well.
And MJ, a friend of mine calls that “cheater cooking.” It’s the only kind I do.
Aimee on 03 May 2007 at 10:52 am #
I am the queen of the castle I do it all except one thing. I clean the house I do the laundry I get the oldest ready for school and I give them baths and ready for bed at night. I feed the baby I tie the shoes I am basically a full time mommy and work a full time job. I get the younger two up and ready to go to mom mom’s for the day I don’t think my husband even knows what size they wear what any of them do or pretty much where any thing is located but the tv……..of course there is one thing that I don’t do and he is perfect at it Oh by the way I also get him ready and lay his clothes out and potty trained the dog and take care of the monster dog…..but I digress yes when we first got together I ummm…well I gave the dog lock jaw by trying to cook him pancakes….so I here by admit it I can make you a mean sandwich or toss a pretty salad but I am a horriible terrible cook
Aimee on 03 May 2007 at 10:59 am #
oh and motherisms “because I said so” and the whole as long as you live under my roof you will live by my rules” those were the biggest my mom said I don’t say anything really to mine basically cause the oldest doens’t get in that much trouble YET and the boy he is to smart for his own good and has me giggling before I can yell and the angel face is only 8 months old….which is why I feel a little sorry for the hubby cause she won’t even let him hold her if I am any where in the house which is kinda hard on me but still makes me smile.
Julia London on 03 May 2007 at 11:28 am #
Aimee, et al, last night on one of the national news broadcasts they were talking about how much a full time mom would be paid if she was doing that amount of work in the marketplace. I missed the actual amount (sorry!) but they said most Americans would not be able to afford their full-time mom service.
Aimee on 03 May 2007 at 11:38 am #
oh yeah I did it was 138,000 and some but on top of taking care of everything I also work 8 hours at a full time job on top of that although on my two days off are the best cause then I am just full time mommy so I have to get my husband to hurry up and win the lottery so I can stay at home with them all the time……I have also taught my oldest two the alphabet and letter sounds before they were even two.
anneriailin on 03 May 2007 at 12:27 pm #
I am so NOT the domestic type. I take after my mother. She had sayings like…’My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy’ and ‘If you came to my house to see how clean it is instead of to visit me, then you can leave now’. I wholeheartedly agree with them!! My cooking won’t make you sick, but it’s no gourmet either. Not that I cook that often either. Oops.
But, I’ve been a single mother for the past 12 years, with two boys and working two jobs. The boys turned out alright. Both in college, one graduating in 16 days and the other doing very well.
The bright side is, I taught my boys how to do the dishes, clean and to do the laundry! Hopefully, their spouses will thank me later! lol
–dorothy
Stacy S on 03 May 2007 at 12:29 pm #
I do 99% of the cooking. Hubby just started cooking on the grill, so I try to have alot of stuff cooked on the grill. And we order out aleast once or twice a week.
I always say to my son, Because I said so. Then he’ll tell me when he’s 18 I won’t be the boss of him anymore. That’s what he thinks.
Stacy S on 03 May 2007 at 12:30 pm #
And I hate cleaning. I’ll do everything except dust, so I have lots of dust bunnies..
gannon on 03 May 2007 at 12:48 pm #
I do cook on occasion and I’m pretty good at it, but it’s usually a pain in the butt to work around extracurricular activities. Who wants to eat at 8:30 unless it’s a romantic dinner for 2…in Italy!! By that time of night, my kids have gone through everything in the pantry like a plague of locusts, and sometime my dh joins them.
Cleaning is not my fave activity, just a necessity. A maid sounds like a lovely idea. I’ve had one in the past, just haven’t splurged on that again. Maybe someday….
Well, I’m off to Seattle for my girl’s weekend with my sister, where there will be no cooking or cleaning..just pampering! Hurray!! Can you say bliss? Have a lovely weekend, Goddesses!!
Karen Rose on 03 May 2007 at 2:27 pm #
Toodles, Gannon. Have a good time!
Stacy - I have that same “When I’m 18″ conversation with my kid. Why do they fight it so?
Dorothy - kudos on teaching your son’s to do laundry! Their future mates will appreciate you for that.
Aimee - I hope your husband wins the lottery so you can stay home, too! In our household, we hope we win so my hubby can stay home. For all the blogged reasons…
Julia - “cooking has made me fat and mad” - I chuckled out loud. I swear at the food when I’m cooking. I always say I won’t, but all the dishes ever end up being done at the SAME TIME. I was a project manager. I lived by critical path schedules and spreadheets, but I couldn’t make the pork chops be done at the same time as the freaking potatos! It made me fat and mad too.
Kasey on 03 May 2007 at 2:30 pm #
Ann - I agree on your mom’s housecleaning quotes. My mom always tried to get me to clean or dust my room and I would tell her, “Why, it adds character.” I have an apartment now and I tell her the same thing when she visits and I haven’t had time to clean.
Kay on 03 May 2007 at 2:40 pm #
anneriailin, I’m sure you will be thanked endlessly! I love to cook, but my DH is a better cook. He is dangerous with the laundry, though.
The house may not be the neatest/cleanest (2 kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats) but we always have something decent to eat. The kids ( 12 & 9 ) are starting to do laundry–sort and put away. The oldest will start doing the washing as a summer chore.
I love to garden, and that is my excuse for the state of the house in the summer, but we live in MN, so I don’t have the excuse for at least half of the year!
My kids are major Harry Potter Fans, and they hate it when I say “Dobby doesn’t live here” but it is effective (My mom would remind us that she was not the maid.)
Caren Crane on 03 May 2007 at 2:40 pm #
Julia and Karen, we get to blame the food for our fat? Hooray! I’ve been beating myself up for eating too much for nothing. If I had realized it was all the food’s fault, the past 15 years would have been so much happier.
I will share a shameful secret with you guys. I always make my husband do anything related to technology in our house: hook up DVD players, video games, check the cable connections, replace power outlets and lighting fixtures. Why is this shameful? Because we met in engineering school! I have a degree in electrical engineering (just like him), but I just give him the big eyes and act like I can’t. It makes him furious! Why would I do that? Um, because I’m lazy and I can. Shameful!
KMB25 on 03 May 2007 at 2:46 pm #
I am SO not a domestic goddess. I sometimes wish that I was…but then I think, ‘What am I, crazy?’
Now I’m not a neat freak but I do clean when the time schedule permits (I’ll admit it’s not as often as it probably should be) and if hubby wants to complain, then he can clean the place himself.
I don’t think that I’m a horrible cook, it’s just that we never seem to have time to cook. I’m always teaching or running to a gig during dinner times. I’ve started to put together some meals that I know he will eat on a regular basis, but a lot of times I’ll let the hubby cook for me! (It’s good for him!)
Although…It would sure be nice to hire a maid every now and again…alas, that may happen if I win the lottery!!
I don’t have any kids yet, so I can’t really answer from the mommy perspective.
~Kim
SuzyQ on 03 May 2007 at 2:55 pm #
With so many of you not wanting to cook, have you ever heard of personal chefs? I don’t know how widely they are across the country, but one business just opened up in the town next to mine. Basically they prepare 1 or 2 weeks worth of meals (which you choose from a menu) for however many family members you have. Each are proportioned so all you do is heat and eat. Great idea when the kids have sports on the weekdays.
Kasey on 03 May 2007 at 2:56 pm #
Kay - I live in MN too. My exuse is working and school though. I love that line, “Dobby doesn’t live here.” I am going to remember that someday when I have kids and hopefully they will love Harry Potter as much as I do, so it should work.
Nicole Jordan on 03 May 2007 at 3:44 pm #
>>>DebMarlowe: My most frequent motherism: “Because I’m the mom and you’re the kid. When you’re a parent, you’ll get to call the shots.”
LOL. That’s exactly what my mom always said to me. And I never had to use it, since I never had kids of my own, and my stepdaughters were relative angels compared to most kids and they never lived with us for longer than a few weeks at a time.
I’m a total neat freak, but fortunately I get to hire a cleaning service since my dh and I both have home offices and can write part of the cleaning off as an expense.
I don’t mind cooking, and I love to eat, so I do most of the cooking while dh does the grilling. I also do the dishes, but nowadays when he isn’t working full-time, he does all the laundry and grocery shopping, bless him (see the ‘love to eat’ comment above.) And when he went on the South Beach diet last fall, I figured out all kinds of new recipees that don’t use high glycemic carbs. They were pretty tasty, even if I do say so myself. *s* Oh, and he’s still on the diet and has lost 15 pounds.
NicoleJ
Aimee on 03 May 2007 at 3:44 pm #
Shhhh…….SuzyQ it is the one thing I can get the man to do around the house is cook if he knows there is an out to that I will never get control of the TV again
Brandy on 03 May 2007 at 4:36 pm #
I have been a SAHM for 13 years. I have a 12 year old and a 5 year old. I do EVERYTHING. I cook, I clean, I pay the bills and homeschool the kids. My favorite expression is: “I am not the maid!” I would LOVE to have someone in to clean every now and then. I can dream right?
Ann in IL on 03 May 2007 at 4:37 pm #
Oh lord!!!!!!!!! Momisms.
When we would whine “I can’t do it” Mom would say “put your cant’s down and try your hands”
If we said we didn’t know how to do something………she said “you’ll never learn any younger”
SuzyQ on 03 May 2007 at 4:46 pm #
Aimee - LOL! I’m all for the girl that gets control over the TV!!!!
Julia London on 03 May 2007 at 5:14 pm #
Yes, Caren it is cooking’s fault that we are fat! Hoo-ray! Embrace the reason and go with it!
Suzy Q - I have seen those chef places — I may give it a try. I looked at Schwann’s once — lots of people in this hood use them — but they weren’t exactly lo-cal meals.
Ann, I love the momisms!
colinfirthfan on 03 May 2007 at 6:26 pm #
I am not a domestic Godess. But I would like to be one.
Between my 3 yr old and 6 yr old, there are trucks everywhere. I get them to pick it up and about 6 minutes later it is messy agian. I find it easier to clean up then nag them to do it - now the trucks get taken away if they aren’t cleaned up.
I have a deal with the hubby - I will work but I need the cleaners to come and clean. So the cleaners come once a week and clean the house and for a few hours everything is shiny and clean. Bliss!!
I hate laundry. I do 5 loads every week. I force hubby to put 2 loads into the washer/drier and I do the rest. I fold and putaway all 5 loads.
As for cooking - I hate cooking unless I can make something exotic. I am completely bored making the same old food. I get home too late to do much cooking during the week so most of my cooking is done at 9:00 PM on Sunday night.
Sabrina Jeffries on 03 May 2007 at 8:40 pm #
I tried to talk my hubby going the personal chef route (they’ll even use your own recipes), but for some reason he thinks it’s only good if I prepare it. Sigh, grumble, grumble.
krystal on 03 May 2007 at 8:40 pm #
I am about as far away from a domestic goddess as you can get. I don’t like cleaning. I don’t like cooking either and I’m really not very good at it. I can make sandwiches and eggs and can un-thaw anything in the microwave. (Thank the god or goddess that came up with that great idea. It has saved me from starving many times.) Once I tried making a chocolate cake and somehow it managed to come out of the oven green. It looked disgusting but tasted okay.
KMB25 on 03 May 2007 at 9:28 pm #
As I was reading all of the responses (sorry I was pretty much lost in a book all day as I can’t do much else with this bum back –I read two books in two days!!!)
Anyways, I neglected to mention earlier, that while I don’t cook…I love to bake! I can make cakes and pies and brownies and banana bread like nobody’s business…and they’re yummy!
And like Karen Rose’s three main recipes with Bisquick, if you ask my husband, he’d tell you I can cook, but most of it is with pasta or high carbs of some sort…(I’m working on that)
As for the personal chef…I don’t have the money
I wish! Same goes for the cleaning crew!
Julia–my mom got Schwann’s a lot and I absolutely LOVE the beef tips and gravy (especially over Klusky noodles…which they don’t seem to have here in TN) as well as some of their desserts. But you’re right of course…it’s not very low in the calorie dept.
~Kim
Karen Rose on 03 May 2007 at 10:30 pm #
Sabrina, I’ll give you my meatloaf recipe. I guarantee that in 6 months of my meatloaf on Wednesdays that your husband will do anything to keep you from cooking.
That’s how long my DH lasted during the first year of our marriage - 6 months, then he blew up and said I was to never make meatloaf again. AFter many tears and his apologies, he said he’d just cook. Voila.
Since you’ve been married all this time, I bet your DH wouldn’t last 3 weeks. My meatloaf’s a killer.
Helen K on 04 May 2007 at 1:54 am #
LOL This blog is bad for my self esteem, I’m learning all sorts of bad things about myself…
1st that I can’t resist a challenge and now….
I am a SAHM whose DH is a better Mom than I am. He cooks, he cleans. He can watch the kids and clean, which is not something I’m capable of doing (I suspect he’s not doing much ‘watching’ but I can’t prove it as I’m not here when it happens.)
My DH comes home for lunch and feeds me, himself and our youngest. He comes home and makes us all dinner. He gets our Kindergartener off to school in the morning (with lunch)
I do the bills. I bake. I drive the kids around to all their stuff. I sign them up for stuff. I clean the tub.
He’s in there when they throw up (I can’t, it makes me want to throw up too) but I stay up all night with them if no throw up is involved.
I do homework and play silly games with them.
I can’t let him know there are women out there that clean….
RachelG on 04 May 2007 at 12:01 pm #
Not at all domestic. I hire someone to clean. I don’t cook anymore either. All my children are grown, so my husband throws chicken or steak on the grill, I whip up a salad (which means opening a bag and dumping it in a bowl) and we’re good.
Motherims, whenever I tried rationalize something I’d done that she didn’t approve of, she always said, “Well, how convenient for you.” I sometime hear myself saying that to my kids
cate sparks on 04 May 2007 at 12:55 pm #
Susan K — your mom used to listen to Bill Cosby’s comedy routines!!!! That’s a quote from his ‘childhood’ !!!
MizMacgyver on 04 May 2007 at 6:41 pm #
I am a once upon a time domestic goddess. Those days are gone. I cook only on weekends and that is only when I can’t convince my bf we should go out. If I can’t take it from the freezer to the oven to the table, it don’t fly in this house. I keep the house clean enough that I am not totally embarrassed if someone should drop in but there has been more than one night (6 out of 7) that dishes have sat in the sink and you can find a laundry basket with clean clothes sitting somewhere in the house.
My mother was a font of motherisms but what always got me was “THE LOOK”, pretty much kept me in my place. 50+ years old and she just had to look at me “that” way and whatever I had done or was doing, I didn’t do any more. Motherisms I have used myself, “Because I’m the mom that’s why”, “if I had done that as a kid I would have found myself knocked over in a corner”, “can’t never did anything”, and last but not least, “are you sorry you did it or sorry that you got caught?”