Goddess Karen Hawkins shouts from Mt Olympus - EAT A HAMBURGER!
Feb 22nd 2007
Karen HawkinsWhen Goddesses Fall To Earth
I was in the gym the other day, sweating like a pig and wishing I was dead (which is what I normally do in the gym) when these three picture-perfect Little Miss Sunshines went sashaying by, not a drop of sweat among them, wearing flash-dance-looking ‘gym’ attire, and all of them wearing makeup – Did I mention we were IN THE FRICKIN’ GYM?
As they and their perfume wafted past (the GYM, people) I heard the following conversation:
Miss Priss #1: I heard she had lipo on her thighs, stomach, AND backside.
Miss Priss #2: Oh, she used my plastic surgeon. He did such a good job on my breasts (points to her double Ds) that I told her she wouldn’t regret paying extra for such talent. What size did she lipo down to?
Miss Priss #3: She was a six, but now she’s a TWO.
Miss Priss #1: For that money, she should have been a size ZERO.
I almost fell off the treadmill.
First of all, a size SIX is so fat it warrants SURGERY? And second, there’s a size ZERO?
For ADULTS?
I am not a size zero. Except for two weeks prior to my birth, I’ve never been a size zero. Nor do I have plans of ever being a size zero now.
I. Am. Not. Made. That. Way.
I’m a real, live, flesh ‘n blood female with lush curves and squishy bosoms and a bootylicious butt. More importantly, I’ve fought long and hard to keep those lush curves and squishy bosoms and bootylicious butt from becoming saggy, baggy, and draggy. And I do NOT appreciate those people who CHEAT.
That’s right, I said CHEAT.
Use of surgery to lose two sizes is CHEATING just like copying test answers off high school valedictorian Rachel Glommer’s chemistry final was cheating. I subscribe to the Old Fashion School of Body Management, which is if YOU put it on there, then YOU have to take it off. Use of surgery, miracle pills, or latex body wraps is CHEATING.
Still, I have to be honest here and say that there was one brief moment when those little Miss Sunshines were sashaying past when I thought wistfully to myself . . .
I’d like to be a size zero.
What about you? Where do you draw the line on maintaining your ideal weight? Would you undergo lipo to lose two sizes? Plastic surgery? Pills? Wraps? The Dill Pickle Diet?
39 Comments »
39 Responses to “Goddess Karen Hawkins shouts from Mt Olympus - EAT A HAMBURGER!”
Nicole Jordan on 22 Feb 2007 at 10:37 am #
LOL, Karen! I do think it’s cheating to pay for expensive surgeries. But maybe I’m just jealous. I work so dang hard to keep from turning into a saggy balloon that it ain’t fair when someone gets to bypass all the hard work.
I can’t imagine being a size 0 unless you are really really pixyish and petite. And I’ve heard there are actually negative numbers! Anyone know if that’s true?
NicoleJ
Karen Rose on 22 Feb 2007 at 10:54 am #
Wait … G-Y-M… that word looks familiar, but I can’t quite place it’s relevance in my life. It’s there, but hazy. I think I’ve been to one, but when? Oh, wait, I know! It’s the place I go to doggedly work off calories I will immediately regain the moment I picture food.
Claudia Dain on 22 Feb 2007 at 11:02 am #
Ideal weight? Is there such a thing as my ideal weight? I try very hard not to think so, unless it’s “today’s weight is my ideal weight.” That’s a thought I can live with.
Let’s deal it from the top (poker lingo) on the sizing. Anyone ever heard of Vanity Sizing? That’s where the size zero comes in.
I happen to know for a fact that fashion designers are playing with my head (psychiatrist lingo) on the sizing because I am still wearing—according to them—the same size I did in college. No friggin’ way. I own a mirror, people. I can SEE that things are not the same as they were.
Surgery? No.
Exercise? No.
Diet? Yes.
Hey, that’s the way I roll (college lingo). I’d rather skip the hamburger with all the extras than hit the treadmill.
Sweat on, KarenH, sweat on! I’ll watch you from a distance, diet Coke in hand.
Karen Hawkins on 22 Feb 2007 at 11:13 am #
Oh, Claudia, I’d rather skip the hamburger, too, but the mere ODOR of a hamburger can make me gain weight. And add in some french fries and I’ve gained a pound. I diet, too. I’m on the Eat Sensibly And That Means No Desserts Chunkie Diet and the Hit The Gym Three Times A Week, Buster Exercise Program. That’s the only way I lose.
Nicole, NEGATIVE SIZES? What are they measuring? People who aren’t there? Sheesh!
Karen R, I remember my gym. It haunts my nightmares. *sigh!*
You all heard of the grapefruit diet? I think you have to drink three glasses a day … or perhaps you bathe in the juice … I’m not really sure any more … all those diets are starting to blur …….
cfulcher on 22 Feb 2007 at 11:23 am #
I use to swear I wouldn’t get surgery and I actually wouldn’t to change my size. I have done that on my own with diet and exercise and prefer to finish it off that way. I honestly can’t imagine getting lipo to go from a size 6 to a 2. However I would love to get something done about my lower stomach - it’s all nasty and saggy. I guess two pregnancies that end with c-sections and also the 50+ extra pounds I use to carry have left me with that. I still have some weight left to lose and I am trying so hard to tone my tummy, but I’m afraid it will never go away. I don’t want to get back into a bikini I just don’t want to horrify anyone with the wrinkly tummy.
Size 0 - I’ll never be (though my future SIL is one) - I’m going to be content with a size 6 (hopefully I can get there). I don’t think I’ve ever been a size six before in my life
I’m one of those curvy women and I’m proud of it (it helps that DH loves it).
RachelG on 22 Feb 2007 at 11:31 am #
To get lipo to shrink from a size 6 to a 0 is ridiculous. But I think a size 0 is ridiculous no matter how you get there. Also, I think stick women with stripper boobs are walking freaks of nature. But, I really don’t see anything wrong with a little plastic surgery as long as you don’t go overboard and end up looking like Joan Rivers.
I don’t workout. I’ve tired, but I hate it like I hate going to the dentist. Much easier for me to watch my carb intake.
Karen Hawkins on 22 Feb 2007 at 12:10 pm #
I have to admit that my fantasy body has no saggy, post-children stomach. And I will also admit there are times I think, “Surgery wouldn’t be THAT bad…”
I want a tummy tuck. I would like to HAVE a tummy tuck. BUT, but not if there’s actual RISK involved. Like oh, death.
And Rachel, I watch my carbs. While I eat them.
I can give up anything but bread. Sugar, gone. Ice cream, bye-bye. But bread? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Suzanne Enoch on 22 Feb 2007 at 12:36 pm #
Help me, I’m melllting, melltttinggg. No? Okay, so I’m still corporeal and very, very substantial.
I believe in diet and exercise to the point where my cholesterol and blood pressure are in the “healthy” range, but other than that, I’m happy.
That said, I AM somewhat disappointed that no one’s come up with a good way I can type while on the treadmill.
Julia London on 22 Feb 2007 at 12:41 pm #
I work out - every other day without fail. I watch what I eat -we try and stick to lean meats and lots of veggies. It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference. About five years ago I had back trouble, gained about 10 pounds, and had surgery. After surgery, I have tried and tried to get it off and couldn’t. Then, I hit an age where just looking at chocolate added weight. I gained another 5-10 pounds. For the last two years I have excersized, watched carbs, watched fat, upped the fiber and I am still the EXACT SAME SIZE.
I don’t like it.
Enter my sister, who is petite and skinny. She is a health nut. She decided to go with a personal trainer on top of running her own company and being active in her community. The trainer immediately declared her size 6 body too fat, had her come in at FIVE in the morning, work for TWO HOURS, and put her on calorie-restrictive diet. She gleefuly saw this as a challenge. She lost a lot of weight. She is too skinny now, which she recognizes — but she likes being really buff. The long and short of it is, I am not my sister!!! I am never going to be a size six, and I am never going to be that dedicated to anything!
Sherri Browning Erwin on 22 Feb 2007 at 12:50 pm #
I also love the guys at the gym who pour on half a bottle of Polo before they hop on the treadmill right next to yours. Ack! I wouldn’t rule out surgery, but I’m not into pain, swelling, oozing wounds, and all the fun that comes with it so I probably won’t be going in for the chin implant-eyelift-lipo combo any day soon.
Sherri Browning Erwin on 22 Feb 2007 at 12:50 pm #
But the dill pickle diet intrigues me, Karen. Tell us more!
Karen Hawkins on 22 Feb 2007 at 1:00 pm #
KAREN HAWKINS’S NO FAIL DILL PICKLE DIET
You take two very juicy dill pickles and put them on your plate. As you add things to your plate (bread, potatoes, fattening chocolate whip pie) RUB the dill pickles all over them, making sure you spread the dill pickle juice everywhere.
Then munch down on whatever you can stand to eat after it’s been soaked in dill pickle juice. What you can’t eat, count as ‘calories lost.’
This diet is better than the Hoodia Diet, the TrimSpa Diet, AND the Garlic B+eet Diet. (Julia, I listed the Garlic Beet Diet just for you!)
Julia London on 22 Feb 2007 at 1:06 pm #
Ooooh, YUM!
colinfirthfan on 22 Feb 2007 at 1:12 pm #
I too have a post baby saggy, wrinkly tummy. I used to be a size 6, now I am a size 8. I would love to magically have a flat, toned tummy but I am busy scarfing down chex mix and Archer’s Farms cookies as we speak, I mean type…..
Soon as this box of cookies is done, I am going to start my low carb diet. Really I am. I hope.
I will NEVER do surgery. If I could have to surgery with NO pain and NO risk then I might. Since that isn’t happening I am gonna have to live with a saggy baggy tummy.
*shrug*
colinfirthfan on 22 Feb 2007 at 1:14 pm #
Another thing - I CANNOT wake up at 5 in the morning. I haven’t seen the inside of a gym in 7 yrs (since I had my first kid). I have a free gym at work but my excuse isthat I am always running late so I can’t make it.
Pathetic I know.
Andrea on 22 Feb 2007 at 1:47 pm #
Before I had kids I thought I would have surgery if I ever needed to fix anything. Of course I was young and oh so dumb. Now I play this conversation in my mind…. My children telling their friends their mother died getting her boobs fixed. How embarrassing! Death by boobs, cause I would be that 1 in 1,000 to kick it while under the knife.
Karen Hawkins on 22 Feb 2007 at 2:27 pm #
Andrea, that would so be me, too. The 1 out 9,999,997 who die from freckle remover. But oh, I do long for a flat tummy, slender thighs, perky breasts! I just can’t commit to the knife.
So, off I go to the gym, telling myself I’m doing it the NATURAL way.
Yeah. As if going to the gym is natural in any way whatsoever.
And colinfirthfan, you’ve got it right. I didn’t know that people could actually wake up at 5 a.m. I’m more likely to go to bed by 5 a.m., than get up by then!
Ladytink_534 on 22 Feb 2007 at 2:41 pm #
I’ve been a size 0 before. From age 10-14. As you can probably guess, I’ve always been really small. It wasn’t really that great. Now I’m about a size 3-5 and I’m much happier and more comfortable with myself. I do need to go to the gym and work on the tummy I’ve developed in the past year though!
ashefrog on 22 Feb 2007 at 2:44 pm #
Abercrombie and Fitch have dbl 0 sizes if that tells you anything. I have also heard of subzero sizing. I am not the same size in much. I have to try everything on now. I can be a 2 in one clothing maker and a 6 in another.
I have had three children and I have the flabby, saggy tummy. I worked out really hard a couple of years ago. With the help of a personal trainer so I could concentrate on certain boby parts and get results. Finally after doing many, many ab exercises and seeing only slight external change I asked the trainer about it. She told me - after 3 pregnancies and stretching those ab muscles repeatedly that it wasn’t fat but excess skin; only a tummy tuck would help it. My internal muscles were tight and strong but the skin was too stretched out to pull back much more.
I am not a believer in the knife but I have seriously thought of the tummy tuck.
FilmPhan on 22 Feb 2007 at 2:47 pm #
I have never been in a gym before. I know that if I start to lose weight, it will be my boobs that are first to go. I really like them right now. Maybe this summer I’ll do something more. I want to enjoy life. Not starve myself or kill myself on a treadmill (they make me very dizzy and fall). No knife for me. If they have a way to do it with lasers without cutting me up, then good bye extra thigh. But until then, I will eat in moderation and I will take the stairs thank you.
Susan K on 22 Feb 2007 at 3:07 pm #
I believe that exercise and diet are evil. You only have one life. Why deny yourself? That being said. I am now forcing myself to exercise. Yuck! I’m getting married next year and I would like to get rid of those unwelcome pounds. I would never have surgery cause I’m a wuss when it comes to pain. No pills either cause I have trouble swallowing them. I’m skeptical of anything that says you will lose weight fast.
Maria Duncan on 22 Feb 2007 at 3:19 pm #
This size zero thing really is an epidemic isn’t it? If they invent an all chocolate diet I’ll do it, but otherwise no freakin way
Hopey on 22 Feb 2007 at 3:45 pm #
I am a personal trainer and a size 6 (or 4) and I have seen it all! While I would consider getting a facelift, NEVER would I get lipo. Several very yuck things can happen. If you are over a certain age, you will never get firm. Your skin will hang and there won’t be fat there to take it up. If that isn’t bad enough, you can get bumpy looking fatty deposits on various places where fat is left (called lipomas) and they are just big lumps of fat that occur because the body wants to maintain homeostasis - that is the same amount of fat in the body. Occasionally, that occurs by getting bigger breasts, but it doesn’t often happen that way. Finally, due to homeostasis, you can increase your body fat in other areas. I have several women clients who now look like linebackers, but they have nice flat stomachs!! I think they might prefer the way they looked before.
BTW, thanks for this fun website. Hope
Andrea on 22 Feb 2007 at 3:50 pm #
Maybe we should just wear those things that suck the fat in! Eat, drink, be merry, and keep the fat. Besides if we got hit by a bus would people really remember or care about our sizes. I am totally going to eat nachos and have some wine tonight.
OV_099 on 22 Feb 2007 at 4:21 pm #
I’m still convinced there is a chocolate diet out there.
People who are size 8s and went on a diet and now are size 2s or less really make me sick. LOL I know I need to lose weight, and nope, I’m not less than a size 10, but you know, the problem is I’m hungry and like to eat. These people don’t! Bet they don’t even eat chocolate. . . which just leaves more for me. 
Lois
colinfirthfan on 22 Feb 2007 at 4:34 pm #
OV_99, I am a sz 8 but only want to go down to a sz 6 because I don’t want to loose all my curves. Unfortunately, I just can’t give up the chocolate. While I don’t eat a lot of it, I have to have some everyday
Eat, drink and be merry!!
Karen Hawkins on 22 Feb 2007 at 4:51 pm #
Lois, you’re left with my Dill Pickle Diet until they come up with the chocolate diet, but man, I wish they’d hurry!
Hopey, THANK YOU for killing any residual desire I might have had for lipo. I’ll hit the treadmill, thankyouverymuch, and avoid those ‘lumpy fatty deposits.’ I may be heavier than I want, but I’m not ‘lumpy’ … except in good places.
Or so I think!
TheNightPoet on 22 Feb 2007 at 5:11 pm #
I am a firm believer in God made me a certain way because that’s what he wanted, so the whole cheating thing, I agree Karen, is wrong! I love who I am and how I look. If in the future I put on some weight, yeah it might make me feel a little sad, but I will smile and say to myself, “You look beautiful.”
If you are supposed to be a size six then for goodness sake, enjoy being a size six! I can’t imagine what that person that went from a size six to a size one looks like now. I’m thinking how tall is this person and how healthy do they look? I am 5′10, 125 lbs. (fluctuates at times to 130), a size 9 and keep being told to eat! That drives me up a wall. These people that see me think automatically that I don’t eat and that I am a size 2! I’ve had arguments with people before that try to drive it into my mind that it’s okay to eat, it would do my body good!! Give me a break! lol (they also don’t realize that I am very muscular and eat like a pig!!) Okay, when you are 5′10, it is physically impossible to be a size 2!! First off our legs are longer than a real size 2’s body or close enough to that. Last year I started putting on a little weight, but it looked good on me. I started getting curves that I never had before, I had a sexy little butt and my bossum started growing some. I enrolled in a dance class last semester because I love to dance and have missed it. (I used to take dance at a dance studio from 3-years-old through my senior year of high school) When I took the dance class though, those beautiful curves, that sexy little butt and the somewhat bigger bossum of mine disappeared! Why? Because I have a high metabolism and when I’m dancing, I can’t keep weight on me at all. So I say to anyone that is considering cheating, be happy with yourself and you’ll be more beautiful than those that cheat.
~Andrea
Ann in IL on 22 Feb 2007 at 6:05 pm #
Watch out girls. Muscle weighs more than fat.
I thought to “tone up” and gained more weight .
Sizewise I’m the same even though I gained weight.
As for those people who wish to achieve the size zero, I have only this to say……..Why would you want to be a nothing?
Nicole Jordan on 22 Feb 2007 at 7:40 pm #
Ann in IL on 22 Feb 2007
>>>As for those people who wish to achieve the size zero, I have only this to say……..Why would you want to be a nothing?
LOL!! That’s a great reply, Ann.
NicoleJ
Ronlyn on 22 Feb 2007 at 8:07 pm #
first off, good for you for being at the gym!! I *think* about going to the gym (sometimes) as I’m eatting. (One of the benefits of being pregnant at the moment, I eat all the time.)
As for trying to maintain my ideal weight: in all honesty, I NEVER weigh myself. those numbers are evil and just meant to harm my postive self image. If my clothes start feeling tight I cut back on my junk food and try to go for an extra walk around the block or something. I keep it pretty low stress. and, seriously, I have trouble motivating myself to go to the dr. when I’m sick, I can’t imagine trying to get myself to a surgeon.
lisapbailey on 22 Feb 2007 at 8:18 pm #
To go under the knife or not go under the knife? My husband is perplexed about why we, ladies, even ponder this question. We all know in our heads the size and shape the society tells us is acceptable is not normal. Most of us on this blog probably fall in the normal range or below. And if we hit above the normal once in a while, like after Valentine’s Day, so the heck what. Men don’t view our bodies as critically as we view them. We are so hypercritical of ourselves and each other. Soft squishy breasts, booties, hips, etc.–this is good, this is normal, ask a man, this is desirable even. I don’t advocate being overweight, but to be totally buff and 12% body fat at age 40 or over means incredibly odd genes or obssession. And size zero, pulease–let’s not even go there. My 14 year old daughter even wears a size 1 or 2 (a size I surely skipped!)
Go for a walk, don’t pig out, go to a stretch class, train for a mini-marathon or a walkathon; a live your life and enjoy. Oh yeah, have a nice glass of Cabernet while you’re at it!
pam on 22 Feb 2007 at 11:07 pm #
Hi, ladies. Karen, I just wanted to say I really loved your piece. As someone who goes to the gym and has seen some results (but not as much as I’d like), I very much agree with you that this kind of radical plastic surgery feels like cheating to me. I also really wonder how much those size 0’s eat– I know a number of thin women over the age of 45 and I can’t believe they’re eating more than one meal a day. Since no doctor will advise you to skip meals like that, it seems that that kind of minimal eating isn’t healthy. And as lisabailey says, who are they doing it for? Do you think men REALLY want toothpicks in their beds? Seems like it becomes some weird competition between women to see who can out-anorex (if that’s a verb) each other. After 30 years of feminism you’d think we’d know better.
Thanks for letting me rant. Now I’ll go have a margerita.
Sabrina Jeffries on 22 Feb 2007 at 11:10 pm #
I maintain my weight by eating everything I want.
Oh, wait, you said IDEAL weight. Hmm. Guess you got me there, since I haven’t been anywhere near my ideal weight in twenty years.
Seriously, though, I hesitate to comment on this one, since I not only do not fall into the normal range, but am substantially larger than the normal range. I would consider surgery, but I would clog any liposuction machine before they got done, and I’m just not ready for the gastric bypass surgery. So I guess I’ll be going on as I have been . . . at least for now.
But one of these days, I mean to actually USE that expensive treadmill I have upstairs. Seriously. I mean it. Really.
Of course, I may not use it for exercise.
rumolay on 22 Feb 2007 at 11:21 pm #
I would never have surgery to reduce my weight. First of all, I’m terrified of needles, so the idea of sticking a vacuum tube inside my body and then SUCKING STUFF OUT, is absolutely horrifying. Plus, I’m sure there would be a few needles involved.
I also feel that it is cheating a bit. And for a size 6 girl to resort to surgery is absolutely ridiculous! People like that are why I avoid the gym. I usually workout at home.
Of course, today I am nursing a groin-pull from my at-home workout, so perhaps using a trainer at the gym has some merit after all….
Bridget Waters on 23 Feb 2007 at 8:55 am #
I hate that! I work very hard when I go to the gym or working out. I hate seeing little tiny girls standing around pretending to do something while looking all super-fabulous and not looking gym-worthy at all.
I’m glad that when I marched Drum Corps that even though there were small girls that they all sweat like the rest of us and some of them were even stronger than I am.
I’m Dieting and Exercising now, I lost 40 lbs but I hope to go down 20 more pounds (ish) to like a 120.
Karen Hawkins on 23 Feb 2007 at 9:01 am #
Bridget, 40 lbs? That’s AWESOME! You inspire me. I know you’ll make that last 20, too. WOOHOO!!!
Ok, that does it. I’m going to the gym an EXTRA time this week.
Karen the determined
Bridget Waters on 23 Feb 2007 at 9:10 am #
GO Karen!!
It took me awhile to lose it because I gained so muich after graduating high school almost 3 years ago. Because before that I lost 40 lbs in my 11th grade year and I was a size 5. What’s sad is that I didn’t notice how small I was until I gained most of the weight back.
Also I want to be in shape so I can run better and do crnches better (Bridget is a push up machine, she doesn’t have to worry about that) Plus I’m too close to the weight limit for the Navy, I need to be smaller and want to be as well.
Kelly Ann on 24 Feb 2007 at 11:38 am #
I just wish someone had warned me that when you turn 30 your body does terrible, terrible things! I would never consider surgery, and who has time for the gym with kids, working, housework, cooking, errands, homework with the kids, etc. I feel like all I’ve done all day is work out, by 10pm when it’s time for collapsing in bed, thinking about the 15 things I didn’t get done, I wonder why I haven’t applied a workout routine to my day! I pass out telling myself there is always tomorrow.