Coffee Talk
Mar 22nd 2007
Karen HawkinsOn Writing!
I’m an introvert. I love to be beside a crowd but not in one. So, you’d think this whole working-at-home-gig would be perfect for me.
Not so.
I find that working home, alone, to be quite . . . lonely. When I was at work, though I may not have been standing AT the water cooler, I was always close enough to listen in. That way, I was in the know, but not in the middle of things.
So, to stimulate my need for Water Cooler Chat, I gather my belongings and trot over to a local coffee shop. There, I find a table in the corner, spread my computer and papers about me, sit down and watch life go by.
I’ve been at this coffee shop so many times that I’m considered a regular, as are some of the others.
There’s Maria and her daughter, Maria, who come every morning and eat the same thing — a spinach croissant with cream cheese.
There’s Cindy and Mindy, the GNC gals from the mall who can’t seem to stop talking vitamins, even on their breaks.
There’s the R.O.M.E.O Club (Retired Old Men Eating Out) who served on the Board of Education for Orlando back in the 1950s and are some of the most charming and fun people to ever grace a coffee shop.
There’s Rhonda behind the counter who knows that I like anything with chocolate and will sometimes save something for me if I’m late.
And there’s Man With A Computer who comes at eleven, gets a cup of coffee (black, no cream), finds an empty table and huddles over his laptop as if afraid sometime might (heaven forbid!) speak to him.
I know them all. And love them all. Though they don’t know it, they are my office mates. I watch them saunter in, talk, explain, complain, express, and — sometimes — regress. They talk about life, love, work, disappointments, movies, UFOs, books, religion, hair, sex, pickles, their pets and children, and just about anything else you can think of. And as they talk, I sit and absorb it all, absurdly happy to witness the melee from the safety of my table in the corner.
What about you? What are you at work? Are you a solitary worker? A social butterfly? Do you like the social interactions of your peers, or would you prefer to savor your coffee and get your work done?
33 Comments »
33 Responses to “Coffee Talk”
Kelly Ann on 22 Mar 2007 at 12:51 am #
I like to get my work done, but I also love to talk to people. I don’t need to know them to get to know them, not quiet a social butterfly though, I don’t like to be center of attention. I love to listen and watch too though, so I understand where you are coming from.
I also tried to stay at home when we moved from Fla. to Al. but my kids are in elementary school and I was bored. Besides, at some point the dust bunnies do disapear and the vaccum goes on strike from over-use. I don’t garden either because I’m terrified of bugs, so I had to work. That was only after 2 months! Now, I’m planning on going to back to college and I’m so excited but terrified. I’m 30 now, and I only completed a semester of college when I was 17. I apparently wasn’t old enough to know what I wanted in life. LOL! I often wonder if I’m the only one who has gone through this. Probably not! I doubt many kids fresh out of high school know what they want. Anyway, I love to have fun, even at work and I think that everyone should make the best of it, even if they have a yucky job.
You’re coffee house sounds awesome, I’d get soooo fat from all the scones and chai tea!
Karen Hawkins on 22 Mar 2007 at 5:48 am #
Kelly Ann! That’s wonderful! Good for you to taking up such an exciting challenge, too. I know you’ll do great. I taught at a two year college (Am Gov’t) for a long time and loooved my non-trad students. They had life experience and really seemed to enjoy the classes, too. Believe it or not, you’re in the fastest growing population of students — the return to college after a while group.
My coffee house is awesome and I’ve made some good friends there. I have to say, the R.O.M.E.O. Club has inspired me to take some risks. They’re always talking sky diving, and travel, and one of them just went through civilian fireman training — and he’s 80!
Carly Phillips on 22 Mar 2007 at 6:05 am #
I’m not a people person. I often say I’m going to get out of the house and work at Starbucks but I never go. That said, I agree with Karen. LONELY. I work at home with the TV on - I need sound around me. I can work with the family buzzing around me too. But after a whole morning writing, I’m happy to go out for lunch with a friend or take a run to the post office or gas station just to breathe fresh air and see people.
krissyinva on 22 Mar 2007 at 6:39 am #
I’ve always been the shy quiet type. Around friends I was always more lively though. My husband is “the life of the party” and I’m not as shy as I used to be before I met him. I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost 10 yrs now. My youngest will be starting school in the fall, so I am also going back to school too. I really crave adult conversation, my kids sports(baseball and dance) usually give me an outlet. I love to be around people and maybe add a comment every once in awhile, but I also crave quiet time(haha I have 4 kids).
Kathy on 22 Mar 2007 at 8:15 am #
Hi. I enjoy all types of coffee shops. I go to one on Sat. morning before work and it has all these Old Gentlemen and talk about their body pain to work day and the present and future. They are lots of fun. I also enjoy people watching. Each person has a story. This other shop I go to is run by a Itlian Famliy and OH the deserts and lunch and coffee is grand. I like getting out but I also like my private time. At work I put the coffee and tea on and the clients can’t wait for me to give them this simple pleasure. I work with people who have phyical and mental disablities and just bring them small chat or just sitiing with them means alot to them. Yes, coffee shops are the places to go. I also see them a theraputic shops. When one of clients is having a bad day we take her to a coffee shop and she is so relax and happy. Her rest of the time goes on great. Yes, coffee shops are for me.
ashefrog on 22 Mar 2007 at 8:25 am #
I am very social. Too social at times. I find people fascinating most of the time. Even when they are obnoxious, I find them fascinating to watch.
I work full-time at a local university. I work with and interact with many different kinds of people. I can be very interesting.
I have discovered as I’m getting older I don’t tend to branch out socially like I used to. I would rather spend my spare time with my closest family and friends. Time is getting harder to free up and I want to make the most of it.
Having 3 teenagers at home I love to be home alone in the quiet. Ten years ago I would have been climbing the walls. I hated to be alone. Now not so much. I wouldn’t want to be alone several hours a day/everyday but a couple of hours of quiet everyday would be heaven.
Maybe I am at that “grass is always greener” point in life.
Karen Hawkins on 22 Mar 2007 at 8:31 am #
Carly, I thought I was the only one who thought a trip to the grocery store as the day’s ‘highlight!’ I’ll talk to anyone when I’m there, too - the guy in the wine aisle, the people in the deli line, the florist, the bagger … all of them get a good dose of chat before I go home.
Krissy, FOUR kids. Hon, that’s not just family, it’s a team. Is it difficult being married to an extrovert? Do you enjoy people more now?
Kathy, there’s something magical about coming together over food and/or drink. I’ve always thought the kitchen is the warmest place in the house, physically as well as emotionally. I think that’s part of the draw to a coffee house — that we are in a type of kitchen, but won’t be obliged to do the dishes. Gotta love that!
Keri Ford on 22 Mar 2007 at 8:50 am #
My grandparents own a convenience store so I’ve been in there since I was 4 when they started buidling it and eventually worked full-time up to about 3 weeks ago when I finally started staying at home for once. So, like your clerk that saves you stuff with chocolate, I was in her position and really KNEW my regular customers. I’m talking knew what they ate everyday, drank everyday- and this is with over 300 customers a day, I could easily remember what a good 150 regulars wanted every morning. I grew up around these people, they knew me not only in the store, but would see me cheer at jr. high basketball games when they watched their own kids, and they knew me there. Would ask me stuff. Anyway you could say, they are like my extended family- some wierd ones, but they knew me better than most of my for-real extended family that I see at the holidays.
I miss being-in-the-know, because a group of my regulars were city officials and I was ALWAYS in the know before the newspaper. I miss the bit of gossip and people’s lives. BUT I LOVE MY NEWFOUND QUIET TIME. I live in the middle of nowhere, so right now, all I can hear is the hum of my computer and the birds chirping outside. and I love it. I NEVER turn on the tv. I do use the radio when I write because It’s like I’ve been programed to write when music is playing and stop when it’s not. I always thought myself to be the social butterfly, and can still be that, but more and more, I’m seeing how I am so much more the stick-to-herself homebody. After the newness wears off, I might change my tune, but summer’s nearly here, and I can’t wait to pull out the lawn mower, slip on my headphones, and do my thing in the yard.
ashefrog on 22 Mar 2007 at 8:56 am #
“I work full-time at a local university. I work with and interact with many different kinds of people. I can be very interesting.”
Okay, even though I can be very interesting I meant IT can be very interesting.LOL
Claudia Dain on 22 Mar 2007 at 9:09 am #
I feel such relief in reading all the comments because it makes me feel more normal. Not actually normal, but *more* normal. LOL
It sounds like we all go through phases where sometimes we’re more extroverted or need more social time and other times being alone is all we want. I’ve been having the hardest time trying to figure out if I’m an extrovert or introvert or sliding around somewhere in the middle.
Just listening to all of you, I think we must change during our lives, back and forth, back and forth as the stages of our lives roll by.
I’m at the point now where I need more out of the house time, and just yesterday I (gasp) left the house with my computer and wrote at the food court in the mall and THEN went to lunch with Sabrina and Deb Marlowe and Liz Carlyle (waving madly), and THEN went to a coffee house about 12 miles from my house, so I’d be sure not to see anyone I knew, and wrote there. It was amazing.
But today I just want to stay at home, alone.
Julia London on 22 Mar 2007 at 9:21 am #
It depends on where I am on a book. In the beginning, when I am drafting a book, I can’t work with a lot of noise. It requires all my concentration, and I don’t mind the solitude.
But then I will realize that the only time I am interacting with people is at the grocery store or the post office or the gym–and I can’t really call that interacting, as I usually have an iPod going at all times. Before we moved to the burbs, I looked forward to the UPS man coming by — he’d been my UPS man for years and we were on a first name basis. About ten minutes of chatting about neighborhood news, I could go back to work.
Now, I live very close to Julie Kenner, another author. She and I see each other fairly regularly, and she is my coffee klatch. She has little kids, so her life is very different, but when one of us is needing contact with the outside world, we get together.
But when a book is done or nearing completion, I get out a lot more. Coffee shops, movies, dinner with friends, shopping. I get the urge to be doing something constantly (besides finising the book). And then I get the urge to clean closets, which indicates to me it is time to start all over again. Closets are still a mess. But I am working on a new book
SuzyQ on 22 Mar 2007 at 9:33 am #
I actually work with a great group of people. We work in the computer room, which is shut off from the rest of the office. Many people walk by and wonder what goes on in there. If they only knew . . . LOL! We listen to music, joke around and generally have fun while we work (and we do work, or else we would hear it from the user community!) I guess it’s our way of letting off some steam and anyone who works with computers knows what I mean. They can make you crazy sometimes. I actually like coming to work, and for that I am very lucky.
Kelly Ann, congratulations on going back to college! You go girl!!!
Adrienne on 22 Mar 2007 at 11:01 am #
Man, is this topic for me
I have worked for Starbucks for 9 years. I started as a barista when I was 19 and I could have left for a “better” job a few times but I decided to stay on. Well, once I did leave, but I soon found that the grass wasn’t greener and I came back. I’ve been managing a cafe for years now and I love it.
I’ve been on maternity leave for a few months now and I’m starting to itch being without all that social interaction. Seeing everyone every morning, talking with the regular customers and the more interesting irregular customers.
All kinds of people from all walks of life come in daily and I get to chat with them all, writers, artists, CEO’s from major companies, plumbers, retired guys, army captains, politcal refugees- I live in a very diverse community. I think knowing all these people that I otherwise would have never met has improved my writing. I know about lives so different than my own.
anneriailin on 22 Mar 2007 at 11:03 am #
I actually have two jobs, three if you count being a single mom. The mom part isn’t so hard anymore, the boys are now 22 and 20, both in college. Well, one graduates in 2 months, so it’s almost over for him.
My full time job (where I am at the moment) is an office job. Not alot of interaction with people, except for the other 3 in my office. Mostly I sit at the computer. The part-time job I’m a cashier at a local grocery store. Yup, that’s where I get my social interaction. Let me tell ya, it was tough at first. Basically I’m a very shy person who usually stands back and absorbs everything around her without saying a word. Now I’m the one that has to engage people in conversation. Oh, the irony! I love to have people come through my line that are friendly and like to chat and banter back and forth. They are the customers that make the job fun. I’m sure when those of you that think going to the grocery store is your social time talk to the cashier, she likes it as much as you do!! I know I do.
I have to admire those of you that are going back to college at an older age and wish you well.
–dorothy
–
Karen Hawkins on 22 Mar 2007 at 11:18 am #
It’s true that everyone sort of fluctuates between needing quiet time to needing interaction time.
Addrienne, I usually write at a Panera ’cause I like to gaze at all of the bakery items and wish I could eat them, but whenever I’m at Starbucks, I love to listen to people order their coffee. Sometimes it sounds almost as if they’re rocket scientists giving out some sort of secret chemical fuel composition! Sheesh!
Sabrina Jeffries on 22 Mar 2007 at 11:19 am #
Waving madly at Claudia! Love lunching with the girls. That’s the trouble–I love lunching, dining, parties . . . I’m a party girl. I probably have an introvertish side in their somewhere (the part of me that likes to sit and read or do a jigsaw puzzle), but mostly it’s extrovert. And since I write at a coffeehouse, I can have my cake and eat it, too–be around people but write, too. I’m such a regular that they save stuff for me, too. I even dedicated a book to them!
Kathy, bless you for working with the disabled. As the mother of an autistic teenager, I can tell you it’s much appreciated. I think Nick is secretly an extrovert like his mommy beneath all his autism–he definitely likes being around people! He just doesn’t want to interact with them. And he appreciates if people are kind to him. So bless you for being kind!
Kelly Ann, as a former college professor, I think you’ll do well in college. I firmly believe that everyone should have at least a couple of years in the real world between high school and college. It makes them appreciate the education more. So go and enjoy!
Suzanne Enoch on 22 Mar 2007 at 11:52 am #
I can fake being social pretty well — heck, now I can even talk in front of people if the alternative is, oh, death. *g*
I love watching people, though. The wackier the better. That’s why I room with Hawkins at the Romance conference.
Ronlyn on 22 Mar 2007 at 11:56 am #
I asked my 3 year old son what I did when I was at work not too long ago. After thinking for a split second he reported that I talk to people and talk on the phone. LOL. I always seem to be somewhere in the middle of it all, in the middle, sorting out the messes and trying to move everyone forward. (I’m an office manager of a small medical office.) All that being said, I LOVE to be able to shut the door and tune everyone out and just get my work done without interruptions. that rarely happens though. So, I guess my ideal is somewhere in between, with enough time to socialize and keep “in the know” but with enough time to get the work done too.
Karen Hawkins on 22 Mar 2007 at 12:04 pm #
Ronlyn, you’re so brave to ask your child that question. I asked my son that same thing when he was five and I was a Director of Student Activities at a local college and he said, “She’s the hotdog lady!” Well, we DID do a few campus cookouts, but … the HOTDOG lady?
Suzanne Enoch, I want you to know I put the guy in the Cap’n Kirk suit in the blog for you. I know how you get about a man in phaser lock.
Ronlyn on 22 Mar 2007 at 12:14 pm #
LOL! Too funny. Sammy used to come to the office with me every morning until my DH got off work (working graveyard at UPS) so he saw what I did at the office up close and personal for a couple years. I wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but I thought his insight was right on. But, I can’t compete with the hotdog lady! LOL, I’m sure he would prefer I did something like that.
Suzanne Enoch on 22 Mar 2007 at 12:52 pm #
I thought that fella might have been for me. *g* Set phasers for stun and make our speed warp 9, baby!
Yes, I’m a Trekkie, too.
Karen Rose on 22 Mar 2007 at 2:32 pm #
I’m so glad to hear all this!! I used to work in an office. Five minutes in my chair in front of the computer and I’d get antsy and have to go on walk-about, talking projects with my group. I’d come back energized and ready to work until I got antsy again. I used to think I had a short attention span, but then took one of those Meyers-Briggs tests and realized I work with people and derive energy from people.
That’s one reason I love bloggin’ with the goddesses. At home writing I miss people. The cat’s just not the same.
Ann in IL on 22 Mar 2007 at 3:12 pm #
Kelly Ann, I assure you, my vacuum will never go on strike from overuse. !!!!!
I am a leave-me-the-hell-alone-while-I’m working kinda gal. I work retail, and am one of the two multi-taskers in the store. There isn’t a task I haven’t done in the last fifteen years. I’ve been a jewelry buyer, Human resources, Auditor, sales clerk, stocker, maintainence, you name it. I don’t like to get involved in all the store drama. We have lots of teenagers and young adults working on the floor, and they have yet to develop a work ethic. For them, work is social time. For me, work is WORK. Social time is always on a small scale. I love having dinner with friends, but if there are more than two of us I feel like I haven’t had a chance to really visit with each of them.
Judy F on 22 Mar 2007 at 3:26 pm #
I consider myself fairly quiet. I do get more social the more I know someone. When I started the job I have now, they didn’t have any radio playing. I have to have that on in the background or I go nuts. I do talk more to the lady that sits next to me but its not constant chatter. I find myself getting up a good amount mostly to get something I printed or need. I try to consolidate those trips but its nice to get up and away from my desk.
I work part time at a bookstore also. I am more outgoing there mostly because I have to… LOL I love watching people there. We had someone call last night asking if we have books? LOL
Nicole Jordan on 22 Mar 2007 at 4:32 pm #
This is exactly why I say thank heavens for the Intenet! When I moved out to Utah several years ago, I lost my go-out-to lunch writer and riding buddies, much to my dismay. But having e-mail has saved me from going nuts and feeling like I’m locked away in solitary confinement. Plus my dh is a consultant and has a home office like I do. So when he’s not travelling, if I’m really desperate, I can go bug him and get a hug.
Actually I try not to leave the house if I don’t have to, cause it’s much harder to make myself go back to work! So instead, I’ll surf the web for a while and check out my fave boards and do e-mail for a break and to stay connected.
Kelly Ann, that is so cool about you going to school! Scary but exciting, too. And no, I don’t think many 17-year-olds have a clue what they want to do with the rest of their lives. And that also is true for some people who are 30, 40, 50 and 60, lol. I hope it goes great for you!
NicoleJ
Laura Lee Guhrke on 22 Mar 2007 at 6:50 pm #
Karen, great blog topic. When I quit my day job, I thought working at home, writing full time, would be the greatest thing ever. What I didn’t expect was the loneliness of it. You’re lucky to be able to write at the coffee shop. I can’t. I’ve tried, and I just can’t. I need absolute quiet to get any writing done. I can’t even listen to music while I work. But I also know that I have to get out of the house every day and talk to some people or I start to get a little stir crazy. I live alone, so if I don’t go out, I don’t talk to anybody. Well, except the UPS guy and I don’t think, “Thank you, I was waiting for that enormous box of cover flats,” amounts to stimulating coversation!
dbrown3400 on 22 Mar 2007 at 6:53 pm #
I’m one of those with a split personality. I’m disabled (bad knees) and on disability and prescription insurance so I can only earn so much per year. Liking both my solitude and people, I work as a pharmacy technician where I both fill prescriptions and hand them to those who pick them up. Most are now regular customers whom I greet and have their Rxs ready before they ask then I inquire about their well being. The extra income provides book, CD and DVD money that would otherwise come from a tight budget.
I live close to work and pass through a MacDonalds for an iced tea or coffee on the way and veterans wearing caps from appropriate wars sit having their Senior Coffees (free refills). Each waves a greeting that somehow includes me in their midst. I know some of the counter people by name although most speak only Spanish now.
We may lose all that. A developer is building luxury apartments and the parking garage will go on top of the supermarket that houses the pharmacy where I work. MacDonalds is set to go in two months.
I won’t lose my solitude outside the twenty hours per week I am working, but the chance of finding another job like the one I have without a car in a town that has become an eclectic mix of antique shops, expensive restaurants and the proposed luxury apartments is slim.
Donna
Kelly Ann on 22 Mar 2007 at 9:44 pm #
Thank you for all the encouragement about returning to school! I’m not so nervous anymore!
Somewhere inside each of us must be an outgoing woman if we can sit down and chat like were old friends everyday on this blog! I’m sure if we met in a coffee shop everyday it would be the same! It’s great isn’t it?
Karen Hawkins on 23 Mar 2007 at 8:59 am #
Kelly Ann, you’re right! This IS a sort of coffee shop here, in thegoddessblogs, isn’t it? A community in itself. I hadn’t really thought of it that way. Keep us posted on your college journey, will you? I worked in higher ed for fouteen years — program coordinator, Dir of Student Activities, Coordinator for Internationalizing the Curriculum, and Am Gov’t prof, so I know all about it. I bet you’ll love it!
Donna, I’m sorry to hear about all of the changes you’re facing, but maybe you’ll get a great coffee shop (or a bookstore!) in that new complex and you can find a position there and learn some new faces. Change is always hard, isn’t it, though? Hugs!!! I’ve got fingers and toes crossed for the best!!!
And Laura Lee Guhrke, PLEASE take all the silent work time you need. We’re all here, BEGGING for another hot, sexy LLG book and the sooner the better. When’s your next release? I gotta put that on my calendar!!!
Laura Lee Guhrke on 23 Mar 2007 at 7:23 pm #
Thanks, Karen. The next book is THE WICKED WAYS OF A DUKE, but I have no idea when it’s coming out yet. I’m guessing February. But what I want to know, seriously, is how do people write at the coffee shop? I just end up chatting with people and not getting any work done!
SuzyQ on 23 Mar 2007 at 10:09 pm #
Thanks for the tip, Laura. I’ll be putting that on my calendar too!
Karen Hawkins on 24 Mar 2007 at 4:50 pm #
I keep from chatting by listening. I also keep from working, but then that’s one of My Gifts. NO ONE can procrastinate like I can.
Actually, I get things done at a clip — work for an hour straight, listen for thirty minutes or so. Then work for another hour. When I work, I don’t hear anything — but then, I grew up in a large family and I’m used to working in the middle of a bustle. I just tune out. If you wanted to talk to me when I’m in that mode, you’d have to say my name four or five times before I’d hear, I’m so tuned out.
But there are times, and scenes, when I need silence. I do those at home, though I usually have the blues station on for very low background noise. Just a little something so the silence doesn’t echo.
Can’t wait for THE WICKED WAY OF A DUKE, Laura! Thanks for stopping by and letting us know!
TheNightPoet on 25 Mar 2007 at 10:31 pm #
I am both a solitary worker and a social butterfly. At times, I love being around my co-workers and talking/joking with them. Then there are days when I’m just in one of those moods to be on my own, creating a display or working on stock. It’s not that I don’t like them, but I sometimes just need my solitude time and don’t want to be nice and put on a face for everyone.
Andrea