Rachel’s Life Lessons
Apr 30th 2007
RachelGOn Writing!
I’m sure by now you’ve all seen those “Life’s Lesson” ads on TLC . I love the one about the cat lady. So I’ve decided to share a few of my life lessons with you.
1. Don’t forget the boiling eggs. The water evaporates and the eggs explode like little grenades all over the kitchen.
2. Don’t forget to turn off the bath water before running to the store. You’ll come home to a flooded basement.
3. Never tell your kids you’re going somewhere fun until you’re in the car. If something happens and you have to cancel, they’ll never forget the time you lied about Disneyland. Not even when they are twenty-five.
4. Never talk crap about your friends or relatives in front of your kids or the next time your mother-in-law walks in the door, the three foot mimic behind you will say, “Grandma, mommy says your deviled eggs suck hairy donkey—.”
5. It’s perfectly okay to tell the person who cuts in front of you that the back of the line starts behind you.
6. It’s perfectly okay to have lust in your heart. Matthew M. . . . call me.
What are your life’s lessons?
29 Comments »
29 Responses to “Rachel’s Life Lessons”
ashefrog on 30 Apr 2007 at 9:34 am #
Oh Rachel, great topic.
No. 2 for me was the bathroom sink faucet. I ran down stairs for a minute and the phone rang, I forgot all about the faucet and returned to a flooded bathroom.
No. 3 was a hard lesson, that I still hear about today and I’m sure for many years to come.
No. 4 has bitten me in the “hairy donkey” one to many times.
Thank goodness, No. 6 is “perfectly okay” otherwise I’d be rotting in Hell.
SuzyQ on 30 Apr 2007 at 9:36 am #
When adding highlights to your hair at home, never let a friend tell you to sit in the sun to process it faster. It will turn your hair white.
No matter how much you hate your hair, never tell your hairdresser to “be creative” (Can you tell I have hair issues???)
ALWAYS check the pockets of your children’s clothing before washing. Because the ONE time you forget, a blue crayon could end up in the dryer!
Rachel, I usually always live by #5!
Karen Hawkins on 30 Apr 2007 at 10:11 am #
Lol! Rachel, you are wonk on with these, babe!
Here’s my addition: When someone says in an amazed voice, “You look really good tonight!” don’t fuss or fume. Smirk and say, “I know.” and swallow the “So what happened to you?”
As for #5, Huge, I mean ah, Hugh and I have a co-lust agreement. I can lust after him all I want and he can lust after me. We both dig it.
cookeemama on 30 Apr 2007 at 10:13 am #
If you drop the paperback you are reading in the bathtub, DO NOT try to dry it in the microwave. The hunky firemen will wet their pants laughing once they get the inferno put out.
Please don’t ask me how I learned this.
KMB25 on 30 Apr 2007 at 10:34 am #
hehehe…oh, this is good! Cookeemama…that’s priceless!!! I’ll have to remember that one
I can’t think of any life lessons that you haven’t covered…I’ll rack my brain over lunch (while I’m supposed to be thinking about other things!)
Great topic Rachel!
~Kim
TheNightPoet on 30 Apr 2007 at 10:47 am #
These are some great life lessons.
Cookeemama, I agree with Kim, that is priceless! 
My life lesson is….when going through life, don’t focus on all the bad/negative stuff. Always have a positive outlook on things and keep in mind, it could be worse.
Andrea
anneriailin on 30 Apr 2007 at 11:33 am #
All of my life’s little lessons are covered except one. Learned them the hard way also. lol The one I didn’t learn was….when defrosting the old refrigerator that was not frostfree….do NOT attempt to use a screwdriver and hammer. That’s all I’m saying!!
And Cookeemama, I have to agree…that was just priceless! Thanks for the giggle this morning. I’m not asking either…been there done that!!
–dorothy
kay on 30 Apr 2007 at 11:41 am #
I have a few to add…
1. You can do it all in life, just not all at the same time.
2. Tenagers are toddlers with hormones. (and they become teenagers at 11! )
3. Life is a journey, not a destination ( I’m a task-oriented person, so I am relearning this daily)
4. If you want something badly enough, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Just saying you want it, without doing the work, is hot air.
5. You can’t MAKE someone happy.
My life lessons come from my mother, who was an idiot until I was 20; was worth listening to when I became a parent; and became a fountain of wisdom after I turned 40. Who knew my mother could become so smart? Oh wait, maybe I just started listening to her more…
Julia London on 30 Apr 2007 at 12:02 pm #
Great topic, Rachel — and may I just say, I would kill for a shirt that said, “I jumped for jello?’ HAHAHA
Here’s mine: Never ever ask if you look fat!
ashefrog on 30 Apr 2007 at 12:19 pm #
anneriailin - I learned the defrosting lesson on the refrigerator at work. Needless to say ppl were not happy with my until we got a new one. They had to walk ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HALL to use another department’s refrig.
Now all I hear is don’t let HER defrost the refrigerator, yet is anyone else volunteering. Not.
darlingbeachgirl on 30 Apr 2007 at 12:27 pm #
Don’t answer yes until your child finishes talking and you heard everything they said (got in trouble a lot with the three year old with this one)
Don’t make a promise you can’t keep
This one is for my sister pizza’s are ment to be baked in the oven its ok in a frying pan till ya try to flip it lol
darlingbeachgirl on 30 Apr 2007 at 12:30 pm #
oh and pots with boiling water are hot don’t reach in to grab a dropped untensil no matter how distracted you get(kinda burns)
Suzanne Enoch on 30 Apr 2007 at 12:58 pm #
LOL, Rachel. My life lesson is to never light the nearest of two candles first, especially when you have hairspray in your hair. It makes a very interesting “poof” sound when your bangs disappear.
ashefrog on 30 Apr 2007 at 1:09 pm #
Suzanne - you reminded me of another one.
Never carry two books of matches in your back pocket. Especially if the head of one is against the flint of another. The friction as you rise and bend can ignites them and though it extiguishes quickly, for a second there you are truly wearing hot pants.
I know what are books of matches. This was 20+ years ago.
Sabrina Jeffries on 30 Apr 2007 at 1:26 pm #
I have so many, it would fill a book. But I’ll just mention a few:
1) Never spill coffee on a laptop. Unless you want to spend $130 on a new keyboard part. Just saying.
2) Never do the above while on deadline.
3) Never put anything in or on a stove or toaster oven without using a timer. I promise you I have had WAY more mishaps than I can recount
4) Never attempt to turn a ‘71 Buick Skylark around in a carport. You can’t.
SuzyQ on 30 Apr 2007 at 1:38 pm #
Never leave soda cans in your car during below freezing temperatures. They tend to explode. So much for buying 4 twelve packs for $10.00
The same goes for putting beer or champange in your freezer to get cold and then forgetting about it. I learned this one on New Year’s Day.
Kasey on 30 Apr 2007 at 2:20 pm #
Here are a couple of mine:
1. Sabrina - I need to use a timer too, otherwise I forget about cookies/bars until I smell them burning.
2. Always set a back up alarm in case the electricity goes out overnight or you will only have 5 minutes to get ready.
3. Be careful to use the correct cord when plugging in your speakers to your computer or you may blow them and have to buy new speakers.
4. Watch out for Canadian Geese when driving past a wild life refugee or you might hit one and take out your headlight.
Judy F on 30 Apr 2007 at 3:12 pm #
Oh those were good.
1. never think you are taping two different shows at the same time. (I can’t tell you the amount of times I taped the same show) also be sure to check that you have set the timer for an hour and 5 mins not just 5 mins.
2. never were white when eating chili.
3. also remember when you have put a soda in the freezer.
Kay on 30 Apr 2007 at 3:22 pm #
The same goes for beer in the freezer!
Karen Rose on 30 Apr 2007 at 3:28 pm #
I have no wisdom that tops any of these, espcially the book in the microwave. I bow to cookeemama. After a lifetime of clutzy calamity I am not allowed to cook or wield scissors other than those blunt pre-school kind.
Oh, wait, I do have one. Never wash brand new burgundy towels with your newly-wedded-husband’s white underwear. Unless you want him to be so annoyed with you that he does the laundry from that day forward. Snicker, snicker… But I hardly think this one counts.
Brandy on 30 Apr 2007 at 5:04 pm #
Loving and giggling at these!
I have a few.
1. Being kind never hurts.
2. Like above, never make a promise you know you may not be able to keep.
3. Try not to laugh at your husband when he screws up.
4. (connected to #3) Try to refrain from saying “I told you so” to your Husband. EVEN IF YOU WERE RIGHT. Say it to yourself, say it when he’s not in the room, but try not to say it to his face. He’ll love you more for it.
Julia London on 30 Apr 2007 at 5:19 pm #
HAHAHA, Brandy — excellent advice.
Speaking of books in microwaves, I once lost a TV remote for like two weeks. We finally found it in the freezer and remembered that we’d had some ice cream sandwiches. LOL! The thing still worked tho — but my gosh, every time someone wanted to watch TV during those two weeks, I’d get The Look.
Stacy S on 30 Apr 2007 at 6:09 pm #
I have to agree with Rachels lessons. And with checking the “kids” pockets before washing clothes. Nothing like having gum all over the place in the dryer.
Sherri Browning Erwin on 30 Apr 2007 at 7:01 pm #
Never talk about your houseguests in front of the baby monitor! Made that mistake with the in-laws over for dinner and the receiver on in the other room. It made for an interesting evening. But I’ve done the boiled egg grenades, too. All good advice!
TinaLouiseF on 30 Apr 2007 at 7:26 pm #
Some friends found out that you should not put butter and popcorn in a paperbag and heat in the microwave.
If you have multiple calls on hold, make sure you know who is on the line when it is picked up again. Mistakenly making conference calls can be bad.
Make sure the corral gate is closed when you are done feeding the horses. Rounding up the horses at the neighbors at 2 am is not appreciated.
Kelly Ann on 30 Apr 2007 at 7:33 pm #
Ok, I have a few…..
1. Never be honest with a man when he asks if his ____ is the biggest you have personally ever seen.
2. Always remove the milk lids if you are going to burn them with the boxes, they turn into very hot missiles.
3. Never ever point out how pasty white your husbands legs are after winter, in front of his family! Especially by screaming that your blind and all you see are white streaks in front of your eyes!
I’m still laughing about cookeemam, the good side of that was the fireman! I know the next time I’m sitting here alone & bored, I’m going to be dropping the book in the tub!
Mad on 30 Apr 2007 at 7:48 pm #
#1….that happened to a neighbor of mine a couple times and since we lived in the same building, we shared the kitchen wall. The first time that happened, the smell was so awful and I kept checking in my house to see where the smell was coming from. Finally after a few hours with no luck, her husband happened to come home to that little surprise…she had left the eggs boiling and had run out to do an errand, completely forgetting the eggs. It was days before the smell went away yet a few months later, she did it again! ROFL
DebMarlowe on 30 Apr 2007 at 9:04 pm #
Oh, there are some good ones! I’m giggling in horror over the soda cans exploding in the car. My dh would kill me!
Mine: Never open the attic door to investigate noises in the middle of the night when your dh is out of town. Even if it is just the neighbor’s cat, you’ll still be scared ****less!
Nicole Jordan on 30 Apr 2007 at 10:22 pm #
Oh, these are so funny! And so true.
I have so many, I think I’ll just have to boil it down to Murphy’s Law: What can go wrong, will go wrong. No matter how much I try to decree and plan and hope otherwise.
NicoleJ